No, I will not accept
That I made some mistake
You contrived ******* wraith of the universe
Looking to usurp any chance you get.

No, I will not accept
That I am deserving of stigma
Your hellish spikes
Always trying to pierce my hide.

No, I will not accept
A world that foists blame upon me,
The one who toils in suffering to find
The death of infinity lies with him alone.

No, I will not accept.
Is this what I get?
Is this what can be afforded?

No, I will not accept.
For everything I must have gone through,
This is what I get?

You're shorting me
I see your glory
Always so far out of reach

You're shorting me
Of course I'd be
Right at home with jealousy

I want to see what we can be
If I'm alone
Just forking show me.

Just show me
Just show me
SHOW ME WHAT WE CAN BE!

I can never wash my hands of this,
As sure as the empty firmaments in the sky,
Like rings of fire
Staring at each other knowing we are each other's deaths,
Our deepest identities.

We negate each other's purpose
Now in need of gates in heaven
And I'm a predator in heaven
I guess you're just a helpless Lamb.

We kiss too passionately,
Lifting up our *** as a bleeding trophy.

Now the clouds are pierced with a chemical fire
Sights you'd never want to see
It was the PB&J sandwich of five years old
Coming back, the action turning inside out,
Digestion coming back now from the sky.

The caustic gases singe your nostrils
And you receive an unnatural sensation
Now your nerves are all spiky and everything seems long, and reeling

We have brought this on ourselves
And everything that you called help
Takes a cruel turn when you realize you're actually alone

You start to slough attachment
Oh, I wish I could help you with this...
When you're crushed into the center of your head...
But no one else is there when it happens
No hand to hold, you have to
Do it
Alone

Ya, the taste of ice cream on his lips
Ya, garlic mustard growing on the ridge
Ya, the good ideas on the fretboard
Ya, I hone the sound of thunder in my hand

Ya, Philadelphia
Ya, Rapunzel let down her hair
Ya, Dipper Riley Marko and Tucker
Ya, Texas

Ya, Pokémon
Ya, al kahul
Ya, Fall Out Boy
Ya, skinny jeans
Ya, asymmetrical hairdo

Ya, Kitty
Ya, Rock and Roll
Ya, the nature preserve
Ya, The Way She Moves

Ya, Mayday Parade
Ya, the Philadelphia Orchestra
Ya, Music Theory Classes
Ya, backpacking by yourself

Ya, Family
Ya, the Museum of Modern Art
Ya, Mount Hoback
Ya, Cimarron NM

Ya, The Wonder Years
Ya, Allen Ginsberg
Ya, The Moon
Ya, the Wissahickon Green Ribbon Trail

Ya, the mansion
Ya, Devil's Pool
Ya, Bloomsburg
Ya, Danville

Ya, Kangaroo
Ya, girlfriend
Ya, Australian licorice

Ya, Gameboy color
Ya, AOL Instant Messenger
Ya, The Killers
Ya, Santa Claus

Ya, Chipotle
Ya,

Seed of life, seed of death:
All the twisted people swim
With their twisted little faces
On their twisted big brains

Connected by twisting nerves.
I see happy people, worried people
Despondent people, broken people
Cool people, smelly people
Hard-working and lazy people...

None of them know why they're here.

Now I'm working at the grocery store.
I'm wondering if the 80's happened
As I pick a cabbage from the wet wall and put it in a bag
And I'm saddened by the idea that all these people have a reason to hate me
Because I know
I'm the ******* star at the center of their universe.

They are cells of my body, full and devoid of purpose
Angry when I scratch my back
Seed of life, seed of death.

They are experiences held away from nothing by a certain tension
And you can feel the tension everywhere you go
Seed of life and death.

You didn't want to understand it, but now you do, and you can't go back...

And every year seems more brazen and the Chinese side of me itches

And the American side of me itches

And the whole planet just itches with death as it crawls toward itself
And clambering over itself
And the people wear their different clothes like excuses to be alive
Like they are trying to hide their nakedness
Like they want to distract me from the great ineptitude of Spirit!

We speak languages we don't know, do you think because you'd want to?
We exist divided
Bent against each other and ***** for collision
Worse than that, we don't even exist!
And all the details are just nonsense,
Reeling, unsure of their own identities
Or maybe clothed in white linen and kept safe from desolation,
What a gay promise that turned out to be!

