If your desperate for a job,
then in a call centre its always
easy to get hired.
Just talk to people on the phone and
you'd be unlucky to get fired,
no suit no references and no CV required,
no bulshit questions in the interview
they need staff and you will do,
just turn up everyday,
not too late and not too wired.

Its OK love,
you can stop your huffing
and your puffing,
dont you worry,
I'm not trying to sell you nothing,
in me you can put all your trust in.
But on any call thats cold,
thier's an idea to be sold.
Its my job to find easy meat,
keep you sweet, and transfer
you through for a stuffing.

Three hundred calls a day,
automatic dialer,
Something in your lunch box
to get a little higher,
you can get through it if your a smiler.
You'll hit your target and you'll be fine,
if your in everyday and on time,
and you can **** it if your a **** like me,
or a compulsive liar.

If thiers a hunt then I'm the hunter,
if your cuntish, then I'm cunter,
if your near the top,
then of you I'm infronter,
if your smashing it I'm twatting it,
you've got twenty five call backs,
but I've got one thats having it,
cant keep up with me
because your tongue's blunter.

I could sell a puma to a mouse,
I could sell Puma to a scouse,
I could sell Subo to a *******,
I could sell ****** to a man with no ****,
I could sell a bag of AIDS
at the methadone clinic,
and I could sell Jim Beam Famous Grouse.

I sold Bit coins to Barclays bank,
I sold my dairy to Anne Frank,
I sold a pea-shooter,
to the driver of a tank.
At a mosque I sold a pig,
I sold glow sticks,
at a black metal gig,
and I once sold cystitis
to a *****.

I sold a car to a man,
who did not drive,
sold a book to Ray Mears,
on how to survive.
I sold lessons to Tom Daley
to learn  how to dive,
Sold a man without a dog,
lessons to teach it how to behave,
I sold a razor to ZZ Top
and  persuaded them to shave,
and I sold a vegan a steak
so rare, it was still
half alive.

I sold a man a coffin,
one he'd never get in,
as he'd already donated
his body to medical science,
I sold a cave man an electrical appliance,
I sold a pair of eight thousand watt
speakers to a libary,
as a teen I sold a bag of magic beans,
but that was snide of me.
And I sold the man, to Johny Rotten
when he was the eptimone of defiance,
yea I sold that rebel compliance.

Drilling that dailer in a
cut throat environment,
psych's you up so much
things can get violent,
gotta be battle ready,
its a job requirement.
Saw a lad get phone wrapped round head,
he hit the floor and the line went dead.
We fixed that phone but he was ******,
and had to take early retirement.

Sad when that little bird is gone,
but then starts an even fitter one,
not that I ever got a grip o'one.
Such a huge turn over of staff,
I've a heart of stone
but even I had to laugh,
they cant take the heat,
so they get out the kitchen.

Ohh the joys of cold calling.
Stop complaining your job is boring,
only your benifits out
the bank you'd be drawing,
what else are you getting these days
in this nation,
with your record and reputation?
You'd have to subsidize
as a secret shopper,
or serving those that are scoring.

Our education, was at best pathetic,
all the ****** jobs are taken
by those with a higher work ethic.
they cant speak clear English,
but to thier credit,
they work hard and put in the hours,
but these call centres are ******* ours.
They've had everything else
but cold calling? haha they can forget it.

There was a manager, he was my chief
he had a week off,
to soak up the sun in Tenerife.
I thought ******* and scived for two,
had holiday of a lifetime in Elevenarife.
Got back, got grief,
asked why have I been off
when I was'nt meanter,
because I'll always go one better than you
when working in a call centre.
Yea I had self belief.

I'd turn up stinking of the *****,
my manager, for me would make lame excuse,
he knew through that day I'd cruise,
a liquid meal helps the speil.
lets hope so or both our jobs we'd lose.

To behave like that no-one aught'er,
if you'd murdered me at that time
you'd deserve a charge of manslaughter.
In pub at lunch, everyday in deep water.
look again, Ste is ******
advised to stop, but I did insist.
Did not finish top that month,
but still ******* smashed it that quarter.

