I have many letters for my Daughter..
Not in paper,
Not in pen,
I have many letters for my daughter...
In my head,
Written with soul,
These are life long letters..
As I grew, as she grew,
These are words I never said,
Never spoke,
Because I was never taught to use my voice,
And this does not excuse me,
Not at all,
Not for my ignorance,
But it wasn't so much ignorance,
It was more lack of knowing love that I never got,
I tried to raise my daughter to know the love I never had,
All the meanwhile also learning as a grown woman but feeling like a child,
An adult in numbers,
But a child still in life, a child raising a child,
All alone without my other half,
I have letters for my daughter,
They come in poetry,
They come in rhymes,
But I hold them until she's old enough to understand my silence wasn't lack of love,
Just a space for me to try to formulate all my letters in a coherent type of line,
And now my mind is changing,
Because I have seen all the fine lines that mark my mother's face,
All the silence that she held,
It wasn't lack of love or lack of voice,
It was lack of understanding what she wasn't shown,
I now live in that same shadow,
I'm trying to break a family curse,
But I have letters for my daughter scrambled iny brain,
Between my learning,
Between my ache,
Between my silence,
And my age,
I tried to raise my daughter with the words I never heard,
I always told her that I loved her,
And gave her kisses goodnight before bed at 9 o'clock,
She's now a little older,
And the sun don't shine out my ***,
She calls me on my faults,
They sting,
But I'm not angry at the truths,
I know I wasn't perfect,
I never claimed I was,
But at least I know I'm trying I think she knows that too,
But for now I'll hold these letters..
All my jumbled truth,
And there's a lot about me she doesn't know,
I don't try to overshadow her pain with my pain,
But just like the mother I resented I finally understand the truth,
That everything she held onto was all the ugly she never wanted me to hurt,
I have all these letters for my daughter,
Not in paper,
Not in pen,
One day all these tight bound letters will make sense to her some day

I don't cry and I don't smile,
My emotions are now just a muffled motion,
I don't love nor do I hate,
I'm just numb to all the pain both brings,
I'm not melancholy nor am I angry,
My reactions short of feeling,
But I am still like static,
A grumbling white noise screeching,
It can be either peaceful or simply maddening

I can be the perfect wife but that doesn't mean he'll stay,
I can be the prettiest thing sitting on his lap but that still won't make him MINE,
I can cook and clean and bend over backwards til my spine snaps,
STILL that doesn't mean a thing when he stabs me in the back,
I can be the perfect girl but that isn't what he wants,
He ***** around with the girl he doesn't have to give anything back,
He likes to be a vagabond feeding off every flower's nectar,
I can make his house a home and give him children but what's the point?
At the end of the day I feed the family while he feeds me scraps,
And I'm supposed to be a good girl say "Thank You" and never talk back?
I have learned a very hard lesson in life,
He made me his wife for 10yrs but I'm happier when he is gone,
And I won't stay
I won't ever be wed again,
I'm not willing to sacrifice my freedom for anyone's delight,
And I know you don't like to be alone,
But I won't in misery for your company,
I'm happier ALONE..
I WONT

Promises, promises
Your empty words are such a bore to me,
Your unkempt words just disappear into the abyss,
Your promises mean absolutely NOTHING to me,

Promises, promises,
You couldn't keep
Even if they were tied to you they wouldn't reach,
Just another man that doesn't practice what he preach,

Promises, promises,
Your empty promises are just a gas,
And just like gas they stink to me,
They couldn't hold sustenance in my realm,
Because where I stand everything I say is REAL,

Promises, promises,
Just another far fetched dream,
Your just another man that thinks he's "special" but you are just as generic as the men I met before you

Sometimes my wild soul
Misses the outside
Misses the cold
Misses laying on the floor
Hearing the creaking of crickets
Hearing the rustling of leaves
Feeling the cool breeze brush upon my cheeks
Sometimes my wild heart
Misses the danger
Misses the dirt
Misses the feeling of being alone
No one to miss me
No one to kiss me
Only the moonlight gleaming on my skin
Sometimes my wild spirit
Misses the freedom
Misses the non constriction of the walls that I live in
Misses the feeling of hunting for food
Hunting for shelter
Misses the anonymity of being a ghost

