When the words enter my brain I have to capture them right there and then,
Put pen to paper,
Jot down sudden burst of emotions that overflow me with PTSD, Rage, Sorrow, & Hate,

I see the words just as clear as I see a human being infront of me,
I see words that sink deep into my mind's eye bright with COLOR,
And the words of dark poetry escapes my hand with a fluidity even water couldn't be so clear,

But if I TRY to actually write a piece....
Before the words come to ME....
The words seem forced and coerced,
The flow of the song, the poem is choppy like a break in the wind,

See.... I DONT NEED TO TRY..
To write,
I don't need to brainstorm a perfect cluster of words manicured to perfection,
The "perfection" is the imperfections that have made me the girl who writes dark poetry,

You appreciate my words because they ARE NOT coerced or forced,
But they are REAL to feel,
Because EVERY word, poem, song I've ever written is the roadmap of the roads that IS my life,
Not a Hollywood story or fiction,
But an insight to my afflictions,

My dark poetry are songs never sung,
Words never touched,
Emotions that are Raw and come in the truest of forms,
Pulling @your heartstrings,
Drawing tears from dry tear ducts,
Surfacing feelings when you thought you didn't have none,

I can write 5 poems @a time,
Put the pen down have a writters block for Months,
I don't try to Force words of poetry,
Because I want to project an authentic feeling,
Felt & written in a sporadic moment in time,

So see... I Don't have to TRY,
Being a dark Poet IS a skin I have.

She is the methamphetamine queen, hard and lean,
Tall and mean.
But she doesn't think,
*** she's sunk so deep.
Never in her wildest dreams did she dream of this,
To smoke up her dreams.
Caught up in a summer's eve,
With her skin a glow,
Blew her first cloud of smoke,
To swallow her whole.
Without reason or remorse,
Blindly to this course,
Caught up in that summer haze,
Got lost in that methamphetamine daze,
Now she hides in the shadows of the night,
Fixing her next high.
She's the methamphetamine queen.
Hollow yet so deep,
But what made her start?
She was so **** smart.
Now she's pale and wasted,
The lost she can taste them,
As she comes crawling out of her dark alley way,
She Misguides them her way.....
She's the queen of methamphetamine,
Cold and dead,
Off with your head.
She don't care none.
High and dry,
Too broke to get high.
So she lures them in.
To her world of self -destruction.
With no concept of time, or why?
Living to get high,
Hiding from the light.
*** at night she's beautiful and free,
And in the day she's ugly and unclean.
But what made her turn to this?
Screams of **** and ******.
She took control of her best weapon of them all,
Her body.
Her temple.
Weathered.
With the pains her beauty brings....
Screams of help....
Cries in questions......
Why her beauty made her target,
Of deviance, abuse, and hopelessness.
She's the methamphetamine queen....
So tired and on speed.
She was all you dreamed.....
Beautiful, carefree....
She's the methamphetamine queen.....
High-strung and light years apart.
She's the methamphetamine queen,
Tall and lean.
Hard and mean....
She's the methamphetamine queen/ faded dream.
You can show her the way.....
But she hesitates.
Bring her all the wonders of the world,
But she don't care.
And she don't feel or sleep or eat.... *** she's.....
THE METHAMPHETAMINE QUEEN.

What's left of a 6 ft man?
Of 185 lbs pounds.....

From alpha male to ash and dust,
And now the wind I have to trust..

To guide me to that place above that
everyone speaks of,

What's left of a sturdy man?
A pile of bones ash- dust,
Stuffed inside a cardboard box,

The man I used to hold and love...
Delivered to me in a 1 ft. Box.

I'll keep him near,
right by my side,
Until I too return to dust.

I loved every inch of you,
Even if you didn't love YOURSELF,
Every scar, mark, mole, birthmark, and even every stretch mark, you were PERFECT.

I wouldn't change it for anything in the world,
I used to think your PERFECT,
But the ugliest thing in you is what no one else can see,
I really thought we were on the same page,
But we're chapters away,
I didn't really mind I loved you ANYWAY,

I loved everything about you..
The way you talked, the way your hair curled into perfect spirals after showers,
Your low key smiles, and your semi creepy stares,
I thought you were PERFECT,
But wait, there is a defect,

Like broken bones within the body,
Broken yet unseen,
Silent rejections,
Half truths and white lie deceptions,
That triggered insecurity & paranoia,

How you made me feel INVISIBLE,
Rejected & alone,
How you claimed you loved me but I always got 2nd place,
Those pieces of you invisible to the eye,
Caused further damage to a disturbed mind,