In the end I quit,
I decided call centres are ****.
had enough of it.
I will not work in a
call centre again
until the day I die.
kept getting passed over for promotion
was not happy,
but reading over these words
I'm starting to understand why.
Yea at times I could be a ***.

Were all *****, us that cold call,
but I was the biggest **** of them all.
Yes I could sell a winter jacket
before the fall,
yes I could sell a nun a magazine from
the top shelf,
but most importantly of all,
I could sell my own bulshit to myself.

I was like a warrior
struck by lightening,
my brain pounded
I was dumbfounded,
was given a
real frightening,
for a time I wandered and drifted,
then at last I excepted I'd been gifted,
I had been blessed with
an enlightening,
filled with love that came from above,
from our sun,
left toothless, I was done with truthless
fruitless fighting.
Some say twas  trips I'd had away,
far away,
but I know it was that solar eclipse
on Good Friday, that gave my
soul a smiting,
I saw the futility, of greed and war
and I did not need, hostility no more,
nor all I'd once found
so exciting.
Twas then, and not before its time
that I awoke, and began to rhyme,
free from past I did at last,
start writing.

Go fool!
Into the new world with the crowd,
afraid  to walk solo
but the sleepy are waking up you know,
we shout aloud , we stand so proud .
Words we send to end the trend of go with flow,
till only  slow still bow below
the feet of prince deceit.
Like sheep to slaughter the masses follow.
See how they bleat and welcome own  defeat.
See how they swallow.
See how they take it to the hilt then beg for more.
See how they wallow in scripted sorrow.
see how they wilt and grovel before  mans law.
See how they follow....

See things change tomorrow.

The seeds of Eden the truth  sows
see  lie  like vine choking as it grows.
Soon all shall see the emperor has no clothes
and witness  new worlds last death throes.

I was under stress,
my life was a mess,
it was time to confess,
as I was a sinner,
but then came a chance to be a winner,
I was challenged by the Devil
to a game of Chess.

Win, and I'd be forever free
from his curse,
I'd find fame and fortune,
fatten my purse.
Lose and, well who cares?
At that time things could not get worse.

The game between the Devil and I
was looking level for a while,
then spread out across his face,
the faintest trace
of crooked smile,
He spoke and my belly filled
with the vilest bile.

"From Heaven I fell,
and from Hell I have been sent,
sweet lies I tell with ease,
to tease and torment,
those that refuse to bow and repent.
I've always had you under my spell,
we did not meet by accident.

Your out of your depth mate,
your like a china plate,
in a bullshop.
Off you pop.

Your out of your depth,
I bet your ******* your pants,
you've a snowball in hells chance,
your San Marino playing France,
a peasant facing knight
on horse with shield and lance,
If I was you I'd yeild,
are you sure you  want to dance?

Your out of your depth,
your Del boy trading on wall street,
you'll have no joy,
your fading before you peak.

Your out of your depth,
your easy meat,
I dont have to cheat,
I'll crush you under my feet,
so **** it up
and taste the defeat.

Are you insane,
can you not see?
You cannot win,
you and this game
have no compatibility,
your out of your depth,
like a scuba diver
trying to swim
the Sea,
of Tranquility.

Your out of your depth,
out of your league,
like a Sunday team,
living the dream,
they've got so far,
drawn to play at the Etihad,
and now thier gonna look bad,
City'll make them look shity,
because they are.

Life for you was not so smooth,
so you took on the Devil,
like you had something prove,
now your out of your depth,
and boy, it is your move."

I was like a seal,
surrounded by every type of shark,
at half past dinner time O'clock,
I'm the main meal, this cant be real,
its about to get dark.
Then his next words made me squeal,
his tongue was like an eel,
gave me a real shock.

I knew by then this game I'd lost,
but did not truly understand the cost,
this game would not my rapture bring,
but before he did end it,
and capture my king,
he stared in my soul
and started to sing,
my ears did fracture
and ring and sting.

