Your like a fake diamond ring,
Pretty to look at but can only make me smile for a week,
Before the vagueness of it's molecule turns your finger green,
Ya, I'm saying you are fake as ****,
You and your buddy are just sitting ducks,
*** I don't give a **** about a soul now,
I was on my way to turn into solid gold but how?
Now that you reminded me exactly why I only trust myself and **** everybody else!
I'm on a mission to destroy you,
Ya, you came in really strong shinning like a golden dollar,
But now with time you've lost all your luster,
It's too bad,
So sad,
You can never treat a woman right,
Now tell me who's the lonely one now?
Tell me what you really got?
Show me what I haven't got?
Tell this bitter melon again that her anger will keep her lonely until her dying day,
Who the hell is gonna keep you company?
No one!
*** no one likes a narcissistic liar,
No one trust a flaunter,
All the evidence of your destruction is making you sink faster!
I told you!
**** with me,
I'll ******* twice,
I will destroy your entire life,
Everything you held so dear that you cherish will be mine,
I will strip you like a freshly waxed floor of your ego, your ***** appointments coming to a sudden halt, that job that makes you all that money imma take that too,
You made a grave mistake in thinking that I was too weak to get away,
My pain isn't a weakness it's my energy,
I'm small but blow up in your hand like a hand grande ,
I locked my sights onto you I'm coming in silent like a ******,
Shoot to ****,
Trust me I got an Ill will,
Your fake as ****,
Could only make me smile for about a week,
then after that you turn the soul to green,
but not me!
I don't even have a soul to sell,
I pawned that **** so long ago,
I am something that you won't forget until your dead,
Run that sorry line by me again,
Prove to me your a "Real Man",
I'll pull your sheets as your on your knees kissing my hands,
I can assure you I am something you will definitely regret!

I was in a rush,
Rush that pushed too far,
Weekend warrior converted to a carrier for the monkey on her back,
She can handle the monkey on her back...
******* it's a gorilla now,
Holds her tightly in a chokehold,
Dispersing inner demons, rage and a pseudo sense of happiness,
Years now passed living thru her hollow shell,
She don't feel.. not anymore,
Not since she jumped back on that black horse,
It was time to retire this tired horse,
And her broken soul as well,
Too many years she saw her soul mixed in a silver spoon and needle,
She learned to tame an unrelenting horse,
For years with no triggers at all,
Then suddenly the silent killer crossed her path again....
Beckoned her BACK,
It's so alluring... Her mystery,
But it's just a trap,
And here I find myself again riding the black horse on an aluminum foil road,
Watching life disappear... as she's lost up in smoke.

I am judged by my skin ONLY,
Frowned upon on by my skin,
Minimized by my skin.

Opportunity and second chances are never given,
I'm taken for granted,
Treated like a dummy,
BY MY SKIN,

Not by race, sexuality, social status or my gender,
But by the way I chose to express myself,
By the way I turned my body into art,
A road map of collaborated stories,
Permanently imbedded in my skin,

I face prejudice and disapproving scrunched up glances on a DAILY,
As if I'm a walking sin,
Not because I'm black, white, red or yellow.... But because of the Ink tattooed upon my skin,

Because I chose to match the outside with what's on the inside,
Because I'm not ashamed to display who I really am,
I don't live by the approval of others,
I balance on the razors edge on a DAILY,

I cut my chances to come up by half,
When I chose to mark my skin,
Because being tattooed, a walking work of art, a circus sideshow freak show,
Is just like being black,

I'M JUDGED BY MY APPEARANCE ALONE,
In the ignorant public eyes I'm just an uneducated high school dropout, gangbanger, criminal or addict,
Even though IM NONE OF THOSE THINGS,
Never given the chance to know me,
Just dismiss me *** they think they KNOW ME,

People lock their doors when I walk by,
Hide their children, wallets, and belongings,
Despite my education, my experience and lengthy diverse resumes,
They won't hire me because they judge me BY MY SKIN.

