I believe he is so happy,
Smiling all the time
Look what I have done

I believe that she is love,
But maybe yesterday is where
We fit together best.

I know he is so happy
I can look away from pain
I can skirt around the hatred
I can live another day

I do not speak of desolation
I have no shame
I don't defile
I will not be forced by fate to hurt another--
That's a bit of a stretch.

I live in heaven.

(Run the numbers)

here they come
like a phantom leak
as if they could be wrong.

two slender fangs of love
behaved, and wielding truth

wipe clean the ****** slate
drag the curtain 'cross the sky
turn my vision black and say,
"i have loved you
for too long."

i would call you savior
if that was what you were,
but my savior watches on
keeping dominion over you.

Computer gods walk all over me
My crooked dice yield ferrous sulfate
Just as soon as I feel you cursing my name, you embrace
But I feel confused now and I don't know you anymore

Nobody thinks they're Jesus here
Options sink to the bottom of the ocean
People sing songs they were always going to sing
I **** on the sour stone of jealousy and offer dim-witted approval

I am the one straddling it
There is nothing we can do

I'm in a chemical bath,
A swell of activity
Where science touches itself dotingly
Beneath where it peels off skin obsessively

Drink, drink the water
You *******
Stop and smell the roses
Take a minute to whine about your life
And let the sound come back to your ears,
And tell me what you taste--
Tell me what you hear.

Remember July,
Whose ruby red days brought you like swirling paint into my life?

Remember the park,
And the tacos I made and not being able to say a word?

I remember my gray,
Cold and vast beneath my skin
And finding love in tryina swim.

I remember how your kiss lit up my cheeks,
Lit a fire beneath my eyes!

Remember our trip?
We carried everything on our backs,
The tent, the rent, the tailing past
And now our tails are making out,
Now you stay over my parent's house

I remember that day.
I remember it like yesterday,
You were so cute
Like a little messenger
Announcing the end of worry
With cherry lips for my manhood.

Summer sun children shriek back and forth
Feet flying over, over back porch
Tussle up grass, chasing the back
Of a summer sun child,
Swing water guns.

Sling water fun! Trample a *****.
Onto the sidewalk, two lovers of candy
Who can't yet suppose
A thorn from a rose
If you read them this poem,
They wouldn't come close.

Baptism don't save, it's a glorious thing
A plane is the bane far away from a spring
I'd alter that range, if I could I would bring
Everything, and everything!

Summer sun children shriek back and forth
Feet flying over, the kings of the Earth
You think you know love, and you think you know worth
But a summer sun child
Thinks less and knows more.

Born under the array, we must have supposed ourselves computers
Esoteric notions of Illuminism made their way, even
Into the minds of the ignorant
By way of osmosis.

The roar of society's innards amplified,
An image of human digestion made confusing half-art
In the naked sky.

This folded into neat, convenient little quanta
But the world could not hide the ugly truth:
The climate was one of dissonance, and insanity
And clinging for its couth.

Although, just like in the old symphonies--
Moments of sweetest major harmony swell up
And we find islands of peace.

From whence, I wonder, do we build a better world?

Born on the grid. Born with new potential.
Born to deeper illusions, deeper lies.
Born of a *****.

Human rivers clamber over each other
The needs and the circumstances threaten cataclysm
And readier cataclysm breeds an ultraviolet paranoia, this time.

We are the children of the new millenium.
We are lost, we are scoffed at, we are confused.
We are disbelievers, we are disoriented, we are ...true.
We are petty, we are extra, we are amused and not amused.
Change the world, slap a sticker, make it new.

Let life rock the **** out
Then you can

I said come on
I'm getting old
I have a long list of things that I'd like to do

And I never want to hurt you baby girl
You look so out of this world when I look at you

I flew well-designed eyes over the glowing Earth
It felt like the mad suspense of a psychedelic trip,
Like the buildings were about to lift off into space.

(Or maybe come crashing to the ground)

I knew I was born
In a time of great change.

In my youth I wondered
If I'd ever be great.

It seemed easy enough,
But what got in my way?

I was a minor genius with major anxiety
I believe that I hold nascent wonders inside of me
Tonight. Is there anything left
Remaining of me?

What have I done? What can you see?

I swing my leg over
And get on my bike.

I ride to the bus stop
Unborn work in my eyes.

I hope that you love me
Hope when I try
To give meaning to life
That you'll find it worthwhile.

