I wear my feelings proud
on emotion-stained sleeves
the clarity of mascara
trailed down my cheeks.

I am a contradiction
of serious and carefree,
and what isn't on you
is always on me.

I will continue to
kiss stars goodnight
remembering we share
the same dark sky.

While you hide in your head
forgetting to see
the beauty in things,
and in you, and in me.

A straightlaced blonde is on my bed
Instead of a wild curly brunette,
   rolling a joint on a dorm room desk
Aryan-raced pale hair
  on an attention-deficit head
Cold feet covering mind in the pink sheet
   under which we rest.
I would enjoy the plain
   light skin on mine
If the past's dark eyes ceased to shine.

Singlehandedly turn dreams into
        nightmares
I see aqua eyes in the back of
      your head
I feel a gnawing, a longing,
     if only for a few moments
as I shake myself awake.
All dreams end up the same.

Fall 2011

I am not a dog,
do not shorten my leash.

I am not a calm blue sea,  
do not sail over me.

I am not a sidewalk,
do not step with your feet.

I am a girl
waiting for no one,
hoping for someone
to understand I am free.

Tick

I yawn to the alarm
I drag my feet to shower
I tug on matching clothes.

Tick.

I scarf down plain cereal
Find socks, then put them on;
Cover with scuffed shoes, and I am done.

Tick.

Ihear the whirring of my engine; Soon
I park, I walk in,
I pretend to learn, I wanderlessly walk out.

Tick.

I stop at the red hexagons
Iwork five hours straight,
I go home to rest on my pillow

Tomorrow's the same day.

you have forgotten me.
I bent over backwards
I sat on broken limbs
I crawled on hands and knees
for what?
I went in knowing about
the uneven playing fields.
Hurting those I cared for
who jumped through fiery hoops for me
I am not the kind of person I want to be.

poor decisions I’ve made
have disgraced the way we work.
I want your soft shoulder to be
the first thing that I see
when we get up.
instead I find
a greying old stuffed animal
with broken beady eyes.