He was not nice.
"Now its time for a sacrifice,
and you boy, are that pawn.
I've been watching you
since the day that you were born,
you turned away from all that to you
had been sworn,
turned your back on paradise,
for a hedonistic life of souless vice,
from salvation you've been forever torn.

Your every selfish wish,
and to get rich, was your goal,
but you fool, lifes a *****,
this game has cost your mortal soul.

Your out of your depth,
and under the cosh,
you took me on,
now suffer the loss
and bear that cross.

Out of your depth son
I had you beat before we begun,
you were Icarus
flying too close to the sun,
full of belief,
but you never could of won.

Your out of your depth,
like a rabbit munching a steak,
you've had it,
tried punching well above your weight,
an amature slain by a great,
to be saved, for you its now too late,
except your fate,
before me kneel
and feel the hate.
Checkmate!"

Well my luck sure did run out,
I guess with the Devil
you should not mess about,
gave up my chance to be saved,
In favour of all the things
I desired and craved.
On Judgement day
you'll hear me cry out,
you'll hear me shout.

All ties to God I did sever,
to play a game I could never win,
against a former angel,
that fallen angel, dressed in leather.
I took one hell of a beating,
for breakfast, me he's eating.
He's far too clever,
I'll never defeat him, never.

Who's that over their smoking a biffter?
O yes it's her, on the lash with her sister.
I took a detour this way, this must be fated.
Had  a **** poor day but now I feel elated.
Known her half my life and still not kissed her.
On this flat awesome earth that god created.

Alright girl! Not seen you for ages,
lets hit the town, and blow our wages.
Lets do it now, for too long we've waited.
Don't say tomorrow and leave me all deflated.
This is just the first of many great stages,
on this flat awesome earth that god created.

Lets catch up on wasted years.
Lets have a laugh and share some tears.
Grab your coat I'll get you dated.
Leave your purse I'll get you wasted.
Were going out for beers!
On this flat awesome earth that god created.

Yes girl a new day is dawning,
I don't care if you're too old for spawning.
I'm coming round to get you naked,
get you up the stairs and get you mated.
And then in the morning,
I'l have you again
On this flat awesome earth that god created.
Amen!

The Devil
makes you go hungry
and he fills you with greed.
The Devil whispers in your ears
until they both bleed.

The Devil
is the one that makes
you want to throttle your bird,
you can find the Devil at the
bottom of a bottle I've heard.

The Devil
is to blame, for your pain and your loss,
he fills you with rage,
and the Devil is your boss,
when you work  like a slave for
minimum wage.

The Devil
fills your glasses
and he empty's your cup,
That dark lord will make you
commit benifit fraud,
and he is the one,
who grasses you up.

The Devil
makes you stray,
with no regard,
for what your doing
to anothers life,
and while your away,
the Devil's in your house
giving it hard, to your wife.

The Devil
makes you bold
and he does fill you with fear,
the Devil turnes the young old
and can turn a strait man queer.

The Devil
took your daughter,
and turned her into
a wrinkled old hag.
Round our way, a piece
of the Devil is bought for,
ten pound a bag.

The Devil
never stays at home
and never will he rest.
The Devil is the one who
gives you a loan,
and charges double interest.

The Devil
is the one who the police pursue
he is the one that they do chase,
unless  the one on the run
happens to be you,
then dressed in blue,
the Devil you will face.

The Devil,
when the loneliness
can't be taken anymore,
he comes and disconnects your phone.
Need time on your own,
then the Devils banging on your door
and he just wont, leave you alone.

The Devil
resides, in your ex's eyes,
he made them say those words
that were not true.
And the Devil's already got his claws
into the next one, to tell you lies
and get thier filthy paws on you.

The Devil
makes you repeat what you've heard,
he makes your lips looser,
and next time someone's slandering you,
maybe its because they've had a word,
with Lucifer.

