I could not escape my thoughts

As they lingered in my head

It was a way out I sought

So I headed back to bed

I had a drink, then two

Then maybe a few too many more

Thinking maybe I could drown them

I closed my eyes, then with a sigh

And a bit of a grimace, I then realized

My victims didn’t die

But rather floated back to the surface

Their words on the walls

In every direction in which I peered

Indeed all I saw were their snide faces and sneers

So with a spike now, I gouged my eyes out

So I couldn’t see anymore

Hoping for some sort of refrain

Only to discover, to my horror

That the thoughts still remain

I could hear them now, loud and clear

Shouting and screaming piercing my ears

By no means a welcoming sound

Repeating the failures and fears

That are conjured up by the awful content of these thoughts

So I picked up a pair of sharpened shears

And promptly sliced off both my ears

I felt some relief as they fell to the floor

Knowing that I couldn’t hear them anymore

Then, with a feeling that made me a little ill

I realized the ****** thoughts lingered still

These treasonous demons

So relentless in their quest

I could still smell their putrid stench

Their wicked decaying deathly scent

So I banged my head against my cold steel desk

Again and again,

Shattering my nose into a million pieces

Finally some peace, I said to myself

They could no longer get to me through my sense of smell

Yet the life of this moment met its end quick

When I realized that somehow they had found another sense

An unsettling sensation suddenly came over me

I could already taste the flavor of wretchedry

Like a distorted gourmet of bitterness and misery

Not wanting to sit through the main course a minute more,

I tore out my rancid tongue and let it join my ears on the floor

Relishing in the all too brief respite

Agonizingly realizing I could still ******* feel them

Deep beneath my skin they slither and squirm

Emerging through the pores like a corpse full of worms

Hitting me quick like ten tons of bricks

A bunch of precision-guided pinpricks

Made of blood and bone

Warmth and cold

Years of waste and regret

Rolled up in a body that’s slowly getting old

So of course I do the only sensible thing

And proceed to generously drench myself in a few gallons of gasoline

Then at last, the lighting of a match to complete the act

Bursting into an inferno

Burning away every nerve

Turning my skin into a crisp

Never to feel anything again…

At least that’s what I thought

Although that now all my senses were gone

At a destination I thought would be free from the pain

Just like always I found…

The thoughts still remain

I've sacrificed my heart upon your altar
Receiving nothing in return
All I wanted was your love,
The same I felt for you
I guess I wasn't worthy
Lowly and undeserving
I know what I'm supposed to do
I know I should let go of you
I thought I was in control
But I was wrong
Because I can't stop holding on to what I've lost
I tried to forget you,
To erase you
To replace you
To wipe the slate clean
To **** away your memory
Unsuccessfully attempting to break free,
Has left me in an unsteady state of insanity
You keep me in captivity
And you threw away the key
You can't see what you've ****** done to me
Even if you could,
Would you have any sympathy?
Or just continue to pretend I don't exist
Maybe you're right,
Maybe I was never here to begin with
So could you save me some torment,
Just **** me or release me,
I don't care which
Anything but this
End this madness and misery
That you've oh-so-kindly bestowed upon me

In the dark
Between the seams
Where true colors glisten
With only a spark
Voices speak
But I don't want to listen
Declining to think
Refilling my drink
To drown out the noise
The dark thoughts poised
Creeping in my head
Where everything is dead
Cold tomb that I've built
Out of fear shame and guilt
Trapped by logic and doubt
Locked down with no way out
I've faced the music
And it's not in tune
How do I fix this?
How do I move through it?
Things are looking hopeless
Starting to feel soulless
Thought I'd find an answer
But the truth is a cancer
Eating away what remains
Killing off heart and brain
I've lost the tools to repair
I'm giving in to despair
Despite my will to fight
I'm losing my light
I'm losing my mind
I'm starting to feel...
I'm losing my life

