I tell her I'm fine
I tell him I'm great
I keep preaching love
While I reek of hate

I bought the best of materials
For this teary wet wall
The thickest facade
That I will never let fall

I decide weeks in advance
The emotions I will feel
It's hard to be sick
But it's harder to heal

I feel comfort in my decision
To lie to all around me
So I may continue to rot
So no one will stop me

I know all the steps
The steps one takes to remedy
But the plague in my blood
Has made me lose my memory

For now I'll be alive
Though I might not be living
And I'll cling onto my blight
And all that it is giving

im looking for a fighter...
im looking for someone to say
love you too
because ive been alone too long now..
and my pain only grows stronger
and my love grows longer

when I was six,
I always asked my mom
to check under my bed
she'd smile, tuck me in
and say, “it's all in your head”

the monster—in my mind
hid in the shadows
and kept me awake
left me with an uneasy feeling
I just can't seem to shake

but when I grew up
I didn't fear monsters
not anymore
so I got on my knees
and laid my head on the floor

the monster stared back at me
its eyes colored crimson
but they were meek
not scary, not daunting
just a little weak

it gently reached out to me
with slender fingers
sharp claws in its end
it didn't feel like a foe
but almost like a friend

I found comfort
within the darkness
made peace with the unknown
the monster—wasn't so much of a monster
on the days I felt all alone

they said it
and its over
i am done
and i am leaving
to a place i can be freely
i am dancing upon
the waves of pains
a single girl forever
unloved
unheard
unknown
unspoken

one shot to win
this game im playing in
and would it be a sin
if i really wanted to win?