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Shawna Renea Mar 2013
On 530 Twilight
I sit here in the solitude
waiting for the night
For the moment I have found peace
in the chaos of the life
escaped from those looking for their piece

Suddenly I feel the air
blowing up through the trees
quietly stirring my hair
Takes me back to moments lost in time
reminding me of summer nights
at 401 Vine

Shawna Renea Mar 2013
One, two I love you
until the sky stops being blue
and it turns another hue
three, four I love you more
than the sea loves the shore
from the top of the water to the ocean's floor
five, six I love your little trick
when I lean in for a kiss and get a lick
I scream ewe,  that's sick
seven, eight I love you straight
to the moon and now we skate
off to bed, it's getting late
nine, ten I love you now and I'll love you then
I love you more than playing pretend
I love you more than my favorite ballpoint pen.

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
I dream fitfully needing somebody
my heart is still left unbeating in the dark
I need to stir from this numbing hibernation
A spark to ignite some fire into this cold heart
Please, help me, out this silent slumber
I need to hear your voice, your touch, your kiss
to wake me and make my heart beat again

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
Pull me in
with your sin
Drag me under
shake me like thunder
Somehow a storm
rages inside this frozen form
Something rattles within me
it's you shaking me free
You've crawled in
right under my skin
Rain covers
me like an elusive lover
Excitement swirls like a cyclone
silently I beg to never be left alone
At the touch of your fingertips
my will simply slips

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
My intentions were clouded
I never knew if it was you I needed
you never had thought that
I would rip your heart out
But now I am looking
at your shattered beating heart
bleeding on the ground
If I knew that that was how
it was gonna be
I would never had tried
wouldn't put you through
the struggle and suffering
I know you are the one
that's leaning on the idea
that everything's ok
that nothing's wrong
I knew it was over
when you sat there talking
excited, saying you love me
and I faintly said I love you too
that's when I knew...
I said with regret
it isn't you it is me

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
Will I ever get
Closer to the thought
of you
Of us and all
we could be
Will I ever feel
closer to this
feeling of us
than I do right now
Will I ever be
Closer to the point
of the fear
of losing me
in you
Will I get

Shawna Renea May 2013
the one I loved
the one that loved me
that loved all of us
has gone
It's like the sea
swallowed her whole
A wave came
and washed away
the pain that was pulling
her under
into its calm embrace
erasing her suffering
But now
we are stuck
in this labyrinth
searching for our way
though this suffering
Trying to see the light
at the end of the maze
Looking for our
Great Surrender
I, we, the ones
she left behind
are wandering in the
past, the memories
of this beautiful creature
who has left us too soon
We would give anything
to have one more
second, minute, hour with you
we would spread that time out
to make it seem like
it is our
for now
with you.

Shawna Renea Mar 2013
Let this

poet cry herself

to sleep 'cause this

wounded heart is breaking me

The death-bird is spread across my back

wet eyes, voice cracks, choked cries

Why do I try to make this fit?

Can't put the pieces

back together


Shawna Renea Oct 2016
You are
one of those men
that take a hold
of a heart
You squeeze it
caress it
you hang on lightly
but just enough
so I strengthen
my grasp on us
I hold on to what
I want this to be
waiting for you
to hold onto me
I feel you fall
and you have
a firm hold on me,
on my heart
And I can
slip into the unknown
and trust you'll be gentle
while you hold
my heart in your hand

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
The realization
that I yearn for something
my body will not allow
I want you to hold me
but it will only cause me pain
The desperation
that this leaves me feeling
is a loss of something
that has never been attained
I need you beside, engulf me
wrap me up tight tonight

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
I am learning
to leave the light on
to keep hope alive
in this dark heart
I am learning
to live because
I want to give
this life the love
it truly deserves
I am learning
to accept love's
blinding faith

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
my words
were like the winter
the sound
would freeze
before I could
ever mutter
the hurtful things
I said
to you that day

my heart
was like the summer
It would
not be frozen
cold and damaged
And I
could warm mine
next to yours
but it is
and I
regret it everyday

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
I lost yet found
a piece of myself
there with you
in the moonlight
I lost my heart
it is no longer mine
but now lies inside yours
My soul was found that night
between the trees
and water of the steam
I found it in a place
I never thought to look
in another...
in your heart.

I found it in your words
...I love you
I felt them twist
their way inside me
sinking further
than any other
They reach through me
waking a desire
I didn't know existed
A helpless passion

I found it in your touch
like feathers
yet it was capable
of breaking down
these walls
I built up high
around me
You touched me
like no other
timidly yet possessively
you stole my heart

I found it in you

Shawna Renea Jun 2013
You were like a white rabbit
and I the audience of one,
you disappeared
I am left wondering where
you have gone
Are you coming back?
Surprised to know you never left
because you only gave the illusion
that you were ever there.
I am the fool that holds
onto these false beliefs
of happiness and magic of love
How could it be lost
if it was never found
and how am I reaching for
something that was never there?