Even if you didn't die when you did,
In the end I still believe that I would've been your end.
I loved you and I hated you,
But we both know I was the one meant to stay here,
And every night when the moon is full,
You return to haunt me,
Like a shadow clinging to the asphalt

Everytime I see you
I feel my smile FADE

I know when I see you
It's another ******* day

I don't understand it
Why you always complicate
The simplest of tasks always becomes a rubix cube of play

I'm starting to feel pre-annoyance everyday
Before I even clock into work I know your gonna **** me off

Everytime I see you
I feel my smile fade

I'm getting so sick of coming in here everyday

No, it's not good enough.
To not be known by my own name,
To only be labeled as "your girl",

I contest,
To not have my own freedom,
To have my wings clipped by your need to control,
To not be able to grow or fly,
Tied down by your own insecurities,

No, it's not enough,
To only be an extension of you,
To not have my own friends my own life aside from you,

I detest,
That I bend and kneel to your every whim,
That I am reduced to begging for such simple requests and made to feel like I am asking for 'too much',
Yet, my body has been only a temple baring the scars of our child's labor,
My own dreams dead only to be an extension of YOU,

BUT WHO AM I?
When there is no you,
When you've taken all my resources all my will to be MYSELF.

So, NO..
ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH,
To not be me any longer,
To sit in silence as you live your own life..
With me,
Without me,
While I fester in the shadow of just being your woman.. your shriveling extension,
A bending branch in the wind cast upon the tree trunk that is you

Don't ask for my number..
And never call me,
Don't say that you like me,
To never court me,
Don't ask who I am,
Without ever trying to know me,
Don't expect me to open my body,
Just for a smile,
Don't ask for my number,
Just to DM me on social media,
I'm a WOMAN,
Not a child,
Call me like a grown man should,
I'm not temporary like a profile,
Or a password,
I am GROWN,
Not some starstruck prepubescent little girl,
Don't ask for my number,
So you can disappear like my Snapchat threads,
I can turn you from #1..
Straight to 0 when my needs aren't met

In the ivy there he laid
In the ivy almost dead
Stuck to his skin a melting sleeping bag
Next to his hand a bottle of drown
Drown his sorrows
Drown his ache
Set himself on fire to smother the pain
In the ivy there he laid
In the ivy burned his flesh

Make me a vision,
Make me a muse,
Make me feel butterflies deep in the womb,

Make me your lover,
But also your friend,
Turn me into a poem of bliss,

Make me feel something,
Make me a song,
Make me into one of those girls they make art about

She decided enough is enough,
Tired of being a diamond buried in the rough,
Always got the cold shoulder,
Always raised to be tough,
Tough love was the only love she ever got,
She split herself into two and forgot,
That she also needed to feel human,
She also needed some warmth,

She ****** around and fell in love,
But of course with the wrong one,
10 years came and gone,
10 years became a decade,
She loved him to the endless,
Soon enough he became a headache,
She had enough of all the emotional abuse,
Sometimes turned into physical misuse,

Finally she started to try to save face,
She tried to leave him but he would make her stay,
Out of fear she always went home,
But he never did let go,

And he never got around to treat her like she deserved,
The hardest decision for her was to sever her ties,
The very vows that tied them together,
After his betrayal she had to let him go,
But he just couldn't watch her walk away,

He decided if I can't have her NO ONE EVER WILL!!

He cancelled himself out and said to her:
If you can't be my wife I'll be the WIDOWMAKER

When I look in the mirror
I don't see HER
I don't see ME
I DONT SEE ANYTHING
.. or anyone

I see just through her

I catch micro glimpses of her staring back at me
I try to find missing pieces of who I used to be
Before I became THIS

And sometimes I can almost see her ...

