you don’t know how much it hurt
when i decided to let you go.
you deserve so much more than me
and i was just dragging you down.
you shouldn’t have to put up with me
and my endless problems.
when i said i couldn’t commit,
i was just giving you an out.
you don’t know how much it hurt,
when you said you weren’t.

you probably didn’t think much about it
when you said that your friend thought
that i was cute.
but you don’t know that i’ve known him,
probably longer than any of you have.
you don’t know that when you came over,
my entire body was shaking.
you don’t know that even approaching me
caused my anxiety to skyrocket.
you don’t know that what you said hurt.
you don’t know that i hate myself.
you don’t know that even i know
that most people are not attracted to me.
not when i look the way i do.

I am so in love with you.
Anytime i hear your name,
My heart beats a bit faster.
every time i see your face,
my pulse skyrockets.

But i’m not the one you really want.
I see it in your eyes.
When in bed with me,
She clouds your mind.

If i could choose between,
your happiness and mine,
yours would come first anytime.
I’m just not good for you.
And you’re not mine.

When you see her,
your face lights up.
Your eyes shine like stars,
but i will never be her.

My love for you,
outshines my issues.
You can make me smile,
like no other,
but i am still not her.

I’m sorry for my problems.
I’m sorry for my flaws.
If i could pick and choose
There’s no choice to make.

You may be the one for me,
But i do nothing but fill an empty seat.
My body is a placeholder,
for the girl you really want,
And i am not her.