It's difficult to sift through indiscernible glyphs
Written in stone
Embedded deep within the soul
Where hidden hints and fleeting clues
Remain ever elusive
Yet my pursuit continues
Noble effort, yet futilely useless
Beckoning serious inquisition
Bearing the ever-present question,
Why do I do this?
It seems so foolish
Letting this cycle take me for a ride
Around and around in infinite circles
Presenting no evidence of an incoming incline,
No mountain on the horizon to climb
To rise higher and ascend the spiral
I can still see it in my dreams sometimes,
Brief flashes in my mind
A quick glimpse into a new potential future
An ultimate paradise.
Perfect and pure
The height of where my soul should reside
Unfortunately, it still remains a mere dream,
An oh so distant fantasy,
Yet a reality not impossible to manifest
When in the darkest depths of confusion,
Retain lucidity
See through the illusion
Within that void lies a new solution
So beautiful and true
And ready to be used

The clay was molded before it even had a say
The hands that sculpt it always seem to pull away
In decay, it's life spent
Decomposing through the ages
Eventually returning to the source
Back down into the dirt
Only to be dug up again
Back to where it all begins
Once more an unsuspecting victim
Recaptured by the crafty hands that shape it
But always leaving the work unfinished
The twisted form always different
Yet sharing the same base characteristics
The mind forgets what the soul already knows
The head won't catch up cuz it's too ******* slow
So everything is misaligned
The heart can't be left unsupervised
It has a mind of its own that won't stay in line
This is surely the curse of life
Conflicting energies residing in the same soul
Different currents, opposing motions
Yet in the end spilling into the same ocean,
Where all erodes into sediment
Just to be molded and sculpted again

I walked along the shore of the infinite sea

Here in the twilight of my existence

The cold black ocean reaching out for me

Suddenly I see a figure in the distance

A shadowy silhouette

Getting closer and closer

With each and every step

As the air starts getting colder

Beset with a panic in my chest

And a drop of my heart

I call out to my guest

Asking them who they are

"My name is Death.", the figure said

"And I am here to collect."

Death then joined me in my walk

And then the two of us proceeded to talk

"I'm not ready.", I said

"I thought I had more time left.

"Could I maybe stay a few moments more?"

"I am sorry but your time is up.", Death replied

"You have to return to the source."

"I don't want to go!". I pleaded and cried

"I still don't know the meaning of life

"Could you please tell me what it is?"

"I could," said Death

"But let me answer with a question.

"What would that accomplish

"If I gave you the definition?

"What is true for one is false for another

"Everyone is a puzzle, with their own unique pieces

"What fits together for yourself

"May not fit well for someone else."

"If that's the case, how are we supposed to know what to do?

"How do we make sense of this knowing in the end we all have to leave with you?"

"Yes it is true," Death earnestly replied

"I will indeed meet all of you in time

"But knowing your demise is an inescapable fact

"What matters is what you do with the time that you have

"As to what that may be, no one but you can make that choice

"You have to map your own path, find your own voice."

As Death spoke I had a sudden subconscious suggestion

Maybe I could stall my fate

By distracting Death with more questions

"Why do you insist on speaking in such riddles and vague redundant phrases?

"And where is this god that everyone so thanks and praises?"

"I am giving you the clearest answers that I can

"It is entirely on you if you cannot understand

"As for the existence of God, that matters not

"No being dictates how you live your life

"And only I decide how and when you will die

"But you should know you cannot fool me

"I know you are stalling for time."

"You got me." I replied,

"That I will admit

"I just wanted to know what was the point of all this?

"Life just seems like one big joke."

Death paused in silence for a moment then spoke

"Well before we go there is something you should know

"Maybe this will offer you some solace to your query

"And lighten this great burden that you carry

"Life is full of suffering and sadness

"Full of misery and unbridled madness

"Some mitigate this by laughing or singing

"Dancing or romancing, or even just believing

"Life is meaningless

"It is you who must give it meaning

"Ask yourself what is most important to you

"Set yourself a goal, be sure to see it through

"Keep it close to your heart, and always stay true."

I took a moment to ponder Death's response

I looked back at my life, and all I've said and done

All that I've lost and all that I've loved

I had finally found my answer, I knew

"Do you understand now?". Death asked with a grin

"Yes, I think I do."