Most times her memory is small like a needle hole
Most times she just stares right through me

Like water
She is there..
But you can't touch her
My hand just passes through her
Never catching her

Or me
Or she
Am I even here?
Or real..

I don't know

When I look in the mirror
I am ugly
When I see her in pictures
She is lovely

But I don't know who that is..
Is she me?
Am I HER?
I don't really see me like everyone says I am

Why do I always feel like this isn't me living my own life?
Like I'm watching a mirage, a story of someone else's life

It's only when I tell my story that I know THIS was really ALL OF ME

But I don't think I look like her
Or she
Or me

Maybe I'm too deep
Maybe you're too shallow
Maybe I'm too advanced
And all my wisdom you can't swallow

Maybe I'm too crazy
Maybe you're just dense
And you never questioned the what if's or what-nots

Maybe I seem insane
Because I know too much
Maybe you never asked the questions to get the answers you never got

Memories, that is all I have left,
Candid memories ever fleeting day by day,
I tried to preserve them,
Keep them sweet like marmalade,
I try to keep them,
I don't want them to fade,
But with time the corners curl up like a photograph,
And with time nothing is tangible only digital,
It's hard to hold on to things you can't feel in your hands,
It's hard to see them,
When it's not everyday,
Memories, that is all I have left,
I try to keep them..
Fresh like that pine tree freshener that swings from my car mirror,
I try to hold onto the ring of your laughter,
I try to remember the tenderness in your eyes when you gazed upon mine,
Now just a memory fading with time,
They are just memories sweeping in and out with the tides,
I try to keep pictures the only snapshots left of our former lives,
I try to look at them and imagine them come to life,
But these memories with time are fading like the colors in my hair,
All these memories bittersweet like the tattoos I bare,
They are beautiful but they sting with the air,
All these memories I keep them trapped locked in a box

In the world of play pretend,
I pretend that I am dead,
In the world of make believe,
I believe maybe there is relief,

I found it at the bottom of a bottle,
I found it at the tip of a needle,
I found it burning at the bottom of a glass bowl,

In the world of play pretend,
I don't have to raise my fist,
In the world of make believe,
I believe I am at peace,
I never have to fight another human being for what is mine,
I never have to make deals with my demons for my soul back,

In the world of play pretend,
I pretend red balloons and bent up spoons don't bother me,
In the world of make believe,
I believe that clicking torches and plastic baggies don't trigger me,

In the world of play pretend,
I pretend I'm not this rageful girl that will set the world on fire,
In the land of make believe,
I make believe my soul can be as pretty as my face is,

In the world of play pretend,
I pretend I'm not always the bad guy,
In the land of make believe I try to make believe I can reverse all of my mistakes

One day you'll adore them
Instead of only admiring from a distance,
Someday I'll grow in love
Instead of falling in and out of it,

One day you will be seen
But also heard,
Someday I want to make love
Instead of having casual ***,

One day you will find someone who wants you back,
Someday, maybe I'll want you too,

One day you'll give them all of your being,
Someday I'll get to keep all the love I ALWAYS give

Let me drink from the rivers of your lips,
Let me fall into the iris of those dark eyes,

You can ride on the curves of my spine,
You can dive into the madness that is my love,

Let you lick the sweetness off my lips,
Grasp onto the dips of my hips,
I'll caress my fingers thru the mass of your hair,
Lay my head upon your rising chest,

We can get lost in the warmth of our skins,
Fuel the fire with the ardor like it was sin,
Kiss the sweat upon your brow,
Smile like I've never frowned,

I just want it to be dark n' sweet,
Like the whiskey that I drink,
I'll allow a savory taste of my quivering honey thighs,
I'll hold my breath until it's time to sigh

I get it
You don't want to speak to me no more
I get it I'm not cool to you at all
I get it
A prettier girl caught your eye
I get it
She's wine while I am rye

I get it
I look soft but I'm abrasive
I get it
She's soft the way she looks
I get it
You were hoping you could mold me
I get it
You loved my body but not my actual soul

I get it
You don't have to hide from me anymore
I get it
I'll leave without counting all the sores
I get it
You thought my sweet face was my core
I get it
You didn't think I really was *******

