i used to be
afraid of death
isn't that funny
because now
i like killing myself
i like the feeling of
being torn apart by
other people's opinions
i beg them to tell the truth
even when i know
it's not what i want to hear
tell me
tell me you liked my hair longer
before i cut it short
tell me
tell me i'm too skinny
that i should put on some weight
tell me
tell me you're shocked
tell me i should know these basic things
i want the truth
not a sugar coating
and i don't exactly want it to hurt
but i'm starting to think
it is better than nothing

You look at all these people as beautiful things and see that they all belong like the red belongs on your nails and lips

You see yourself as this waste of a being like all the people before you came togeth e for no reason and your existence wasn't meant to be but i know it was because your parents love you- they always make sure your nails and lips can be red when you want them to be

With every shade of red people see your beauty covering everything from the apples to the sunsets-your beauty spreading across the world

Don't ever stop painting your nails red
Don't ever stop coloring your lips red
because when i see a red rose i don't want to see a "red rose" i want to see you

Because the raw beauty you possess was meant to exist- you were meant to exist despite what you think

Blood red lips and nails will always be you to me

hi i'm Destiny
we all pretend i'm here because i want to be
when really these things all happen naturally
because we all know Destiny means “meant to be”
but maybe where i am at i can't breathe
maybe where i'm at i can't see
maybe where i'm at seems like anywhere else is a place i would rather be
but here i am, destiny

You were a pallet
Emitting from me all the colors in which my body holds so dearly and tightly

You were red like the burning passion that came to my soul when our voices collided and created a beautiful depiction of what we one day could be-
planned on being

You were orange like the sunrises we would watch in the mornings while practicing our favorite songs despite what the people around us would say-
I never knew I would miss those times so much

You were yellow like your walls that you hated maybe because of the color but maybe also because they bound you in a place I know you didn't actually want to be-
you didn't very much like your family

You were green like the life that poured out of the plants on the outside and sometimes even on the inside of us-
roses that sometimes came with thorns

You were blue like the walls in my room- as many people would call them even though I always told them it was periwinkle-
not blue
you listened to me though and everything was okay

You were purple like the color of the shirt I wore the last time we talked face to face-
just yesterday though it wasn't a real conversation
it hasn't been a real conversation in a while

You were white like how everything seemed so pure in your eyes-
so beautiful, so wonderful, so lovely
like snow that we haven't actually seen in years

And then you were black
you were missing, you were gone
you were everything that I didn't think was actually there until it engulfed me


You were the perfect pallet that I needed and that I used to have
until all that was there was black ash on the ground

Missing you was...grey? I guess
it's nice sometimes but it's not what I want
grey is so much easier to come by than silver
silver is what we used to have-no not even that
it was more like gold

The colors we used to have were so perfect
all the light shining out of us
until that white light became a yellow wall, sunset orange, passion red flame that only left me with colorless black ash on the dying green grass under a fading periwinkle-not blue- and purple colored conversations sky

i love your high pitched voice
even though you hate it so
and i miss your beautiful red hair
like the start of a rainbow
and i miss your freckles that cover up
more than half your face
and all those times i wished i was
less of a disgrace
i wanted all that you were then
before you were even my friend
and now your gone and a smile someone else caused is all i get to see
you miss me too
like i miss you
but apart i guess we'll stay
though part of me hopes
we will be friends again someday
until then your cute smiles
are engraved in my head
from the moment i am waking up
to the moment i'm in bed
and i'm sorry i had to loose you
i wish it hadn't come to this
maybe one day this will be over
and we will both come to our senses

and when i see that i said something wrong
it hurts me instead of you
and i don't know what to do
because you're all i have left
all the times i got hurt
caused by others
i can't let myself be the cause of this
i can't be the cause of what others did to me
i can't be the history that repeats
repeats
repeats
and i always want to stop it
i want to be the opposite
but how hard is it
to not lash on people
when that's all you know
because all people have done
is lash out on you