I have come across many broken souls,
Angel's that fell from heaven and landed in blood,
We are the degenerate generation,
Victims of environment and circumstance,
Those who had no guidance stood no chance,
Some were thrown to snake pit and didn't last,
Some of us brushed off the dust and just danced,
Unscathed like water couldn't touch a flame,
Looked the devil in the face told him I was game,
I'm no lame and I'll step over all his flames,
Everyday I come across another story that reigned in blood and glory,
Gives enough of a spark to ignite a fire in me,
Everytime I feel weak I remember all the faces, and the stories every angel bathed in blood had told me,
Never lie down,  prove them all wrong and conquer thee,
Then only then will your soul truly be FREE.

Today I had a really exciting day,
I couldn't wait to send you a txt but ..... Wait..
I forget, that was yesterday..
And today's another day I'm alone AGAIN,
But I couldn't wait to vent,
And I couldn't wait to laugh, I completely forgot that you aren't there & this is our last good bye,
And I have no one else to pass the time,
Dry my own tears every night,
Like it's just a piece of pie,
And I can't tell you how many times I wanna die,
But I keep it all inside,
*** I'm not yours,
And you were never mine,
I hold myself at night to keep all my pieces in place inside,
So I don't lose my whole self this time,
And I picked up the phone to tell you what's on my mind,
But we ain't cool like that,
You ****** up my whole mind,
Im screaming deep inside and no one pays me any mind,
I smiled when I saw your name pop up,
I wanted to make you laugh,
Picked up the phone then I  remembered... We are done,
And we don't talk like that anymore.

Sometimes I miss the DARKNESS..
It's where I always feel safe,
Where shadows never follow... Because they are created by LIGHT,
I've NEVER been a child of God,
I frolick in the night,
Sometimes I even miss the PAIN,
It makes me feel ALIVE,
They say "Come to the Light"
But that's too close to DYING, like flirting with suicide,
Sometimes I miss the darkness...
It's cool, crisp kiss upon thy cheek,
Right here I can cry FREELY,
And no one See's a tear,
I'm married to the darkness,
His cold- hearted bride frozen in Suspended time,
Because everybody knows if you follow the light...
YOU ARE SOON TO DIE,
And no one escapes the REAPER... for you cannot DIE TWICE.

I knew this day was coming..
WE knew it all along,
We didn't know when or where,
Dreaded that fateful call,
It was a sunny summer July day,
A day that soon turned grey,
On the 7th day of the 7th month your body would start decay,
It's a day I'll NEVER forget,
I day I'll never miss,
But it's not that day that hurt me the most.... It was the day BEFORE,
In the parking lot at Jon's liquor store,
When out her mouth came out these words:
"DADDY, I LOVE YOU, I want things to go back the way they used to be... It hurts me to see you out here this way"

At 6 yrs old her last parting words, they stung to me the most,
A week before they both were born,
I took the biggest pill I ever swallowed,
Soon that sunny summer day faded into grey,
I didn't cry, I didn't scream,
I went silent and NUMB for about a week,
That day I heard my soul shatter like glass,
He took a piece of me with him..
But it was her last parting words that BROKE my heart that day.

I love your insecurities,
The things you see,that I don't see,
I examine you like a specimen, a wonder, like a new invention,
You'll never catch me staring,
But I'll tell you that I do,
I may not use words to express all that I harbor....
But, I use the language of my body and the curves of my spine,
Quench your thirst with my lips,
Press the mass of you against my borders,
I'll use all the things I Despise about myself, like I see no fault in them,
I'll kiss every scar on your body and caress everything you hate about yourself,
I'll change the bad taste on your tongue with a kiss sweet as cherry wine,
And although I throw blows like the arms of a brother,
I am tender with the love of a mother,
And I don't fear to see what your afraid to reveal,
I crave to taste all of you...
the good, the bad, the ugly. ALL THE THINGS YOU HATE YOURSELF.
-Scar Savage

