your eyes are red like youve been crying but i know youve just been
trying to pour the ocean into your blown pupils.
you told me they were so dark because they were
burned from all the salt you rubbed into them.
you told me they were wide to find the
untouched valleys inside me,
virginal land, unsullied by
the eyes of man.
ha.
ha.
honestly,
i wish i could say theres so much more to me left undiscovered,
unknown by all those who  claimed to love me but, no, they
always discover the same
******* things
that arent even ******* there.
you discover that i'm broken,
a delicate flower of a poet,
whose feelings are gentle eggshells crushed by the hand of life.
discover depths of emotion safeguarded by an iron shell,
"discover" that i just want to be loved, 
is this some sort of sick ******* joke.
im not a ******* eggshell, im not ******* broken,
life hasnt shattered me. life will not shatter me. life has given me calluses hard as stone.
i will live to be old and crooked and sagging,
wearing a full suit of armor,
i will die old and withered.
when emotion catches in my throat,
i rip it out like multicolored scarves,
like a magic trick.
just because i dont choke you with the fabric
doesnt make it any less real.
i dont just want to be loved. i dont need
your love. youre not saving me when you look at me like
your favorite broken doll.
i don't just want to be loved.
i am already loved. i am overflowing with the love i have received,
i am full to the brim, my cup runneth over, i dont need you.
i don't just want to be loved. do you know what i want?
i want you to look at me and not see
the living embodiment of a metaphor,
a walking love poem, a verse in a poem you memorized and mimicked
instead of writing your own,
i could rip your lungs out through your mouth, i dont think you realize
what my body is capable of,
even if my mind is weak.
if i could stop thinking youd be dead on the floor
before i took a ******* breath.
i am not for you.
i am not writing for you,
i am writing to remember how to fall asleep without dreaming about soulmates-turned-strangers
and friends pulling out my teeth.
i am not dreaming for you.
i am not bleeding for you.
i am not for you.
i am not yours.

i'm* in it to win it
you fool man
seeing what you cannot
holding tight the thread
of possibility
not ready to let it go
look into my eyes
see the truth reflected there
feel the ferocity of my love
a shelter and a storm
unable to release a cold fear
              you are weak
but i am strong
because i know
  time is not on our side
i can bite back fear
for the sake of
every moment i can save
every day i can spend in the sun with you.

I love you
And when I say that
I mean that I will always forgive you,
And that I will always see the best in you
And that I can never stand to be angry at you.
I love you,
And I will prove it every day
Whether or not you even notice.
I love you
In a way that scares me
And should scare you too
Because if I had the power to destroy the world for your sake
I might just do it
And have no regrets,
And all that said, I want you to know
That when I say I love you
The faith in my words comes from a place of knowledge,
Not foolishness,
From a place that has been ransacked and raided and razed,
From a city that has been burnt and rebuilt so many times that
The ash in the soil could grow a forest in a day.
This love comes from a wise place,
Not a naive one.
And yeah,
It's still here.