Let et Scar

Let et Scar Dec 2018

Not a day goes by I don't whisper your name,
Speak to the winds,
Search in the sky for he brightest light,
At night the cool crisp air embraces me,
It's when I feel you the most,
No, you never speak,
Or answer my questions...
I take these dimes I find laying about as a token of your presence,
Trade my sorrows for vague signs of life,
But not a day goes by without missing you,
Without feeling like I'm only a partial of my former self

Let et Scar Dec 2018

THE LAST TIME I WAS HAPPY

I know.. it's just a season,
It's just a picture,
It's just another lingering memory,
but it's not.
Just another candid moment caught in a dim lit whirlwind,
I know, it's just a picture...
but it's not what you see that I must stress,
See that day was special,
We admired beautiful sparkles of whites and blues,
We awwed at sculptures made of ice,
We laughed,
We loved,
We're intertwined,
Stood side-by-side..
Then, SNAP
a flash,
The end result, I caught your soul,
Printed on this photograph of US,
The last photo taken of you,
With you, this was the last time that I was happy,
The last photo as a family, and the last time I saw you smile,
I know.... it's just a picture,
Painting 1000 words to choke on, then quickly swallowed,
But it's not just any picture...
This one was the last time we were a FAMILY,
The last time we were "normal,"
The last time schizophrenia allowed you to be a father and a husband,
So you see, this one was special..
THIS WAS THE LAST TIME I WAS HAPPY.

Poem background: Last photo taken of my late husband was when we went to see the frozen ice sculptures. The last time he was normal

Let et Scar Dec 2018

"Pen-flow"

Poetry flows thru my pen,
Like blood flows thru my veins,
If I try to just write a piece it fails because it wasn't naturally,
I jot down my best pieces when in a rage or melancholia,
I see words as pictures in my brain,
Playing movie rheels inside my head,
Words of sorrow flow thru my pen like a ship sailing across the deep blue sea,
No one really knows my sorrows,
I'm good at hiding what you cannot SEE.

Let et Scar Dec 2018

TOILET PAPER

Your just like toilet paper...
See thru like a colorform,
Your just like toilet paper...
Use once and then destroy,
Your just like toilet paper...
Weak-willed tears up when in rain,
Your just like toilet paper...
Drop you in a porcelain thrown just rid of you like a bad habit,
Your just like Toilet Paper...
Wipe my *** with your face when I'm done giving a ****,
Your just like toilet paper...
You are only a DISPOSABLE poor excuse of a human being!

Let et Scar Dec 2018

ONE LAST TIME

I know it was your time
But couldn't we just have another night?
Before you laid down to leave it all behind,
Just one more warm embrace,
Just one last look at your handsome face,
I know it was your time....
I could feel it all that you hide,
But couldn't we just had one last meal,
One last kiss,
One last sweet memory before you left us here behind.

Let et Scar Dec 2018

Some Day

Some day I'll be able to speak your name without any pain,
One day I'll talk about all the wonderful things you said,
Some day I'll be able to talk about the highlights of our lives together,
But today I avoid mention of your name *** the ache is too much to handle,
One day I'll be able to speak your name without tears rolling down my face,
Some day I'll fully forgive myself & not carry survivors guilt that stained me after your death,
One day I too will close my eyes FOREVER return to the ground I lay on,
Some day I won't blame myself and will be able to speak about you without chocking back tears

Let et Scar Dec 2018

Don't Even Speak

I don't even speak your name,
Doing so is just a waste,
No I don't call you out by name,
You and dog are all the same,
No won't even mutter under my breath,
Your name to my lips is poison that brings me to my death,
No I don't speak your name,
Because your name doesn't deserve a place upon my silent lips