secrets and lies
washed away
in the waters of time.

Sleep kills the need for reality

Platonic love is all I ever felt for you..

"Whats the saddest word in the english language?"

"Almost"

"Why?"

"She almost made it. He almost loved her. They almost won."

The longer i am alone and the longer i am away from you the more i can feel my sanity leaving.

Such a strange feeling...

Apologies
Apologies
Apologies.
They're all i ever say.
As if everything is my fault
I say them every day.
You look at me
You know the words well
I say them every second
My self esteem fell
Apologies
Apologies
Apologies
they're all i ever say

Looking in your eyes as we pass each other by
I ask myself

"Are you as lost as me?.."

i kissed your lips expecting sugar
but got a mouth full of lies

Every time I talk to you.
Every time you make me smile.
Every laugh we share.
I fall in love with you again.
Even as I tell you I've moved on.
I hold onto the hope that you will come back to me.

how do i feel?
like theres a knife in my chest.
like theres a gun to my head and my fingers on the trigger.
like my stomach tied itself in knots.
like life is kicking me out the door.
like death is calling my name.
like you didnt even try.
How do you feel?

You drown me in Love
Then you pull away
Leaving me breathless
Wishing youd stay
no one can see me gasping
no one can hear me scream
and just before my world goes black
you drown me yet again

i loved someone
i lost someone
and im crying tonight
its been 6 years and
i still dont sleep right

Her eyes were like the waters
Of crystal clear shores
Her skin as pale as the white lillies
Growing outside our doors
Her movement was as graceful
As light snowflakes dancing on air
She was so beautiful
I couldnt help but stare
She loved the night sky
The stars full of beauty
I decided to protect her
As if it was my duty
She was full of innocence
She loved everything and everyone
She ran through the meadows
Underneath the evening sun
Her hugs were like magic
Of all the best kinds
She seemed to plant seeds of kindness
In everyones minds
This girl is special to me
She gives me something to live for
In her I believe.

I loved you so much slowly but surely being in your embrace became my home. Now your gone and I wander my memories looking for the home I fell so deeply in love with.

I'm a murderer you see,
I killed the little girl i used to be.
My hair has darkened,
My laughter has fled.
I lost all intrests,
I barely leave my bed.
The world lost its colour,
Everything seems gray.
I drown myself in books,
Just to make it through the day.
The stories, the worlds,
Everything was so new.
Powers and creatures,
My book collection grew.
I never look at anyone,
I never say a word.
I just locked myself in rooms,
For an amount of time that was absurd.
I am a murderer you see,
I killed the girl i used to be....

I moved on from you but you're still stuck in the past
You say your okay but I swear its just a mask
You hesitate and sit in silence captivated
While I notice your eyes are dilated
You say you weren't ready
Yet your heartbeats unsteady
You still make my heart flutter
And I swear I still melt like butter
I want you back
Stop lying to me and yourself I can see it in your eyes,
Its just 3 simple words..

If it was up to me
I would rather rip my own chest open
Than feel the pain in my chest
When i look at you
And everything is okay
And I'm falling apart
And then you walk away....

I'm done with life I’m ready for death.
I'm ready for the cold when nothing is left.
I'm tired of guilt I'm ready for blame.
I'm ready for prize at the end of this game.
I've seen family fall i lived through it all,
but I'm ready to go back and break down this wall.
My life is like a war a battle everyday;
I get reinforcements but they never seem to stay.
I try so hard to win this war
but I've never done anything like this before,
everything's new nothings the same.
I realized this is an endless game.
I need more strength to lift myself up
and brush off all this ******* dust.
You never know what tomorrow brings,
no matter what the bird still sings.
The birds might chirp the song still plays;
but its still a war in the end of these days.

Putting me in a cage
Wont stop me from flying.
It doesn't take from my beauty.
For a bird in a cage,
With bars holding it in,
Is still as beautiful as it was before.

Don't try to hold me down or tell me what to do.
It didn't work for anyone and it won't work for you.

"i love you" he says
you believe it is true
He says it every night
he says it only to you
he gives you kisses
and touches your skin
he gives you the hope
you had lost from within
he never leaves your side
makes a point to be there
until one day, the mask falls
his true intent is left bare
you were his pity project
nothing more than a joke
he never loved you
just didn't want to see you choke
he did it to give his own life meaning
making a fool out of you
wonders why when you find out
you seem to feel so blue
so be careful all who read
my cautionary tale
don't believe every "i love you"
maybe the mask has yet to fail...

And in my love for you I lost myself. Now I'm stuck in an ever looping cycle trying to find who I was.

my body is gross
my mind is even worse
they say its a phase
i say its a curse
i force pills down my throat
because they think i need fixing
i hope that they work
i hope they know what theyre mixing
i cant find releif
i cant find serenity
i have no way to escape
i lost my identity
they tell me to stay here
dont die they scream
but all i see are selfish people
they dont care about what i dream

Mirrors are horrible,
They show beautiful people all of their flaws,
They breed judgement,
They should be against all laws,
People wouldn't be so vain,
Messy would be beauty,
People would love others for who they are.