I get it
This is a one sided conversation
I get it
You only talk while you can get it
I get it
I'm too smart for you to stay in tune
I get it
I won't bother with you anymore

I still cry sometimes..
When no one's looking
I still hurt sometimes...
But no one knows it

I'm sober now
My head ain't stuck in a smoke cloud
I'm smart now
But I still feel like I'm dumb

I know now
Right from wrong
But I been dead for so long that I'm still numb

What stings the most
Are talks with my mother over coffee
She reminds me
Of all the things I used to do

She tells me
Prima, you're really good with your hands...
Remember when you used to paint and fix things?

I stay silent because I know
I know I used to be so much more
I've finally grown up enough to come out my shell
And explain to her all the drugs I did killed my inner self

She tells me
Prima, you used to sing so good...
Maybe you should go back to that it was therapy to you,
I tell her I don't do that anymore..
I don't have time
But I know I lie

I'm sober now
And I feel myself coming back to life
Yet there is still a part of me that dies
I don't feel things like I used to do before

Before the drugs
Before twisted love
Before this thing they call growing up

What stings to me the most
Is the things my mother knows
The things that I forgot that I can do
That most girls dont

She says to me
Prima, didn't you used to dance with a hula hoop?
I said.. I stopped doing that because I got so skinny from the withdrawals that it hurts

My mother she reminds me of all the things I forgot that I could do
Like outsmart the cops, fix my car, and create things with these broken hands I own

I didn't give you flowers
I gave you a child instead
I tried to fertilize your soil
But when I found you
You were already dead

I tried to give you sunshine
You swallowed my light instead
That girl you made your wife
Turned to the darkness before she became a gem

I shoulda gave you flowers
When you were still my man
But you ****** upon my soil
And I wilted before our end

I shoulda gave you flowers
I gave you my heart instead
And now I place those flowers
Upon your shallow grave

I finally got my flowers
10 years after your death
It took your bones to fertilize my soil
So I can grow again

I need some deep stimulation
I need some real conversation
Sick of these one sided responses
I'm bored with your lack of acknowledgement

I'm tired of bland personalities
I like seasoning in my chicken
I feel like I'm talking to myself
When I'm talking to you..
I think...
Am I?
Hellooo?!?!?

I need some real stimulation
Talking to boys today feels like a simulation

Nothing feels real
Nothing feels here
Everything seems so foreign
So distant
So ******* platonic

Isn't it something ironic
You front like your so iconic
But baby I'm out of this world
You step in my pan
Baby I'm hot
you'll get cooked

I need some real stimulation
I need to feel like your present
I need to feel like your REAL

If you can't keep up
then honey I'm DONE
I'm ready to start with castration

All these vague admirations
Got me in a tangled frustration
I need a real connection
I'm sick of this simulation

If you can't deliver that talk
Then ***** please step off and take your *** to the back of the line where you ******* belong

I'm petite
I'm not fragile
I'm meat
I'm not glass

I eat
Like I'm not hungry
But I bite
Like I'm STARVING

I stay celibate
Not by choice

I'm just tired
of opening my body
to undeserving lovers

I keep chastity
To keep my sanity
Because sometimes I don't play well with others

But I'm raw
Like premium sushi
It ain't fun
If it isn't rough

Don't be tender
I ain't soft
Mark my body
With a pretty bruise

I wear bite marks
Like the rich wear diamonds
I leave claw marks
Like the undead trying to escape a coffin

We can toss around
Like a merry-go-round
Don't you act
Like you ain't been around

I like that grip
Around my throat
Make it tight
Like a cherry chokehold

I will smile
Like you gave me flowers

Just because I reject everyone
Doesn't mean that when I finally ****** you
I won't ******* for hours

I wish you looked at me like you did before..
With love in your eyes and fire in your heart,
I wish I looked at you like I did before..

