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4d · 134
Time
Tofunmi 4d
It’s too far and too close at the same time
Only 5 more years before the future I have been planning and mapping out will come to pass.
I know 5 years sounds like a long time. I thought so too, but I’m really running out of time.
I have made drafts and the details made a story in my mind.
I thought it would be possible, but it seems like my dreams were too big for this world.
Maybe if I hadn’t spent so much time in my mind re-reading the story I wrote and named “My Life.”
I wouldn’t constantly wonder if the plot will stay on track, if some dreams really are impossible.
I feel like the time I have it’s running thin, I can’t quite explain it.
It’s just this thing. It felt like 5 years turned to months, to weeks, to mere seconds, in 5 seconds.
Or maybe it’s me. Maybe I dream too much.
No… I know I do, I really do, but what else am I supposed to do with my time?
How else can I prepare for what might happen to me.
It all depends on time, I don’t know if I need more or less time!
Time, Time, Time. I have mentioned that quite much.
It’s a concept that I thought I understood fully, but now it’s kind of tough.
I just need to know if I want more or less time!
It’s so so so frustrating, yet I can’t do anything but yell and rhyme.
But only in my mind and only on paper and documents.
Because, like a wind chime, no one bothers me unless I’m louder than I’m supposed to be. Then they look and turn away.
Because I am not worth their TIME.
I’m having mixed feelings about time.
It’s too close and too far, and too broad and too loud, and too much, all at the same time.
Sep 4 · 286
I write......
Tofunmi Sep 4
I write. A lot
I write about sadness and death
About joy and smiles
I write about feelings on top of feelings on top of feelings.
I write. A lot
I write in every form
I write stories and Ballads
I write Odes and songs
I write poems on poems on poems.
I write quite much don’t I?
I write when I’m not supposed to
I write when the house is asleep,
I write where I’m not supposed to
I write in my head while tears stream down my face
I write a lot. I guess.
Why though?
Who is it for?
When I write a lot, I mean.
I think it’s for my brain.
Because when I write, my tears stop, so I have enough energy to shed words
My brain pauses so I can search it for phrases and meanings
My hearts stop pumping so I can focus. Even if it’s just for a moment.
I write as if the words are my speech and the commas my voice.
I write as if I am talking
Talking to the words on the page or on the screen
Telling them things I don’t dare to say to anyone else
I write. Too much
I write  about everything in every way
I write when I’m not supposed to
I write quite much. Too much. Just enough…..
…….Yes.
I write just the right amount.
Tofunmi Aug 25
The day you take your life, do you wake up like it's any other day? Are you happy or excited? Or are you hoping you’ll find something that’ll make you want to stay? The day you take your life, do you brush your teeth extra clean or wash yourself more carefully to make sure you’re pristine? Do you pick the special outfit your mother got you when you were small? Or do you disregard every morning routine in the hours leading up to the fall?

The day you take your life, do you say goodbye to your family one last time? Do you become sad when you hear them chime “Don’t stay out too late!”? Do you go see that best friends you’ve had since kindergarten? The one you haven’t seen since that dreadful day in the garden? Or do you leave everyone to their devices, thinking that they won’t wonder where you are at all in the hours leading up to the fall?

The day you take your life, will you cry? Or will you be relieved you’re finally leaving this life of failed tries? Will you feel dread as you walk closer to the looming bridge that suddenly looks larger? Will you be scared,will all the feelings you hid start to gather?
The day you take your life as you stand at the edge of the bridge, do you hesitate before stepping off it? Do you scream? Do you regret it at all? Do you wish you’d rethought you’re decision in the hours leading up to the fall?


-By Tof encouraged by Kori Jane and Hayley Grace

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