I've watched the day from sunrise to sunset,
I've watched it turn from day to night and back again,

My body is tired,
My mind's awake,
The soul it NEVER rest,

The days my mind finally shuts down,
My body crumbles....
They are the Best,
Those are the nights I close my eyes,
Close my mind and finally put myself to REST.

Today I had a really exciting day,
I couldn't wait to send you a txt but ..... Wait..
I forget, that was yesterday..
And today's another day I'm alone AGAIN,
But I couldn't wait to vent,
And I couldn't wait to laugh, I completely forgot that you aren't there & this is our last good bye,
And I have no one else to pass the time,
Dry my own tears every night,
Like it's just a piece of pie,
And I can't tell you how many times I wanna die,
But I keep it all inside,
*** I'm not yours,
And you were never mine,
I hold myself at night to keep all my pieces in place inside,
So I don't lose my whole self this time,
And I picked up the phone to tell you what's on my mind,
But we ain't cool like that,
You ****** up my whole mind,
Im screaming deep inside and no one pays me any mind,
I smiled when I saw your name pop up,
I wanted to make you laugh,
Picked up the phone then I  remembered... We are done,
And we don't talk like that anymore.

I'll tell you what it's like,
To be a Mother & play Father,
How I had to explain why daddy didn't call on her birthday,
How he didn't meet her under the tree @school...

Like he did every morning to say:
"What are you going to be when you grow up?"
A MODEL, A SCIENTIST, AN ARTIST
Then he kissed her and parted with: " I love you, I'll see you later"
BECAUSE WE NEVER SAY GOODBYE, GOODBYE IS FOREVER,

So I'll tell you how it feels to be a mother of a child with a deceased Father....

It feels like my life is not my own now,
It feels like I'm only good because I have her,
It taste almost like Failure because this image of the perfect family I never had, that I tried to build... Is now more broken than the one I grew up in,

It feels like SACRIFICE,
Tears & Laughter ALL @THE SAME TIME,
Being a Mother feels like Im starved, sleep deprived, and on my toes at any given times,

But... It's OK..
Because I KNOW SHE NEVER NEEDS or HUNGERS for anything,
I ignore my own needs to meet hers,
I never treat myself because if I do I feel guilty for not treating her,

Every Xmas I pay the bills,
And spend the remainder EVERY PENNY ON HER,
And it's OK... Because I live to see that smile on her face,

Being a mother feels like your a great Wall of salt rock standing firm against the tides,
That relentlessly pound & crash into your aching bones,
Being a mother feels like you draw strength and power that you NEVER had before,

Being a Mother proves an empty shattered sould can harvest love in the darkest of places,
Being a mother morphs you into super woman,
All of a sudden you can fight the world,
If ANYONE attempts to harm my girl,

Being a mother is smiling thru the day, breaking down at night,
Wake up in the morning, wipe them tears til Dry,
Cook, Clean, Work, every night,
Bend over backwards til it's almost natural,

Being a Mother shows the world that even though your ****** up,
YOU COULD MAKE SOMETHING SO PERFECT IN THIS WORLD.

What's left of a 6 ft man?
Of 185 lbs pounds.....

From alpha male to ash and dust,
And now the wind I have to trust..

To guide me to that place above that
everyone speaks of,

What's left of a sturdy man?
A pile of bones ash- dust,
Stuffed inside a cardboard box,

The man I used to hold and love...
Delivered to me in a 1 ft. Box.

I'll keep him near,
right by my side,
Until I too return to dust.

You we're only in love with me for what you could turn me into,
but you never loved me for me.

you loved me as far as you can mold me,
you loved me as much as you can stand me,

You were only in love with the version of me that you thought you could change,
Into the version of your perfect self you wanted me to be,

You were only infatuated with the idea of me,
you were only in love with my body but never for me,

But you failed to compromise and you minimised,
Failed to comprehend that when you say I Love You that it means you love that person as a WHOLE.

That love should be infinite without limitations.

I wrapped it up in foil,
I didn't want it to ever spoil,
I stuck it in the freezer,
Heard freezing prolongs shelf life,
I wrapped it up in foil,
But freezerburn has set in,
It's destroying all the good that was left deep within,
I wrapped it up in foil,
But her heart was a machine never oiled,
I wrapped it up in foil,
But with your touch she was quick to spoil.

You haven't seen me smile..
For a long, long time now,
I bet you thought the light's out,
I bet you thought nobody's home,
Well, I haven't been around much...
But I guarantee you I was still here,
I was watching from a distance,
What you do in shadows thinking I'm not there,
You haven't seen her smile in a while,
I bet you thought you cut her lights out,
Your like a Double sided 2-faced coin,
Thought you could handle two guns and a fire,
You got your finger in the trigger...
But your trigger finger's MINE,
Shot yourself in one foot,
And tripped over the other,
I bet you saw her cry alot,
I bet you told your friends,
We haven't smiled for a while ...
But we'll see who's laughing at the END.