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Someone Oct 2014
I don't know what's going on anymore.
I don't know how to feel.
Am I allowed to feel?
(I don't know that either)
Life's full of 'I don't knows' right now.
I'm a shell.
I've been floating around-but I'm not here.
Not really
I'm just a ghost-
Travelling endlessly
The shift to this strange kind of existence was not an evident one.
One day things were fine,
(Things were never fine)
And then this shift-this shift that changed everything.
This is a lonely kind of existence- having no one.
A dangerous existence.
Maybe I should blame myself-
(It is my fault, right?)
So many questions-
So few answers.
But why does it matter?
I have no one else to hurt.
(But everyone hurts me)
Am I playing the victim?
I just turned the page in my journal.
(I hate turning pages)
That speaks volumes.
I look in the mirror and I can tell that I'm dead.
(Can the others tell?)
I want people to love me-
I want someone to care-
But it's frightening.
I need someone to help me.
(Will you help me?)
I sit in class and I can't feel anything.
I feel everything and nothing at once.
(I sit in class and burst into tears)
To anyone who wants to enter my life:
I'm sorry.
(I'm sorry, but I need you)
Maybe this is clockwork..
(But not clockwise- dear God don't let this be clockwise)
I'm too loud.
I'm too quiet.
I'm not good enough.
(Life is blindness)
I have no family.
(Anna-come back-I need you)
((I need someone, anyone?))
My life is full of 'I don't knows' and 'Maybe's' right now.
I just turned the page again...
I'm writing too big.
I'm not making sense.
I turned the page.
Maybe I should stop writing.
Maybe I should sleep
Maybe I should end th-
Someone Apr 2014
An overflow of color
A soft, light blanket over us
Someday, when we drift off
We will become
That overflow of color
Someone Mar 2014
I want to yell at you for leaving me
I want to call you every name in the book
I want to slam the door in your face so you know how it feels
I want to make you realize that you were wrong
I want you to know how much pain I went through when you left
And how much I’m still going through
I want you to see how you leaving affected me
It’s been awhile
But the pain hasn't stopped
Neither have the tears
While I’m lying awake at night
Restless from the recurring nightmares
This is what I think about
Every single day is a struggle
Dad
I’m tired of feeling like I’ll never amount to anything
I’m tired of living every day in fear
And feeling worthless
I know I’m wrong for talking to you
And I know I’m wrong for caring about you
Despite all of this
I know I will keep putting myself through all this
Pain
And
Guilt
I will stay
*But only because I love you
Someone Mar 2014
Where has the music gone? I don’t know.
We've lost our Lithium, especially our Spirit.  
Even Little Miss Strange has left our presence.
Where has the music gone? Could we possibly have some In Bloom?
Where has the music gone? It’s so hard to Imagine that she’s just disappeared.
It’s all just been a huge confusing Purple Haze since she’s left.
Where has the music gone? I think it’s becoming clearer.
So we light our candles and press on... For them, we press on.
Where has the music gone? She’s still here, she never left.
She just needs some new motivation.
Be the reason, make art.
No perfection, just feeling.
All Along The Watch Tower, the music is hidden.
Trapped in a Heart Shaped Box, waiting for release.
With A Little Help From My Friends, music will be a Blackbird to the World.
We just need to Come Together, and Breed passion.
Where has the music gone?
She’s right here.
This is about musicians gone before their time. I've incorporated song titles in my words. Enjoy.
Someone Mar 2014
All good things have gone,
And I wonder;
What do I have to live for anymore?
The love is gone,
The music is gone,
The light...
It's gone.
What do I have to live for?
I don't see any of these things ever coming back to me.
I don't even miss them.
Which scares me.
Never had any family,
Never had anyone to care about me.
I hate this town,
I hate this car,
The quiet.. is so violent.
Someone
Anyone
Help me?
Please?
What do I have to live for?
I don't know.
Help
Me
Find
A
Reason
Please.
Someone Feb 2014
Why?
One simple question
That can never be answered
Why?
All I want
All I've *ever
wanted
Was an explanation
Why don't you love me?
Why do you treat me this way?
Why?
Am I even capable of love?
I must not be
This is the only explanation I can come up with as to why
You scream at me
Why
When you see my tears
You laugh
Why?
Why can't I be loved?
Should I just give up?
Why
Why
**...Why...
Someone Feb 2014
This is not the story of the sun and moon. I am selfish and afraid of getting hurt. I will trace your veins and swim in the galaxies of your heart, but will never be able to stay with you.
2. My head is always preoccupied with the thought “Will I still get into Heaven if I **** myself?” I neglect to believe in Heaven, or Hell. Yet, I’m always wondering if a special pardon will be made.
3. I will leave you. Either because of death, or self-loathing; you will be left.
4. I become too infatuated with the fictional characters that live inside my books. I will finish a book, then curl into a ball and cry; a piece of me now torn and lost forever.
5. I will want to do nothing more than lay in bed with you and listen to my old records. To explore your mind, to explore your body. I will want all of you.
6. I will love you too deeply. The love would be like drowning in a black body of water. It will be heart-stopping. Crushing. More passionate than a fire set to burn down an entire village.
7. My mental illness will scare you away. You must be able to hold me while I am breaking. You must be able to control me while I’m angry. You must be able to stop me from jumping off of that balcony right above you, and I don’t think you can do that.
8. You must be prepared to spend days at a time in my bed, in the most innocent of ways. You must be able to just be with me. No talking, just being.
9. I oh, so desperately want to please you. You will get too attached.
10. Lastly, I am a broken individual. You can’t fix me. I need you to help me. I need you to be there for me. When I’m sobbing, I need you. When I think of my sister, I need you. When I get kicked out, I need you. I need you. I need you always.
                                And you simply can’t handle it.
I know this isn't my best, but I had to get it out there.
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