And where are you now? You dimension in time!
Along the same thread of the Nothing Divine
In any direction just distance will find
Us romancing again, revolution no. 9

How can these arms hold your innocent body so tight
With the maelstrom roaring in my failing heart,
With ugly worms sprouting from my skin
And no love to atone for such awful ventures into these ****** places?

A crest, oh
What a lovely view from here
But in my periphery I can see a demon seething
It comes to break the wave down
And tell me it is me.

you'll be the last thing i abandon,
and i can't stand the thought of it.

(chord)

(chord)

when sun rays charge the sky with color,
not with hate and sin,

i thought that i had better let you know i love you

while i still have the chance to say i love you.

(chord) (enter drums + band)

i mean it *****-- it does, it does!
i wish that i had traveled light
but one day you'll remind me how
we always travel light

never said that i was perfect,
we don't always win the fight
i mean it *****. (it does! it does!)
it ***** to say goodbye.

to say goodbye.

(instrumental)

you'll be the last thing i let go of
and it breaks me to be broken
didn't realize this was math class
would've paid more ... attention

i expressed the need for loss
when i experienced detention

i didn't want to let you go
i should have paid you more attention.

(drop)

it feels like choking on love to love
it feels like choking on love to be loved
it feels like being in love to love
this feels like being in love!

it feels like choking on life to live
it feels like wasting the thing that you give
all my confessions are endless
it feels like being in love...

x2

you'll be the first thing i remember
when i wake up in the morning
but i'll suffer something awful
when i wake up (pause)
and you're mourning (pause)

we could live out the impossible,
but words contain a warning:
there's a snake inside your garden,
my medulla reassures me.


it feels like choking on love to love
it feels like choking on love to be loved
it feels like being in love to love
this feels like being in love!

it feels like choking on life to live
it feels like wasting the thing that you give
all my confessions are endless
it feels like being in love...

(retardando, repeat)

THIS FEELS LIKE BEING IN...

LOVE (emphatic, rapid strumming to end)

(one last strum)

My soul he sits in cementcell
Playing action figures with broken gods
He stoke at a coals gone cold long ago
Why, he do not know

I dripped colorful spots on the way to my death
They are my blood
Warped and wild
Dried and brown
Pink and green and blue and ultraviolet,
Infrared.

You can't read them like a book
They are not crystallized or processed
They're the dribblings of death escaping from my neurotic dream
They're things felt and considered, suffered and enjoyed
Only ever belonging to me,
And even then--
Just something I see.

Black and red roses fell from the sky
The sky was blonde
Your body was green.

You were a forest,
No, you were an entire wilderness
Laying before me nature's refreshing,
Unapologetic love
Refusing to cottle,
Wary of domestication
Open and blue
As your eyes and your words

Inviting to an explorer
But dangerous to a wanderer

All tan and green was my roughly hewn shelter on your beach
With the sun, and the waves, and the breeze

But the fledgling thing was no match for the winds
The winds that come every now and then
They swept my angry curses away and killed them on the sea

Because woman--
You've made a fool out of me.

The winds change and up the ridge was another man
Who found intimacy in your vibrant weather, your thunderstorms, his vista, your hot summer days, his journey through the woods

And you were **** in your black bikini.

I'm dashed to bits on the reef
Throwing a stupid looking hat at the ground
Looking very much like a lost tourist
But you can see the look wearing off
Peeling away like my sunburn,
(Yours truly)
There is a man underneath.

i am waiting for my piece of heaven to download
i'm getting ****** because the internet is slow
the modem is mocking the whiny noises in my throat

i am an attempt to stay composed.

i feel gravely important
and foolish when i remember i'm not
distortions. can't be another victim of rot.

i pause as if balanced on a fulcrum
is it me who has you wrong?
or am i held from momentum
by a universe, flawed

but the spiral inside me unwinds,
and i'm back to my nature
back to that taut feeling of urgency
back to blood filling its office seats inside my body
giving color to my cheeks,
giving me that certain shape

will i die suddenly, lopped up by the sickle
of a passing car?

will i fade away, never having quite reached
the peak i have claimed i could reach?

or will i get there, seize the day for my own
and throw myself at death
a complete and happy man?

On the eve of my commitment,
I stammered.
The sky caved in
But resolve stayed blue.

My shifting feet held perfect stance
With heaven howling at my dance
Until it took me in its maw,
My name was Matthew Michael Shaw.

