There's this girl I know,
With the prettiest hair,
Hair as white as snow.
Shes tall,
With green eyes,
She hasn't a clue at all.
She wears sleeves,
And when I ask her why,
She just turns, and leaves.
One day in the locker room,
I saw a hint of leg,
And my heart filled with doom.
Her leg was red,
Marked with pain,
Leading her to her death bed.
I ran up to her,
And gave her a hug,
She had to be safe, that I was sure.
She pushed me away,
Confused and scared.
And then I showed her something that put her confusion at bay.
I lifted up my pant,
And she said "Oh please stop, dont do that."
And I whispered "I cant."
"But you're so pretty,
I would love to be like you,
Its such a pity."
I looked at her with dumb struck eyes,
Was this girl blind?
She must be telling lies.
I told her to take her own advice,
And take a step back,
But she said her life was on the roll of a dice.
There's this girl I know,
With the kind and troubled heart,
She lives her life, as if she was in a show.
Its fake,
But shes alive,
And thats something I must take.
For if not,
I would die,
And cry, a lot.
So to this girl that I know,
With the green eyes,
And the hair as white as snow.
Take a step back,
And look at what you have,
Instead of what you lack.
Look at what you have,
You have a friend like me,
One who will be your other half.

As the light turned to dark,
You were there.
You shielded me from the pain that was trying to tare me apart.
You held me up when I didn't know how too.

I lived on your chest.
It was the only place that i felt safe. Everyday we searched for the invisible bond we both dreamed of.
We thrived for the connection that would move our relationship further,
But neither of us could find it.

So we stopped living in each others arms.
Safety wasn't enough.
We had to learn how to live without one another.
Neither of us wanted to say goodbye.
But our paths were going different ways and neither of us will have the connection we're dying for,
If we stay together.
So we only live in each others memories.

You say, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”
but I say surely something

must taste nicer than the burning acid
being forced back up your throat.

Why not hug people instead of
toilet bowls? At least they’ll hug back.

Except Mia is your only friend now.
And her cousin, Ana, of course.

And I understand that you never
wanted to die, but this is a thousand ton truck

hurtling towards the edge of a cliff and
Ana took the wheel a long time ago.

There is no strength in this: in you, in a
fear of calories. Even your bones creak

as your muscles sigh with exhaustion -
for this, is not a war you're winning.

This is a battle with only one contender
and I will not be the one to disarm you.

That's your job and it always has been. I know
you only wanted to be beautiful

like all those stars in the magazines
you saved under a file titled ‘thinspo’

but the only stars you ever saw were in
your eyes from the dizziness

and to tell you the truth, you are not pretty.
For there is nothing “pretty”

about the layer of fuzz your body grew
to protect itself from the big bad wolf

when really, the only growl was coming
from inside your stomach.

Or how your little sister is afraid to touch,
let alone hug you, in fear of snapping you in two.

For there is no glamour in having to
remove clumps of hair out of the plughole

at least six times whilst having a shower,
just to let the water run down.

Or that one time you "accidentally”
took too many laxatives. Messy.

There is nothing admirable about the way
you sat shivering on your bed

at night instead of kissing boys,
or dancing, or eating ice cream.

There is nothing to be marvelled at
in dying.

This, is not a life to be lived.
God, this isn't even a life.

This is being a slave to your own body,

a walking zombie, a ghost stuck
between two sides.

You are not alive.

But it was all still worth it, right?
Slowly killing yourself from the inside out.

A small price to pay for perfection,
a bargain for a broken mirror;

for a half-written book
with 97 blank pages,

a camera
that only captures in black and white,

a clock
with frozen hands.

And most importantly, for a peace of mind
you never received.

No refunds.