I've never felt the need to be better
For someone else
I've never felt the need to impress
Or to dress the part
Its terrifying
All I want is for you to notice me
I read you, anxiously

It gets too loud sometimes
I'm used to it just being me
But now I'm nauseous
And my heart rate is
One hundred forty

I take a step back
Trying to breath
From the voices
That are flooding me
I wish I could say
All that's unsaid
But I'm worried
It will leave one of us dead

I think I
am starting to feel something
realer than anything i have felt
in years

I think I
don't like this
But
I think I
like you

I think I
am scared
of how this will end

I think I
am aware
that we cant just be friends

I think I
am starting to fall
for someone too Broken
to catch me

I think I
will cry
as I see your pain
I wish just being here
could make it go away

I think I
feel jealous
of the affection
others give you

I think I
want to be the one
to hold you

I will drown in my
self pity
Until someone
pulls me free

Go to the library
search for a hope of something
bigger than you

And I cry
Run after you
as you disappear into the
pouring rain

Every time we reunite
my heart beats faster
and my face is flushed
Your texts make me smile
make me feel loved
but the voice in the back of my head
tells me what I wish was not true

I use you when I feel lonely?
Then I realize you cant hold me
from so many miles away

Im scared of what others think
Ive never been
Scared
of what others think
But I feel so strong about us...

You say I'm special and that I make you happy
yet I hurt you over and over again
It makes me want to pull my hair out of my skull
I wish you would tell me how miserable I am

I want to believe you love me
but the people of the past haunt me
I want to be your one and only

I want to be able to say all these things that hurt
what if someone who
Can
hold me
comes along?
I don't want to love you now because I wont
be able to deal with the pain of choosing
But a man who really loved
would not have to choose?
But I know I love you.

I want to know everything you love
I want to make you smile
I want all these things to last
But Im scared I wont make it another mile

I hate you all
But I think I hate myself more?

I need your love
I adore you with my heart and soul...

My mind is a traitor
Do not listen.

I should stay alone in my room
Until this passes.

Please leave me be...
Don't leave me to die with this traitor

I know I've been rude
I swear I didn't mean it...

I hate you all
It's not true

I can't help it
I hate myself too.