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Let et Scar Nov 2018
"SANITY OF THE INSANE"
By: Let et ScaR

The dark spots on the floor are moving closer to me,
I don't know if its real, or if its dream.

The faint sounds that are afar seem up close, but no one hears their static noise but me....
I then start to question my own sanity,
And fail to recall, insanity is just a pattern.

We all wake to do the same mundane thing everyday,
Insanity is just doin the same thing over and over again.
Am I the only one to see these things?
And through a side glance I see shadows running free.
But when I turn to look they dissipate,
Should I question Insanity???
Let et Scar Sep 2018
A broken woman holds many secrets,
Like an ocean with many unknown creatures lying deep in the darkest depths of the sea,
She holds herself like a glowing stallion,
Tall and proud,
Yet she is fragile like a wilting flower,
Despite headaches & heartbreak,
She still musters an undeniable unrelenting love,
Many awe in her glow,
Yet many throw away all that she gives,
She rises day to day chip on her shoulder,
Stitch on her heart,
But still produces enough love to raise children,
Be kind to those who are homeless,
And even those who are undeserving,
An injured woman is a vault of many secrets, worries and sleepless nights,
She's beautiful in all her colors,
Just like a bird with broken wings,
A butterfly without dust to her wings,
INCAPABLE to fly,
Yet she can STILL live & survive,
Although she can never take flight.
Let et Scar May 28
Maybe I'm too deep
Maybe you're too shallow
Maybe I'm too advanced
And all my wisdom you can't swallow

Maybe I'm too crazy
Maybe you're just dense
And you never questioned the what if's or what-nots

Maybe I seem insane
Because I know too much
Maybe you never asked the questions to get the answers you never got
Let et Scar Nov 2018
One day you will love me...
Really, really want me,
That day will be cloudy...
Dark and lonely,
It'll be faulty just like you,
One day you will see me...
But it won't be me you see,
Just a lively fading memory not at all the girl I used to be,
One day you will love me,
Want to hold me,
It's too bad for it will be too late,
And you will cry a river knowing..
That she loves someone else,
Someone better,
Someone sweet,
Someone that isn't YOU.
Let et Scar Apr 2022
She's like Hypnotic Poison,
A bittersweet juicy fruit,
But fallen far from the rotten tree,
Her kiss like belladonna,
The beautiful flower also known as Deadly nightshade,
It all depends on how you approach her,
A sour patch kid,
she can be sweet but then she's sour,
She throws hands like an older brother,
But she can be loving like a mother,
Her love is like a gamble,
It all depends on the deck you handle,
To those fortunate enough to know her...  She's a bubbly comforting ray of sunshine on the gloomiest of days,
Although she's stained with pain,
It's beautiful to see,
It makes you feel like your not stained by life and misery,
Sometimes you'll miss her sorrow,
It lets you know SHES REAL,
She wears the stain of life so well,
As if parading the latest trend,
She makes a mockery of all her pain,
like she never felt the sting of it,
He says she smells like a smoke machine,
I guess the compliment is fitting,
She clouds the mind then dissapates,
As easily as she came,
She's open yet her walls are high,
Puts the wall of china to shame,
She only brings her walls down,
If you stop trying to climb them,
She's sickly sweet like ******,
Addicting, she feels good but you know you can't control her,
She swallows your soul whole,
she draws out your darkest secrets,
Romanticizing all of it,
She smells like a Halloween smoke machine,
Smoke and mirrors,
A tantalizing scene,
She drinks like she's about to swallow an entire ocean,
Inhales cigarettes and *** like it gives her air to breath,
She covers up the smell of disdain,
But she's still a smoke machine,
And everyone calls her Savage but her name is PRIMA JEAN
Inspired by a boy who said I smell like a smoke machine
SHY
Let et Scar Oct 2024
SHY
You said you're really good in bed,
And I might have to put you to the test,
You said you made love like a God,
But I gave you a taste and lemme tell you it wasn't ****,
All I did was lay there like the dead,

1,2,3 pumps you were all fluff just like a loaf of bread,
You couldn't tickle me if the joke was funny,

I got up and I left that bedroom running,
You were such a hack in bed!
You were such a lousy **** Wish I was dead,

Maybe your shy,
Maybe your not,
Maybe I make men nervous, And your talk looks more like Child's Play,

I'll give you one more chance to change my mind,
I'll give you one more chance to make it up to me,
You know me now,
So you can stop being shy,

Oh no, oh God it was terrible AGAIN!
1 pump..
1 1/2...
A minute man,
I guess I won't be seeing you again,

Your bed game ***** and your attitude stinks more than my regret,
I changed my mind,
I rather go blind,
I rather ******* than to let you make it "up" or down to me again.
A poem of a lousy fxxk
Let et Scar Feb 7
I bought nirvana in a tiny red balloon
I tasted euphoria at the tip of a needle
I saw my dreams burn at the bottom of a silver spoon
I threw the cotton in to absorb all my demons

I drew blood for the first time at the age of 18
I mixed innocence with the devil that day
He took me by the hand and said:
"Let's go for a ride"

10yrs later my soul had died
It's been 20yrs now since I had my first taste
And today I can say I've split even

Another 10yrs I've spent redeeming myself
For the decade I pawned to the devil and now I can buy my soul back
Let et Scar Feb 24
I need some deep stimulation
I need some real conversation
Sick of these one sided responses
I'm bored with your lack of acknowledgement

I'm tired of bland personalities
I like seasoning in my chicken
I feel like I'm talking to myself
When I'm talking to you..
I think...
Am I?
Hellooo?!?!?