I start to think it was me who twisted all the people,
But I'm twisting too
And I just want to straighten everything out,
Make it all okay
And I start to get scared because there are surgeons but I'm not a surgeon.

I pick up something a customer dropped in the produce section, next to the neat piles of citrus.
OH THAT'S KIND OF YOU

Yes, hello. You are ... kind of... me.
Have we always been this way?
Is it really the same every time?
Can Jesus help us, or Mohammad, or maybe the Buddha or a fireman?

Maybe a gecko that sells car insurance?

I start to worry because I've seen videos of impoverished people, or people with bad health conditions
And I worry I'm not appreciating the status of apex predator enough
I'm not jerking off enough--
How do you glorify God?
I stop my cart to let the elderly lady pass in front of me.
The bag of potatoes I'm holding bumps into my selfish ... didn't happen.

Heading towards the grocery aisles I'm thinking about concordances of self
And how it makes sense that there are stars
And celebrities
And I wonder, am I looking at how happy I was to kiss my high school girlfriend?
Am I looking at a personified version of myself telling a good joke,
Just lensed through the cosmos?
Or am I a future celebrity
Oh, but I don't want to be
Because I'd have to be worse than Adolf ******!
No... no, I couldn't be...
But yet it exists.

We don't exist. Just listen to Glass Animals. You can tell, it's weird.
You're so arbitrary without being arbitrary at all.
You're so full of odium while also being made of pure empathy.
You're giving me looks in the aisles again. You probably just said something I was thinking for the second time that day. You always respond to my thoughts these days...
I feel like you make me look at you so you can have a reason to **** me.
Nowadays when you smile at me it feels like I hired you to.

Nowadays when a family passes me I have to feel guilty, I'm a creepy man, I can't admire them.

There is no good ending to this poem, and I doubt I'll come back and finish it. I'm not trying to be like allen ginsberg and besides

Who's really reading this **** anyway...

We

Have changed.

I'm reeling with discomfort
The nauseous passenger of an insane God
But I should thank discomfort
Because I knew he'd turn into sheer pain
Those sensations of dying,
The soul rot.

I am holding my brains in with one hand everywhere I go,
But it gets worse than this and everybody knows.
As I precariously shop for my destiny,
I know I precipitated sacred texts
I crystallized demons
When I formed a self
And they will not go away.

But you will not acknowledge these things
You'd hospitalized me
You'd stigmatize me
Your Haj of death
Your happy pain
Your cult of hell

You've penetrated me before
You'll do it again
It is sick, the way we have to operate

What you do when you're alone,
Crossing the line of what is right

Spewing demon seed inside your cell
Knowing full well of its ill health
Knowing empty well that it spells hell

Wipe it away with a sock

Just **** yourself

You are past that point and I'll still paint you spring
But you don't want to know how I do it

You are running on fumes for the rest of your life
Don't know how you can afford to live past twenty five

You are a cadaver that I keep alive because I can't stomach killing what was once a child
My neotenic love, you act cute to survive
Don't look at me with those eyes

I go back in time to look for places to cut
To find my food,
But I find you were right

I can't eat something with those big brown eyes

So I guess I'll just die

At whatever age I am then

I guess I'd just die.

Nothing you see is not yourself!
And your eyes pulled them up in the shape that they would

When the sting of another enters the room
A threat on your wife, or on your property

So you cannot be the stellar musician but you'd rather listen
So, always pine after what's never given

So I scream to God YOU LET THEM PRACTICE BUT NOT ME!! YOU CULTIVATED THEIR EFFORTS BUT NOT MINE!!
And Dad answers back that it's my choice...

And from the quantum foam between these two notions springs Gabriel, singing
"You are a circle, you will always be complete"

I cannot calm my frothing blood
We operate on the tension that rends and renders me
Disa bowed briefly saying
You don't read, you write

You are all my ideas
And I want the blame
I want the credit
YES HONEY I WANT EVERYTHING
THESE ARE ANGRY WORDS BUT I WANT TO BE CALM
I AM CALM RIGHT NOW
I WANT PEACE
I WANT TO BE SATIS
I WANT EVERYTHING
I LOVE YOU

nevermind I'm just gonna chill