Anxiety
feelin like raised rent
Don't work enough
for it to die down again
Just like a pill
hard to swallow
I don't talk anyone
no more
It's a sad pass time
but you gotta follow
I just want that one person
but he in his own world
I know it's hard
but sometimes you gotta be
your own girl

All they wanna hear about
Is your struggle
Rather your happiness
And compare theirs to yours

I want to start off by saying
you were the most
                               intriguing
                  soul I had ever met

the way your jaw moved
   when you were embarrassed
or irritated
your face would scrunch up
and you'd blink hard
                                   letting out a gasp of sharp but smooth laughter
And I liked when
                you'd think
Your eyes would flickr like
             a lit candle
and every time you spoke
                 I couldn't help but want to bite those lips
    Gently of course
                       I hated when you were angry
                My body melted to nothing when you were sad
   And it felt as if my whole body would crumble to pieces

                          when you just

wanted
             to
                 be
                      alone

I'd lay there in bed
Thinking of you staring up at your ceiling
             hoping your storm would blow over

and you were yourself again

And there were times where
all I wanted to do
was touch your face
but you wanted to touch
lace

Anyone else getting so
tired
of scrapping pennies
Meal stretchers
and cold with ripped
leggings
Fillin up on what was
suppose to be
last week's rent
Can't help not havin a real meal
since month 10
Sleepin on
Air mattress beds
Just tired

And at the attempt
of being normal
I was ever more
wild
than sane
I licked and gnashed my teeth
my hair a tease
nails dug straight into
self pity
Tearing it apart
piece by piece as if I were an
animal
and it were my prey
Leaving no trace of it behind
to claim

I think I've lost myself
too far left
down steep cliffs
and motherless

A flicker of the eye
I notice you watch her
walk by

The late night calls end
our tongues used less
no words escape
twisted up word scapes
sloppy letters
and torn pages

Yet again
I notice
the flicker of your eyes
Your hands no longer
touching mine
the want to leave
to breathe different air than me

I'm broken
lost and confused
I thought you were my muse