Surkhab

Surkhab Sep 2021

Afternoons...the time I am alone...but never lonely

Some magic runs between the golden hours of 3 to 5...
Everything is calm...it feels divine
A time...I meet myself...
My place...hates the presence of light
But the awfully stubborn sunlight sneaks in secretly
through the thick curtains...
lighting up...parts of my dark room
And there I am laying on my bed...
I feel so complete, with my soul in high spirits...
Old songs playing on the radio...can be heard.

It's that serene part of the day...I live for
The whole house is in deep slumber...
As I dance through the hallways...celebrating my afternoons
The seasons change...but the loyalty of these afternoons surprise me...
constant...from the day we met .

The hot summer afternoons...drown me in siestas
jumping like a dolphin from one dream to another.
There is something about the stormy rainy afternoons that makes me feel over whelmed...
bathing me in memories of someone I've never met.
The autumn afternoons see me fickle
As I lose myself completely...for a new change.
The darkness of my soul rises during the winter afternoons...
As I dance through them with my demons.
Vintage melodies fill the fragrant air of spring afternoons
as my camera captures Nadar's smile under the big white clouds.

The silence of these afternoons...rests like roses in my soul...
Only for them to wither...in the harsh evenings.

There is something about this time of the day...I can't deny.

#ifeelgood

Surkhab Sep 2021

The handful

I remember...falling from the giant sequoia...
I was falling from a height...I knew I couldn't survive...
My heart sank...not even a single beat to be felt
But...why didn't it feel like the apathetic ground?
How could I not die in my own blood?
How could the heart still beat?
It felt like falling on a cloud...or feathers...
It felt like...drinking a lukewarm tea...
full of love and worries...just for me...
I opened my eyes...only to find...it was them...
They picked me up with their hands...
placed me on the ground delicately...as if I was something precious...
Their faces were full of fear...
as if not even a scar on me...was bearable to them...
What was that moment?
May be a moment full of my worth...
"I didn't expect you to come..."I laughed
And they looked at me in disbelief...
"Where were we supposed to be?"
Laughter echoed in that sequoia forest...
As we returned back home...
I returned...with a spirit to reach new heights...
but this time...without a fear of falling down.

It's good to have someone...

#theyarespecial

Surkhab Aug 2021

Arcane

They say," You learn from your mistakes..."
But, what to do if mistakes are done on every edge...
I packed my bags...and went back to my island...
once I saw how crowded the city was...
filled with bright faces and black hearts...
I completely reject...that my heart is all red...
But not all black...
I gave them my treasure...for them to feel good...
But...look at them...trying to crush me with their heels...
They think...they know it all...
and I won't deny...
They know me...but they don't know me...
I am always at that same place...
They call me out as...boring...lazy...the list goes on...
Giving me...advices...on socializing
But do they really know?
Where I go...or where I went...
There are millions of secrets inside me...
With the fire burning higher and higher...
My heart turns darker...
But there is a difference between us...
I am my own treasure...
I am my own graveyard...
And yes...I do have a black heart...with a red door...
behind which...I save the love...for the handful...I trust...
They tell me...things about myself as if they own me...
A smile comes on my lips...
A smile full of pity... for them
as they continue to think...they know me...

Surkhab Aug 2021

I am still not ready...

It would come for me...
When all the sand of my hourglass would
be completely on the other side...
May be...it would have a reason...may be not
Because...it doesn't need one to arrive.
Last night...when a pain arose in my chest
And my heartbeat was all I could hear...
My breath was like a storm...
and my mind was surrounded by agony.
I realised...it doesn't matter...if I leave.
What will happen when I die?
A funeral comes in my mind
Some people called the closed ones...would cry
But ask them...not to shed tears
It doesn't matter...as Rumi said," Death has nothing to do with going away..."
But would I be a hero or a villain...when it arrives?
Would Hades send Thanatos to take me or would I reach the Elysium fields of Zeus?

But still here I am...not able to welcome it warmly...
There are people I have hurt...I have to put aid on...
There are places I have to reach...
There is someone I have to meet...
And there are verses I have to write...
there are verses I have to write...

Will I die...a hero or a villain?

By the way, an old draft.

#death #heroorvillain

Surkhab Jul 2021

Colors lost their life that day...

"Artists...artists are like butterflies...
They have delicate hearts
But this society can't handle them..."
My mother answered as I told her
about Vincent van Gogh...
The Starry Night painter
was once said to be happy in London ...
With a rainbow heart and sky mind
He drenched the canvas with his emotions
People unaware of this legend
put him in an asylum...
'cause the decieved Vincent cut his ear lobe!
But he painted...as paints and brushes
were still there...just like his brother.
He was 37... when voices were all over his mind
It was not easy to stop them...
So he picked up the gun...
And the bullet went straight to that golden heart
I wonder how many colors died that day....?

But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you..."
- Don Mclean (Vincent)

#vangogh

Surkhab Jul 2021

Deep in the ocean

It feels like a graveyard inside...
Everything is dead...
But the demons...were still in hunger...
So, they dug up the graves...
They were feeding on my dead...
But these graveyards are good for nothing
So they are...on their way
to the forest...
But...here...I am...
I don't know...when I lost my way?
And ended up...in the middle of the ocean...
Everyone knows...I don't know how to swim...
I am drowning deeper and deeper...
But...it's been a while here...
so it's fine...to be breathless...
I have memories of the radio in my dark room...
It doesn't work any more...broken...
I thought...it would be safe in here...
deep down in the ocean...nobody would come...
But the spiders are everywhere....
Just like...they were across my room...the garden...everywhere!
They live all over my head...
Digging up...my mind...eating every piece of it...
I guess...the demons couldn't reach down here...
So these spiders make my mind rotten...
I don't know...where I am?
I just float around...deep down in the dark ocean...
with the my eyes wide open...
I can see the light disappearing.

Surkhab Jul 2021

No one knows...what happened that night?

Hiding under the table...she was all wet
No one knows...it was sweat or tears...
Her fears had taken over her...
But no one came to the rescue...
She was lonely....waiting for someone
The day passed by...
And she still sat there shivering...
The demons...were wild...
roaming free around the house...
their thirst for her blood...could be seen in their eyes...
But...she couldn't die...
If she was the victim...then she was the savior...
She got up...waiting for no one to come...
On her way...to cut the demons into half!
to cut the throats...who had the guts to call her out!
Only one of them...was going to make it out alive of the house
She was misunderstood...
I remember...I heard some monstrous screams...
I ran...and I saw her smiling with the knife...
Hiding under the table...she was all wet...
No one knows...it was sweat or blood...

I wonder...what happened that night?

The demons are everywhere...you have to save yourself!

#weareourownhero