If I wish upon a star will my dreams ever come true?
If I hold the moon in my hands will I absorb it's light?
And if I do will it be bright enough for you to see me?
In the dark?
If I cover myself with the milky Way will it feel just like your embrace?
Or will I only be a miniscule speck in the mass of all its majesty?
Will I ever be the Apple of your eye?
And the fire in your *****?
Will my love burn hotter than the scorching sun or will you let it turn to ashes?
Will a kiss on the lips and a touch of your soul make you believe...
I am worthy enough to be placed on the highest pedal stool in the kingdom of your torn up heart?
Can two broken people put all their broken pieces together and mend the damage of lover's past.
or are we just too broken a void in the sky.
-Scar Savage

He said he was suffocating under the thumb of her love,
But HE called her a breath of fresh air,
He said he felt trapped by the life they had built,
But HE called all her boobie traps home,
He said he was blinded by puppy love,
But HE called her blinding love light,
He said the fire was dying there's nothing left inside,
But HE saw a smoldering flame that just needed the oxygen to live,
He said he felt imprisoned by her unwavering love...
But the other man called her his SANCTUARY.

You and I have a pull that makes everyone gravitate toward you,
Like a magnet of an opposite gravitational pull,
But we are two different stars in the same milky Way,
I am sorrowful and melancholy,
You are charismatic and endearing,
Yet this opposite attraction makes for the best distraction,
Your strong presence makes flowers bow at your feet,
While my silent manipulation demands respect when I walk into the room,
I set wild fires with every step,
While you send rain to smoother flame,
You and I are not so different...
In fact were one in the same,
We both inhabit in outer space,
And one can't be the other without each other,
Your like a supernova burning bright, ignites the sky until it finally explodes,
And I am like the black hole left behind after a super sonic galaxy boom.

You didn’t break the girl
Just nearly cracked her
She spun around so fast
She’s out of sight now

You didn’t break the girl
Just barely scratched her
Covers the damage you have done
It’s all despite you

Got close enough that you could touch her
you ****** that up, but how?
She’s miles from you now

She fills the cracks,
same way you fill the pavement when it has a crack or two

Cosmetic fix,
****** mix,
It’s in her blood too,
Beneath the makeup there’s a scar or two,

You didn’t break the girl....
Just left her cracked against the sidewalk,
You can fix a broken mirror but....
You’ll ALWAYS see the crack in it,
It stares right at you,

And with two glass eyes she’ll stare you down too.

We’re women.
Men have it easy....
Home is not the house you stand upon nor is it the land it’s sitting on,
It’s WOMEN,
We are the neck in which ever direction I turn, turns your head,
This house is a house of paper cards,
It crumbles in a fire,
It rots in water,
It’s WOMEN,
The backbone, the care & the shelter you call HOME,
Without ME...
you are just a man standing, children crying, lost and pouting,
I am a WOMAN,
Bringer of life,
Maker of Home & Love,
I am NEVER allowed to be seen crying,
To show emotion or have feelings,
We are “meant to look pretty” smile with grace thru the grit of my teeth,
I must remain a WOMAN.
Taker of all that’s impossible,
Splitting myself into so many others to...
Warm up your HOME, soften your heart when it’s too cold and rigid,
I am a WOMAN,
Always expected to be strong,
Full proof SMILE thru the ache and weakness,
So your house is not your HOME.
It is I WOMAN birthing of life,maker of husbands and home,
It is I WOMAN that rules the earth that makes your happy place
HOME.

I Press the cigarette against my skin until it bubbles and it pops,
Like water does when you over boil it,
I pick the scab until it bleeds
In the same way you left me,
I hurt myself to rid the pain,
But I don’t feel a thing,
I blur the lines between the versions of myself,
You call the monster within me,
because the girl is nowhere to be seen,
I drown my sorrows by the sea,
I let you in,
but you never saw me,
Then yet again...
I don’t know the reflection that stands before me,
I hoped with time the wound would heal,
but that was just a myth,
I split myself into pieces so small you can’t ever collect,
They say I’ll go to heaven,
if only I repent,
But it’s too late.. I’ve become the serpent you regret,
I’ll wrap myself around you til your dying breath,
I’ll take you down below the ground to hell and you will never tell,
Scream and cry all that you want,
but no one will hear you now,
You thought that I was through with you,
Like you were through with me,
And all that I can really say is:
“Oh well!"
With a side glance and a crooked smile.