I told you how I loved you dear,
My fractured darling, ear to ear
I swam into your broken heart
Was it I who broke you,
Tasting art?

Just like roses grow red and full from what is decomposed,
Our affectionate symbol of arbitrary love--
I am washed up on the shores of completion
The waves lap sweetly at my finished existence

After writing a song
You sit and stare at the wall
Like wow, did I really just do that?
After giving your large hands to a kind wind
That blows some other ship to port

And some are crashed in a storm
And others are stranded far away...

The sweetness that's known brings us full to a clothes,
When ships full of roses arrive unopposed.

We hate a man for all things he's wrought,
But never stop to think could he be imprisoned
With all his choices laid out for him?

Okay, but we still have to deal with him.

We hate a woman because, essentially
She is the death trap creep we're stuck inside
Unmanageable and at times allowing no good answer
Wielding impossible powers over us?

Okay, but she's still abundance.

I let my eyes float around my skull
Like eggs in a noodle soup.

I don't know where to put it
I'm so basic
I see other people in charge
They know what they're doing
Sometimes I probably seem that way too

But I've always straddled that border
I don't want to anymore
I want to be in charge,
I want to beat a drum.

You figured it out!

You don't want to enjoy it.

Because it feels wrong
That it should all be for me.

I like your style,

Go ahead and argue.

But you know that it's true.

Just give me something to do.

And I'm just glad to be alive with you.

Lies have them to sustain
Only brief breath from life.
The pain of lies exists to us, only apparently
Like centrifugal force.

A father swings his young son around Him on the beach.
To the son, it seems that a force is acting on him,
A force opposite his father's tethering arms.

But in Reality, his Inertia is only carrying all his Velocity,
and that Father will never truly let
him go.

So, it can be Said
that pain
is a lie.

i'm looking for an element called "best love"
so i'm looking for a circle,
i'm looking for a crystal
i'm looking for
anything considered
for long enough. . .

an invaluable treasure having known you.

your voice echoes through the dark, tall halls
of my home.

your smile hangs soft upon my closed eye
it is a musical number unfit for any instrument
but your face

your face! i will miss your sweet, sweet face

and how you said

GOODMORNING SUNSHINE!! and hugged me

"Were you trying to break my heart!?"

I've been thinking about all the ins and outs of life!
Andra Day sings, "Only Love can break your heart"
And for a moment I wished to fall out of love,
Forever, because it hurts too much to lose.

But it was never lost, and I was wrong
I would love for my heart to be broken...
So I can love like you.

Constance wants to be my lover
But every time I see her, shun her
She pines for me behind the curtains;
I try my best just to forget her.

She loves the birthmark that I hate
She loves when I reply too late
She tries to slip her hand between us
Although she can't, she needs to feel us.

And will she wither to a mist?
I will not take her sour kiss.
A man should keep his healthy distance
From such a foul wraith, such as Constance.

And if I can for long enough,
I think she'd go away.

But in my darkness I have left you,
Seeking anything but refuge.
To meet my Constance on some corner
Where we would turn from you together.

And less a conscious twist of muscle,
More a weight that pulls a buoy
Underwater for a time
Would bring me into Constance's bed

And like a buoy overturned
So did direction from my head
With eyes rolled back,
To sleep instead.

And if I turned for long enough,
We'd soon elope to dread.

I should not give her my attention,
But still resides an awkward tension
It's something better left unmentioned,
The time I've spent with Constance.

Let's get illumination curves.

I don't wanna bear witness to this whole scene
Without a taste of the real thing.

I fell asleep in the wasted west
The sun welled up in its present and disparate springs
And revealed a current form.

I'm at the finger-twisting river's middle
Never mind the sweat on my brow
As I fret that I do nothing but roughly contemplate some path of action
Waiting to strike out, how?

Never mind that now,
Gotta find a way,
A better way out.

She was not content to sit in silence,
Or else forced to hallucinate.

She found a lens inside her socket
Fell through, and became null.

But all her flailing arms did kiss,
And strike her down,
Or nearly missed

Gnawing, pulling, scraping
For their utter composition.

The collapsing heavens gave their sign
Her family, and house divine
Then her dream went glassy smooth,
And motion proved... impossible.

She ate herself between the stars,
Who watched, and never said a word
Remember when we found him first?
Our little, iridescent bird

I think the moon must know the future.
I guess my death must know me well.
I didn't think we were like that--
It all just seemed too oddly specific.