Before we met,
No expression,

Just another face in the crowd,

I wish I never found love with you,
So that I may never feel hurt,
or ache or taste the stinging kiss of how you betray,

I wish I never traded my trust,
For your lust,
My unrelenting love for yours that was nothing but a pain

I don't want that fake kinda love
Love you only under the sheets
love you only in the dark

I want that real kinda love
Old fashioned like a sundae with a cherry on top
Love you in the daylight
Fix it when it breaks apart

I don't want that cyber kinda love
Artificially generated
Love you only in private
Don't even know you in public

I don't want that fake kinda love
I want the real love
The kind that makes you wanna show off

I don't want this Gen Z kinda funk
Act like you want me
then act like a punk

I want that real kinda love
Old fashioned ******* the rocks

I don't want this hide how you
feel because you trying to be hard
I want that classic vintage
Coca-Cola with ******* type of love

I got the call from a dear dear friend,
He got the call from his daughter Jessi,
He said "I think they found him you gotta come down to 14th st"
"He has no ID come identify him"

I had already been searching for him for about a week,
Missing persons with no name to him,
I dropped off the baby at school and took myself to 14th Street,

Cold blue sheet covering him,
They wouldn't allow anyone near his body,
Two dogs I've never seen there before guarded his remains,

The coroner stops me before I got too close,
I said: "I'm his wife, I got the call"
They showed me pictures of his post mortem,
Bruised like an apple tattoos disappear into the blue,

I took a look at three and said "Yea, that's my husband"
Everyone calls him Irish but his name was Craig Allen Whisler a tattoo artist from Toledo, Ohio

I know how short the time is
I know that it's not infinite
I basked in the sunshine and took advantage
Not knowing how short life is

One day I'm so deep in love with you
I thought it was forever
Next day I get a phone call
The coroner needs to identify your cadaver

I know how short the time is
I know that it's not infinite
One day I thought you were my lover
The next day I almost got ***** by our mutual friend

Still I'm kinda stubborn
I don't wanna believe hope does not exist
I don't wanna be cold like my mother
I want to feel loved again

I know how short the time is
I know that it's not infinite
But for now I'd like to pretend
That I like you and you like me
so we can share warmth with our flesh
Before the pain is fresh

I've spent so long in hibernation
My heart has reached freezing temperatures
I know we don't get much time together
I'd like to savor these moments

I'd like to pretend I'm Robin Hood stealing time with you

I write poems of woe,
Poems of hurt ,
Poems of feelings no one speaks of,

Don't ask me to smile,
Don't tell me I'm too pretty to be mean,
You don't know me,

Don't tell me to be sweet,
I'm bitter like coffee,
Need milk and honey to lighten your pallet,

I write about pain,
I write about those dark feelings you can't confess to your therapist,

I'll never be sweet,
I bite, I have teeth,
Don't touch me,
Don't talk to me like you know where I've been

Don't treat me like a delicate flower,
I'm deadly like nightshade,
I'm a spikey choke collar,
Don't handle me like I'm fragile,
Please don't be sweet

Sometimes I think I like you
Sometimes I **** just despite you
Sometimes I like the fantasy
That one day I might want you

Most times Im just alone
Most times I'm just ******* bored
I get annoyed when you call
I told you don't blow up my phone!

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be cold
**** it, I told you feelings I don't hold
I told you I'll call when I want
I don't like the feeling of being owned

Sometimes I think I could stand you
Most times I drink just to forget you
And how ******* cringe you really are
you mean nothing to me

Sometimes I hate myself for being this way
This was never who I really been
Sometimes I just fake that I care
So I don't feel bad about myself

Most times I'm filling the void
I picked you to fill in the time
Sometimes I tell myself I'm not this ****** up
But baby you're just here to stain the sheets

The girl you used to know
I used to be is
GONE

There are only partial fragments
Like bones scattered by the
WILD

You will never be able
To find all her pieces
To put her back
TOGETHER

She lost all that made her
LOVELY
When she selfishly loved whole heartedly

The girl that stands before you
Is now a harsher imitation of her former self

The kind of love she gave was SELFLESS
Neverending
deep and sacred like the depths of the sea