I need some real stimulation
Talking to boys today feels like a simulation

Nothing feels real
Nothing feels here
Everything seems so foreign
So distant
So ******* platonic

Isn't it something ironic
You front like your so iconic
But baby I'm out of this world
You step in my pan
Baby I'm hot
you'll get cooked

I need some real stimulation
I need to feel like your present
I need to feel like your REAL

If you can't keep up
then honey I'm DONE
I'm ready to start with castration

All these vague admirations
Got me in a tangled frustration
I need a real connection
I'm sick of this simulation

If you can't deliver that talk
Then ***** please step off and take your *** to the back of the line where you ******* belong
Let et Scar Nov 2018
SINGLE
I will remain a lone wolf my entire life,
No one can ever love me with the same love I give them,
No one can see me like I see them,
Without judgement,
Dismiss what you see flawed,
I count every flaw as a gift,
But you count my every flaw as an inconvenience,
I am an inconvenience,
A thorn in your spine,
A book never finished,
Just skimmed thru to the end,
And this is why no one can see ME,
Understand ME,
Know ME,
I WILL STAY SINGLE,
I've prepared for that,
I've made my bed to silently lie in,
To die in like cats do alone and in hiding,
To be found only when the decay of my body fills the air with my bitterness,
And that's fine,
I'm fine with never having my hopes and heart broken again,
But for now til I take that last breath I'll remain lonely....
A dimming shadow in the candlelight of your vague love
Let et Scar Apr 2019
I wear my ❤️ upon my sleeve
For all of you to SEE
Incase you thought I couldn’t feel...
But I feel EVERYTHING
Let et Scar Apr 2022
Your like a fake diamond ring,
Pretty to look at but can only make me smile for a week,
Before the vagueness of it's molecule turns your finger green,
Ya, I'm saying you are fake as ****,
You and your buddy are just sitting ducks,
*** I don't give a **** about a soul now,
I was on my way to turn into solid gold but how?
Now that you reminded me exactly why I only trust myself and **** everybody else!
I'm on a mission to destroy you,
Ya, you came in really strong shinning like a golden dollar,
But now with time you've lost all your luster,
It's too bad,
So sad,
You can never treat a woman right,
Now tell me who's the lonely one now?
Tell me what you really got?
Show me what I haven't got?
Tell this bitter melon again that her anger will keep her lonely until her dying day,
Who the hell is gonna keep you company?
No one!
*** no one likes a narcissistic liar,
No one trust a flaunter,
All the evidence of your destruction is making you sink faster!
I told you!
**** with me,
I'll ******* twice,
I will destroy your entire life,
Everything you held so dear that you cherish will be mine,
I will strip you like a freshly waxed floor of your ego, your ***** appointments coming to a sudden halt, that job that makes you all that money imma take that too,
You made a grave mistake in thinking that I was too weak to get away,
My pain isn't a weakness it's my energy,
I'm small but blow up in your hand like a hand grande ,
I locked my sights onto you I'm coming in silent like a ******,
Shoot to ****,
Trust me I got an Ill will,
Your fake as ****,
Could only make me smile for about a week,
then after that you turn the soul to green,
but not me!
I don't even have a soul to sell,
I pawned that **** so long ago,
I am something that you won't forget until your dead,
Run that sorry line by me again,
Prove to me your a "Real Man",
I'll pull your sheets as your on your knees kissing my hands,
I can assure you I am something you will definitely regret!
Let et Scar Dec 2018
Some day I'll be able to speak your name without any pain,
One day I'll talk about all the wonderful things you said,
Some day I'll be able to talk about the highlights of our lives together,
But today I avoid mention of your name *** the ache is too much to handle,
One day I'll be able to speak your name without tears rolling down my face,
Some day I'll fully forgive myself & not carry survivors guilt that stained me after your death,
One day I too will close my eyes FOREVER return to the ground I lay on,
Some day I won't blame myself and will be able to speak about you without chocking back tears
Let et Scar Sep 2018
Her soul was a soul on fire
A burning campsite of desire
Her mind was a rubics cube of sorrows never told
The anchor that she carries will never really unfold
Because her soul was on fire,
Burned everyone who came too close
Her heart is wrapped in iron to protect her fractured ego
The sutures all broke off and the Evil just seeped through
Everyone likes to put in their two-sense
But their nuisance is ******* too
Let et Scar Mar 3
I still cry sometimes..
When no one's looking
I still hurt sometimes...
But no one knows it
Let et Scar Feb 9
Sometimes I think I like you
Sometimes I **** just despite you
Sometimes I like the fantasy
That one day I might want you

Most times Im just alone
Most times I'm just ******* bored
I get annoyed when you call
I told you don't blow up my phone!

