We

Have changed.

I'm reeling with discomfort
The nauseous passenger of an insane God
But I should thank discomfort
Because I knew he'd turn into sheer pain
Those sensations of dying,
The soul rot.

I am holding my brains in with one hand everywhere I go,
But it gets worse than this and everybody knows.
As I precariously shop for my destiny,
I know I precipitated sacred texts
I crystallized demons
When I formed a self
And they will not go away.

But you will not acknowledge these things
You'd hospitalized me
You'd stigmatize me
Your Haj of death
Your happy pain
Your cult of hell

You've penetrated me before
You'll do it again
It is sick, the way we have to operate

Living feels like asking God how long He can hold His breath

Now every inch of the mind is brave--
With tendrils recoiled from the cold outside
Slowly failing to find internal warmth

Steel railings and the dead grass of winter
Concrete barriers and withered flesh seep under my skin
To find the verdant fields of my youth...

They are here to stay, in my world they are projected:
An amalgamation of things
Rushing past my eyes
Too fast to really see, too fast for words...

Next comes summer, only my tongue is a sour piece of meat
And stones have grown throughout my body
So I look up, and out
to forget

Then a smattering of warm rain
Before winter finds my bones again,
hiding

... See the green peeking through the rubble
Of our ravaged city
And know that lysis can occur at any time,
And live intently

Then, my heartbeat knocks against itself

It's heaven or hell
Frustrated with the fruit inside

I am impaled with your style,
Struck by the lightning of your sin.
I am touched by poison,
I am filled with myself.

I am changed by your chemicals
I was born in space
But I was brought a letter
Detailing all the ways you'll love me til I die.

And I did,
I thought it was soooo sweet.

The sum total of the parts
Does not miss the parts it does not lack.

Kissed on all sides by love's rainbow
Featuring ribbons of music who mention the emptiness of love,
Are you okay?

No.

Everything has changed.

Your mild eyes take up the entire sky
It twinkles hazel and your hair hangs down
It is the trees and forest animals
Your body is lakes and lakes of love
Your mind is behind it all
Urging my heart to beat,
Beat stronger
Run harder
Trust muscles to take weight
And know I'm in a sacred place

When your hands reach up to hold my head,
I'm a string of the universe being plucked
I was sitting there,
Waiting to be played
Alive to be part of some beautiful melody
And you play me like piano keys
You strum my heart like a guitar

When searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I found a sturdy pedestal of sorts:
That solid fact of history
Yggdrasil in the Earth.

But the strangest echo came
From the miracle of birth.

And down the path behind
The common pattern wants to blur.

And from this evolution
Predictive thought emerged.

So in searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I stood upon this pedestal, of course
I looked out into the future
And saw that I'm a fool.

Convention makes a man
Into a tool.

We see this is
The only thing we'd do,

But still we're something new
And it keeps us all in school.

When searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I feel this strangest paradox arise.
I feel the itch inside my rolling eye.

The meaning of my thoughts--
Of course it wants to burst
I want to know what else
Is universed.

In a perfect life,
She'd only betray you after your last breath
And it's hard to be mad when you're dead.

That's the best perspective to have on life,
Dissolution of the ego--
I know there are things difficult to behold
But that's the world you grew into,
And how will you meet it?
She wants to know

And so do you.

We lose our tempers inside her
She digests each mess for what it is
But sometimes I just think--
I'll save it for my dying day.

The choking universe holds you up to the sun
Your body dangles by its neck
Which is a thin strip of flesh

This is your reckoning day
Your blood
Will be served tonight in glasses

Try to stow this as it passes!

Then he plunged the sword and rang the bell.

The world was not cleansed

In flames of hell

It doesn't shine for me.
This is not a sun-shrine.
My billowing head, gorged with blood
Is all too real.
What should I be?
Shimmering like iridescent flowers in the springtime
Bees swarm and sew their honey

When it's warm, you spend your money.

