I need a drink like hella.
To soothe my sorrow and make me mella.
I ******* hate this mind of mine
Always churning
Won't stop til I d.i.e.
Plug up my eyes
Ears
Nose
And mouth.
Trapped in the sewage of my harmful thoughts
I am sinking in ****.
Can't breathe in
Won't breathe out.
Ded.
Too rekt.
Too ****** to give one.
It's all in my head.
I'm not crazy
But i wish I was dead to the world
At the bottom of the sea.

I drink just enough to make me comfortable
in my own skin.
Just enough to make me warm.

You ask me why I'm crying.
Do I need a reason?

"Because I feel like it."

I'm lying on this inflatable mattress. And I'm cold. And I'm miserable. & I want to go home. But I don't know where that is anymore.

it's scary to open up and let people in
to see the bits of you that you try to keep hidden.
To give them the power
Heal you or hurt you.

To become hopeful
And dependent on promises made late at night.
To let their hands touch your heart;
Hoping that they're clean.

It's scary
To bask in the glow of another's affection
And to know that you need it more than you'll let show.

I want so many things.
But mostly I want to be wanted.

If only I could go back in time,
And tell that little 5 year old girl,
To take the other path.
To turn away from that girl,
And walk away.
Be normal.
Force herself to do what every other girl did.
Take the path of an easy and ok life,
Not the hard and happy one.

I'd tell that girl to run,
Run as far as she could,
Into the arms of the little neighbor boy who liked her,
Instead of making googly eyes at the cute blonde girl.

But I cant,
And I didn't.

I took the path of rainbows,
Punches,
*****,
And protest signs.

I want to hug you for three hours.

                 Make that three hours
                 and four minutes.

I want to feel the weight of your head against my stomach.
              
                Listen to the rumbles.
                My belly button is not an "on" switch.

I want to touch your lips
                
                  With my fingertips.
                  Imagining how they'd feel elsewhere.

I want to  moan for mercy.
                
               Watching you
               *Watching me.