I've got a great big hole inside of me,
It’s eating up the rest of me,
I got a nasty case of the empty,
I stuff it with my vices but it never fills,
I don’t recognize the girl before me,
I let you take the rest of her,
I made my vow,
I’ll never love anyone again,
I’ll never open,
Never smile,
Never sing another song again,
I’ve got a great big hole inside of me,
Killing all that used to be,
I wear a shell,
You couldn’t tell?
I fake it very well,
**** it to hell,
I’ve worn this disguise since the day I fell.

Don’t fall in love with me,
We know I’m not the one,
Don’t set your sights on me,
You know she’s just far gone,
Don’t try to buy my love,
Get clingy then I run,
I don’t believe in summer fun,
With summer love I’m DONE.

I watch em frolick in the sun,
Reminiscing of a time...
A time when I was happy in the sun,
Now I stand here in the shade,
Cursing summer that I now hate,
I watch em holding hands,
Tied together with rubber bands,
They lean into each other share a kiss,
Something that I truly miss,
Was hoping love would last FOREVER....
But all I was a summer dump

You run thru my forests,
Set fires thru my grassy
Dry hair,
I warm your homes with firewood,
And feed your hunger with wildlife for it is in my nature,
You drink from my rivers,
I quench your thirst with my bodies of water,
You poison my oceans with the waste of your spills,
The curves of my body provide lands in which you foolishly ****, with your littering and machines you created,
I give you air to breathe so you may exist within my being,
My clouds cry acidic rain in despair of the abuse you may bring,
My lands & oceans make a blueprint that is my body...
I make life your very existstance,
But you've damaged my O-Zone layer,
Giving no care like a player,
Polluted my air with your venomous clouds,
And depleting my oxygen with every tree you've cut down,
You gamble in my deserts,
Sin in my cities, claim foreign lands,
But I can be alpha &/or Omega.. the beginning or the end of life,
I sing you faint lullaby's you can hear in the atmosphere,
You can feel the curves of my body in my forests, mountains, lakes and sea's,
You can ******* sorrow with every icy raindrop,
You can rejoice in the scent of the damp earth on a rainy day, the sweetness of a rose in a garden, or the bliss of a pine in a forest,
I am home to all that bleeds,
Mother to all that breathes,
I am the foundation of life,
I am mother to all... I am Mother Nature.

I don't know who else to talk to...
I see a shrink but I can't even spill,
I got so many things to say but when it comes down to it the words and thoughts don't escape my lips,
The heaviness of the load is hard to carry,
The only time I can release is in the dark under the moonlight,
I walk outside, stare at the sky have lonely conversations with myself,
I feel so lost,
I have no will to even try to get myself out,
I look at myself now and I don't know who I am...
I don't like what I see,
I don't even recognize the reflection the stares upon me,
I can't even see the me before all of this,
I've gone so far that I can't even reach the old me,
The infinity of the nothingness I feel is quickly devouring me,
I contemplated suicide almost everyday,
The only reason that I stay is because I'm not that selfish,
I wanna die, I want to so bad but now I'm bound and I cannot go thru with it,
I cannot leave my baby with the emptiness Her father left me with after his death,
I grit my teeth and bare the weight,
My bones are slowly crushing,
But I can't leave my baby girl with the pain and hopelessness my passing will implant within

Most times I stay silent,
My sight wandering off into space, into day, into the nothingness of life,
A billion of scrambled hopeless thoughts racing to crowd dark crevices of my mind,
Infecting the wellness of my psyche,
A cancer that makes you powerless in agonizing pain,
And I don't ask for much....
I don't wanna burden anyone with the weight I carry,
So I keep it,
Carry it.. til my arms are too heavy to hold up,
Til my legs give out and my knees bend with a struggle,
I don't expect much...
I don't want much,
I just needed ONE,
One person I can call a friend,
One person that can hold my hand....
One person I can say I can count on,
One person I can release all my anguish out to so that the weight don't wear we down,
Just one,
One person who cares,
Just one person whom I can count on BELIEVE KNOW that Everytime I'm in need they got me,
No hesitation, trade or game,
Just a true fellow friend