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be cold
**** it, I told you feelings I don't hold
I told you I'll call when I want
I don't like the feeling of being owned

Sometimes I think I could stand you
Most times I drink just to forget you
And how ******* cringe you really are
you mean nothing to me

Sometimes I hate myself for being this way
This was never who I really been
Sometimes I just fake that I care
So I don't feel bad about myself

Most times I'm filling the void
I picked you to fill in the time
Sometimes I tell myself I'm not this ****** up
But baby you're just here to stain the sheets
Let et Scar Feb 13
I know how short the time is
I know that it's not infinite
I basked in the sunshine and took advantage
Not knowing how short life is

One day I'm so deep in love with you
I thought it was forever
Next day I get a phone call
The coroner needs to identify your cadaver

I know how short the time is
I know that it's not infinite
One day I thought you were my lover
The next day I almost got ***** by our mutual friend

Still I'm kinda stubborn
I don't wanna believe hope does not exist
I don't wanna be cold like my mother
I want to feel loved again

I know how short the time is
I know that it's not infinite
But for now I'd like to pretend
That I like you and you like me
so we can share warmth with our flesh
Before the pain is fresh

I've spent so long in hibernation
My heart has reached freezing temperatures
I know we don't get much time together
I'd like to savor these moments

I'd like to pretend I'm Robin Hood stealing time with you
Let et Scar Oct 2018
I hurt myself on the outside ,
To **** the thing on the inside,

Hoping some day this dagger plunges deep enough to ***** me out,

See baby I'm suicidal.
I play with fire,
Flirt with death,
I decorate my deathbed,

Destroy me on the outside,
To distract from what eats at me on the inside,

Everyday 100 scenarios play like movie reels inside my head,
Jump in front of a train,
Hang myself from the beam above my head,
Til my employer finds me blue and dead,
Drink another bottle of ***,
Jump in my car, get out and DRIVE,
Head-on collision all while I'm toasted and High,

And this is the story of my life,
*** baby I'm suicidal,
And when you left I came unglued
Let et Scar Apr 2019
I watch em frolick in the sun,
Reminiscing of a time...
A time when I was happy in the sun,
Now I stand here in the shade,
Cursing summer that I now hate,
I watch em holding hands,
Tied together with rubber bands,
They lean into each other share a kiss,
Something that I truly miss,
Was hoping love would last FOREVER....
But all I was a summer dump
Let et Scar Apr 2019
Don’t fall in love with me,
We know I’m not the one,
Don’t set your sights on me,
You know she’s just far gone,
Don’t try to buy my love,
Get clingy then I run,
I don’t believe in summer fun,
With summer love I’m DONE.
Let et Scar Oct 2024
I tease the thought of what love could be,
I tease the thought with a fine toothed comb,
Weaving intricate designs that appeal to the eye and mind,
I think about all the fruits he brought,
Sweet tooth tricked my brain into thinking bitter fruit was bliss,
I tease the thought of love with ease,
But the bitter after taste stung my lips with a poisoned kiss,
I flirt with the fantasy that love may be real,
I **** the flame the moment I feel,
I've walked the walk enough times to know...
That love teases me and I don't tease it.
Let et Scar Jan 16
He said I found someone,
I really like her,
She wears glasses,
Reminds me of you,
She's on the bigger side,
She's independent too,
But she supports LGBTQ,
I said: Haaa that's gay!
"don't **** it up now" ,
She sounds like a softer version of me wow,
He says: "she's tomboyish but she's kinda lazy she talks too much, she might get clingy" ...
I said: "that's too bad, maybe that's not water weight"
But honey there's only one of me,
You said you didn't like me *** I'm too ******* mean,
Now you got a girl that's " kinda like me"
You make comparisons but I'm a limited edition and deep down you know she's just the temu version of me
Let et Scar Jan 17
Ya, I'm sad girl,
I'm a hurt girl,
Sink to the bottom,
Float to the top girl,
Because I want more,
Even though I'm still sore,
I can't play at the bottom and let it soak,
Cut my oxygen but I'll never croak,
Hold all my pain back in a chokehold,
Yes I'm a bad *****,
Got that mad itch,
Dont step over my toes I'll make your eye twitch,
The blood on my hands,
I had em wiped clean,
And there's nothing more they can take from me,
I had nothing to lose,
Everything to gain,
And life's just another roller coaster another gamble in this card game.
Let et Scar Nov 2018
As I step out into the darkness seemingly alone,
There's a bright ray of light that eclipses the dark,
And it don't matter where I walk, or where I wander,
This light always finds me in my darkest hour,
As I look up into the sky, the stars form a staircase,
Leading me to its mystical leader,
That outshines the streetlights, and even the stars.
I've already seen the dark side of the moon,
But, it also whispers to me "Don't fear the dark",
As it covers me in a blanket of stars all shinning with the light of the moon,
"Well hello my friend, my love, don't fret",
"If ever shall you be afraid call out to me",
"And I will walk you home when you need",
"Pave the sidewalks with the light of my aura"
"And smile upon you as you skip home in my glow",
"You can always speak to me whenever your low",
"*** I'm a good listener, when no one will hear you",
So, I gaze into the sky every night as I walk home.
I don't ever fear the dark anymore,
And I call out to him just for companionship,
It doesn't take long before his light shines upon me,
Always ready to walk me home.
Where ever I may wander or roam. LIGHT IN THE SKY"

