Overgrown and uprooted, replanted and shocked.
Wilted and winded, ripped and picked.

So I left and I learned and I lived, laughed and grew.
Blended learning over grass stained blue jeans
And splattered paint on my Nikes.

Cut my hair and dyed my skin, pierced my lips and ripped my skirts.
Chrysalis, born but not aged;
Broken but not bathed in it.

And Yet!
I have moved foreword in life.
I’ve moved and I feel reborn.

Pumping kids full of saccharine,
Sweet and polite.
Stifling opinions;
Momma's always right.

Filling teens up with adrenaline.
Inhaling their orciprenaline,
Taking their societal medicine.
Routines to keep them aligned.

I've got a little inkling
In my lower gut
Telling me society is curling
whirling, twirling and swirling-


All these kids from the same politically relevant muck.

The tree bursts from its seed, grasping for the warm glow of light shimmering just above the brown waves of soil holding it down.

It reaches higher still towards the canopy of flame-coloured leaves that ignited just months after it's first release from Earth.

The tree's roots dig deep underground, bracing the tree for the cold and harsh flurries of white gold that will soon frost every surface visible to the bright blue sky above.

Frozen in time, dormant in this pale wonderland, it waits.

It's first leaves come and go as the harsh winds and flooding rains of spring fall- The weight growing, growing-
Vanishing.

The heat causes all flooding and weight to fall away, leaving the small tree to burst with blooms of lime, forest, and celery green.

And it now holds personality,
Able to finally build a life and home in it's branches.
<SUMMER>
The winds brush against her bark, a blue bird borrows in her arms, for they are a welcoming home for her babes, a squirrel stores his acorns beside her
thickening roots, and she ages another year.

The leaves shiver and shake as the brown tire swing rocks under the weight of me.
Quoting lyrics from my favorite bands and reading passages from my favorite books, I feel my soul age another year.


The cycle begins again...
With changes.

Fall includes hot cider and light reading under her flaming colors.
I build her an army of snowmen to keep her company as we nap through winter.
In spring I plant some flowers nearby, and they admire your ancient bark.
And in the summer we start again, my days spend singing and reading to you.



And then I was gone and you continued to flourish,
Year after year and season after season.

Unflawed minds seek a destiny no other mind can dream to crave for,
Understand things no other mind would bother learning.
These unflawed minds know no boundaries,
And by that law they are suppressed.

Suppressed minds dare to dream!

I feel like my soul is looking at me,
Tutting and shaking its head.

Imagine if you had loved me like I loved you.
Where would we be now?

Caught like silk in rose thorn agony,
I pull my arm free of your chains.
Streams of diluted delusions flow from behind my eyes
As they stare into yours, searching, pleading for answers.

Your newest **** waltzes out of my room,
Bare legs and arms like fresh globs of cream,
A quivering voice of lavender.
"Darling?"
You consume her with your eyes,
What we were long forgotten.

Having my answers, I take my leave.
Shedding layers of bandages and spackle,
I let myself feel how you've hurt me.

Was she worth it?
I don't wanna know.

Rushing downhill around thin, swirling roads-
I close my eyes and exhale everything you've done.
The Release.
My chevy smashes through the guardrail,
My skull takes a jolt to the wheel,
-
And I fly into the abyss,
Free as a bird.

I don't expect you to understand
why I stain my sheets with scarlet drops
Or why I melt at the slightest touch-
liquid mercury mindset,
A heart with the glowing lights of xenon.

I don't want you to understand
why my veins burn like crushed up stardust-
milkyway IV drip..

I just want you to see that I feel it ALL-
And I cannot understand a second of it,
nothing I do is within reason anymore.

I just want you to see me
like I see you.

The light streaming through the crystal clear glass doors-
warming our skin, igniting our giggles.
But we did not freeze in time.
We were engraved in my memory to remember.
33 months since I last held you close.
147 weeks since your smile held me captive.
1032 days, 24,756 hours
and 1,485,414 minutes
Since that moment where time was still infinite.
Tomorrow was still tomorrow,
Not two years ago today.
89,124,860 seconds
and I still crave what we had.