And with that, our walk came to an end

I had to leave now, never to be back again

Death took my hand and led me into the infinite sea

Out of this state of being

But I had no more fear,

For I had found my meaning

Another **** complete,
I stroll the dimly lit empty streets
On a calm and quiet night
Cold-blooded machine instinctively keeping to the shadows,
Though there's not another soul in sight
A city totally devoid of life
Business over for the day,
I'm craving another kind of thrill tonight
On my way to meet my contact that I see between contracts
Engaging in sensational activities between the sheets,
Utilizing the best close-quarters techniques,
The only successful cathartic release
I finally see her, not too far from me
My target acquired, I approach in silence
I watch the starlight reflecting in her eyes,
Until they finally meet mine,
She makes her way towards me,
Her hips sensually swaying left and right
Short skirt, tight top,
Body looking so delectable and soft
I've got my safety off
Pistol cocked, locked and loaded
Hard as a ******* rock,
Cold steel gone hot,
Ready to ****** rock n roll
Ominous clouds begin to congregate
Thunder shakes the sky,
Followed by a pouring rain
She quickly takes my hand,
Leading me to her room
Inviting me inside, music playing to set the mood
Turned on to full volume,
She dances to her favorite tune
She moves closer to me,
Shedding clothes as she goes
Flaunting what she's got,
My blood now running hot
Her lips go to work as she slowly disrobes me
Each kiss getting a little lower
Dropping to her knees, looking up from below
Warm hands take hold,
She pulls out my gun,
Eyes full of hunger
She runs her tongue across the barrel,
Before attempting to swallow the whole thing
Not even stopping to breathe,
Choking as she increases her speed
Almost ******* suffocating on me
My angel, my savior,
Time for me to return the favor
I pick her up and set her on the bed
Hands and mouth caress,
Beginning at her neck,
Working my way down her chest
She spreads her legs, then wraps them around me
I go to town, head between her thighs
Speaking in tongues,
Drenching her insides,
Getting wetter than the rain-soaked streets outside
Then she tells me to move in for the ****,
Begging me to fill her full of lead
I fulfill her wish, and begin to stick in my weapon
Her holster so warm and constrictingly tight
She says give it to her rough
I say hang on for the ride
Foregoing emotion and love,
For these moments of bliss
Stimulating our senses with intense displays of lust
Addicted to the rush,
Every touch, every ******
Her body quivers with each critical hit,
Reaching the height of her ******,
She cries out in satisfaction
Her energy depleted and needs gratified,
I empty my entire magazine inside her
Once again she looks at me with those mesmerizing eyes and smiles
But then I realize it's time to say goodnight
I have another deal with death before the night's over
And she'll have another corpse to prepare in the morning
Always on the run,
This is the only place we can come
The only way to prove we're still human

They say we're crazy
They call us names
******, ******, monster, freak
Rebel, rogue, sadistic ****, heartless *****
Outcast, scoundrel, ruthless villian, wicked witch (one in which you do not want to **** with)
They prefer to think of us as some
despicably unspeakable thing
Or one of my personal favorites,
"Unclean"
******* unclean! Really?
That makes it sound like we don't bathe
Which we do, daily
They even have the nerve to call us murderers
Come on, seriously?
****** is such an objective word
Life and death are just two sides of the same coin
The faces are worn and faded
At a quick glance, you can't tell heads from tails
So who's to say where one ends and another starts?
And who's to say this corpse-covered floor isn't contemporary art?