I need not thank the sun,
But gratefully accept its line with my own
And taste the knowledge of solar cell bones.

And there you are,
Draped like a silken grace
Gossamer and green
Pining for an answer
And promising me truth.

And here I am,
Illustrating a delusion
Painting hurt into your retinas
Singing about the rain
When it's sunny.

When it's warm,
You spend your money.

What those jampacked detonators could've meant...
But time skipped ahead
They are partial duds,
My brain's anticlimax

I employ a jolt of levity,
In Zeusian style
And calamity meets calamity

Life is good again
And sweet Clarity is here
I am the little spoon,
She is holding me gingerly

It takes so much to whip me, beat me
Add a cup of sugar

And slowly pour me
Over thick slices of strawberry
That stick together.

Like promised gems
Pressed upon on your tongue
Casting their tiny incantations to each bud

They sweep away the emptiness for a moment,
They take away the pain

Harvest stars,
Crisp wafer moon
In the sky's deep wine.

My favorite One.

Where if you took a hook and pulled me out from the center,
The very tip of my heart's tongue would reach.

Why do I love?
What does it mean?

Your eyes got blended up
Mixed into the slurry
Though they float now in that guarded moat
That keeps me safe and blurry.

Lensed through yourself, the trees
Are being told they've sinned?
Escape your definition.
(you) Change the state you're in.

Or does the state control me?
Tell me what you see...
A mix with solid edges--
Were they meant to be?

Baby, be honest
You live for the living
You're not so empty
But you're always in trouble

Baby, my heart
Is a blossom of meaning
I just wanna love you
Like I want to feel loved.

Your happy sun seed fills me with gray life and terminus
How deep my darling goes, to the anchor where it stops her soul
You can be parade of motion and waving around your expressions
But right now it's a wedding that you don't want to attend.

The orange light looked sickly on the concrete, dust debris
Others might unwind here but the orange chokes Mind
Little rocks and bolts and shards of wood in radiation
Perspective crashes awkwardly on the inside of your Eyes

Copper pipes where a flippant thought breaches
The impalement scrapes the vertebrae, clicking it goes up
Feel it in the base of your skull and in your jaw

Lush green of the grass is dark at sunset
Children passing by they like the sun their clothes are neon
Pink and green, you feel like such an ugly freak
How different things are now, where that sky is coming down
You look up at the sky, paranoid and obsequious
I ripped my monkey suit.

No one understands you as the patio raises an eyebrow
The angels have their thoughts which do make sense but still you differ
Sound of tires on the gravel and you've seen enough of people
It's time ignition with no soundtrack make the pistons bring you home
Radio has sarcastic bite

So you do and slanted sunrays slice the summer air you drive in
Dusty denim crusty pleather ***** tube socks in your mouth
Takes a shower, cell phone sink table
Dripping, floral smell to wine, TV and lonely couch
To stroke it all to bed

The sound is born in the tension of a string
But what holds it tight is just a dream
And the echo tells me sweetly

I, too, must be a conduit
As dear to You as anything is
There's a deep, profound Incongruence
Between the inside and the Out

But no, I think there mustn't be
Because sometimes I feel numb.
And others, gush emotion for the
Ever-loving sun

And everything is as it should,
Unbalanced but for one
And on and on until my pretty
Chamber song is done

i chew on my heart and spit it out
it sticks to the asphalt
***** rubber spinning, leave it behind
i only want cardiac tissue
i only want my mind.

my head's in the smog
but it wants to be in the clouds
i want to make a mountain
from this low, low ground

i retreat to meditation
i sent scouts around
the animal maze
of my brain
they return with the news:
you're insane

i tear on like gritty electric moans
only they sputter, not confident
only now regaining their cool
from some mystic faraway pool
that gives birth to decayings

Mahdi struts the halls on a straight path
His Arab face snugly tucked behind his mask
He is the tech who is a strict adherent of the rules,
Aptly named
Tall and skinny

Not a favorite of the patients, largely unnoticed, works overnights
Won't always give you a snack
But he was a favorite of mine.