Shawna Renea May 2013
You call out for me
and I've called out for you
Feel you down below
slip deep within
inside my skin
I don't need no boy
I need a man
to fill in this whole
make me feel your sin
inside the skin
I love the fight
of ******* the violence
succumbing to win
to keep feeling you
inside my skin
this is how it will begin
Avoid the break
keep you close
you're to close spillin'
inside my skin
I scream out loud
Keep it coming
I won't give in
inside my skin
Beat of your heart
rush of my blood
I know now
like you knew me then
inside the skin
inside my skin

Shawna Renea Mar 2013
It's gonna be
one of these days
when we leave the past behind.

It's gonna be
one of these hours
when I look to the stars.

It's gonna be
one of these minutes
when you find away into my heart.

It's gonna be
one these seconds
when I just let myself go.

I will wait
for the day, the hour, the minute, the second
when our love starts to flower.

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
moonlit thighs
fervent sighs
hungry lips
quiet slips
pulsing hips
muffled cries
shattered skies

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
Why can't I feel
the pain
the emptiness
the need
All I am is
Cut me
and I barely
notice the blood
Embrace me
and I barely
feel your touch
Love me
and I barely
see your longing
All that's left
is me feeling

Shawna Renea Mar 2013
I will

open up and say

when your eyes met mine

I drowned

in their kindness

Thinking of that small embrace

in such a public place,

what's to hide

Well, I hid the happiness

that filled up inside

When it came time

to meet in the middle

I withered

under that intense heat

of your smile

radiating towards me

I was

surprised by my passion

The world around me slipped away

and I lost myself

for a  few moments

At the end of our day together

I retreated

back into myself

wishing that

the world would stand still

I think

our souls seem kindred to one another

Like love, pain and possibility

is a pattern piece

and we are

the flesh it was all sown into.

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
I don't
want to stay here
because you are not
one I want to
be around for long
You drive me mad
to the point where
I start
thinking of the
sharp end of a knife
Set fire to my mind
A blaze rip it all apart
Cool water rush over me
take me to that place
where I want to be

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
I willingly walk the short distance
that spans the space between us
I have prayed for this
You reach right through me
like you're trying feel my soul
Have you prayed for this too?
I listlessly look into your eyes
drowning in pools of desire
I have prayed for you
With your tentative touch
you caress every inch of me
Have you prayed for me too?

Shawna Renea Mar 2013
As you look into my eyes

I want you to think of me

as the leaves in a tree, not only

as you sink into their peaceful green lull

but to remember me

as beautiful and care free

Look towards the branches

stretching to the sky and think

of the way my arms crossed the space

between you and I

to tentatively embrace you, afraid to

open up and reach into the unknown

As do all things there is cycle

and change is inevitable

but as I start to age

like the rings of a tree and resemblance

begins between weathered bark

and wrinkled skin, remember then

when I was a young sapling

so afraid of life but ready to live

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
All of my scars
are etched
across my skin
My flaws
are worn on my arms
You see
the pain toward outwards
But  what you
can not see is
the scars
that decorate my heart
the hurt
was laid there
one at a time
building a wall all around

Shawna Renea Mar 2013
She screams

at no one

and at everyone

really she screams

so she can feel alive

she is so numb

she is really just angry

that her life is a like

watching a silent film

so she screams

to fill some void

to cover up her mistakes

me, her first mistake

runs out

slamming the screen door

I am always running

running, running away

I can never get away

I retreat

into the only place

that I can escape

my mind

far from the noise

In my mind

I try to erase

all the pain

the hands across my face

blood spilling

from my mouth

bruises and welts

grazes my body

This is too much

to erase,

to retreat from,

I hide these scars

scars from the life

I'm trying to leave behind

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
Show me how
to fight for now
for the moment
for my life
for the future
Show me how to live
for our moments
our lives, our future.
The day is gone
when I forgot
how to lose
how to live
how to love
Help me remember
how to win
in love and life

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
sweet silent
escaped us
we were found in our steady gaze
we cherished our lingering caress
we fell fast at the press of our lips

-do you believe in soul mates?
-no, not before I met you.

dive deep
my soul
I see you in these words
I feel you between breaths
I get lost in the the thought of you

-what did you do before me?