Mommy, why Daddy didn't call?
She didn't know he'll never call again,
Not on this birthday or the next,
He left this Earth for a better place,
I couldn't bare to see her cry,
Not on this day,
This is HER day,
But the awful truth was eating me,
As I contemplated what words to say,
How to explain.. HE'S GONE.
She says:
"Mommy, can we look for Daddy?"
I held my breath,
We rode a train and then she said:
"He's not here.. I can't feel him.."
She knew the truth before it was ever said,
I knew that dreaded day would come,
When I'd have to tell her why,
Why he hasn't met up with her under the tree everyday for school,
Why he didn't call to say happy birthday to her that day,
So I put together a scrapbook,
Of all our memories with Dad,
One night as we swing side by side at the park,
I finally told her why....
I heard her heart cracking in half,
And this is why Daddy didn't call that day.

One pill for this,
One pill for that,
One pill to tilt,
One pill to numb,
One pill closer to dumb,
One pill to feel,
One pill to cry,
One pill to live,
One pill too close to die,
One pill to replace... and fill the hole you left behind.

I thought you were my life line,
But nah, you were my flat line,
The day that I was born you took my breath away,
And not in a good way,
I left myself and any good left in me that day...
The day you decided this should end,
I thought you were a direct line,
To my life ***,
But you were just a straight shot,
To a flat line,
My demise,
I thought you threw me a line,
To help me up,
Instead you were a death trap,
Painted in beautiful colors

I wouldn't be so lost...
If you would have just stayed with me..
I lost my place,
I lost my head,
I'm running in circles with no end,
I keep you to my left,
Left is closest to the heart,
I loved you more than I could ever love myself,
I wasted time..
I wasted my peace of mind,
on YOU,
****, I wasted a lifetime when I erased your mistakes,
Your not my lover not even my friend,
Your now just a stranger that got lost in my head.

whatever happened to You and me against the world?
and when did you become the world against me?
when did declarations of Love become declarations of war and woe?
when did you stop being my lover and become my foe?
when did my best friend become my biggest threat?
when did hugs and kisses become a trade for sticks and Stones?
when did you begin breaking the bones you swore you'd mend?
when did longing loving stares become dagger threatening glares?
when did you decide to trade love in a for war?
hugs to scorns,
when did we stop fighting for eachother?
and start fighting one another?
when did you become the world against myself?

Not a day goes by I don't whisper your name,
Speak to the winds,
Search in the sky for he brightest light,
At night the cool crisp air embraces me,
It's when I feel you the most,
No, you never speak,
Or answer my questions...
I take these dimes I find laying about as a token of your presence,
Trade my sorrows for vague signs of life,
But not a day goes by without missing you,
Without feeling like I'm only a partial of my former self

Poetry flows thru my pen,
Like blood flows thru my veins,
If I try to just write a piece it fails because it wasn't naturally,
I jot down my best pieces when in a rage or melancholia,
I see words as pictures in my brain,
Playing movie rheels inside my head,
Words of sorrow flow thru my pen like a ship sailing across the deep blue sea,
No one really knows my sorrows,
I'm good at hiding what you cannot SEE.

Your just like toilet paper...
See thru like a colorform,
Your just like toilet paper...
Use once and then destroy,
Your just like toilet paper...
Weak-willed tears up when in rain,
Your just like toilet paper...
Drop you in a porcelain thrown just rid of you like a bad habit,
Your just like Toilet Paper...
Wipe my *** with your face when I'm done giving a ****,
Your just like toilet paper...
You are only a DISPOSABLE poor excuse of a human being!

