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  Nov 2015 Ariel Taverner
Sjr1000
Joys
of
imagined
**** scenarios
Never
having to say
"Sorry".
Ariel Taverner Nov 2015
An emptiness
Defined by isolationism...
A lonliness
Defined by desire...
A lack
Defined by me...

A desire
To fill the emotions
With substantial satiation
Enough to satisfy
The animal within
'Beast mode' never ends for me
A horror
Committed by me
Condemned by most
Cursed by all.....
Is this me?
Is this path mine?  
Am I destined...
To be a sojourner all my days
Is it predetermined?  
Or is this a path yet to be defined
By Him
And me....
Is it past that time?
The time or redefining reality?

....

I will redefine myself
  Nov 2015 Ariel Taverner
NV
and
i don't know
if this is me
just overreacting,
but
the only reason it scares me
when the wind causes my bedroom door to slam shut,
is because
i'm deeply afraid
that
i'll get used to the sound of people leaving.
Ariel Taverner Nov 2015
People say that they never forget the day they met the love of their life. I'm different. I can't remember the day nor the week nor the month. I only remember Her.

She was standing there, at some party I assume, but in my minds eye she was standing alone in a room dominated by pure white. Nothing around her mattered. She took over ever part of what I saw. Her memory fought with and mercilessly destroyed the other inconsequential memories of that month until it had found a space big enough within my brain for The Memory of her to be embedded within my consciousness.

Eventually as the years passed so did our fire and our beauty,  replaced with embers and wrinkles. The embers,  not signs of a waning love, but if a strong, steady, rooted love that burns with with consistency and deceptive passion. The wrinkles,  representatives of each kiss, each hug, each wink, each Smile, each frown, and each joyous moment that ever reverberated between us. The twinkles within our eyes fueled by the countless 'I-Love-You' s that we gifted to each other. I started to forget things: where I put my shoes... what I ate for supper... what my job was... my family... my birthday... my name...

I write now not remembering the start of this story. I have holes within my memories... Blank spaces, large and small, where I kept my treasures.

I forgot Her.

She left my memory long ago, preferring my soul. I lie on this bed recalling two things: I can Write and I have a Wife.

She is in my soul. I forgot the day I met her and I forgot her. Yet our love ensured that she would never leave me.
  Nov 2015 Ariel Taverner
Alyssa
Last week I got a call from
one of my friends. He sounded
scared, like he just got caught
5 yr old with hands in cookie jar.
He said, “I gotta tell you something,
gotta get rid of some weight off
this heavy burdened chest. Will
you listen?” So of course I told
him to hand me his hurt.
But when he told me that his
cookie jar
was a sorority girl with too much
liquor and not enough consent,
that his hands took dessert before
dinner, I had to tell him
to take his hurt back.
I couldn’t stop seeing the small boy
from a big town who’s hands
shook at the thought of talking
to strangers. How ironic it was
that no part of him trembled when
he spoke that night because she
couldn’t hear him.
I though of his midwife mother
and how devastated she’d be
to know her son is now building
graveyards in the bodies of
drunk women, how she may be
the one to have to remove this
tombstone.
I thought of the times
i’ve been decimals away from
unconscious in his dorm room.
How party
turned blackout
and I wonder if his hands
stopped trembling then too.
I wonder if he thought
of becoming the 3rd man
to make me his midnight snack.

He came to me to find solace
but instead he found me repeating
the word “no”
because he needed to hear it
because no one taught him that
blackout meant “no”
that if you can move their limbs like
jello, that is not ***
that is a puppet show and you are
just controlling the strings.

No —> Adverb; used to express
negation, denial, or refusal.
Example: No, I’m not going.
Example: No, don’t touch me,
Example: No, I don’t want this.
Example: No, she didn’t want this
but you gave it to her anyway.
How do I tell someone who has
lifted me up from my depths
to take this weight on his chest
and let it crush him.
Gyles Corey yelling “more weight”
as we press boulders on his sternum,
bone-crushing pressure.
Maybe then he will finally
understand “no”.

Two weeks ago, I got a call
from a friend. But last week
I got a call from a ****** who still
wanted to be called my friend.
Who has seen me shattered bottle
over my own cemetery of a body
and still wanted to be called
my friend.
But yesterday, I deleted a contact
from my phone book,
told my parents not to answer
if he knocks, but to be careful
because he may try to enter anyway.
Just so they know
that they have other hands to worry about
besides my own
Ariel Taverner Oct 2015
Shall we seek the variations between the pen and the brush?
And a long journey it is
Long and winding
Like the meandering path of a pen
Continously fickle marks,
Trickled onto the page
By a thin reedy man
Pretentious preservation of seemingly inconsequential information
Unlike the brush it is steady and small pain
The brush casts vast swathes of colour about it
Wild uncontrolled vortexes of pure passion
Powered by the fire of the caster
Energetic excitement epitomising the intention of the information
Wild and Free
A powerful and crippling instantaneous pain
Lasting only briefly
Shall we seek the variations between the pen and the brush?
Ariel Taverner Oct 2015
I sit here
And I think
Of a memory long distant
Yet so sweet
Succulent potatoes
And tender meat
Cooked to perfection
And presented so neat

*dankie oupa:-)
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