My queen standeth over me,
"I WILL END YOUR LIFE!"
Somewhere inside my reflection
Somewhere deep in my imagination.

A sword to my neck,
She is dressed in adamant and diamonds.

Do you see her?
Her eyes gleam like molten metal when she says it.
She says it always, only sometimes I see different colors.
And sometimes I'm not thinking about it at all.

So severe, she leaves me stranded on an island.
And inside that island, I contemplate the design
Of my dire consequence.

The shapes and the music I make must call for their own elimination.

Only I am here singing right now
Forced, and justified on all sides
Or one side? Or none.
So each symbol I trace in the Sand is full and sacred

Drawn to or repelled
All the same I feel you

And nobody is wrong for how they feel

Still you might not enjoy every feeling of another,
Who may not agree with sentiments
Which now are all too real.

Is the problem that I feel it?
But no, feeling is the reason!
Should I attempt to conceal it?
There's no hiding from the truth!
So much imbued within each moment,
That I forfeit all description.
You ramble on,
Complicit in your convoluted feud

that's a pretty little thing that you've got right there,
that's a pretty little thing, would you care to share?
would you care? would you care?

Cold
With a ring of warmth
Tell you the truth
I don't even care
Gotta be strong
It won't even hurt
If I don't even care
That's the way these things go
It never ends well.

the hearth that plays upon
gold-trimmed porcelain
like a grand *****

the room that pulls your steps forward
and makes your eyes glowing

held up by a chemical dream
woven of nothing
so sweetly kissed by nothing on all sides

i am the death god
i am the room held up by dreaming
that hosts the phallus and the womb

a fixed stare
a lovely dare
a poetic doom

she's all foxed up,
but me i'm an empty mess.

in one of my favorite songs by fall out boy
she's a little black dress.

the party is happening elsewhere,
i know i might sound whiny but come on
i don't mean to be rude, or mean
but i have to deal with my old, conservative parents
who have such redeeming values but are so boring
okay not my mom but her emotions run her life WAIT!

OK, WAIT! I am doing it again.
I'm allowing myself to be this thing
Let me show you how this happens in motion,
I give up on it,

Let me show you how I'm king.

And I ******* will, Will
I remember you cheating on me with Will!
The party's happening elsewhere, where you are,
my ex-girlfriend, who told me I was paranoid
who said I needed help but she was cheating on me! GASP
What a terrible thing, what a terrible ******* thing

To have gotten so mad about. Cause nothing, NOTHING NOW
Is going to get in my way. Pure white empathy rings in my synapses,
It will snap into action and find what it's looking for
A culture of volunteers, out there in the world.
Witty fingers clip away at awkwardness, form a truly impressive
set of musical skills. My linguistic mind is roving,
Singing some mysterious song in the universe, the meaning of which
I don't even know! She's all foxed up
And look, some handsome ******* devil in the mirror,
I think I know him.

I think we'll have
To schedule a rendesvous

Everyday i get up,
Do one hundred sit ups,
And set up my fake soup kitchen
It's made of cardboard boxes
And construction paper

I even set the timer
And act like i am driving
And when i arrive, they're glowing just to see me

I don't want to get sick
Or play into this fake scene,
It should mean the same thing to you,
Girl, you're such a liar!

Cause none of this is real
We're all just gonna die here
If it doesn't mean the same thing to you,
Girl, you're full of ****.

maybe what hurts the most is that you can't blame anyone when they recede--
the typical, "look, i don't know, but it's got nothing to do with me!"

i have friends encouraging me but i don't know if they realize what they're supporting
now this is my time to crave dissipation.

I wave my hand in the ***** sink water,
It's bad poetry.

I spew absurdities and give half gifts
Awkward to receive a half-stitched pair of pants or a bunch of flowers with all the wild parts, no cup or vase or plastic, bows

I let my mind leak and spill
It's not popular, it's lazy
And i'm in my own little world

He took it upon himself
To die,
Of natural causes
Is just semantics
When you're the head
Of nature Itself

A cascading persona
A collapsing blossom
But you can't prove it

My poetry feels dull and lifeless

I cant write better than my own death
How do I compete?

Puppeteers all vying for
Their own attention
Felt and buttons
Wearing all their threads apart

Giapetto made himself a pretty, wooden shelf
Can you imagine being forced to be yourself?

Perambulation's a grotesque crack on gravity--
Bending knees sending us sideways into turns and eddies..

Aloof, you say it's comical
With your gilded expression and clever slights of motion.