Mahdi walks a straight path and I think it is just ... fine!

What you do when you're alone,
Crossing the line of what is right

Spewing demon seed inside your cell
Knowing full well of its ill health
Knowing empty well that it spells hell

Wipe it away with a sock

Just **** yourself

You are past that point and I'll still paint you spring
But you don't want to know how I do it

You are running on fumes for the rest of your life
Don't know how you can afford to live past twenty five

You are a cadaver that I keep alive because I can't stomach killing what was once a child
My neotenic love, you act cute to survive
Don't look at me with those eyes

I go back in time to look for places to cut
To find my food,
But I find you were right

I can't eat something with those big brown eyes

So I guess I'll just die

At whatever age I am then

I guess I'd just die.

Seed of life, seed of death:
All the twisted people swim
With their twisted little faces
On their twisted big brains

Connected by twisting nerves.
I see happy people, worried people
Despondent people, broken people
Cool people, smelly people
Hard-working and lazy people...

None of them know why they're here.

Now I'm working at the grocery store.
I'm wondering if the 80's happened
As I pick a cabbage from the wet wall and put it in a bag
And I'm saddened by the idea that all these people have a reason to hate me
Because I know
I'm the ******* star at the center of their universe.

They are cells of my body, full and devoid of purpose
Angry when I scratch my back
Seed of life, seed of death.

They are experiences held away from nothing by a certain tension
And you can feel the tension everywhere you go
Seed of life and death.

You didn't want to understand it, but now you do, and you can't go back...

And every year seems more brazen and the Chinese side of me itches

And the American side of me itches

And the whole planet just itches with death as it crawls toward itself
And clambering over itself
And the people wear their different clothes like excuses to be alive
Like they are trying to hide their nakedness
Like they want to distract me from the great ineptitude of Spirit!

We speak languages we don't know, do you think because you'd want to?
We exist divided
Bent against each other and ***** for collision
Worse than that, we don't even exist!
And all the details are just nonsense,
Reeling, unsure of their own identities
Or maybe clothed in white linen and kept safe from desolation,
What a gay promise that turned out to be!

I start to think it was me who twisted all the people,
But I'm twisting too
And I just want to straighten everything out,
Make it all okay
And I start to get scared because there are surgeons but I'm not a surgeon.

I pick up something a customer dropped in the produce section, next to the neat piles of citrus.
OH THAT'S KIND OF YOU

Yes, hello. You are ... kind of... me.
Have we always been this way?
Is it really the same every time?
Can Jesus help us, or Mohammad, or maybe the Buddha or a fireman?

Maybe a gecko that sells car insurance?

I start to worry because I've seen videos of impoverished people, or people with bad health conditions
And I worry I'm not appreciating the status of apex predator enough
I'm not jerking off enough--
How do you glorify God?
I stop my cart to let the elderly lady pass in front of me.
The bag of potatoes I'm holding bumps into my selfish ... didn't happen.

Heading towards the grocery aisles I'm thinking about concordances of self
And how it makes sense that there are stars
And celebrities
And I wonder, am I looking at how happy I was to kiss my high school girlfriend?
Am I looking at a personified version of myself telling a good joke,
Just lensed through the cosmos?
Or am I a future celebrity
Oh, but I don't want to be
Because I'd have to be worse than Adolf ******!
No... no, I couldn't be...
But yet it exists.

We don't exist. Just listen to Glass Animals. You can tell, it's weird.
You're so arbitrary without being arbitrary at all.
You're so full of odium while also being made of pure empathy.
You're giving me looks in the aisles again. You probably just said something I was thinking for the second time that day. You always respond to my thoughts these days...
I feel like you make me look at you so you can have a reason to **** me.
Nowadays when you smile at me it feels like I hired you to.

Nowadays when a family passes me I have to feel guilty, I'm a creepy man, I can't admire them.