But I loved every bit about you,
Even if you did not,
And you were always perfect just the way you are,

But now,
I see all your different shades of grey,
Their poison in my life left their ugly stain,
No I don't think your PERFECT.
Not today, not anymore,
Just a beautiful hollow,
Vague, HEARTLESS, person who just uses you like a toy,
I'm stuck between love and hate..
Its burning in me EVERYDAY,
I split into different jaded versions of myself,
I'm starting to ******* hate you,
You ******* ***** couldn't even be a MAN,
But once I thought you were PERFECT...... A perfect *******

The days tease me with sunny skies,
And summer lovers that pass me by,
Their happiness I envy as I grow to deeply hate them,

Reminding me of Summers past when I too roamed carelessly in love,
With a skip to my stride and a twinkle in my eye,
But that all died.
And now I'm just another fading memory in your mind.

The nights are quiet and lonely,
I'm always restless I think of You ONLY,
The nights are just as silent as I am,
Never speak just another mystery just like the night,
And it's at night you come to mind,
I drink, I smoke and write but a remedy I could not find...

I've changed my bedding,
Deleted pictures & threw away this scrapbook of your memory,
Filled with EVERY memory of us,
From concert & movie tickets, county fairs, Thanksgiving wishbones,
I collected all these things & maticulously in timeline order
Made this scrapbook of "NEW" memories in hopes they'd replace all of my bad ones.

But now that too is out of sight along with everything that came from YOU,
I cannot bare to stare at another reminder that is you,
Sweet memories I chuckle to,
Then shortly followed by the salt of tears,
Bittersweet memories aquired in 2 yrs.

The appliances you bought for the home we'll never have,
Saved tv shows and movies that we watched every night,
The empty space in my bed that you used to take up,
The cool breeze brushes my cheek now because you kept me warm at night,

I miss you most during the night,
And close to holidays,
Because I hadn't celebrated anything before you for years on end,
I now avoid ANYTHING that I can put your face to,
See all these things just intensifies my pain,

I crave the warmth of your body In the night,
I choke on unspoken emotions as I hold onto pillows tight,
I miss the scent of your skin,
And the masses of your long dark hair,
The safety of laying on your chest,
And subtle sounds of your breathing,

I'm lonely all the time,
Despite all that are near me,
The days mock me with it's light,
The night's remind me of what I have not,
I've become a biohazard with all the poisons that I ingest,
Trying.. just trying to blur out my loneliness,
Sedate my restlessness so I can sleep again.

I dread grocery shopping used to do that with you,
I rarely ever cook now *** we used to do that too,
I barely sleep,
I never eat,
My body aches from all the weight I shed,
I just wish that I could shake this stinging aching memory of you before I'm dead

One day you'll know..
How much I loved you,
How much I meant everything I ever said,
But by then it'll be too late,
And I won't be here,
*** I'll be DEAD.
I'm almost there and yes I know it,
In time you will too,
When the Earth loses all color,
And her voice echoes in your dreams,
When you try to seek for that same fire in everyone but me,
And you realize what you just did,
When kisses become bitter and bitter with every set of lips,
And on that day you'll know,
How much she really adored you,
But you devalued all her efforts despite her damaged heart... She STILL mustered all her broken will to shower you with love,
All the love that eventually broke her,
All the love she never got,
But by then it'll be too late,
You've made the same mistake AGAIN,
Only this time you'll truly regret it,
And you can blame yourself for her demise this time,
When you hold another lover and her embraces are shallow and cold,
When you take her out to places we went to,
You'll see her shadow dancing in the background like a vivid memory,
When you lay with her in bed wondering why you feel like your so dead,
And she can't even hold a candle to half the things that she did,
Remember how much she loved you,
When you left her here for Dead.
And your poor attempt to replace her  will devour everything in your wake.

Something had to fill in....
The void that I have deep within,
So I've replaced the spot you slept in,
With a bottle of ***, Brandy or whiskey,
Because nights are cold and lonely,
And your not here to warm me,
So for now I've replaced the warmth of you,
With golden brown liquor,
1 Pint @ a time,
To mask all that I hide,
This sinking depression eating me inside,
I run on alcohol and chasers,
A substitute for love and a pseudo sense of happiness,
If only for a moment,
I can hold it...
Hold it just a bit longer,
Before my sanity faulters,
Something had to fill in,
The hole that's deep inside,
And maybe I hope in time...
I can pick myself up
ONE MORE TIME.