GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH,
YES DAD YOU,
YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I RUINED YOUR LIFE,
WELL NEWS FLASH IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME THAN WHY DID YOU GET MY MOM PREGO,
MY PRAYERS ARE ALWAYS,
OH I HOPE MY DADS PASSED OUT.
YOU BEING PASSED OUT IS WHAT MAKES MY DAYS BETTER,
I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO YOU.
I DON'T GET TO SEE YOU HALF THE TIME DURING THE WEEK,
THANKS THE GREAT MIGHTY OH LORD!
Dad,
You are the reason why I don't feel like I need to exist anymore.
That the world would be better off without me.
That I have to change just to get someone to love me.
Your the reason why I cry myself to sleep,
not because my crush doesn't talk to me,
because you hate me.
Only once out of this whole month have I heard you say you love me,
while I have said it every night.
Thanks dad for everything,
but I think I'm done.
Bye.
I have found a new life, one that doesn't have you in it.

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.

You make me feel like I matter to you.
You say I'm your best friend.
But when I do one thing that makes me, well me
you get mad and shut me out.

You make me feel like garbage.
I always feel like I'm that one food that you buy but you know you will never eat.
So you throw it away.
But soon you go back to the store
and you buy it again and again.
Then you keep throwing it away over and over.

Until I'm not there anymore.
You've used me up and I'm done. Done!
So thank you for showing me that I'm nothing.
But really in the inside I'm everything.

I’m from the roaring of the red four-wheeler,
The swiftly mudded depths of the nishana,
The sand covered clamshells,
Buried deep into the deep water.
Thinking that I’m part mermaid.

Coming up from the white wonders like powder sugar that gets
sprinkled on the fudge brownies my grandma makes.,
Shivering after being tipped to what I thought was my death.
Being warmed by grandma’s famous brownies that just came
out of the oven like I was a brownie baking in the oven.
Helping my grandpa flatten out the land,
For another Weppler Sleigh party,
Before the snow brings the wonders of joy.

I’m from the limbs I find,
In the woods making forts.
Having to be mysterious because I’m wanted
From having the best imaginary friend anyone could have.

Coming home to the smell of hard work knowing my dad is home.
Thanking him for all he had done for this family.

I soon snuggle down into my fluffy bedding
waiting for sleep to overcome me
knowing that I'm safe in the warm house I call home.