Its gonna be some long nights for all of us,
I wish I could say I remember more,
I was young but I said I loved you,
Wanted to marry you, didn’t I?

Now I understand why,
When I take a look back on all those pictures, I,
Know that you had a heart made of home,
Homemade cooking and some pleasant hugs.

Tall and handsome with a charming smile,
Tux, dressed up to those soft brown locks,
I hoped we could talk sometime that day,
Never did and now it’s the time to regret it.

Now I understand why,
When I take a second glance at limited memories,
I know that you had a chest made of family,
Thanksgiving dinner and fresh deer jerky.

You showed me how to shoot the bow and arrow,
Didn’t let me touch but I watched anyways,
Flipped onto the trampoline with a little bro,
Mom said no but you smiled and did it anyways,
I was too scared but I admired your bravery.

Now I understand why,
When I take a look back on all those pictures, I,
Know that you had a heart made of home,
Homemade cooking and some pleasant hugs.

Loving the sun in the evening time,
When it strikes through the blinds,
And soothes my skin.

I’m not tired but there are sleep spots in my irises,
And I’m contemplating tomorrow’s leftover dinner,
Whether I’ll feed them to the saint at my gate or to the sinner on my porch,
Soon enough the sun will come up and break through,
Potholes strewn on my street show me that things have gone down.

Treading lightly cause I might wake up those dogs,
Nowadays I see empty collars,
And my footsteps hitting the ground as I’m running,
Hearing the barks and howls of what cannot get on the streets,
Good luck, headache.

Gravel crunches beneath the feet of the liar,
Now on the paper that is clenched in his hand,
Spells the time of his vision being blinded by bathroom porcelain,
Cuts and bruises that few, yet so many would understand,
Yet he fell and now he falls again.

Treading lightly cause I might find a weapon,
Nowadays I see that weapon,
And my heartbeats hitting my chest as I’m running,
Hearing the rumbling of thunder and lightening,
Good luck, headache.

Dying seems like a choice right now,

But at what point will it become uncontainable?

Nagging me, in the back of my spirit,
Is unsure feelings of something similar to anxiety,
Kick up the pace, lead me to the back porch.

Let me see what you've made in the grass,
I see it now and its hurts to look at it,
A glass gun, humming it's song.

Solidifying, am I?
I wish it felt like I was solidifying,
Maybe If I was solid, I'd feel complete.

In the backyard you've got a small raygun too,
Harmless but I'm still attracted to you,
Stop pointing that at me.

I don't wanna try anything anymore,
Been pushing and doing for hours to years on end,
Don't look at me with those eyes.

Father, I love you
Mother, I love you
Brother, I love you
Sisters, I love you
Grandmas, I love you
Grandpas, I love you
Friends, I love you
Pets, I love you
Exes, I love you
Abusers, I love you
Music, I love you
Drawing, I love you
Writing, I love you

Life, I hate you

Shuffle the deck,
Wake up in glass,
Cut up your neck,
I think I’ll pass.

The story you unfold onto my eyes,
I would believe you if you didn’t choke up,
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all lies,
But **** you like to pretend I just woke up.

I swear that you knew,
****** my words into submission,
I’m sorry I’m not dead like you,
I only wanna get paid for the commission.

Shuffle the deck,
Wake up in glass,
Cut up your neck,
I think I’ll pass.

Gun to the back of my head,
Do it yourself if you’re so friendly,
Guilty that you’re not fed,
Begging endless, “tend to me.”

“Tend to me.”

Headache, is this it?
Sneezed, is this it?
Coughed, is this it?
Sore, is this it?

No
I think I’ve been in bed too long,
My mind’s playing tricks on me,
And people are out here playing tennis.