Some day I'll be able to speak your name without any pain,
One day I'll talk about all the wonderful things you said,
Some day I'll be able to talk about the highlights of our lives together,
But today I avoid mention of your name *** the ache is too much to handle,
One day I'll be able to speak your name without tears rolling down my face,
Some day I'll fully forgive myself & not carry survivors guilt that stained me after your death,
One day I too will close my eyes FOREVER return to the ground I lay on,
Some day I won't blame myself and will be able to speak about you without chocking back tears

I don't even speak your name,
Doing so is just a waste,
No I don't call you out by name,
You and dog are all the same,
No won't even mutter under my breath,
Your name to my lips is poison that brings me to my death,
No I don't speak your name,
Because your name doesn't deserve a place upon my silent lips

Hey..
If your reading this know that you were chosen,
You were chosen to find this,
To find me,
If your reading this know that you are because I am no longer here,
I am now but a particle in the air,
I'm cut off like the human hair,
I am now blue like the sea,
I was hurt....
But you never see.... Until it was too late,
And my pain consumed me that I began to hate,
To hate every breathing waking day,
Stuck in a vessel where my soul now fades,
And the rising sun stings like sharpened blades,
If your reading this..
I'm sorry..
Sorry I couldn't be stronger,
Sorry I couldn't take it much longer,
If your reading this know you were 1 of the few people that touched my heart,
Maybe one of the people that broke it apart,
If your reading this....
Maybe you were my disappointment,
Maybe.. you drove me to finally disown MYSELF,
If your reading this... I onced Loved YOU- GOODBYE

I am my worst captive
A prisoner of my own kind
Nothing brings me down faster than my own mind
I am my worst enemy
Love then hate myself you see...  
I don't care to be me
But being me will never set me free
I am stubborn in my own beliefs
I bend my knees for no one and in time you'll see...
That the biggest battle and wars that I fight are all amongst MYSELF,
THATS RIGHT.

Sweet 16 was when I found myself roomed in Cerritos psych ward,
2 other girls roomed with me,
One kinda like me,
I still have a piece of her converse sneaker logo as a suvenir of my teenage years,
The other girl was a beautiful girl,
Who cried everyday,
And slattered makeup before going to bed,
A beautiful girl with a stain in her smile,
And a **** to her ego,
I sat in this room and saw many come and go,
I'm still stuck here....
With a suicidal mind a flow,
Self esteem sunk low,
Taste for life gone bland,
Took this hand full of pills,
Hope to sleep at last... FOREVER.
Didn't happen,
I'm getting stuck with needles on a daily,
Monitored my food intake on a daily,
Anorexia nervosa won't let me,
But the girl at Cerritos psych,
She still my roomie and others are gone....
Then back,
Then gone again,
The pretty girl at Cerritos psych,
With big eyes, full lips and gorgeous brunette hair,
She's still stuck in Cerritos psych,
*** daddy told her that she's ugly and she's worthless only has a use for one thing,
And to this day I wonder if she ever saw her reflection??
Has she finally seen beauty within?
Or is she still stuck in Cerritos psych ward

He loves me...
I can tell by the way he smiles at me,
He loves me...
I can tell by the way he looks at me,
He scars me...
With a single word he shoots me down,
He drowns me,
With words of sweet nothingness .
But I know.
Yes I know... He'll never leave,
*** I know he loves to torture me the most,
He Loves me...
I can tell by the way my face has swelled,
But he loves me.
I can tell by the shades of purples and green,
He calls me....
Only to soothe his own shame & guilt.
And drowns me...
In a sea of liquor so he can have his way with me.
But I.....
I stay.
*** I know nothing more....
Than this life of misuse and abuse.
But he loves me!
I can tell by his apologies,
But he loves me....
I can tell by the dozen roses he sent to me.
Oh he chokes me.....
With the same hands that once comfort me,
And he burns me,
Faster than a house on fire.
But he loves me.......
He can be violent, harsh, and sweet,
And I spend my days walking on a wire,
But he loves ME!!
I can tell by the way he says: "IM SORRY."

"SANITY OF THE INSANE"
By: Let et ScaR

The dark spots on the floor are moving closer to me,
I don't know if its real, or if its dream.

The faint sounds that are afar seem up close, but no one hears their static noise but me....
I then start to question my own sanity,
And fail to recall, insanity is just a pattern.

