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Kmood Nov 2017
I watched u cry today
My heart bled for ur pain
Not of this body, but still my oldest son.

He left us, my boy. Selfishly he left us.
You promised you'd never do the same
I believe you.

So many of us sobbed in today, my eyes barely left your face. A memorial for a supposedly healthy, happy 17 year old should never happen.
I held u afterward, your bloodshot eyes telling a soulful tale.

This aunt who calls you her Sunshine wanted to wash away your pain.
All I could do was wrap u in my arms and say "I love you my boy."

That fateful day this January, your cousin did the only selfish, hurtful thing he'd ever done in his 17 years with us.

His was the only smile that came close to yours, he may not have been my Sunshine, but he sparkled like every star in the night sky.

We all loved him my boy, we all still do.
But you are my Sunshine, your light gives warmth to all our lives.
I know your strength is deep and strong, hold onto it and all the love around you in this turbulent sea.

Shine brightly, young son so he can see you from heaven and smile with joy.

Rest in peace Mekellan, my son misses you.
Mekellan hanged himself in Jan. No one knows why. He sat with his parents at breakfast, laughing as always. 30 min later, he was dead, his dad discovered him hanging in the garage. His memorial was today. My nephew idolized him. He was a beautiful soul, his friends and girlfriend still visit his grave every week. This was a child in a million. Why he did this we'll never know, we are angry and sad. My boy's pain is unfathomable. I'm infertile, my nephew is my son. I held his hand all thru the funeral in Jan. Today I watched his tears flow, my son is transitioning into a man.  But he'll always be my Sunshine and Mekellan will always be in every shining star.
Kmood Nov 2017
Swirling sea
Raging wind
I've lost sight of the shore.

His passion fills me with joy and power.
I feel no shame even tho I know it's wrong.
He belongs to someone else.
And I don't want him forever,
Just those forbidden hours of lustful ecstasy.
I tell myself I should feel deep shame,
But my body still aches for his touch.
Anticipation draws my tense skin tight.
My breath quickens at the memory of our last liaison, and the need for our next.

I want what only he's ever given me
Not his love, not his fidelity, not his money.
I just want the satisfaction he provides.
Our little secret I'll keep, unashamedly.
I didn't do it..... I was too ashamed. 10/12/17
Kmood Nov 2017
Only 14, autistic and a tic.
My brave boy faces every day in fear.

Fear of rejection
Fear of the cruelty of his peers
Fear that his own stupid parents won't understand
Fear he may have to hurt himself to calm the monsters raging inside.

I have to leave you my boy.
My own path is littered with pain and obstacles.
Your parents believe I'm trespassing,
U believe I'm a light in ur darkness.
I'll never be far, I'll always come when u call.

Reach for me and I'll be there.
Kmood Oct 2017
Inside u lives an animal
a dark, miserable soul.
We must all bow to your word or else!

Simple respect is too much for u to give.
U wear a clever mask though.
It's only the indebted or indentured that u ***** all over.
Even the two that gave u life.
U sadistically enjoy causing pain.

Once I revered you,
Now I hide away in fear.

I think I hate you.
Kmood Oct 2017
Self absorption brought to brutal light.
People dead, an awful plight.
Violence consumes us.
Man takes the lower road.
Free will, the gift of evolution and revolution.
Disrespect for life, it's sly accompaniment.
Kmood Oct 2017
Child, the world is not ending
You will move beyond this
You will wake one morning and not think of "The One"

So much angst and mourning
One day you will look on it and smile.

For now, take a deep breath
And navigate your sorrows
This stormy sea will calm
Your new horizon awaits.
Apologies in advance... I'm jaded,  apartheid, broken marriage, earthquakes, late onset epilepsy.... I tend to no longer empathise with failed young love.
Kmood Sep 2017
Dead inside
Unable to write
Isn't it crazy?

I've yearned for death
Yet the thought of a doctor drilling into my skull scares me.

Death's sweet call is audible now
"I'm waiting..... waiting."

Release find me, I'm dying to escape this.......
Oops, poor word choice
Gotta smile :)
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