But you all took advantage
Picked a flower
Instead of letting her GROW

And now she's just a
CONTRAST
Not even a color
Just like black or white
A SHADE

I bought nirvana in a tiny red balloon
I tasted euphoria at the tip of a needle
I saw my dreams burn at the bottom of a silver spoon
I threw the cotton in to absorb all my demons

I drew blood for the first time at the age of 18
I mixed innocence with the devil that day
He took me by the hand and said:
"Let's go for a ride"

10yrs later my soul had died
It's been 20yrs now since I had my first taste
And today I can say I've split even

Another 10yrs I've spent redeeming myself
For the decade I pawned to the devil and now I can buy my soul back

She said
harder
He said
Brown or white?
She said
Brown
*** white ain't right
And I ******* hate the light

- a poem about liquor

I don't wanna be
another has been
Shoulda been
Could been
GREAT

I don't wanna be
another she was
She did
Didn't do ENOUGH

I don't wanna be
another pretty face
Gone to waste
Coulda been SOMEONE

I don't wanna be
Another tragedy
Sad to see
She didn't love herself ENOUGH

I don't wanna be
Another waste
Sour to taste
Like a rotted grape off the VINE

I don't wanna be
Another sad story
For you to see
In the paper or the fox 11 NEWS

I just wanna be
The one to survive all my agony
Like it didn't leave this wine stain all over ME

I just wanna be
Finally set free
From all my own demons holding me
BACK

Kitty cat wants to come out and play
Kitty cat is stuck in a cage
Kitty cat scared of the rain
But Kitty cat hasn't been pet all day
Kitty cat picky as ****
She don't really like anyone
Kitty cat likes milk on her lips
But Kitty cat gets dry kibbles and bits
Kitty cat needs a new owner
Her last one is dead and gone
Kitty cat needs someone to love
She likes to chase for the fun
Kitty just chases her tail
*** every player always gets scared and bails

Hold me
I'm trying to keep my pieces in
Hold me
I'm tired of not fitting in
Hold me
I'm tired of exploding
Hold me
I'm sick of being in the cold
Hold me
I'm not as hard as I may look
Hold me
I promise you that I am warm
Hold me
I'm longing to be human again
Hold me
Before the sudden change of temperature forces me to break like glass

No one will ever know the mass of this dark hole
How much it's grown
How hungry it's  stomach growls
To feed off my regrets

No one will ever feel
The sorrows that cradle me
When I'm alone
When I have no one to talk to

She will never know
How heavy this large stone is
The one I carry despite all my apologies

He will never know
How much I really loved him
Despite how much he hurt me

And all this silenced pain I swallowed without a sound

They will never know
All I've ever known is how to do things the 'wrong way' and no one ever said "NO"  to me.. enough for me to stop

She will never know
That as I was raising her with love
I was still a child trying to learn
To give her the love I never knew

He will never know
How fiercely I defended him
How I was blamed for his death
And how the survivor's guilt of not being there has eaten me away

They will never know the hole that's deep within me
The one I filled with angst, violence and self destruction

No one will ever know the void that is now me
The hole that I so easily fill with smiles that tricks you into thinking that I'm fine

Never forget me
I know just who you are
Never forget me
I carried you 9 months

I'll never forget you
You made me who I am

Never forget me
As the seasons pass
Never forget me
My sacrifices were a must

I'll never forget you
I wear you on my heart

Never forget me
I planned you from the start
Never forget me
I ripped myself apart

I'll never forget you
The most perfect thing I've ever made in my chaotic life

Never forget me
I'm the only one that stayed to raise you
Never forget me
As a baby I've always chased you

I'll never forget you
I've fought so hard to protect you

Forget me not
I loved you when I didn't love myself

Forget me not
Your father left us but I'm still HERE

I'm like a Venus flytrap
I don't move for anyone
I don't go chasing my dinner
or my lunch

I'm like a Venus flytrap
I stay still within my potted soil
I only open my jaws when waiting for my food to land

