Hey I know that you're all grown up, your not a little girl anymore & don't need me for shelter,

But I know that you hurt,
And deep within there's still a little girl coveting inside,
The armor that now is YOU as a woman,

And I just wanna reach out to her,
Show you that you are still HER,
That little girl that onced dreamed of things bigger than she,

I know you feel hopeless,
Life's disappointments left you loveless,
But I know your not completely hollow,
Because you have a little girl now,
And you had to harvest love to have her,

I'm just here to remind you,
That you onced laughed & you smiled,
And your glow could light up a darkened road for miles and miles,

I hope your listening,
Even if tears roll & glisten,
Because someone needs to remind you,
That you're not cold or made of Iron.

Your just a little lost in the current,
And you need someone to guide you,
But first and foremost I'd like to apologize to you,
For not becoming what you always dreamed of being,
When you were a little girl so excited to be part of this world,

So here goes:
This is a letter to my younger self,
The little girl that wanted to grow up so bad,
But it happened way too fast,

I know everything has seemed like a war and a struggle,
And I'm sorry I've let you down,
See I was so in a hurry to grow up and be free to be me.

That I didn't think things thoroughly,
And now the younger me is suffering,
The part of me that still dreams,
Believes in love solid as gold,
This little girl she was bold,
Despite a broken home and divorce,
She STILL dreamed BIG,
Big about ME.

But I let you down in my own greed,
Too in a hurry to flee,
From home so I could experience being a teen,
Because your childhood was stolen,
And you just wanted to be normal like everyone you knew,

I'm sorry that back then I didn't give much of a ****,
To keep my head on straight,
And secure the life that you are owed,

I'm sorry I was so in a rush to experience life,
Because as you already know it,
I never got to be a care-free child,
I'm sorry you always felt alienated & broken,

And all the hands that had touched you,
Warped in your young mind what the idea of love is,
I'm sorry I poisoned your body,
Trying to **** the pain you have felt your whole life,

I know deep inside you're STILL in there.....
Still trying to believe..
That somehow you can still be happy,
And in time maybe trust AGAIN,

I know you're all grown up now,
And you are a force to reckon with,
I know you may not need my Comfort or embrace,

All I know is that you are lost,
Deep inside My head,
Because all of life's circumstances rendered you to give in,

But even as a little girl you were tougher than nails,
And the strength in your mind is bigger than your own body,
So keep pushing and pulling til the dam breaks and your floods consume all those who hate.

I'm so sorry I didn't work harder to be the person that you thought you'd grow up to be,
But I'm you from the future telling myself from childhood....

Hey you can't give up,
You still have more miles,
And two eyes that look up at you to admire.

I have pounded walls til I have BLED..
If you were here you'd be nearly DEAD,
Your selfish actions you'll REGRET,
*** I'm coming to collect the DEBT!

You thought you could finally rest,
*****-*** ***** this was all a test!

I have come to collect the REST,
Of that ******* you call a heart I so detest!

Lil cowardess *****,
You just a puppet on my string,
I'm about to make your head ring,
Aftershocks still lingering,

******* I was always REAL,
Ride or die and all you do is LIE,
This love that I had for you...
It has now decayed just like you!

I'll tell you what it's like,
To be a Mother & play Father,
How I had to explain why daddy didn't call on her birthday,
How he didn't meet her under the tree @school...

Like he did every morning to say:
"What are you going to be when you grow up?"
A MODEL, A SCIENTIST, AN ARTIST
Then he kissed her and parted with: " I love you, I'll see you later"
BECAUSE WE NEVER SAY GOODBYE, GOODBYE IS FOREVER,

So I'll tell you how it feels to be a mother of a child with a deceased Father....