We all wake to do the same mundane thing everyday,
Insanity is just doin the same thing over and over again.
Am I the only one to see these things?
And through a side glance I see shadows running free.
But when I turn to look they dissipate,
Should I question Insanity???

"IN A WEEK"
By: Let et ScaR

YEA, THEY LEFT ME
LEFT ME HERE.
THEY LEFT ME,
SOMEWHERE IN THE DRIED UP GRASS….

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
LEFT ME HERE.
HIGH & DRY BUT IT WONT LAST….
THEY'LL FIND ME DRIED IN THE SANDS OF TIME....

YEA,  THEY LEFT ME.
FORGOTTEN ALL I'VE DONE.
BUT THEY WONT SEE MY FRUITFUL WAYS,
UNTIL I'M LONG DEAD & GONE...

YEA, THEY FOUND ME.
SOMEWHERE IN AN EMPTY FIELD,
INCASED IN A FROZEN PARALLEL OF TIME.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY ......
& MY TEAR DUCTS WERE TO DRY TO MUSTER A CRY.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
THEY LEFT ME HERE TO DIE.
WHEN THEY'VE TAKEN ALL I'VE HAD,
TO TURN THEIR BACKS WHEN I CAME BACK HUNGRY FOR AN ACT OF KINDNESS.

BUT NOW THEY'LL SEE.....
IN A ABOUT A WEEK.
WHEN THEY FIND ME...
& THE INSECTS HAVE ALREADY FED ON ME.

YA.....
THEY'LL SEE.  WHEN THEIR FRUITS AREN'T SWEET.
WHY THEY DON'T ENJOY....
CAUSE THEY ALL FED ON ME.
AND I ABSORBED ALL THEIR BITTERNESS, IN RETURN FOR FRUITFUL SEEDS.

BUT NOW THEY TOO....
WILL DECAY LIKE ME.
BECAUSE THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO SWALLOW THEIR PAIN.

AND THEY'LL REMEMBER....
THE DAY THEY WALKED AWAY...
AND LEFT ME HERE.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY, TO DIE ALONE & RETURN ONCE MORE....
INTO THE GROUND
INTO THE DIRT THAT I ONCE CAME FROM
ONCE UPON A TIME.

I miss you.....
with a passion,
With a fire that has no extinguishing,
I miss you like a baby misses her blanket,
And the moon misses the eclipse of the sun.
I miss you.
Like a child misses her daddy,
And the ocean misses the tides,
I miss you.
Like night misses day and day misses night.
I need you like a diabetic needs insulin,
And the crazed need their meds.
I'm hungry....
For the warmth of your body, and the sweetness of your caress.
I'm craving.....
Like a dopefien in fasting and the vein to the needle.
But I.....
I miss you.
Like a soldier missing an arm and a leg

It's sad.
People think I'm doing better,
But I've only gotten better at masking the pain,
And I wish that it would all wash away with the rain...
But it's California,
It never rains,
So I carry this ache like the heavy weight,
Of a dead man,
Disguising my brokenness with a smile,
Try to hold it just a little while,
Long enough to run to the bathroom,
Run the shower,
So I can finally release the distress of holding it all in,
All my glued together pieces of my broken soul,
And I sit in here let the hot water scorch my crooked spine,
As I sit here and cry,
On the bathtub floor and the bathroom floor,
As I nod my head and beat my brain and subtly let out muffled screams,
It's sad,
It stings and Burns and hurts,
I rather be tortured and bruised,
Then I compose myself,
Cover up the decay,
And take a deep breath,
Prepare myself and step back out like I didn't just break down,
But no one knows about it.

I wrapped it up in foil,
I didn't want it to ever spoil,
I stuck it in the freezer,
Heard freezing prolongs shelf life,
I wrapped it up in foil,
But freezerburn has set in,
It's destroying all the good that was left deep within,
I wrapped it up in foil,
But her heart was a machine never oiled,
I wrapped it up in foil,
But with your touch she was quick to spoil.