I'm like a Venus flytrap
Trapping boys within my jaws
Once my trigger hairs are touched
My leaves snap shut
Sealing my prey inside

Waiting for disintegration
Turning you to liquid
as I swallow you whole

I'm like a Venus flytrap
My body only opens up a limited amount of times
If you touch me too much
my life expires
and I will surely die

I used to love candles...
Loved the way they glow,
A tiny dancing ballerina rising from the flame,
I used to love candles,
Loved the way they smell,
The comforting scent filling up the air,
Making a house a home,
I hate the sight of candles...
It's now a sign of mourning,
A sign of absence
a sign of eternal sadness,
I hate the smell of candles,
That flickering flame was snuffed,
Yet another reminder there's hollow in your eyes,
I loved the warmth of candles..
Filling my space with its light,
But now I hate blue candles,
Ice blue cold to the touch just like they found you

I'm sorry while I disappear..
It's the only thing that's real,
I'm sorry I don't wanna feel,
I'm killing all my sudden fears,
With absence,

I'm sorry if it's been too long,
Since the last time we have spoken,
I don't really have an explanation,
For all of my broken vibrations,

But disappearing is the only thing I'm good at,
Always running,
Always becoming,
Someone new,
Someone you don't know,

And maybe being a ghost is where I feel the most comfortable,
Because I have always been here... In body,
But my mind has always been gone,

Lost in space,
Lost in time,
Lost in all that could have beens,
I'm sorry that I disappear because it makes me feel unreal,
And I like it

He had blue eyes,
blue like the sky,
He had red hair,
Red like the sun,

I have brown eyes,
Brown tiger eye stones,
I have black hair,
Dark as the night in a starless sky,

But he had blue eyes,
Cold icy blues,
And he had red hair,
Fiery like his anger,

I have pink lips,
Pink like the scars you left me,
And I have red nails,
****** like this love you gave me,

He had blue eyes,
Broken Blues,
And he left me broken..
Broken like a bruise

I don't look at baby blues the same again,
Broken baby blue eyes leave you crying like an expanded ocean

CANELA
Es piel canela,
Labios de miel,
Es el azucar que tomo en mi té,
Es pelo largo,
Ojos castaños,
Es el calor que extraño en mis Brazos,
Es sonrisa de luz,
Ardiente como el sol,
Es amor calmada como la noche y la luna,
Son carisias que me empapa,
Y el agua que lleña mi sed

CINNAMON
It's cinnamon skin,
Honey lips,
It's the sugar I drink in my tea,
It's long hair,
Dark brown eyes,
It's the warmth I miss in my arms,
It's a smile of light,
Burning like the sun,
It's love calm like the night and the moon,
It's caresses that engulf me,
And the water that fills my thirst

Yo soy la hija querida,
La hija perdida,
La hija mayor,
Valiente como un soldado,

Mama es la manzana de donde yo cae,
Mama es la piedra pesada que no pude tirar,

Yo soy la hija amada
La hija malvada,
La hija que tira puños sin una espada,

Lo que madre no sabe es todo mi ardiente me lo quede a mi misma,
Para no darle el sabor de todo mi dolor,

Yo soy la hija chiquita,
La desapareceda,
Yo soy la hija que nunca llora enfrente de otros,
Que se va sin dejar huellas,

Lo que madre no sabe es que en mi orgullo quede tan herida,

Yo soy la hija salvaje,
La antisocial que se siente atrapada entre las paderes,

Lo que madre no sabe es que tenia vergueñza porque me converti en algo que hoy detesto,

Pero yo soy la hija calliente en la calléjera,
La hija al pendiente,
La hija que nunca falta ni tira falsos

-WHAT MOTHER DOESN'T KNOW -
I am the loved daughter,
The lost daughter,
The eldest daughter,
Brave as a soldier,

Mom is the apple from which I fell from,
Mom is the heavy stone that I couldn't throw,

I am the beloved daughter,
The evil daughter,
The daughter who throws fists without a sword,

