They make a hobby out of inappropriate jokes
To tell them to stop is to be told you are not one of them
As if
you ever were

You know your paranoia pushes you further
If they knew the would never see you the same
but do they really See you now?

you laugh to yourself
as you pick blue instead of pink
As if it makes a difference

Your shoulders swallow you whole

without your binder
you are naked
and exposed

Their bodies seem to fit them
comfortable and snug
Like a glove

While yours is like a glove
two sizes too small
and the wrong amount of fingers

I try to focus on the things that help
my voice has lowered
and my face has hair

But dysphoria is a funny thing
its still new to me

Hamilton plays in the kitchen
My eyes growing heavier each song
Staff are messing around as if
they are children on the playground
The world around me is moving
but for once i am allowed to be
still

My mind slows down for the first time in awhile
and the world becomes
a warm blanket
Comfortable and dark

Thank you

My therapist told me
I show symptoms of OCD
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
But I do not have it

My days are full of fowl
images
that spread through my brain

like poison
down the waterfall
of my mind

I hold my chest
and whisper goodbye
to my mother

Only I know of the
fatal accident
that will take her life today

I keep the thoughts close
like toddlers running off to play
If I lose track of them
They will become trouble

I'm used to these thoughts
they used to shake me to my core
they don't seem to anymore

I am scared
But I am prepared
I tell myself

I remember this nightmare
from years ago
it still haunts me

I'm out of breath
Running
Running
  Running
Something is following me
I run through the halls
of a small
orphanage
Kids watching me as if
I have gone crazy

I burst through the back door
scramble into
A abandoned school bus?
and hide behind one of the seats

Suddenly my Dog is next to me
And a woman with hair made of fire
Is holding a gun to her
She says nothing but I know
its my dog or the orphans

The next thing I know
The fire haired woman is gone
and I hear gunshots
and screams

I don't like to admit
how much I fear the people

everyday interactions
send me to spiral

I dissect your words until
they are rotting and fowl

To lose someone
while they sit next to you
is devastating

Our brains are fragile
protected by bone that gets weaker
as we grow

My grandma
Is losing her memory
just like her mom

Its not quick
but its lethal to the people
who love them