                R.I.P.
      IRISH WHISLER
(7/16/1971- 7/7/2015)
Let et Scar Apr 2022
There once was a broken half princess,
That needed a well matching half,
She one day pulled out her heart,
Then kept it safe in a jar,
It floated in her tears for months and months,
A year or 2 later shook that old jar,
And saw it has been long enough,
With fear in her mind and hope in her heart,
She finally opened that jar,
Along came a prince in her sight,
she thought was worthy enough,
So she trusted him with her broken heart,
He held it until it was warm,
Then heard it beat like a drum,
She said "FINALLY, put it back in its place",
The charming prince completed her broken half,
Months later she started to rot,
With the stench of deceit and a wandering eye,
She thought she was more than enough.... For him to crown her #1,
Sometime later he decided she wasn't enough,
Now Dethroned to take second place,
When she asked why he lied in her face,
With his guitar played her a melody of decay,
Quickly draining her of a beautiful soul,
Her body riddled with pain,
As his body was stained with someone else's skin,
Like it was some kinda of twisted parade,
The broken princess said "I've had enough!",
So she pulled out her bleeding heart and tore it in half,
Saddened with his selfishness,
She locked herself up in that tower again,
This prince kissed her cheek that poisoned her skin,
Then she said: "sorry I wasn't enough...."  And never dared to love again
       -Dedicated to: Hector G.
Let et Scar Apr 2023
Sometimes, I can't hold it together,
My silence isn't really strength,
Sometimes, it's an emotional shock,
So my silence is to keep me from falling apart,
Sometimes, I just need a solid a hug,
To keep all my broken pieces from falling apart,
But sometimes, it's just too much to ask,
Because everyone assumes I'm in no need for human affection,
Most times, I just hold my breath,
I feel my exploding heart in my neck,
Sometimes, I just need a hug,
Something genuine where people aren't trying to take advantage to feel me up.
Let et Scar Dec 2018
Sweet 16 was when I found myself roomed in Cerritos psych ward,
2 other girls roomed with me,
One kinda like me,
I still have a piece of her converse sneaker logo as a suvenir of my teenage years,
The other girl was a beautiful girl,
Who cried everyday,
And slattered makeup before going to bed,
A beautiful girl with a stain in her smile,
And a **** to her ego,
I sat in this room and saw many come and go,
I'm still stuck here....
With a suicidal mind a flow,
Self esteem sunk low,
Taste for life gone bland,
Took this hand full of pills,
Hope to sleep at last... FOREVER.
Didn't happen,
I'm getting stuck with needles on a daily,
Monitored my food intake on a daily,
Anorexia nervosa won't let me,
But the girl at Cerritos psych,
She still my roomie and others are gone....
Then back,
Then gone again,
The pretty girl at Cerritos psych,
With big eyes, full lips and gorgeous brunette hair,
She's still stuck in Cerritos psych,
*** daddy told her that she's ugly and she's worthless only has a use for one thing,
And to this day I wonder if she ever saw her reflection??
Has she finally seen beauty within?
Or is she still stuck in Cerritos psych ward
Let et Scar Nov 2018
Why is it that human kind are at the top of the line.... Yet we cannot be kind to ourselves let alone a fellow human being?!??
Why we may have thumbs,
And walk upright,
Have the biggest brain,
Enough to have the option to make choice,
Yet we've lost our voice,
We are the worst animals on planet Earth....
But do you know WHY???
Because with our "big brains" we chose to hold another down,
Instead of bringing them a step up,
We chose to hurt, lie and ****** just out of greed,
Just for kicks,
Yet an animal does only solely to survive,
Maintain their race,
Yet we destroy each other with such haste,
convinced this is the only way to come up,
We are the human animal,
Because nothing of our way of being shows were anything more that just another animal,
The only difference is we walk, we speak, we "think" or so we should.....
Instead we step on toes,
Cause more woe,
Let greed run our ****** up minds,
But we are all just human-animals,
Blessed with a posable thumb!
Let et Scar Sep 2018
"THE INVISIBLE KILLER"
By: Scar Savage

DEPRESSION.
Is the invisible killer,
The unseen disease that people just brush off and say:
"It's all in your head"
But... That's just it.
It IS IN MY HEAD.
And that's EXACTLY why I can NEVER seem to run from it..
Although I don't SEE it, it ALWAYS seeks me,
And when I tell somebody they just tell me I'll be ok, and it'll pass,

Well it's been 30 years ***** when is THAT suppose to happen??!
People think it's not real because they don't SEE.
But, you don't SEE THE WIND...
BUT YOU STILL FEEL IT!!
And I feel this EVERY ******* DAY!
And it's killing me, it's eating at my soul til I decay!

