beautiful words
i wish i could write
beautiful things
i wish i could type
you say what i write is beautiful and dark
you say that what i have is a piece of art
i don’t see the beauty you do
then again that happens a lot
where i see darkness, you see light
you see something beautiful in all that i write
i don’t keep much to myself these days
which is funny because i’m scared of opinions
i’d rather keep my thoughts to myself
yet i go and let everyone read them
i shout at myself in the mirror
you kiss my forehead and smile
i think i’m worth less than trash
and you see me as worthwhile
i guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder
because what you see, i don’t
but at least you see me this way

i’ve become so cold

the once brightly burning flames now become quickly burned out by the cold wind blowing through me

if you hold my hand you will feel how cold i have become

i can’t force myself to feel okay
but i can’t force myself to go away
every night i get back down
every morning i come back around
an endless cycle of calamities
taking place inside my mind and soul
how do i get rid of this?
“you can’t” i have been told
sometimes it’s simply sadness
without a single meaning
yet i want to stay away from
all that i haven’t been fleeing

i’m not your radio station
you can’t choose when you want me
i may sing
i may play
but i’m not yours just any day
you can’t just switch to other people
when you don’t like me most
when switching stations comes to people
it becomes personal
i can’t just play my music for you
when i play it the best
sometimes i’m your favorite song
and sometimes it’s the rest
i don’t like how you switch between
me and another station
when a song comes on that you don’t like
but then you switch back
that’s your attack
this is how you fight
treating me like this
is not a burden to you
you show no pain
in changing
when i’m too slow for you
so the next time
a musical note
leaves my head and mind
you can be sure
it won’t be for you
never again am i an “anytime”
so go find another station to play
‘cause next time you come back to me
all you’ll hear is
white noise
white noise
and that will be your sign
that you’re not welcome anymore
that i am no longer your radio station
no longer am i just an “anytime”

You call me beautiful
But how can you not see?
I’m the one who’s broken
The beauty is in you, not me

back before the pain
we used to have fun
we’d smile and laugh
we never hurt anyone
on my darkest days
you were my little lantern
shining so i could find my way
as you found yours
you floated through the air
yet never left my side
and when you hit the ground
i’d lift you up inside
sometimes your light would go out
i didn’t know it was my fault
i’d light a match and
brighten you up with a single flame
i kept you going and
i followed you
we’d see the beautiful sights
test out new heights
smiling all the way
i painted you a terrible design
but you liked it anyway
you were always my heroine
you’ve fought for me any day
and on the days
when i was down
you lifted both
my feet off the ground
we soared above the streets
as i looked to the stars
it always made me happy
even though life was hard
but it was harder for you
bring paper thin
carrying me was breaking you
wearing down your skin
i didn’t notice of course
but you surely did
you loved me enough to keep going
for my own happiness
one day your beauty broke
inside my hands
i tried to keep you going
but it was me who hurt you
i felt so bad i hurt you
i broke you to pieces
i couldn’t even fix you
after all you did
will someone else put you together
and have you fly for them?
will you still love me
after all the wrong i did?