February 26th, I wrote a poem in Swedish. Here is the same poem, but translated. Enjoy<3
--------------------------------------------
Your eyes remind me of the galaxy, colorful and deep.
Your smile is the sunshine, because it shines through good and bad.
And your heart ... Oh, how it's spreading.
The kindness of your heart strikes like sticks on a steel drum,
vibrates and hits every person who hears it with emotion.
You are a ripple in time but your meaning clearly goes
through the memories of everyone else. You are my friend and you are my gift. This is my gift to you.
I'm glad we met. I hope your ripple makes you do something impossible.

In the Process:
Retouching the paint
Of a friendship and
A love,
Once forgotten
But now found.

During that, don't you know!
Something old, Whithered, burnt...
Is now
Found.
Someone old
Brings back a someone even older.
Someone corrupt.
Someone who is cracking me without a word spoken.

I look away, thoughts racing in my skull.
(Indie 100 track!
Vroom,
Speed of sound.
121 gigawatts power this
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMPing
Heart of mine.

His real and true first lie
Was an L.

So much care-
In a phase of phantom ghosts
Scraping the insides of this skull.

So much thought-
No sleep Sundays,
Running miles into the night.
Glancing onto Monday morning,
Chug some life into my soul
and
Hop on the bus.

So much energy-
Calling me at knifepoint,
200 pills to count
On the cusp of the gorgeous linoleum mattress-
Head cradling cell,
Musical sobs begging me
NOT TO,
Blood seeping into white dishtowels,
and pills...
Down my throat.

Then I hop on the bus.

A was the second lie, fine as silk.
**** my emotions.
I'm done.
Memories are blending into his face.

My whole life is racked with sobs.

That broke me;
A honeycomb humility.

Those words you said, simple but-

I almost left this Earth.

You shrugged it off.

And nowadays I understand.

But dude, I still can't take a pill
Without my brain
Shrinking that tube in my throat-

PTSD:
Throwing knives at walls,
Remembering.

The refresh button leaves my fingers sore
And my heart disappointed.

Twinkling north star and a dusty rose sunset. Shades of neon orange and yellow, fading to periwinkle and pastel blue. And straight above, deep dark purple-black sky.

I could not find the words to describe
How your words were falsely unified.
In your brain, you plastered them together-
Hoping to win my heart back.

'I'm Sorry, I love you.'
Verbatim.

'She meant nothing, you mean the world to me.'
Verbatim.

Remember when these words slithered out
The time before,
And the time before that?

And I stand here, yet again like I'm on a loop.
Medusa won a staring contest with my soul
When I walked into our sanctuary and saw your
6" soul haunting her narrow corridor.

The walls shivered, our planets froze.
The starry colours left my sight.
I lost count of the moments between
You moaning 'I love you'
and her scream.

'I'm Sorry, I love you.'
Verbatim.

'She meant nothing, you mean the world to me.'
Verbatim.

----
I'm losing sleep, missing pieces.
I cannot do anything but change it all.
The life we lived
Is a life I must continue to live-
Not as us. But as Me.


I dropped my paint and let it splatter-
Our once white walls are now splotched pink
and light blue.
Periwinkle and Bumble bee yellow.
Magenta and Orange-red.

MY WALLS SCREAM MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE-

---
Our sheets are now my sheets-

But I hate the 100% cotton comforts
where we rolled and kissed and slept.

Where SHE arched HER back and came to me crying in the doorframe.

So I pour 3 fingers of whiskey as the ashes consume those thoughts.
I let the flames burn the grasses, dry the land, warm my heart.

MY sheets are pastel pink with white lace accents.

----
Our home became mine and our **** became mine and our hearts stayed yours.
I am a cigarette ****, scathed, warm in mother nature's soil.
I am a rose ripped to petals left to trail the way to something.
I am warm milk at the end of the bottle that the child cannot drink.
----

-I am soaking up the sun today-
-And for once, I am Okay-
-And I'm so glad you're gone-
----

♡I'm Okay♡

Slip of the tongue, Slide the bolt into place.
Bring your bare fingertips to the Smooth,
Orange surfaces of your sanctuary walls.
Matte finish.