But that's ok. *** your ok right?
It's all in my head and you feel none of it,
Oh and BTW I "choose" to be this way,
Tell Me, WHO THE **** CHOOSES TO FEEL LIKE **** Everyday!!!

It's as involuntary as blinking and breathing!!
But it don't exist *** it don't show up on a blood test or upon my skin,
Until the day I actually turn Grey from death,
Because I got tired of "choosing" to BE THIS WAY!!

HELLO MY NAME IS DEPRESSION.
YOUR GOING TO DIE THIS WAY!
Let et Scar Dec 2018
I know.. it's just a season,
It's just a picture,
It's just another lingering memory,
but it's not.
Just another candid moment caught in a dim lit whirlwind,
I know, it's just a picture...
but it's not what you see that I must stress,
See that day was special,
We admired beautiful sparkles of whites and blues,
We awwed at sculptures made of ice,
We laughed,
We loved,
We're intertwined,
Stood side-by-side..
Then, SNAP
a flash,
The end result, I caught your soul,
Printed on this photograph of US,
The last photo taken of you,
With you, this was the last time that I was happy,
The last photo as a family, and the last time I saw you smile,
I know.... it's just a picture,
Painting 1000 words to choke on, then quickly swallowed,
But it's not just any picture...
This one was the last time we were a FAMILY,
The last time we were "normal,"
The last time schizophrenia allowed you to be a father and a husband,
So you see, this one was special..
THIS WAS THE LAST TIME I WAS HAPPY.
Poem background: Last photo taken of my late husband was when we went to see the frozen ice sculptures. The last time he was normal
Let et Scar Oct 2018
Shes a tiny glass menagerie
Action packed just let her be,
She's jaded she's not broken,
Her boiling rage is just a token,
Her best feature,
She's a creature beneath the human skin,
Underlying,  there's no denying,
The past is exactly what had built her,
Why yes, oh yes, she's beautiful,
A beautiful disaster dancing in a music box,
Dancing circles around dismounted dreams,
She stares at her reflection....
Her only true companion... A reflection of a cracked girl trapped within the mirror
Let et Scar Sep 2018
She is the methamphetamine queen, hard and lean,
Tall and mean.
But she doesn't think,
*** she's sunk so deep.
Never in her wildest dreams did she dream of this,
To smoke up her dreams.
Caught up in a summer's eve,
With her skin a glow,
Blew her first cloud of smoke,
To swallow her whole.
Without reason or remorse,
Blindly to this course,
Caught up in that summer haze,
Got lost in that methamphetamine daze,
Now she hides in the shadows of the night,
Fixing her next high.
She's the methamphetamine queen.
Hollow yet so deep,
But what made her start?
She was so **** smart.
Now she's pale and wasted,
The lost she can taste them,
As she comes crawling out of her dark alley way,
She Misguides them her way.....
She's the queen of methamphetamine,
Cold and dead,
Off with your head.
She don't care none.
High and dry,
Too broke to get high.
So she lures them in.
To her world of self -destruction.
With no concept of time, or why?
Living to get high,
Hiding from the light.
*** at night she's beautiful and free,
And in the day she's ugly and unclean.
But what made her turn to this?
Screams of **** and ******.
She took control of her best weapon of them all,
Her body.
Her temple.
Weathered.
With the pains her beauty brings....
Screams of help....
Cries in questions......
Why her beauty made her target,
Of deviance, abuse, and hopelessness.
She's the methamphetamine queen....
So tired and on speed.
She was all you dreamed.....
Beautiful, carefree....
She's the methamphetamine queen.....
High-strung and light years apart.
She's the methamphetamine queen,
Tall and lean.
Hard and mean....
She's the methamphetamine queen/ faded dream.
You can show her the way.....
But she hesitates.
Bring her all the wonders of the world,
But she don't care.
And she don't feel or sleep or eat.... *** she's.....
THE METHAMPHETAMINE QUEEN.
Let et Scar Feb 2019
Is she the one?
Truly, The ONE??
The one that eases stresses with just a sideways smile,
The one who's voice brings color to your world,
Tell me,
Did you find THE One?
The one that you were searching for,
The one talked and dreamed about both day and night,
Tell me... Is she the one?
The one that brings the sun to your grey days,
The one that kisses all your pains,
Is she the one you reach for at night?
When your body craves for warmth,
Is she the one that makes you feel invincible?
The one your heart skips beats for,
Tell me..
Have you found the one everyone speaks of?
