A brain that remains
Far too distant to refrain
From that thought of shame
That slowly turns to blame
Yet I will never complain
For a choice that seemed plain
In a moment, I had no choice but to claim
Never done simply for the fame
Initiating a coordinated change
Of the precious internal membrane
Drifting further away from lame
Treading on the board line of insane
A manic-depressive winding train
Ensuring I am never the same
As something difficult to explain
Existing on multiple planes
In a lifetime of pure strange

every day
I fear for my life
because what I used to have
wasn't a life
and if that pain
and those feelings
that are shoved in a box
on the top shelf of my closet
return to me in my sleep
I will not wake up
the next morning