Let the colors melt- Melting, dripping Into LSD infused music.
Let your bones jingle to the Crocodile Rock Whilst
stripping your skin And clothes off.

Let the colors drip into your left iris, right.
****, let them melt through your bloodstream as
Tears Rake the fridge for a beer or five.

You are held by only me and the sound
Of every smile, you've ever meant.

Dazed reflections, mirror gazing-
You are we and I am us: We are One, Not another.

Eyes grow heavy, days go by;
I never needed, never missed, never wanted
You.
Rose scented giggles, cuddling cool fur.
Soft, fluffed pillows. Warm, thick comforters.

The light blue dissolves and floats up from your eyes- Cloudy cool, wind-whipped, cream colored ceiling. Hazel eyes, lids closing, geometric veins flit past the shadows.
Then- Sleep.

Somewhere, far far off In an airport waiting area,
huddled between salted chocolate and overpriced keychains.... Stands a girl.
A beautiful, smiling girl.
This girl bought a ticket to leave this town.

This town in the middle of nowhere, going nowhere, so she could be somewhere.
She wants to be a star, remembered for her singing.
The people who fill the other spaces
Of the rest area
around where she stands
Are lost.
Lost in what they know. Lost in what they care about because they grew up being told this is all there is for them.
These lost people swarm around her like bees, except less like bees and more like flowers.
Stuck,
With the life getting ****** from you daily till you die and return to the Earth.

So this girl stands between the chocolates and chains,
Beneath the dome of an airport,
In a place in the middle of nowhere-
Going nowhere,
Swarmed by people-weeds.
And she takes a photo.
And begins her note.

As she boards, she fosters anxiety.
Her plane is not the plane she wants to be on.
See, this girl is lost in a new way.
Sometime before the flower-people, the town going nowhere, and the keychains and chocolate,
This girl who stood found herself.
She found that she was dying inside.
Rotting from the core, like so many diseases.
So she climbed the staircase, buckled her seatbelt, wrote her letter to the world.
Then she went into the bathroom,
This girl who once stood.
And collapsed.
The life energy she once held, gone.
She sliced and sliced and sliced till she
Ascended.


This girl, on a higher plane of reality, standing between the lays chips and novelty mugs in the empty airport climbed aboard that ******* flight and understood that there was no escaping the water.
It was up to her neck, choking her, pulling her under until she could not
see tomorrow.
She saw an escape.


38,000 ft in the air,
She let her heavy, hurting soul be freed.


This girl.
Who smiled.
Standing between the novelty items.
Surrounded by people who didn't understand.
Climbed a flight.
And fell asleep in the bathroom.
Dreaming about death at 38,000 ft.

She is hurting while standing next to the magazines and she is hurting walking to the library every sunday at 6.
And she is ******* dying inside standing there and smiling and asking you why you are so sad.


This girl.
Somewhere far far away.
On another, higher plane.

I left my heart in the back of your van next to the beanbag you sat in as we rocked to our favorite bands. I left my tears in the creases of your palms, staining your fingertips with love we had and lost. I feel, I do, every word you said as I screamed and you screamed and our faces went red. I feel, I do, every kiss and hug and smile that we shared over years of pain and regret. I wish it could be reset, all our time, so it'd never end.
But you're gone and I'm gone
And I'm holding on by a thread.
I feel, I do, my heart breaking every night.
I miss you, I do.
I feel it still, don't you?

While time can hold you, prisoner...
And
Love can make you blind...
nothing bears the pain
like distance from loved ones,
missing in our youth.
Memories that mix and swirl.
A past, a life,
Unfurl.
This love, it will not cure me.
Some distance will not sting.
I've walked the line, I know what's right.

I'll hold you to my heart.

=============
So. I'm back. Miss me..? :3