I loved her and she loved me.
But it was wrong, I wasn’t supposed to love anything.
I wasn’t supposed to love her.
People would think it’s wrong, people will judge.
They will stare even when I don’t do anything wrong.

I wish I didn’t listen to you, you told me I was fat, ugly and a liar.
You said I would become a drug addict like my birth mom, because you said I was gullible.
You made me feel awful to the point of measuring my wrists when I woke up, hoping I didn’t become more fat.
You are disappointed of me.
You don’t know I write, you made me stop for a long time because you said my writing wasn’t good.
You point things out that you see in yourself that you see in me too. But you don’t fix yourself you try to fix me.
You hate yourself for letting me see my birth mom, you took her away from me when I was starting to know her. Where you afraid I would love her more? That wouldn’t have been hard because I was starting to love her more.
You don’t know how dark my life was when I didn’t see her anymore, she was my second chance at having a mom.

I’m so tired I had nightmares that keep my eyes awake.
I’m Depressed I don’t feel.
I have an Eating Disorder.
No one can keep me from shaking and crying. Please help me.
Don’t you understand I feel fat already, you don’t have to tell me that I am.
Don’t you see that I’m not happy anymore, why don’t you help me?
Don’t you see my scars, do you even care?

I’m walking down the sidewalk going to the next store,
I look up and I see pretty girls.
I look down again fast hoping they don’t see me, Be invisible.
Thin, Pretty, Perfect hair, Beautiful eyes, and the perfect body.
I am, I’m just like them I’m beautiful,
I don’t have perfect hair and I don’t exactly have the prettiest eyes.
I’m fat I have curves and my waist isn’t a size 2.
I make eye contact with them and smile slightly, they smile back and say hello.
They talked to me!
Maybe my mom was wrong maybe I’m beautiful.

Shards of sadness filled my life,
Piece by piece it filled my heart until there was nothing but sadness,
Sadness has taken over, there is no helping me now.

I don’t have to carry my whole life with me anymore but I do.
Pieces chip off and I forget the little things.
But I still remember you, I always will.
I love you, you helped me through school
You helped me when things weren’t going well with my mom and me.
You meant the world to me, so why did you leave?

Month by month she was fading away,
Sometimes I saw who she really was.
She was a friend, a wife, and she was my mom.
Day by day it seemed to get worse but I sat with her and talked to her as much as I could.
Sometimes the memories come back of how it used to be, I remember her calling me a *****.
She told me she hated me, she said I ruined everything when really I was trying to fix things.
I loved my mom, even if she didn’t always love me.