What mother doesn't know is that all my ardor I kept to myself,
So as not to give her a taste of all my pain,

I am the tiny daughter,
The missing one,
I am the daughter who never cries in front of others,
Who leaves without a trace,

What mother doesn't know is that my pride was hurt and I was left deeply wounded,

I am the savage daughter,
The antisocial one who feels trapped between walls,


What mother doesn't know is that I was ashamed because I became something that I despise today,

But I am the hot-headed daughter roaming the streets,
The attentive daughter,
The daughter who never misses or throws a false claim

-PrimaJean
(English translation version)

Ya, I'm sad girl,
I'm a hurt girl,
Sink to the bottom,
Float to the top girl,
Because I want more,
Even though I'm still sore,
I can't play at the bottom and let it soak,
Cut my oxygen but I'll never croak,
Hold all my pain back in a chokehold,
Yes I'm a bad *****,
Got that mad itch,
Dont step over my toes I'll make your eye twitch,
The blood on my hands,
I had em wiped clean,
And there's nothing more they can take from me,
I had nothing to lose,
Everything to gain,
And life's just another roller coaster another gamble in this card game.

My hands are hard and callous,
Veins swollen,
Skin's tight,
I can barely close my fist,
My fingers stiff and unaligned,
Each knuckle bares a scar,
From each tooth and chin I made contact with,
Arthritic, numb, & unapologetic,
Sore fists still swinging blows,
Although it hurts to use them...
Stubborn is the host,
And even if these hands are battered,
When I draw blood it's the moment I savor the most,
I'm quick to anger,
There is no cool off until a blood vessel is expanded,
I'm cold with malice,
These hands are calloused,
Don't **** with me if you ain't ready for the bleed

He said I found someone,
I really like her,
She wears glasses,
Reminds me of you,
She's on the bigger side,
She's independent too,
But she supports LGBTQ,
I said: Haaa that's gay!
"don't **** it up now" ,
She sounds like a softer version of me wow,
He says: "she's tomboyish but she's kinda lazy she talks too much, she might get clingy" ...
I said: "that's too bad, maybe that's not water weight"
But honey there's only one of me,
You said you didn't like me *** I'm too ******* mean,
Now you got a girl that's " kinda like me"
You make comparisons but I'm a limited edition and deep down you know she's just the temu version of me

I'm one of a kind,
Nobody's girl,
Highly addictive,
Short in supply,
Some try to claim me,
Some try to see me,
But I'm like a shooting star that flies by once in lifetime,
I'm easy to love,
But hard to swallow,
Boys try to catch me.. but I'm like catching lighting in a bottle,
I runaway from love at full throttle,
Drown my sorrows at the end of a bottle,
I'm like a butterfly that can't fly when it loses powder to its wings,
I won't land on your flowers and get caught in a dead end dream,
Silly boy's pollen is just poison to me,
You can catch me like a firefly
If I can keep your love by my bedside in my battered heart shaped box

It's eerie..
Every time I see that 14th st sign,
It's hopeless..
Sitting on this Blvd of broken dreams today,
It's hollow..
This place that ****** the soul out of my chest without any warning,
It's dreary..
Seeing the ghost of us every morning at the slab when you're no longer there,
It's frightening..
How your permanent silence left messages on that green electrical box long after your body decayed,
It's carvings..
On a nearby tree that leaves the only sign of our existence that day,
It's heavy..
To know that even if your body died that day my soul still stayed to accompany you in death,
It's pain..
All that I can taste when I drive down that street to this very day

My mind's heavy with the words I don't say,
My hands are ***** with the work I put in,

My soul is drenched with the blood that I sprayed,
My body's covered in the scars of the pain,

I fought to gain more than I could get,
But my life's been a gamble for the bet that I've placed,

It ain't ok to think about the things I don't say,
But if I say them..
I'll be in four point restraints,

It's heavy..
But I have a mean poker face,
I don't show it..
I grimace through my dismay,

I told you,
My mind's heavy and you can't live in this space,
I'm a head case therapy and pills don't work for this damaged case