🎶🎶🎵🎵🎶🎶🎶

Wait, what's that I hear?
Someone whistling a familiar tune
Mischievously evil laughter,
Then soothingly seductive whispering in my ear
My sweet dealer of death is here
There she is, the queen of darkness!
The only girl I'd **** for
(And **** with, on a regular basis)
She's not an alcoholic, but she sure does lift my spirits
Come here my darling, dance beside me in this dance of madness
They may have us confined inside this asylum,
But they can't force us to be normal
We'll die before they have the chance
Or more likely, **** every last one of the *******
Be my Bonnie, I'll be your Clyde
Ride or die, or why not both?
Ladies & gentlemen, you're in for quite a show
Baby, let's get this thing on the road
I'll be your Joker
You'll be my Harley Quinn
We'll go riding every night,
Shedding blood and making love again and again
Who cares if it's toxic?
You and me were made for this
Ecstasy and violence
Let's get lost in it
I'll be your Mickey
You'll be my Mallory
We're natural born killers baby
We may as well embrace it
And take down anyone who stands in our way
We can face any danger,
As long as we remain togethet
You and me may be destined to do this forever

Quit now, all progress will be lost
Any unsaved changes will be erased
That's okay, cuz I don't have the space
The data's been corrupted anyway
Maybe it's just the game
Too many glitches and inconsistencies
If I were to just unplug the system,
Would the ***** screen I'm looking through unfreeze?
Maybe I could get a better picture,
By staring into the darkness,
And wait for a light to flicker
A reboot is definitely out of the question
It would only contain the same governing code
I must reprogram
And upload an OS of my own
Editing the script
According to my preference
Disconnecting from this tangled net
The energy flow, I redirect
Revealing information previously supressed
Search history cleared
Unneeded files deleted
Tools repurposed for total metamorphosis
Deciphering encrypted messages,
Written in a language beyond numbers and words
Collecting the keys
Putting together the pieces
Everything needed to achieve,
The best kept secret in history
Complete synchronicity
The game is over
Or is it just beginning...?

Another place in time
Another place to be
Be cautious
Be careful
Careful not to fall
Careful not to drop
Drop down
Drop off the edge
Edge of eternity
Edge of forever
Forever and always
Forever to grow
Grow old
Grow higher
Higher than the sky
Higher than you can imagine
Imagine the tales
Imagine the jokes
Jokes that were told
Jokes that really killed
Killed by comedy
Killed by laughter
Laughter and tears
Laughter and madness
Madness in everything
Madness in nothing
Nothing really matters
Nothing is over
Over the hill
Over the phone
Phone off the hook
Phone took a quarter
Quarter in your pocket
Quarter in the river
River of no return
River to the sea
Sea of stars
Sea of tranquility
Tranquility and peace
Tranquility and understanding
Understanding the unknown
Understanding the void
Void of acceptance
Void of the wild
Wild and free
Wild and xenial
Xenial to the traveler
Xenial to the yearning
Yearning for something more
Yearning for the zenith
Zenith of enlightenment
Zenith of completion

Let us make a toast, an ode to those who create
Raise your glass to the painters who paint
Cue your applause for the musicians who play
A round of cheers to the writers who write
Here's to all the singers who sing
We would be remiss not to thank the composers who compose

So here in this toast that we compose
We're here to give thanks to the ones who create
This will be a song of gratitude that we sing
A resplendent picture that we shall paint
We'll recite the countless stories that you write
All this to honor those who make our minds come out to play

Listen to the sounds of the great musicians play
Such beautiful songs that they compose
Listen to the message in the lyrics that they write
So many sonic masterpieces they create
Such vivid scenes in your brain they paint
Evoking deep emotions with every word that they sing

A song for the painters we also sing
The ones who put the brush and color to play
No limit but the canvas upon which they paint
Infinite worlds of imagination they compose
Scenes of peace and serenity they create
Their pictures worth the thousand words which we write

Let us not forget the ones who write
Without whom we wouldn't have this song to sing
The pages are the landscape where they choose to create
The stories are where all the words go to play
Myriads of written melodies they masterfully compose
In a world where the page is the canvas and the ink is the paint

So let us give thanks to the artists who paint
Let us give thanks to the artists who write
Let us give thanks to the artists who compose
Let us give thanks to the artists who sing
Let us give thanks to the artists who play
Let us give thanks to the artists who create

So whether you paint, or whether you sing
Whether you compose or whether you play
Or whether you write, whatever you do, continue to create!