Yea the Devil is everwhere
but there is a way to get him of your case,
and tell him you'll see him later.
Grab that Devil by the horns,
look him in the face,
and tell him you belong, to the creator.

My Grandfather,
with his bare hands
built that house on our
fertile land,
were I was born and did reside
and there it stil does stand.
Rite on the borderline
of Greater Manchester
and Merseyside.

Since the day I could walk
and way before I did talk,
I'd help a little
with sickle and pitch fork,
and I'd watch the workers
like a hawk.

One day I'd reached my prime,
my farther said I'd  come of age,
and then at last came the time
for me to get my first ever wage.

"Now its time for you to get paid
(Great maybe now I'll get laid.)
Have a think about investing
(does not sound interesting)
In some great machine
like a tractor,
so your workload does lessen"
(Or maybe I'll live the dream
and get on X factor,
now I can pay for a singing lesson.)
                            
"You tended well to our crop
a bumper harvest you did yield.
Best we've had for years
Good on ya son."
"Great now I can sit on the Kop
always wanted to see Anfield
and go out for beers
around Goodison!"

I got dressed up to the nines,
on a sunny day ,in the finest Lacoste.
Here come the good times
In the big city I got lost.

Thier was some kind of parade
for those with pride.
I was given a serenade
by a chap with his hair dyed.
"Have no fear come in for a beer
you dont have to be queer
all are  welcome here."
Was not sure what that implied
but I said thanks and went inside.

First place I'd been in Liverpool.
Bunch of lads inside playing pool.
I picked up a que
and asked could I play to,
they were not cool            
"Who the hell are you?"
I did not sound Merseyside
so they took me for a fool.

For what it was worth I tried to explain.
"Only had to bunk six stops on train.
I'm local enough so dont complain.
I'm the man that grows your scran,
digging the earth in the pouring rain."

"Stop your bul you wool,
you sound like some kind of manc,
we'll give your ars a spank!"

I  was not sticking around for abusing.
I downed my tonic
and out the door I did walk.
Although I did find it amusing,
and somewhat ironic,
that a scouser could take the ****
out of the way anybody did talk.

Feeling dejected and worried
I'd almost come to harm
I went back to work on my farm
to the Job I'd hurriedly rejected.

But then the nights did draw in
and it did start to get colder
and again I felt my life was boring,
need to live a little before I get older.

Had enough of merseyside
with thier closed off unions.
I'll try my luck on the other side.
I'll go meet the Mancunions.

Yes its going to be great,
yes I'll have a night to remember.
I'm on the lash around Deansgate,
on the twenty fourth of December.

Strait in first place I saw
It looked all I'd hoped for
and more, top draw.

They had an event of some kind
seemed to me it was for charity.
I'm not usually one for morality
but twas night before Christmas
so I did not mind.

A fundraiser for the down and out
refugees that were homeless and brasic.
Some were prancing, call it dancing,
others just hanging out.
The juke box was banging out
a Stone roses classic.

"Pint of smooth."
All stopped to move,
I felt the needle scratch out of that groove,
and no creature was stirring In that public house
not even a mouse...
When I say nothing was stirring
thier was three hundred pair of eyes
that did stare at me  from all sides.
But you know what I'm saying.
I open gob, record scratches off,
stops playing,
and no creature was stirring
in that public house, not even a mouse
and the barman, he looks at me and he says.
"Are you Scouse?"

"No bro
I meen no are kid
and I'm here to spend
doe you know so
dont flip your lid."

"Whats that you said?
What do you meen
what am I doing here?
I'm Lancashire!
Born and bred
I'm out thier in my wellies
watering turnips to keep
you townies fed!"

"I'm not on tour
I'm no pretender."
Was going well for me
until they all saw me
take a selfy
outside the Haçienda.

In these modern times
most try our best
to be excepting of the rest.
Strait, gay, white or brown,
but I say its just as important
to extend that hand of friendship
to those in the next town.

For after all,
if we got together
and gathered our masses
we would surely be the most awesome,
the very best.
We.
The great working classes
of Englands North West!