There is no good ending to this poem, and I doubt I'll come back and finish it. I'm not trying to be like allen ginsberg and besides

Who's really reading this **** anyway...

Across the valley
Sitting in the cafe
Listening to you speak
I felt a loose piece of flesh,
Forming a hole in my definition

I'm hearing the howl of broken airlock,
Or entropy's grating nails on my skeleton,
As the lions of your life
Crash into my eye
They come out with your words

You are not a proud person,
But the universe is proud for you
Naturally, when you get up to take the day.

You can stay on that track
If you take this step by step,
If you're very careful with yourself.

(Down to the river to pray)

Strike a clear chord in my ear,
My theory's been pulverized.
Not by any blunt force but it twists and ignites and is generally unreliable
So take my twisting fingers in the palm of your voice
When I know what you are is good
Without a single doubt.

The ****** is the edge of the universe
The action is one and the same
The same is nothing
My name is Matthew.

Element is a delusion,
But you are still more than a temporary smear,
Because you are even greater than time
You are anything, here are your pooled assets
And yet you are nothing.

It just happens to be this way
Hanging like some sort of insane puzzle,
Recognize me as a great poet
Feed my ego.

Spring tries to grow,
But the sprouts all choke on chemicals.

The sloshing gut of Mammon
Has spilled upon the world

The **** of man exudes a toxic discharge!
Now acrid sludge will swallow up the valley.

It is strewn about by falling objects,
Censers full of fatal fire.

Censers on the sacred highways.

Censers in the holy factories.

Censers toppled
By my own two hands.

Everything is leaving heaven,
Spewing poison on the way to hell.
Everything will find its death.

The Earth smears corrosion on itself--
My heart is a lysosome.

Spring tries to grow, but it chokes on love's sick residue.

Our royal lake spilled in the ocean,
Which fell into
The sky, and I am falling

I flew well-designed eyes over the glowing Earth
It felt like the mad suspense of a psychedelic trip,
Like the buildings were about to lift off into space.

(Or maybe come crashing to the ground)

I knew I was born
In a time of great change.

In my youth I wondered
If I'd ever be great.

It seemed easy enough,
But what got in my way?

I was a minor genius with major anxiety
I believe that I hold nascent wonders inside of me
Tonight. Is there anything left
Remaining of me?

What have I done? What can you see?

I swing my leg over
And get on my bike.

I ride to the bus stop
Unborn work in my eyes.

I hope that you love me
Hope when I try
To give meaning to life
That you'll find it worthwhile.

And where are you now? You dimension in time!
Along the same thread of the Nothing Divine
In any direction just distance will find
Us romancing again, revolution no. 9

Suffocation suicide
Buffet, station, carry
Love meant suffocation
Love meant suicide

Reaching through the misery
An acid sludge
For a piece of psychological jewelry
Love and physics,
Love and science.

But rejoice, life is cheap!
It fell into your hands.
Marvel at the way it moves
Or move to be the marvel.

the last hit lingers

at night i wonder about wandering constellations
how they move so slowly about the sky
and how it feels when they make love

i'm underneath it all,
above it all,
and she's on top of me
and we're rolling around
in this holy bed
and it feels amazing

out here,
under the stars

and the last hit resonates on my mind,
'cause she was so sweet
but i just didn't have the time.

I want
Scientific precision
And
Poetic flare
But
I've sunken deep
Into my wares

All the times we shared
Were trite
And cheap
Now the ashes of
Good memories
Slide from my hands
And onto the ground

Hardly was their purpose found.

All the trips to parks
And drives at night
Lost in time
All vain, and trite

I thought I had my reason down

Now logic fails me
I'm a clown

This wasted time is no device--
For as I live this life of dice
The meaning's in the guts to roll

I never did.

It took its toll

I seen you around yeah...
Flicking round those plastic cards
Fiddling around with instruments
Romanticizing reproduction, and
Burning gas
To go fast
In your a u t o m o b i l e .