But here, I see you narrowing
Stuck in my awkward corner of Society
Pinned between dimensions in the grand scheme of things
I am the backside of the deal
The marriage of bone marrow
And death's razor
Bubbling around you,
All the lysing parasites and wasting nutrients
All the questioned purpose and reeling emotion
I will serve you greatly
Or else, slough the rind of flesh

There, I see you walking
Hooked on destination
Pretty Christmas bauble, seething
Jewel of my surprise.

I want to gather up
My tangled ****** nerves,
Scoop them to their bony box
And wander somewhere far and wait

Wait for it to be over
Wait for my good looks to fade
I want to carry this monster away from you,
And seal away this pain.

I want to find a cave.

Where sputtering lips can sing a broken song, that maybe once could be. (You)
Where the idea is the thing that matters, and art need not be polished. (All)
Where paranoia and jealousy thud softly on rock and shadow (you)
Where the memory of your betrayal cannot find ears, and so I don't seek them
Like a bee seeks out nectar (all)

Abandoned by himself
He sits disheveled
But not as far as he can go
No street corner waits for him
Just walls that don't listen to troubled banter
Raw meat
Walking slumber
A pity cradler,
Self-identified and oft morose--

Crumpled papers.

Is he hiding large and cartoonish pair of scissors
Waiting for the right moment
Waiting for some grand debut?

Hollowed eyes look disdainfully on curdled blood
On crooked veins and twisted nerves

The clasp of hands might be enough,

But my skin feels fit to burst
Like a monster is knocking on my ribcage.

And what if I told you I had to keep away?

Locked lips sear doubts from my mind
But some vestige of yesterday is left behind
When they pull away
I've got such vivid scenes
Running through my mind
But why

These colors are not supposed to be
With gnarled nerves all spinning free
There is a monster inside of me
And I want to CUT
It out.

That's a
Good Deal
That's a
Steal
Don't mind these false connections
Contriving what is real

You're a
Sweetheart
You are more
So much more
Than I bargained for

So i got stupid
Dull and lame
That's just part
Of this game we play

But that was wise
And smart to do
And I got food
And I got you

Don't look to a numb man for answers
I don't tell stories well anyway
And poetry is a petty comfort.

Everything tastes bitter until lazy sweetness floats along,
I am selfish
I am ******* by waxy ineptitude
I am stale in this artificial haze.

tend to your rots
and tend to your buzzes
take care of your gnarls and seething hot curses
only a child can make such excuses
and even at that, children are not excused.

even the innocent burn in the fire.
take yourself further, take yourself higher
you may as well, man. see what you can do
before all the darkness swallows you, too.

darling
you know
i don't care about these little things
i just couldn't see our love was so big
taking over the world
radiating over the crown of your heart
and into mine
your blood is pushing love
through the twisting sublime
and your medicine wafts over my skin
it flows straight into my ears with your voice
and finds each little nerve in my skin
and strums a single note of love
the car is getting hotter
there's fog on the window
we're drawing little hearts
and making out again
in the dark

Plod on, brave traveler
Beer down the hatch
9 to 5's not easy, don't complain--
She's a catch
22 is long gone...
But brace your mind from such thoughts
Can you feel the insanity
Boring a hole?

Let it out when you're alone,
Oh you freak,
Oh you motionless stone.

Feel the peaks start to flatten
Feel your colors start to fade
I'm just writing this because I'm angry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I can't get the sun to rise,
I know, but it doesn't.
Because the same man sits in the same chair
And surmises that he's wise.

We are all enveloped by ignorance
Gilded with everlasting omniscience
So you know I'm the eternal poet-softie
Whom the reader knows is stronger and smarter than he seems, the defendant Valjean if you please

Police officers stand with their hands at their belts,
Proud and wrong.

Lawyers bob and weave through crowds,
Like sketchy guys at parties,
Making chemical connections.

Vendettas are had and crime is clad
In the full disguise of law

And the arrogant judge holds his holy opinion
high as hell

So my head hangs low and alone
It makes my blueish mind wander
Into fantasy worlds of others shouldering the weight
And our backs are at right angles to each other
In the fourth dimension, let it be.

And yet it seems we're one being suffering together for no reason at all,
(And I can hardly say I'm suffering,
But it is a kind of suffering)
And in me the sun does not rise
It flounders about in neuropathy
Even ordered motion is flailing about
All is skewed and null is king,
My Mother even said so.