The girl that compliments your dreams,
The girl that's equally your half?
Is she the one...?
The one that plants fluttering butterflies in your gut,
The one that completes your being?
Tell me.. is she the one to bear your children?
The most beautiful woman you ever seen?
Have you found the one who's scent is sweetness to you,
The one who's flaws you find perfection in,
Tell me have you found the girl who's touch you miss,
The one you never ever want to let go?
Tell me..
Have you found the one you want FOREVER,
The one that's home to you?
Tell me love, have you found the one you can be your true self with?
The one that wasn't me
Let et Scar Nov 2018
It's sad.
People think I'm doing better,
But I've only gotten better at masking the pain,
And I wish that it would all wash away with the rain...
But it's California,
It never rains,
So I carry this ache like the heavy weight,
Of a dead man,
Disguising my brokenness with a smile,
Try to hold it just a little while,
Long enough to run to the bathroom,
Run the shower,
So I can finally release the distress of holding it all in,
All my glued together pieces of my broken soul,
And I sit in here let the hot water scorch my crooked spine,
As I sit here and cry,
On the bathtub floor and the bathroom floor,
As I nod my head and beat my brain and subtly let out muffled screams,
It's sad,
It stings and Burns and hurts,
I rather be tortured and bruised,
Then I compose myself,
Cover up the decay,
And take a deep breath,
Prepare myself and step back out like I didn't just break down,
But no one knows about it.
Let et Scar Oct 2018
Imma be popping these pills til I disappear,
Popping these pills til my mind is clear,
Walking down the street grin from ear to ear,
I worry about no one because I don't have any fear,
I can be the nicest person or your biggest regret,
But if you true and stick to your word than you have nothing to fret,
And I can bet just about anything even in my sedative state,
That I'm cool and step up to the plate,
My love is a wildfire that clears the most dense of forests,
My rage is weapon that cuts a person out as quickly as you cut a bad habit,
Which version of me you meet that's up to you to decide,
And if your true to form than you have nothing to hide,
But I keep it real,
Wether these wounds stay open or heal....
But I'll be popping these pills til the day that I die,
Because if I don't I split all my sides,
And that's when the darkness that hides takes its opportunity to come out and play in the dark,
Where the shadows dance and the moonlight makes musick with it's light
Let et Scar Oct 2020
If I wish upon a star will my dreams ever come true?
If I hold the moon in my hands will I absorb it's light?
And if I do will it be bright enough for you to see me?
In the dark?
If I cover myself with the milky Way will it feel just like your embrace?
Or will I only be a miniscule speck in the mass of all its majesty?
Will I ever be the Apple of your eye?
And the fire in your *****?
Will my love burn hotter than the scorching sun or will you let it turn to ashes?
Will a kiss on the lips and a touch of your soul make you believe...
I am worthy enough to be placed on the highest pedal stool in the kingdom of your torn up heart?
Can two broken people put all their broken pieces together and mend the damage of lover's past.
or are we just too broken a void in the sky.
-Scar Savage
Let et Scar Nov 2018
He loves me...
I can tell by the way he smiles at me,
He loves me...
I can tell by the way he looks at me,
He scars me...
With a single word he shoots me down,
He drowns me,
With words of sweet nothingness .
But I know.
Yes I know... He'll never leave,
*** I know he loves to torture me the most,
He Loves me...
I can tell by the way my face has swelled,
But he loves me.
I can tell by the shades of purples and green,
He calls me....
Only to soothe his own shame & guilt.
And drowns me...
In a sea of liquor so he can have his way with me.
But I.....
I stay.
*** I know nothing more....
Than this life of misuse and abuse.
But he loves me!
I can tell by his apologies,
But he loves me....
I can tell by the dozen roses he sent to me.
Oh he chokes me.....
With the same hands that once comfort me,
And he burns me,
Faster than a house on fire.
But he loves me.......
He can be violent, harsh, and sweet,
And I spend my days walking on a wire,
But he loves ME!!
I can tell by the way he says: "IM SORRY."
Let et Scar Mar 3
I'm sober now
My head ain't stuck in a smoke cloud
I'm smart now
But I still feel like I'm dumb

