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Sep 2017 · 237
God of My Sins
Nathan Sep 2017
I am a simple mind.
Striving to survive.

My own intentions.

I'm not one of a kind.
Just the only one alive.

I've no dimension.

Some say that I am blind.
But somehow I survive.

Inside reflection.

Once upon a time.
My body was alive.

But now it seems to be just an extension
of my will and a prevention of my own
perverse pretension.

And all I ever wanted was direction.
Sep 2017 · 398
This Moment is Eternal
Nathan Sep 2017
These tragedies that we've called love
Are now anything but

Now that these winding, painful paths have crossed
We've been led into each other

And now it is you

It is your eyes I see when I close mine
It is your voice I hear when the cacophony of the world dies down
It is your skin I feel pressed on mine
In the darkness of the night

Yours is the absence I feel now
Exquisitely and reverentially
For the end of this absence
Your absence
Brings your embrace
Brings your lips to mine

If only for a moment

This moment is...
This moment is eternal
Sep 2017 · 237
Ruinous
Nathan Sep 2017
Relegated to a realm of torture.
Destined for automated descent.
Initiated into the rights of torment.
Loneliness is inborn.
Congenital corrosion of cathartic dreams.

Forever fatal is...
Forever fatal is...

Ruinous.

Led to the shores of cognitive dissonance.
Decaying notes of common dissent.
Pulsing cacophony with desolate resonance.
Strumming the strings of this malcontent.

Forever fatal is...
Forever fatal is...

Ruinous.
Sep 2017 · 7.9k
Beautiful
Nathan Sep 2017
You're a dream
That crawled into my bed
And never came true

You're a laugh
          About to burst into tears

What you are
          Is vague
                And beautiful
Sep 2017 · 314
Searching for a Metaphor
Nathan Sep 2017
I've been searching for a metaphor
in your eyes
that does not reside there

Searching for the words
to express the beauty of your being
in a language not yet invented

You are the metaphor
You are the language

I've written poems
in your meter and rhythm
on the small cracks in my heart

No form
no structure
does justice

You are free of form
so I write to you in the freedom that you are
the freedom that you've given

There are things we cannot see
nor say
But in you, they are seen
In you, they are said

You are the direction faced when I pray
The prayer and what is prayed for

The question
and the answer

Pouring over every word
Searching for perfection
I've come to realize

I've been searching for a metaphor
In your eyes
The existence of which cannot be seen
In such a small and subtle beauty

You are the metaphor
It is in everything you are

You are the poetry
I've always wished to write.
Sep 2017 · 260
Seeing Truth
Nathan Sep 2017
My ego swells
As time fortells
My every last contrivance.
So self-aware
My inner stare
It lends to me a silence.

Oh, what a toll
To feel my soul
Scrape against the hollow.
And so alone
With piercing tone
With no god left to follow.

As moral sense
Constructs a fence
That soon becomes a wall.
To keep away
The social fray
And bring growth to a stall.

We need the fight
To bring to light
The darkness of our hearts.
To fill the hole
Left in our soul
When we let myth depart.

We don't evolve
When left to solve
A fiction erred as fact.
A book of lies
To close our eyes
As common sense is sacked.

The demon priest
Not yet deceased
Still holds most in his grasp.
But he shall see.
There's no more need
For clinging to the past.

We shall rise against your lies.

We shall open up our eyes.

And see the truth.
Aug 2017 · 483
Handful of Flower Petals
Nathan Aug 2017
Handfull of flower petals
Bloodstains and twisted metal
Force-fed inebriation
Bright lights, strange floatation

Wanted more      No more now
Wanted more      No more now

Thoughtless rain falls unending
Thoughtless pain, no pretending
Present tense, future hollow
Here today, lost tomorrow

No more now       No more now
No more now       No more now

Run free and I'll protect you
I swear I won't neglect you
Run now. They may select you
Run now, they may dissect you

Run from this place of horrors
Labyrynthine corridors
Creatures of four and four
Step through each and every door

Know more now   No more now
Know more now   No more now

Far from the place of colors
Far from sisters and brothers

Handfull of flower petals
Bouquet of when we settled
First and last day together
Taken away forever

Know more now...
Aug 2017 · 124
Chemical Circus
Nathan Aug 2017
Ashtray full of ill at ease
Sugar highs and nicotine
Caffeine frantic
******* scene
Adrenaline and dopamine
Depleted of the best of me



More and more and more is sure
To bring us back to where we were
Keep the word flow
Fast and slow


Please don't, please don't, please don't go
Let's sing and dance, this circus show
Aug 2017 · 159
Half Asleep
Nathan Aug 2017
Sick and tired lazy eye.
Cold and breezy morning.
Nothing left to smoke at all.
And no check for a few more hours.

I'm trying very hard today.
To be as honest as ever.
I feel the strange and bitter wind.
It feels a little better than before.

Nearly cried a couple times.
Watching stupid flicks.
Self-induced insomnia.
****** with no plants of my own.

Please go to sleep so I can rob you.
I'd hate to ask again.
And there's an imposition downstairs.
So I can't rob him.

I'll make a bit of coffee.
I'll have to wash a mug.
Because you neglected your responsibility.
Once again.

