I used to get pleasure from so many tiny little things

Wrapping a boy’s sweatshirt around me, a zip up, or a pullover, sleeves slightly over the length of my own arms.

Inhaling the scent like a drug, the days before the marijuana and the reek of *** soaked sheets and

this was it.

A hoodie, doused in cheap body spray, Axe maybe?

I thought I was floating on a ******* cloud
Cheers from a homecoming football game and
The scent and warmth of cotton fibers and
it filled me.

Joy out of everything minute

only closure I ever had
with the last I loved
happened in a dream

I wonder if
he had the same one
last night

because I woke up feeling
like it happened in real life

I have been wrong
about many things
and wronged by
many men

I hope this time
I might be right
for once in
my quarter
of a life

and my world
will change
in the best
of ways

I have been wrong
about many things
and wronged by
many men

I hope this time
I might be right
for once in
my quarter
of a life

and my world
will change

Fate has failed me
once again
as March comes
marching back

"now's not
the time"
she says

and I am forced
to move forward
with the weight
of the past's mistakes
still on
my shoulders

chunks of my life
gone

like they were
never there
to begin with

sunk into quicksand
not to be
seen again

buried deep,
an alternate
version of me

In December,
bathed in the light
of a holiday tree,
a man hinted that
he had love for me

then left
for eight weeks
to a place
I cannot reach

I am not the one
who decides
the fate
and nor is he

It rests in
the powers of Time
that be

(c) sea 2017