"MUST BE NICE"
It must be nice
To catch a break
It must be nice
To walk unscathed
It must be nice to sleep at night
Believe you've done everything right
It must be nice
To have no fault
No fault you claim your own
It must be nice
To leave debris
For everyone else to clean
It must be nice
To string up hearts
And cut the ties you captured with lies
It must be nice to think your perfect...
It must be so ******* nice
To be YOU

Her smile radiates like the rays of the sun,
underlying like pieces of broken glass and a fake facade,
guarding what little of a self-esteem she's got,
her skin aglow with a pristine shine, so bright you might go blind,
there's no one like her at all,
so cool you'll lose your mind,
but she don't even know...
that within her perfection grows an undeniable love,
that she hides and guards with her life one piece at a time,
mending shattered fragments of her blown up heart,
but some pieces went astray,
caught in the current of the wind,
her will you cannot bend,
bones she will break and pronounce you dead,
eat you up as you Decay,
don't mistaken beauty for carelessness,
she's always watching got eyes in the back of her head,
never leaves her guard down,
sleeps with one eye open,
into the lions den,
betray a queen you're a dead man,
she glows like sunset,
demands respect,
Bakes her cake and eats it too,
don't be a simple fool,
You can't Resist the serenade of a siren,
how can you mistaken muffled cries for the song that birds sing?
halo's but I needle hole in the sky,
wings broke hand in hand with her soul,
how does she radiate as rare diamonds do?
you was but a fool when you traded her in for fools gold

One day you will love me...
Really, really want me,
That day will be cloudy...
Dark and lonely,
It'll be faulty just like you,
One day you will see me...
But it won't be me you see,
Just a lively fading memory not at all the girl I used to be,
One day you will love me,
Want to hold me,
It's too bad for it will be too late,
And you will cry a river knowing..
That she loves someone else,
Someone better,
Someone sweet,
Someone that isn't YOU.

SINGLE
I will remain a lone wolf my entire life,
No one can ever love me with the same love I give them,
No one can see me like I see them,
Without judgement,
Dismiss what you see flawed,
I count every flaw as a gift,
But you count my every flaw as an inconvenience,
I am an inconvenience,
A thorn in your spine,
A book never finished,
Just skimmed thru to the end,
And this is why no one can see ME,
Understand ME,
Know ME,
I WILL STAY SINGLE,
I've prepared for that,
I've made my bed to silently lie in,
To die in like cats do alone and in hiding,
To be found only when the decay of my body fills the air with my bitterness,
And that's fine,
I'm fine with never having my hopes and heart broken again,
But for now til I take that last breath I'll remain lonely....
A dimming shadow in the candlelight of your vague love

It was filled with your pictures...
your memory,
a book filled with Kodak moments of both you and me,
but you cut its lifespan short,
empty prophecies of true love,
tell me...
have you ever spoken truth that wasn't covered with lies?
small white lies became the large elephant in the room,
I put together this new album...
what I thought would be filled with vivid new memories,
make this year my own,
meticulously time landed photographs,
capturing smiles warmth and laughter,
it was filled with your memory...
every county Fair wristband, movie stub, Thanksgiving wishbones,
yes, you were that important,
too bad that I wasn't the same,
thought this year would be my year.... thought it would be the album of the year

Why is it that human kind are at the top of the line.... Yet we cannot be kind to ourselves let alone a fellow human being?!??
Why we may have thumbs,
And walk upright,
Have the biggest brain,
Enough to have the option to make choice,
Yet we've lost our voice,
We are the worst animals on planet Earth....
But do you know WHY???
Because with our "big brains" we chose to hold another down,
Instead of bringing them a step up,
We chose to hurt, lie and ****** just out of greed,
Just for kicks,
Yet an animal does only solely to survive,
Maintain their race,
Yet we destroy each other with such haste,
convinced this is the only way to come up,
We are the human animal,
Because nothing of our way of being shows were anything more that just another animal,
The only difference is we walk, we speak, we "think" or so we should.....
Instead we step on toes,
Cause more woe,
Let greed run our ****** up minds,
But we are all just human-animals,
Blessed with a posable thumb!