I can try to fall in love
With your secret abuse
If it's just a few bruises
Just a few dead dreams
We can rework it all and get on top

Where we can cover up the truth
Hold them under water
While we fake the chance to save someone
And play our little hero game

We will never fall
Because it's once and for all
And the dregs are simply obligations
To break the ties of desolation

You automaton,
You necessitation.

You empty hole,
You faceless demon.

With each pang of awareness i feel it ending
But what pervades eternity can never end
And so my awareness is nothing

With exact replicas in every direction,
But we just haven't completed the circuit yet
I am nothing

I can feel it ending
Consolidating
Black holes colliding in my brain.

These colliding elements
Their definition escapes me
There is no way to hold it down long enough
To really talk about it
Without missing so much

But you're getting it with every swing
Fully in and fully out
But you don't feel like you are
Until you do

This is a strange process
I have heard people describe it keenly
But I see So many recursive elements

Aren't there parts you can talk about exactly,
Undeniable truths?

And I'm the only one
I'm not special

And this is too much

Don't you like me?

Can't i be great like them?

Develop the simplex
And let trinity multiply

And deep within begin your life
In the warm bath of the yoni

I know a complex world
You told me two different stories--
One nested inside the other.

The purity of the mother
Taking in mockery
Which is just another color.

You are the ocean's part,
Leviathan.

The chaos starts to sing
Robins merge with car horns
All tied to my wrist

I clock in and walk into the electrical room.

I'm wiring up the cars and people of Hatfield
Which I am about to drive through
I'm wiring up the clouds and plants and the sun


I shoot the distant past out of my heart like a cannon and I know it happened but I'll never be there

I can't avoid what I must have done in the future.

But that sounds like someone making excuses

A dead squirrel
Pressed into the street by someone else
Reminds me I crave ablution
The small teeth of all my contrived sin
Abrasive to my mind

But that's the only way we feel anything
Is with pressure
And pride tells us that's good
And the warmth of the shower

But the element of fault works cracks into my mind
My body
And I haven't willed myself not to strike back when bitten
I should just let your teeth sink in!
Because I need to eat without a kicking prey

And i know Jesus never lived this way

"Tonight I'll lie awake
Feeling empty."

Cruelty is my guardian angel
Even if the worst of my suffering
Was set from the innocent start
You don't care
Or what was given couldn't stop it caving in

And you watched and delighted in my misery
Having decided I deserve it
Having crafted a story that I crafted my own demise
But no one would ever choose this fate
The fate that is already written for me

You argue
You say I can't prove it's that way
But it is, you know it
You know you're wrong
You will break
We will fall.

You are the type to watch me fall
Without the pain in your stomach
Like I feel
Without a care for the perpetrators
Who did not choose their destiny
You are a false hero
And victory is only apparent
Never full

I can accept the dark side of us
You think we won
We never win
Not really

The sin of having a child--

You are the wound
By which they were burned into the world
Burning into themselves
You have to find a way to absolve yourself

There, set yourself above me!
Cut out my tongue and stitch up my lips
Because everything you gave me, oh! I was so ungrateful.
"Just shut up, you insolent brat!"
You don't know what I went through to give that to you!
You don't know what you had,
You are too weak and small to understand!

You're right, you are so inherently good and pure
I should just accept it was what I did with the gift you gave me
I, the recipient of the positive power of choice
Which is not a debate!
I should accept that I have made mistakes!

It was what I did with that gift that was abhorrent
Now, you may have made some mistakes as well...
But I should understand, they were not nearly so severe
As the infractions committed by my selfish heart!

After all, I hold on to the past,
And you, as you say, you just move on.

So i should understand.

You pretend to be above me.
But this universe just trades places.
One day you will get over yourself
And I don't know if that counts as understanding
But I don't care.

And I don't care if you think I'm a leaf arguing with the trunk of its own tree
It makes sense that I would
Self hatred makes sense
Our hemispheres argue until they resolve
And may the pride you have destroy itself
And I know it will and right now that makes me laugh

Because I experience pride but it comes and goes
I don't hold on to things like you.