I fill the void that lies within me with anything I can find
be it clouds of thick, black smoke that permeate every once immaculate surface
within my hollow frame
or the bottle of whiskey that burns its way down my throat
like you, these things are fleeting
and only make me feel whole for a moment
and I can't help wondering
if it was you who left the void
or if you were just another substance
with which I tried to fill it

She would drown him in her own tears
Fighting for the light
That came at the end of a tunnel
Too long to walk alone

He held her hand just long enough
For the trust to be built
And when he felt her stumbling
He'd only hold on tighter.

One day the tunnel was particularly dark
And she particularly blind
He said I've had enough
And headed to the other side.

He'd been drowning far too long
It was time to take a breath
He tried not to care
If she got lost

Gone was her umbrella
Her protector

And she gasped for air as her tears began to drown her
She searched frantically for the arm she'd held so tight
Only to find her own feet beneath her
And a journey half finished

With each step she found her strength
She began to trust her own legs
Her tears began to clear
She could breathe again

bored faced, roaming the neon panels
I've got my backpack & wallet
I've got my self

25% off faces looking bored at me
weird convo's about the government
and TV shows litter the bell jar mall

the mannequins look down at me

bored faced janitor
bored faced mom & kids
bored faced teenager working the CD store

the infinity mall echoes
a muffled boredom roar

the mall is everything to everyone
"whatever you want"
"how can I help you"

*I want to go home right now

The truth is
We are all running
From something

A daughter runs
From a father
Who never loved her

An alcoholic runs
From the cold harsh reality
Sobriety brings

A man runs
From the shattered
Foundations of a love
That didn't ever work

But if you're
Very lucky
I think that
One day
Maybe
Just maybe
You would be
Running
                   Towards
Something

I think I've stopped being human long ago. I am a ghost of who I used to be. The ghost of a person who laughed at the sky and danced with the sea and believed that things always get better. But it's been two years and it hasn't gotten better. And I'm starting to think it never will. I can't bring you back. I can't turn back time. I can't stop that yellow cab from slamming into your chest. I swear I would have moved heaven and hell if you wanted me to. I still put out 2 sets of plates and forks and spoons everyday, did you know? I threw out our bed because it just kept reminding me that you aren't here and you will never be here again. There is a continuous ache in my chest and a hole in my heart in the shape of you that no amount of alcohol can ever fill. People say that if you drink enough ***** it tastes like love. That is complete and utter *******. ***** tastes like crying on the floor at 3 am and smashing every glass at home and pain pain pain. You were my home and you left me. I ******* love you and you left me. I know it isn't your fault but **** sometimes it sure does feel that way.

Life starts out each day
In colorful waves
From the purple mountains majesty
To the white caps they display
As the suns yellow rays
Captures the forests dark shade
Life is a colorful display

From the sheen of green leaves
On branches of brown
Above moss covered grey rock
On top of mud red dirt ground
As the bluejay gives way
Richness abounds
With natures most colorful sounds

The green and gold of the seas splash
On the sands mixture of beige
With a backdrop blue of the sky
Giving way to the ache
As the Crayola of colors
Leaves the box to come out and play
On this most colorful of days

I'll admit, you're my weakness
Oh, but not in the way that you want to be
I don't yearn for you the way you want me to
The same reason I try to leave is the reason I stay
You offer me no sustenance, no mental nutrition

So, when I'm feeling the world crashing down around me
And when I'm hearing a million voices telling me "no"
I call you back from the darkness and you say "yes"
You're a walk in the park, you don't further my questions
You don't leave me to play tennis with my own demons

But when they subside, and the light comes back to me
I realize I don't want you there, you offer no challenges
And I push you into the dark until I need you again
And you will wait and smoke another cigarette
Until I call you again, and you will say "yes"

You will always say "yes"
Just once, won't you fight me?

You said you wanted to
Know me better
So here I go:

I've got exactly 28 pens
I know because I counted

I've got too many notebooks
Yet I can't stop
Buying more and more

Sometimes when it's 4 am
And my mind is
Driving me to the brink
Of total insanity
I take 3 showers
to try and calm myself down
(It never works)

I like apple juice but I hate apples

I've never been good in math

There are too many
Cigarette burns
On the crook of my elbow
And scars on my thighs
and demons in my head

I love the smell of cinnamon

Once when I was 15
I drank blue paint
Because I think blue is beautiful
And I wanted to be beautiful too

That didn't work

So I drank a bottle of bleach
To clean my very core

It didn't work either

Now you know me better
I understand if you'd want
To run away now
It's okay
Save yourself
Run