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
So would I,
rise from the ashes like a Phoenix
From this pain
this burnt black heart
will rise a new love, pure as snow
So would I,
try to bend a little more
like long grass
in the wind, so the next time
this  heart will not break

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
had you
to hold
on to me
yet you
felt that you
needed me
  to hold
on to you
there was
a void
to grasp
was there
any resonance
of true love
for me
to grasp

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
If this how it's going to be
I might just turn all this into doubt
And someday soon you'll see
what all this was really about
And if this is heading to a dead end
I would like to leave it there and walk away
Like it to end and keep you as a friend
I'm not going to beg you to stay
If I did that it would be end of me
I would stay living with this unhappiness
I need you to know I need to be free
I need to learn to show a little tenderness

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
what you think you need
and I will be there for the taking
whatever you are free to
give to me and I will
the fact that this is how it is
and all we have to do is
us for not being more for now
but we have to remember
that this all will come around
in the end to find us
finally together inseparably entangled
the way we have envisioned

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
When you are away for far too long
the hours seem so distant
and tonight with you beside me
the night feels too small
The hours slip away
yet my dreams
fit within this room
with you laying beside me
I look into the blue sea of your eyes
You leave me breathless
drowning in that look
The lines I etch across your skin
and the trail of lips
lead me to surrender your love your bliss
Time seemingly halts in our embrace
Trembling until our release
The weight of it all feels too heavy
as you drift off to sleep
I curl against you wishing
you could take me with you your dreams your heart
I will always ache to be with you
when you need to go
but that peace will return
when I feel your heart
once again next to mine

Shawna Renea May 2013
rushing to get ahead
of the
running through my veins
and the
treading to stay afloat
As my
heart races at an uneven pace
deep within
struggles to remain
and I
silently inside to remain calm
but I
for you begging to be

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
All the free will
and dark desires
spinning off
into complete oblivion
couldn't stop
that quaking ache
deep inside me
for the perfect soul
I would ever know
I would shake
Thor from the sky
Would have
begged and bartered
to catch a glimpse
of the One
who was given
that piece
of my soul
The sliver that's hidden
deep inside of you
I pay tribute to Freya
and kiss the feathers
that have let me fall
softly into you

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
This somnambulist dreams
of my heart
standing still
and my body lying down
with you, hoping to hold
you but now it's dark
and you are here
in my arms, in my heart, under midnight skies
Await me in the dark, restless land
I am coming
wait for me soon you'll be
in my arms, in my heart, under midnight skies
My heart beats
out of my breast, breaths
fight to keep still
silent in the night,
lover I love to fight to stay
in your arms, in your heart, under midnight skies
in this moment
pulling me under ,under you
your hands guide me
always guide me to you
my bright eyes move over you
I remember how I held you
in my arms, in my heart, under midnight skies

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
Your touch, a thousand amp wattage
pulsates me into partial paralysis
Our kiss makes me feel like a
slickly, sweet tongued succubus
winged with wicked truth
brings my devilish inclinations deep
down in my core and cuts to the closest
undulations of my undisputed desire

Shawna Renea Mar 2013
Yet I have always found it easy to pretend
that nothing really matters to me
but it's a thought that's harder to defend

I know that it is just fear
that's always pushing me away
but now my heart inches near

But I am bracing myself for the break
I am longing to feel, surrender, to fall
not ever knowing how much I can take

I know I have built a wall around my heart
all this time I have been waiting
for someone to tear it apart.

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
My skin
like water
cool to the touch
daring you
to dive
to feel
the rush
of energy that crackles
like a sudden summer storm
your warmth
can't stop
from pulling
me under
You're like the rain
and the pleasure it brings
Your whispers
are sinful
like chocolate
in the mouth
so sweet
yet so dark
I can not help
but to melt into you

A desire
so strong
it reminds me
of thunder
With a crack of sound
A feeling runs through me
but I can't
to this fire
that's rising
from deep,
deep within
if I were to do so
it would surely
tear me asunder
And soon
I would fall
right into you

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
I have been caught in a storm
but I am ready for the calm
Surrender to it with me
fall into the unknown
just fall with me
At night the storm rages
but shower me with your peace
lie down gently
just lie here with me

Shawna Renea Apr 2013
If I could
escape right now
I would wish
you could
escape inside me
for a while
To entangle
yourself beside me
I lose myself
when I am with you
You are my escape
from this monotonous life
Everything falls away
for a while
as you slip inside
You are my favorite
form of escape

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
You are like an oppressive shadow
Constant. Looming. Unshakeable.
You crush my lungs, my spirit, my soul
I feel small when you are near
I feel little pieces of me die...inside
I feel caged in your presence
I feel my self slipping...away
waiting to crumble into nothing

Shawna Renea Oct 2016
Do you hear the love
in my voice
from the many ways
I say your name
sometimes clear and true
and others a breathless whisper
sometimes so softly I question
whether you hear me trembling
and others like caged excitement
I wonder how one name
can express so much
but all I want to do
is say your name
for forever and a day


— The End —