Every move that i make,
is another mistke,
cause im moving away from you...
Im broken im down,
where do i go now?
you were all that mattered to me.
Your driving me crazy,
you refuse to save me,
and now i dont even know your name.

And with a heavy heart it is that I have to say goodbye. Because I cant play this little game of yours, staring into one anothers eyes and pretending that everything is okay. When i lost you i lost everything because you were more than stardust to me.

Beautiful bruises
cover my hands
little galaxies on
a pale expanse.
Bones showing
under layers of skin
making sharp edges
people call a sin.
Eyes glazed over
happiness is gone
emotions hidden
inside of songs.
Writing stories
for i am the maker
seen by my eyes only
dark ink on pale paper.

Small little child
so naive and trusting
the boy in the pool
may seem friendly but hes lusting
don't stay in the water
after all your friends have left
no one will hear you scream
he will just call it a jest
no one believes you
hes a good boy in town
yet you know that his hands
went way to far down
the struggle is useless
hes way older than you
remember little angel
just don't be too blue
laugh it off
everyone else will
telling your parents?
only they scoff
silly little girl
so naive and trusting
the boy in the pool
may seem friendly but hes lusting

You used to kiss my forehead and tell me everything is okay.
You used to hold me close and love my body with all of its imperfections.
You used to whisper goodnight.
You used to give me hope.
Now I cry and the sound of your name and the sight of anything you have touched.

Why do you torture me so with those eyes of yours with promises of forever I will never get.

You promised to stay
The night you left
I collapsed to the floor
Sick to my stomach
I threw up
How could someone I loved so much
Be so cruel?

I feel like a star
On the outside I seem small
Manageable
But if you take a closer look
If you get to know me
Im a flaming ball of energy
Burning myself just to stay alive
And even though this universe created me
Its doing everything it can to destroy me
I have my coping methods..
But one day
I will either fade out
Or explode in a blaze of glory

And with all the stars in the galaxy just above our heads i still rather stare into your eyes.

im only happy with her
i cant figure out why
when im all alone
i just want to die
the happiness is fading
my smile is gone
everything seems useless
im up until dawn
her magic is fading
tears flow down my cheek
i cant find my happiness
my future seems bleak
blades to cope
pills to escape
thoughts to destroy me
eyes to see a mistake
they think i can be helped
but im way to far gone
ive rationalized death
i have no reason to go on
suicide scares me
not becuse of death
because if i live
ill be forced to take a breath
i dont see a reason to live
i just dont understand
why do they want me here
why do they keep me in this land

pain calms my demons
blood sooths my soul
scars stain my skin
blades make me whole
music distracts me
pills take me away
nightmares are real
in darkness they stay
loving cold nights
stars filling the skies
trapped in my own hell
writing goodbyes
gun in my hand
pills at the ready
blades calm my soul
to keep my hand steady
fighting my demons
trying to stay
fighting alone
keeping them at bay
days weeks month years
Living lies hiding tears
broken promises fractured souls
i just can't do this anymore.

depressions crazy
my thoughts are hazy
and the pills refuse to work
i want my bed
ive lost my head
this must be a dream
i'm freezing cold
my actions are bold
time and space seem warped
**** these drugs
i need a hug
with love so far and lost
all the eyes
mouths spreading lies
and i'm being torn apart

i learned to love
i learned to die
i never learned to say goodbye
i learned to walk
i learn to run
i seem to have found a gun
i have no practice
i know im not sane
but im aiming for my brain

we all die someday. i dont see why not today.

Ive been gone for a while
It seems I lost my flow
The worst
The best
Attacking at once
Filling the empty void in me
The words are always there
A river carving paths trough my brain
And into my heart


*Oh how I missed you sweet freedom...

Hideaway under a bridge,
Forbidden kisses and marks all over.
They told me i was innocent.
Im more corrupt than i show.

Broken little child
scared and alone
fighting for herself
stuck in this home
These four walls
she never leaves their side
this is her favorite place
its a great place to hide
Sleep takes her over
while she sits in the bed
bringing her to a better life
one thats all in her head
The music plays
the sound waves bounce
her ears know every tune
She smiles at the light
from the midnight moon

I anger you dont i?
The requests for hugs get under your skin.
Is it really so bad
To get so close
To me...?

i have no friends
im all alone.
i live in my house
but it isnt my home.
im in the closet.
i wont come out.
my family is judgemental.
they'll scream and shout.
i look for help,
in the comfort of words.
thats where i found her.
her name is poetry,
she makes the pain blur.
she turms my words
into paragraphs of beauty.
she tells me to continue
like its my duty.
i found a girl i can love
her name is poetry.
Shes the only girl
ill be able to love openly.

Your smiles? They tear me apart. Your silence? Kills my dreams. Your eyes...? Well now your eyes are my biggest weakness. They break me down till I'm nothing but stardust and atoms.

I pity those who would do anything for me.
I'm a soulless creature.
I will use you like a napkin to get what i want and then throw you away.
Do not Think i do not love you because of this.
I just do not see the reason to have you in my life if you do not help me in anyway.
If you cause me trouble why would i keep you around?
After all.. You do the same with me...