I know now
Right from wrong
But I been dead for so long that I'm still numb

What stings the most
Are talks with my mother over coffee
She reminds me
Of all the things I used to do

She tells me
Prima, you're really good with your hands...
Remember when you used to paint and fix things?

I stay silent because I know
I know I used to be so much more
I've finally grown up enough to come out my shell
And explain to her all the drugs I did killed my inner self

She tells me
Prima, you used to sing so good...
Maybe you should go back to that it was therapy to you,
I tell her I don't do that anymore..
I don't have time
But I know I lie

I'm sober now
And I feel myself coming back to life
Yet there is still a part of me that dies
I don't feel things like I used to do before

Before the drugs
Before twisted love
Before this thing they call growing up

What stings to me the most
Is the things my mother knows
The things that I forgot that I can do
That most girls dont

She says to me
Prima, didn't you used to dance with a hula hoop?
I said.. I stopped doing that because I got so skinny from the withdrawals that it hurts

My mother she reminds me of all the things I forgot that I could do
Like outsmart the cops, fix my car, and create things with these broken hands I own
Let et Scar Oct 2020
I love your insecurities,
The things you see,that I don't see,
I examine you like a specimen, a wonder, like a new invention,
You'll never catch me staring,
But I'll tell you that I do,
I may not use words to express all that I harbor....
But, I use the language of my body and the curves of my spine,
Quench your thirst with my lips,
Press the mass of you against my borders,
I'll use all the things I Despise about myself, like I see no fault in them,
I'll kiss every scar on your body and caress everything you hate about yourself,
I'll change the bad taste on your tongue with a kiss sweet as cherry wine,
And although I throw blows like the arms of a brother,
I am tender with the love of a mother,
And I don't fear to see what your afraid to reveal,
I crave to taste all of you...
the good, the bad, the ugly. ALL THE THINGS YOU HATE YOURSELF.
-Scar Savage
Let et Scar Dec 2018
Your just like toilet paper...
See thru like a colorform,
Your just like toilet paper...
Use once and then destroy,
Your just like toilet paper...
Weak-willed tears up when in rain,
Your just like toilet paper...
Drop you in a porcelain thrown just rid of you like a bad habit,
Your just like Toilet Paper...
Wipe my *** with your face when I'm done giving a ****,
Your just like toilet paper...
You are only a DISPOSABLE poor excuse of a human being!
Let et Scar Sep 2018
One day you'll know..
How much I loved you,
How much I meant everything I ever said,
But by then it'll be too late,
And I won't be here,
*** I'll be DEAD.
I'm almost there and yes I know it,
In time you will too,
When the Earth loses all color,
And her voice echoes in your dreams,
When you try to seek for that same fire in everyone but me,
And you realize what you just did,
When kisses become bitter and bitter with every set of lips,
And on that day you'll know,
How much she really adored you,
But you devalued all her efforts despite her damaged heart... She STILL mustered all her broken will to shower you with love,
All the love that eventually broke her,
All the love she never got,
But by then it'll be too late,
You've made the same mistake AGAIN,
Only this time you'll truly regret it,
And you can blame yourself for her demise this time,
When you hold another lover and her embraces are shallow and cold,
When you take her out to places we went to,
You'll see her shadow dancing in the background like a vivid memory,
When you lay with her in bed wondering why you feel like your so dead,
And she can't even hold a candle to half the things that she did,
Remember how much she loved you,
When you left her here for Dead.
And your poor attempt to replace her  will devour everything in your wake.
Everytime I see you
I feel my smile FADE

I know when I see you
It's another ******* day

I don't understand it
Why you always complicate
The simplest of tasks always becomes a rubix cube of play

I'm starting to feel pre-annoyance everyday
Before I even clock into work I know your gonna **** me off

Everytime I see you
I feel my smile fade

I'm getting so sick of coming in here everyday
Work frustrations
Let et Scar Feb 5
I'm like a Venus flytrap
I don't move for anyone
I don't go chasing my dinner
or my lunch

I'm like a Venus flytrap
I stay still within my potted soil
I only open my jaws when waiting for my food to land

I'm like a Venus flytrap
Trapping boys within my jaws
Once my trigger hairs are touched
My leaves snap shut
Sealing my prey inside

Waiting for disintegration
Turning you to liquid
as I swallow you whole

I'm like a Venus flytrap
My body only opens up a limited amount of times
If you touch me too much
my life expires
and I will surely die
Let et Scar Oct 2018
I've watched the day from sunrise to sunset,
I've watched it turn from day to night and back again,

My body is tired,
My mind's awake,
The soul it NEVER rest,

The days my mind finally shuts down,
My body crumbles....
They are the Best,
Those are the nights I close my eyes,
Close my mind and finally put myself to REST.
Let et Scar Apr 2022
Today I had a really exciting day,
I couldn't wait to send you a txt but ..... Wait..
I forget, that was yesterday..
And today's another day I'm alone AGAIN,
But I couldn't wait to vent,
And I couldn't wait to laugh, I completely forgot that you aren't there & this is our last good bye,
And I have no one else to pass the time,
Dry my own tears every night,
Like it's just a piece of pie,
And I can't tell you how many times I wanna die,
But I keep it all inside,
*** I'm not yours,
And you were never mine,
I hold myself at night to keep all my pieces in place inside,
So I don't lose my whole self this time,
And I picked up the phone to tell you what's on my mind,
But we ain't cool like that,
You ****** up my whole mind,
Im screaming deep inside and no one pays me any mind,
I smiled when I saw your name pop up,
I wanted to make you laugh,
Picked up the phone then I  remembered... We are done,
And we don't talk like that anymore.
Let et Scar Sep 2018
I'll tell you what it's like,
To be a Mother & play Father,
How I had to explain why daddy didn't call on her birthday,
How he didn't meet her under the tree @school...