I never really was too impressed.
I've found better company in clouds,
And dogs,
In leaves of grass

In birds
And turds
And wilderness

In trails,
Off trails,
Way out of town

...Somewhere where you're not around.

//

Pt. 2

You seem to look at me and shrug,
So why should I not do the same?
We've had such awful things to say.
And love, it seems just trite,
And fake.

Roots drink from the winding Snake,
And roots drink from the lazy Delaware

You are the smooth petioles that anchor me
I'm coarse beneath, sort of glossy
On top.

Fall in love
the Yellow breeze
Sunsets don't
Encumber me
Don't you see where
this is going?
Don't you want
To anchor me?

Clay builds up on riverbanks,
Packed around the roots of trees.
Fire's going down the river,
Set a fire
Inside me.

Faster than the Winding Snake,
Fire's going down the river
Down the river inside me.

You are fire, wind and clay
Send your river through my veins.

I wear the wind like a necklace
And bow to the storm as I watch the river run.
The world is falling, brown and green
Orange gold, and red

You are higher
Than the Sun
Work is done, and we are strong

When I die I'll turn to clay,
According to my dream.

Fire down the cold gray river,
Where does all that water go?
Deltas lease them to the sea
Nature studied, let it go

Carry water, sons and daughters
Tend to all your dying leaves
Send your fire down the river
Give the Earth its last reprieve

I follow her underneath,
Passing by sad ports to citadels of death
I watch Businessmen exhale black smoke from their wretched tracheae
Of course I'll follow her underneath too
Where love is an alien thing that verily withers.

I mix blood and venom in my brain,
A way to steady myself against the immutable tide

Her gardens explode in the sunlight
Her planes fall from the sky
Her organs fail and her words decompose

Underneath it all,
Where Gwen Stefani wonders if you really love me.

Something leaves me and I grow anxious,
It's not me who follows her out there
But my body bleeding on her doorstep
Arrived just in time for a silent bullet from behind...

But the shooter could be the end of the most intricate Rube Goldberg machine--
Just a knock on the door.

Why did she change her mind?
What has she gone to find

My head aches.

It's been two stiff years
Since they dragged me through the dungeon.
I've had a hard time feeling the right emotions,
It's tedious work.

Like an old school phone operator,
I'm somewhere inside connecting wires
Sometimes the signal cuts
Sometimes I think I don't get paid enough--
The whole ordeal is really a cruel and mundane thing.

I'm left in my booth drawing cosmic doodles in the margins of my papers.

I was thinking about offing myself.

I mean, I've been thinking about quitting my job.
I brawled with demons like a man,
But one fought its way into my breath
Now I'm feeble again and my body is paralyzed with doubt.

I think I'll work something out,
It'll be something good

But tonight it's temple massage dramatic sighs,
Heavy like their drunken eyes.

Here is where I cringe in the cradle,
Here are all the creatures fornicating on my back,
Black figurines working black to black
In this vignette I pray for a sudden urge to stay
To steady a vessel
Towards better days

The midnight shoreline makes a ****** edge in my mind
That black world of fornication is my clothing,
My nothing,
To her I am a black figurine
I spin stories in the night
Dark magic sparks from my fingers
Still alive with youth and vigor

I stare into the wall
Solid, banal
And I hope I get bored of it
Soon

Well, my worries just dissolved for a moment,
Because you find so much happiness in the grass
And we chased each other around
With pieces of plants

We're wild fairies buzzing through the garden

It's hard to manage two rivers at once
So we just make a big splash in the bath

Up, out, and over the mountains we'll go
Away from the city and into a strange world
Where the wild tangles shift and turn
And we bow to them and walk through like two kittens

But break all the sticks and play in the mud
Because I believe you're a steward, if there ever was one
Oh, I could lick your teeth a thousand times in an hour

If only I fell in your eyes when you smiled

I'm not surprised
It's my disguise
Tear at my eyes
My fate is light
I'm not your mother
And I ain't your daddy neither
Might be your brother
Am I my brother's keeper?