It feels like my life is not my own now,
It feels like I'm only good because I have her,
It taste almost like Failure because this image of the perfect family I never had, that I tried to build... Is now more broken than the one I grew up in,

It feels like SACRIFICE,
Tears & Laughter ALL @THE SAME TIME,
Being a Mother feels like Im starved, sleep deprived, and on my toes at any given times,

But... It's OK..
Because I KNOW SHE NEVER NEEDS or HUNGERS for anything,
I ignore my own needs to meet hers,
I never treat myself because if I do I feel guilty for not treating her,

Every Xmas I pay the bills,
And spend the remainder EVERY PENNY ON HER,
And it's OK... Because I live to see that smile on her face,

Being a mother feels like your a great Wall of salt rock standing firm against the tides,
That relentlessly pound & crash into your aching bones,
Being a mother feels like you draw strength and power that you NEVER had before,

Being a Mother proves an empty shattered sould can harvest love in the darkest of places,
Being a mother morphs you into super woman,
All of a sudden you can fight the world,
If ANYONE attempts to harm my girl,

Being a mother is smiling thru the day, breaking down at night,
Wake up in the morning, wipe them tears til Dry,
Cook, Clean, Work, every night,
Bend over backwards til it's almost natural,

Being a Mother shows the world that even though your ****** up,
YOU COULD MAKE SOMETHING SO PERFECT IN THIS WORLD.

A broken woman holds many secrets,
Like an ocean with many unknown creatures lying deep in the darkest depths of the sea,
She holds herself like a glowing stallion,
Tall and proud,
Yet she is fragile like a wilting flower,
Despite headaches & heartbreak,
She still musters an undeniable unrelenting love,
Many awe in her glow,
Yet many throw away all that she gives,
She rises day to day chip on her shoulder,
Stitch on her heart,
But still produces enough love to raise children,
Be kind to those who are homeless,
And even those who are undeserving,
An injured woman is a vault of many secrets, worries and sleepless nights,
She's beautiful in all her colors,
Just like a bird with broken wings,
A butterfly without dust to her wings,
INCAPABLE to fly,
Yet she can STILL live & survive,
Although she can never take flight.

I'm torn between love and hate,
You are now my biggest regret,
Try as I may but I can never forget,
How you dangled me by a thread,
Say "Happy Birthday" than left me for DEAD,
But this time im your biggest threat,
And I won't stop til it's off with your head.
*** you ****** up in the biggest way,
Oh well, Your loss,
Cause you know I'm boss,
Ride or die,
Never lie,
But ok whatever with that,
Good luck finding another girl that can cook, work, drink, fix a car,
This time silly boy you won't have me to call when your in distress,
*** your the cause of my stress,
And I'll stay in your mind like a parasite,
Eating you up from the inside out,
Consuming your brain & weakening your game,
*** ***** I can assure you won't find another me,
You can kiss 20k lips but none will hold a candle to me,
****, won't even be able to come close in comparison,
And with every new hand you hold,
Every I love you told,
In the back of your mind,
In the deepest of your crippled heart,
You'll be wishing replacing my face with HERS.

Roses are RED,
Bruises stay BLUE,
Sugar is sweet,
But so were YOU,
Nothing was TRUE,
I came UNGLUED,
Your promise was EMPTY,
My rage is so DEADLY,
You wanted to Marry & have a FAMILY??
I hope to God you shoot BLANKS and your gun is now EMPTY!

"GOODMOURNING"

There's so many things weighing so heavy,
In my chest full of regrets,
Full of sadness and the darkeness,
And things I never said,

Like how much I really loved you,
And how it hurt to walk away,
When you became a danger,
To your wife and your kid,

The survivor's guilt it's so heavy,
Weighing down like an iron anchor,
With a heart full of anger, pain and emptiness,

All the things I never said,
What our baby said to you on your last day,
It rings echoing in my head,
It's like salt rubbed in a wound after your pour lemon onto it,

It just stings and burns,
You can't shake it,
It don't go away,
They say time heals all wounds....
But I haven't witnessed this yet,

It's been 3 yrs. Now,
You say time can heal but how?
*** my soul is oh so weary,
And my heart quickly defeated,

All the things I never said,
Dues I should have paid,
Tell you how much we loved you,
Thank you for the times you made us smile,
Thank you for the time we shared,
And even though we had our problems,
You were always a great father,

But I'm permanently stuck in mourning,
And words that I wish I could have said and never did,
There was so much left say...
But I never got the chance,
And I just wanna say:
GOOD BYE would have been nice