And I have no end nor patience.
Nathan Aug 2017
I love this new cold autumn breeze
Falling rain and changing leaves
Everything this season means
I love this new cold autumn breeze

I feel the free and flowing fall
Surround me in the chilly wind
Winding all around my mind
I feel the free and flowing fall


I need the change of mood this brings
The sullen, somber sadness sings
A stranger sort of peace it brings
The sullen, somber sadness sings

The grey of winter soon to be
A darker season soon to be
But autumn is here, it's here for me
Until the winter comes for me

The summers past
With all its sun
And finally my autumn has come
my autumn is here, it's here for me
Until the winter comes for me
Aug 2017 · 150
Ghosts
Nathan Aug 2017
Ghost from the past
Your drunken stumbling
Has brought back everything
So long forgotten


Now you loom over me
In dreams and memories
With every moment dragging by
I see your face

How did you pass
Through all these walls
That reach so endlessly
Into the sky?

You seem to always come
To chase away the sun
An apparition
Forever lurking

So gloomy now
As I speak your name
Ghastly thoughts of indecision's reign

Why have you come to haunt me?
After all this time
When I had it all securely locked away
And now it all comes crashing down to sway
Emotionless and apathetic days
Coaxing out the feelings and the pain


I could find peace of mind inside your eyes
If you would let me
And I will wait forever if you make me.
Aug 2017 · 143
Bystander
Nathan Aug 2017
You'll never say you knew me
My weak and weary will
My heartbroken sentiments
My skill at standing still

Never swept away
but in the flow
It moves around me
I'm witness to the world
But distanced from the shores

You'll never know what threw me
Into these miserable inspirations
Dark and desperate leanings
My long lost lonely life
Aug 2017 · 108
So Far
Nathan Aug 2017
So far from where I'm going
So far, so good is empty
You've no idea what's coming
You see no farther now
Look forward foolish friend

Think deeper

Your impulsivity lends you no grace
Think outside the moment
Contrary to your ways
Whatever they may say

It isn't worth it

You're speech is far beneath you
Silence is a virtue
Something divine
To behold
Embrace and harness
So use it well
Aug 2017 · 95
State of Being
Nathan Aug 2017
Foregoing clarity in this unrelenting nightmare
the dreary eyes of the unwitting and reluctant sycophant
gaze distantly into oblivion.

Discarded words and philosophies fill bags
that are carried wearily through
the heavy fog of self-importance.

Breathing in the distance between an empty conversation
and a pointless diatribe within one's own mind
bitters the soul and darkens the eyes.

Living in this distance is a world
of troubles and fears that now numb the senses
and callous the heart.
Aug 2017 · 119
Hollow
Nathan Aug 2017
there is a line to draw
between where the fun ends
and the hollow begins.

between reaching in and reaching out. reaching up
and reaching bottom.

I do not wade into shallow waters.
  I dive into the sea.
Jun 2017 · 264
Long Lost Lonely Soul
Nathan Jun 2017
I am still.
I am still here , and I am still.
I do not move. I do not dare to.
There's far too much responsibility that comes with motion.
The pressure to  do things
and accomplish things.

No, I'd much rather stay still.

If you'll remember for a moment,
you were always the one that made me move.
That made me get up and disrupt the tranquility
and the stillness.
Now without you,
as before you,
I no longer move.

Today when I woke up
I just lied in bed.
Instead of looking reluctantly over at you
and knowing with absolute certainty that you'd have a certain number of requests for the day.

It felt strange, to do nothing.
I feel so absent in the days now.
As if I am a camera.
A video camera set up to record nothing in particular. And will capture nothing in particular.
The tape will eventually be deleted or discarded
but the record existed at some point
for no real reason than just in case.

But I am here.
I am still here
and I am still.
Nathan Jun 2017
The flames have grown to frightening heights
Consuming all I have ever been
As they mockingly dance in revelry
Of the power I have given them

The conflagration is infinite
The fervency eternal
It was born within me
It has merely been waiting for you

As I feed this fire
with the hopes and dreams you dash
with the intoxication of the night
I burn gladly
I burn with reverence
Reverence for all that we were
and all we could have been

The flicker has turned inferno
Inextinguishable now
And I will smile
As you burn me to the ground
Jun 2017 · 116
Searching for a Metaphor
Nathan Jun 2017
I've been searching for a metaphor
in your eyes
that does not reside there

Searching for the words
to express the beauty of your being
in a language not yet invented

You are the metaphor
You are the language

I've written poems
in your meter and rhythm
on the small cracks in my heart

No form
no structure
does justice

You are free of form
so I write to you in the freedom that you are
the freedom that you've given

There are things we cannot see
nor say
But in you, they are seen
In you, they are said

You are the direction faced when I pray
The prayer and what is prayed for

The question
and the answer

Pouring over every word
Searching for perfection
I've come to realize

I've been searching for a metaphor
In your eyes
The existence of which cannot be seen
In such a small and subtle beauty

You are the metaphor
It is in everything you are

You are the poetry
I've always wished to write.
Jun 2017 · 116
Strange Familiarities
Nathan Jun 2017
I only want to let you down
And not get up and go to work
not answer my phone anymore

I don't want to respond to you're stupid questions
Just stare blankly
because I don't know what you're talking about

I only want to live here
And not be obligated to acknowledge you
With awkward smiles and furrowed brows

I want you here though
In a lesser capacity
maybe stop by for coffee

I just don't know who you are
Or what you want from me

But on and on and on this goes.

— The End —