You're a devil
Late when you fall
You're an angel
You done it all

You're a devil
Late when you fall
You're an angel
You done it all

What if I died?
I'd be alright
We all survive
This structure fine
Swaddle my babies
Teach them to drive a stickshift
Don't vaccinate me
I think I'm viraddicted

You're a devil
Late when you fall
You're an angel
You done it all

You're a devil
Late when you fall
You're an angel
You done it all

When we disagree
It's polite to cover up
Thresholds break
It's time to **** em up
You can't save me, you can't save me
I was forced to be a person with these properties forever

You're a devil
Late when you fall
You're an angel
You done it all

You're a devil
Late when you fall
You're an angel
You done it all

You're a devil
Late when you fall
You're an angel
You done it all

You're a devil
Late when you fall
You're an angel
You done it all,

Forgive

The depth of your ineptitude--
Uncalloused skin is a lie.
The world is my callous,
And i am not so sensitive.

I know death like the back of my hand
For every disgusting swine that said i'm not cultured enough
I haven't read enough books
I haven't listened to enough of Gabriel's pointless rambling--
I know death like the back of my hand

And i am the master of this universe,
Not you,
Though you may be some high, or re-processed version of myself
You cannot be anything except me
Because i am everything

And if i have made you my *****
I have made myself my *****,
So *******.

I am the best poet here,
Though you may disagree,
I am also the only audience,
Though this may appear strange to me!

Karen will not be allowed
To speak to a manager
Because
She is not even real
A ***** in the Wind

Oh, I...
I can't pretend I understand you
I run out of breath just thinking about
How far I let you slip, you slip
Away from me, well
Anything could happen.

I fall in love so dizzy
I break my heart for everyone to see
All the little pieces
See all these little pieces?

So if you dog-eared different pages

If you

Hold them in your hands,
While they don't burn
Admit it then, you love me
Oh, will we ever learn?

I can't sink down into safety
Deep inside my bones
Lay them in a pile on the floor,
But I have to pick them up
Learn to be a bones virtuoso
Inject the muscles with blood,
And stir the music up.

Restart my brain, let it bleed the right way
I'm unraveling fate from the palette of myself
But to sit in stagnant color,
I have learned that is a waste.
It is not safe,
Though I languidly love the taste.

Pull up on the throttle
Pull up!
I feel my belly racking the forest
Terrible noises emit from behind
And once again
The wings and physics and might buy my escape
From the terrible tragedy
Of another mental collapse.

Animal universe, animal me
Why did you cling to the hard truth of entropy?
Was it a wandering molecule that dreamed up a dooméd yoni,
Like the governments that failed us,
Like the science that failed us,
Like the maternal love that failed us?
But all of these things did so much, just for a moment.

I'll always love your memory, but it won't always be clear to me.

There were things we learned, things we said and did. Things that made us laugh and cry and shook us to our cores. These were all torn from us, but we knew they would be. We faced death as we were, and is it was.

Because all that matters to an animal is not all that there can be. Economy, was it all just economy?

No, it couldn't be. Emotion, what are you? The trap of victory.

The most sincere celebration brings one to tears. That's when the world percusses the raw heart like a tribal drum.

The magnificent human at the end of her universe.

i can't deny
the truth

i must drive the truth forward.

Drugs are the reason we exist.
Drape another ring around,
And wear out all my clothes.

What do they grow around,
Rings? And they will be forgotten.
And so drugs are the reason we exist,
Selfish.

//

I am ready for the next year
I'll wear the outfit well
And act in such a way
That we'll believe we're not in hell
And do I look ridiculous
Exposed on every side?
It's something I can fix, and it is
Nothing I can hide.

But every fix has consequences.
All of us will die.
With one way to fix consciousness
And never tell a lie.

When it tucked me into bed
Was there a knife behind its back?
Warm the blanket, weft and warp
The muffled screams of burning souls.

Processed glory, tried and true
Sewing sickness into you
To comfort you, o child
In that place to comfort you.