Like he did every morning to say:
"What are you going to be when you grow up?"
A MODEL, A SCIENTIST, AN ARTIST
Then he kissed her and parted with: " I love you, I'll see you later"
BECAUSE WE NEVER SAY GOODBYE, GOODBYE IS FOREVER,

So I'll tell you how it feels to be a mother of a child with a deceased Father....

It feels like my life is not my own now,
It feels like I'm only good because I have her,
It taste almost like Failure because this image of the perfect family I never had, that I tried to build... Is now more broken than the one I grew up in,

It feels like SACRIFICE,
Tears & Laughter ALL @THE SAME TIME,
Being a Mother feels like Im starved, sleep deprived, and on my toes at any given times,

But... It's OK..
Because I KNOW SHE NEVER NEEDS or HUNGERS for anything,
I ignore my own needs to meet hers,
I never treat myself because if I do I feel guilty for not treating her,

Every Xmas I pay the bills,
And spend the remainder EVERY PENNY ON HER,
And it's OK... Because I live to see that smile on her face,

Being a mother feels like your a great Wall of salt rock standing firm against the tides,
That relentlessly pound & crash into your aching bones,
Being a mother feels like you draw strength and power that you NEVER had before,

Being a Mother proves an empty shattered sould can harvest love in the darkest of places,
Being a mother morphs you into super woman,
All of a sudden you can fight the world,
If ANYONE attempts to harm my girl,

Being a mother is smiling thru the day, breaking down at night,
Wake up in the morning, wipe them tears til Dry,
Cook, Clean, Work, every night,
Bend over backwards til it's almost natural,

Being a Mother shows the world that even though your ****** up,
YOU COULD MAKE SOMETHING SO PERFECT IN THIS WORLD.
Let et Scar Sep 2018
What's left of a 6 ft man?
Of 185 lbs pounds.....

From alpha male to ash and dust,
And now the wind I have to trust..

To guide me to that place above that
everyone speaks of,

What's left of a sturdy man?
A pile of bones ash- dust,
Stuffed inside a cardboard box,

The man I used to hold and love...
Delivered to me in a 1 ft. Box.

I'll keep him near,
right by my side,
Until I too return to dust.
This was written after receiving my late husband remains.
Let et Scar Jul 2022
Have you ever seen a banshee cry?
Or heard a siren scream?
Have you ever seen such beauty in her tragedies?

Have you ever questioned why the banshee stays screaming?
Maybe her screaming is actually weeping,
Have you ever wondered WHY the Siren serenades?
Maybe her song is a lullaby of death,

Her beautiful song sings a melody of disdain,
And the banshee's unpleasant exterior is a reflection of her everlasting ache,

And maybe just maybe I can relate..
To two different types of creatures from land and sea with feelings astray,

Pretty on the outside,
Putrid on the inside,
Singing, screaming songs of pains and woes,
Masking the aches through alluring songs and enchanted smiles,

But you KNOW that when the Siren SCREAMS instead of sings they took something so dear to validate her painful tune of decay
Let et Scar Oct 2018
You we're only in love with me for what you could turn me into,
but you never loved me for me.

you loved me as far as you can mold me,
you loved me as much as you can stand me,

You were only in love with the version of me that you thought you could change,
Into the version of your perfect self you wanted me to be,

You were only infatuated with the idea of me,
you were only in love with my body but never for me,

But you failed to compromise and you minimised,
Failed to comprehend that when you say I Love You that it means you love that person as a WHOLE.

That love should be infinite without limitations.
Let et Scar Jan 28
I'm sorry while I disappear..
It's the only thing that's real,
I'm sorry I don't wanna feel,
I'm killing all my sudden fears,
With absence,

I'm sorry if it's been too long,
Since the last time we have spoken,
I don't really have an explanation,
For all of my broken vibrations,

But disappearing is the only thing I'm good at,
Always running,
Always becoming,
Someone new,
Someone you don't know,

And maybe being a ghost is where I feel the most comfortable,
Because I have always been here... In body,
But my mind has always been gone,

Lost in space,
Lost in time,
Lost in all that could have beens,
I'm sorry that I disappear because it makes me feel unreal,
And I like it
Let et Scar Jun 11
She decided enough is enough,
Tired of being a diamond buried in the rough,
Always got the cold shoulder,
Always raised to be tough,
Tough love was the only love she ever got,
She split herself into two and forgot,
That she also needed to feel human,
She also needed some warmth,

She ****** around and fell in love,
But of course with the wrong one,
10 years came and gone,
10 years became a decade,
She loved him to the endless,
Soon enough he became a headache,
She had enough of all the emotional abuse,
Sometimes turned into physical misuse,

Finally she started to try to save face,
She tried to leave him but he would make her stay,
Out of fear she always went home,
But he never did let go,

And he never got around to treat her like she deserved,
The hardest decision for her was to sever her ties,
The very vows that tied them together,
After his betrayal she had to let him go,
But he just couldn't watch her walk away,

He decided if I can't have her NO ONE WILL EVER!!

He cancelled himself out and said to her:
If you can't be my wife I'll be the WIDOWMAKER
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