Hide me from the horizon--
Its open skies
Burn my skin

And i don't want to look
At the end of the book
When i've yet to really begin

But the book was already written
Its plot was already played
So why am I so nervous,
If I already have it made?

Because I know a world of roses.

What's on the other side?

If there is a horizon,
I guess i'll have to hide.

A problem
Is just as funny
As a joke.

"I hacked your brain,"
It said
But you will never prove it happened.

We are running on your circuit
And I live to take advantage.

You're the one who's always true
We should give our lives to you
But I saw it
Running rampant
And I built a little mill there

From the mill we made our millions
And I will admit I mocked you
In the final execution
But this is just your crazy poem.

Nothing you see is not yourself!
And your eyes pulled them up in the shape that they would

When the sting of another enters the room
A threat on your wife, or on your property

So you cannot be the stellar musician but you'd rather listen
So, always pine after what's never given

So I scream to God YOU LET THEM PRACTICE BUT NOT ME!! YOU CULTIVATED THEIR EFFORTS BUT NOT MINE!!
And Dad answers back that it's my choice...

And from the quantum foam between these two notions springs Gabriel, singing
"You are a circle, you will always be complete"

I cannot calm my frothing blood
We operate on the tension that rends and renders me
Disa bowed briefly saying
You don't read, you write

You are all my ideas
And I want the blame
I want the credit
YES HONEY I WANT EVERYTHING
THESE ARE ANGRY WORDS BUT I WANT TO BE CALM
I AM CALM RIGHT NOW
I WANT PEACE
I WANT TO BE SATIS
I WANT EVERYTHING
I LOVE YOU

nevermind I'm just gonna chill

No,
You're not the one whose hair escaped you
From the chemo treatments
Roving for potable water
Or on a diet of only rice for three years

No,
You're not the one who is just about leaving
Sitting in prison for crimes the universe made you do
Or the one beat half to death by a troupe of enraged hominids

But don't you think it's sad you have to do that?
Like Jesus Christ
Bent to yourself
Like Mohammad Blessed Be His Name
Forced to prophecy what kills you
Like the Buddha
With your ***** desires
Accessing higher dimensions fully aware of your ineptitude?

Sitting in a mansion crying
Covered in peanut butter,
Crying to the moon
You are almost the same size as the sun in the sky
What the hell is that supposed to mean?

You definitely hit the nail on the head
But wasn't it into your own?

Was it the best thing or the worst
And never having a metric to judge it against?

Don't you think

Don't you think

But don't you think it's sad you had to do that?

inside feels like a wild howl
something i cannot really swallow
nor rattle the air
with enough depth nor gravity

muscles seek the configuration
no, they hang loose and wallow
and why don't they dare?
apathy turns my days
wan, sickly shades

when i face myself with the joy of life
when the configuration is found
i feel i have opened the gate of heaven
i am surprised to find
i can sing a beautiful song!

yet
my sob, the deepest well, so't feels
inside my throat, when i cried in jail
her naked, cheating body, steel
when three years have not cooled these tears

american ways of feeling pain
i'll never feel that way again
it's only a life sentence, and
i only love her once.

I see the myriads rise and meet destruction,
With two glass ***** I watch them glow and burst.

Like veins that grew and struck at nothing,
They choke and seize the tenuous sky.

My eyes do sip the harrowed splendor,
Which meets its end in total blindness--
The certainty of self.

They contain a substitution
Hooked up to their backwards cousin--
Across their surface
Swims admission.

Selfish, selfish.
Coming, coming.

Angels howling through the cosmos
Tore my flesh to shreds,
In time

I could never be this person.

That is why I have to die.

Selfish, selfish.
Coming, coming.

Thank you for that pretty warning--
Even that, a purchase for me
I will have to answer for it
Cancer, this equivocation.

///

I am like a cat, or virus
Curl up, cringe into a gyrus
One day I'll have nothing left
But I
Am many
Other things.