As much as I want to open up and be selfless,
People give me a reason to keep everything to myself.....
My love, my feelings, my trust and my time.....!

I'm wishing you another year
Of laughter, joy and fun,
Surprises, love and happiness,
And when your birthday's done,

I hope you feel deep in your heart,
As your birthdays come and go,
How very much you mean to me,
More than you can know.

You’re helping the healing of generations of pain, and this is why it hurts so much.
Don’t give up….!

What if we feel alone because we are terrified of being intimate with another especially ourselves…?

Trying to explain something you don’t even understand
Trying to find a beginning, or a end to start with
There is no such thing
I don’t know what the **** is going on
I just always remember, remember things I shouldn’t
I know I’ll break down because of them
I value things, people, their thoughts, help, love and everything they do or did for me so so much
So it basically rips my heart out and
Shatter it into pieces, when a person like that leaves me or hurts me
I always try to glue it back together…
But guess what?
Every ******* time it’s about to dry,
Someone leaves or hurts me…!

“Oh, I’m just…..”
BROKEN~ SAD~ALONE~DEAD~******-UP~INSECURE~NOSTALGIC~SCARED~EXHAUSTED~NUMB­~BETRAYED~JUDGED~BULLIED~FADING~FALLING-APART~
HOLLOW~EMPTY~COLD~­SCARRED~IGNORED~UGLY~
BREAKING-DOWN~NEVER-ENOUGH~NOT-OKAY~A-WASTE­~
HATED

Today is all about a person who is my life, who was there for me every single time.
They both are the only person who made me look forward to coming to college, made me live my life. Even when everyone left me, they never let go of me, they held me tight whenever I felt like letting go of life. This is to the two people who loved me more than anybody in the whole world, was concerned about me more than anyone in this world. They made my life worth-living and beautiful. To the two people who has always had my back, always. To the person who scolded me like a mother, adviced me like a father, teased me like a brother but on top of it all, they loved me more than all of the people in this whole world.
Thank you for being with me. I don't know what I did to deserve such pretty and pure souls like you, but I'm glad to have you in my life.
❤️"THANK U FOR EVERYTHING"❤️

I'm tired of caring a little too much about people. 50% don't care and other 50% take my caring for granted.  I'm just tired. I'm tired of all the lies and people letting me down. Making promises I know they can never keep. Trusting too much and I've fallen hard. I've lost who I was and that scares that hell out of me. My heart can't take more disappointment and I can't keep losing myself over people  who just don't care. I'm over their act of caring and playing like a friend. The damage is done. You made me weak and threw away my strength. I hope you are happy. But all that's a little too late to fix now. So what can I fix? I can fix me. It's time to find me and put everything else behind me. So you thought you won? HA! Sweetheart you created a monster I don't think you know how to handle. And that monster became a warrior. This warrior is a survivor and I'm never backing down, ever again.....!

I just want you to know
That I'll never care
How far you push me away
Because when I told you
That I would stay
I meant it
You are a little lost
And a little damaged
But you aren't hopeless
I know who you are
I love who you are
And that's why I'll stay
So you learn to
Love Yourself too....!

Today my anxious thoughts
tell me to hate myself
for letting people in
only for them to break my heart,
for handing over swords
to the ones who came at me with bamboo sticks.

They remind me of
the times I haven’t been a good friend
to the same people I have given my all.
I should hate myself for baring
my heart in front of the ones
who had no intentions of knowing it.

I’m not good enough because
I couldn’t protect myself from a stranger
who came in only to hurt me.
After all that I lost on the battlefield
and the mental scars I carry within,
it’s never going to be enough
‘cause I should have fought harder to win.
But was there any limit?

My anxious thoughts remind me of
every time I have failed,
every time I have trusted the wrong
and everything I’ve lost…!

Don’t forget the time we broke up,
The hardest day we said our goodbyes
Don’t cry
Please be happy, my love
I love you
& I’ll love you more
The words I can never say to you again,
I loved only you, only you
I loved you, you’re my everything
I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry
Even I can’t go back to those times
You’re the only one for me
I loved you so much
Don’t do it, please don’t do it
Don’t make memories
My painful heart
I hate you, I hate you so much now
I have to do this to forget you.
Only you, you’re the only one
Like a tattoo engraved in my heart
Even if I try to erase you
You’re my love that I can’t erase,
Only you
I’m waiting for you my painful love
I miss you so much
I’m waiting for you endlessly….!

I could feel my eyes start to sting with the need to cry.
Why did I have to be so freaking sensitive..??

Somewhere between "Crying loud to seek attention" and "Crying silently to avoid attention", we grew up!!
Somewhere between " Believing in happy endings" and "Accepting the reality", we grew up!!
Somewhere between " Yay! I can write with a new pen tomorrow " and "Dude, do you have an extra pen?", we grew up!!
Somewhere between " Mom, I want to distribute chocolates on my birthday " and "OK, my treat today", we grew up!!
Somewhere between " Cartoons" and "News Bulletins", we grew up!!
Somewhere between " Just five more mins Mom" and "Pressing the snooze button", we grew up!!
Somewhere between " Crying out loud just to get what we want" and "Holding our tears when we are broken inside", we grew up!!
Somewhere between "We are best Friends Forever" and "Knowing nothing truly lasts", we grew up!!
Somewhere between "I want to grow up" and "I want to be a child again", we grew up!!
Somewhere between " Let's meet and plan" and "Let's plan and meet", we grew up!!
Somewhere between "Crush" and "Ex", we grew up!!
Somewhere between" Having hundreds of friends" and "Having few good friends", we grew up!!
Somewhere between "Parents fulfilling our wish" and "We fulfilling our parent's dream", we grew up!!
Somewhere between" Craving for pizza" and "Craving for home food", we grew up!!
Somewhere between " Waking up at 6 am" and "Sleeping at 6 am", we grew up!!

I feel so lonely
My buddy's gone
Even my best friend is far far away
Every day is getting hard
Why did life had to be this hard?
Why did people always had to leave?
Why is it so hard to live now?
It's getting harder and harder every single day
And I don't think I can do it anymore
I have tried my absolute best and gave in my all and now
I don't have any hope nothing at all
I give up
Sorry to all the people whom I promised that I won't give up but it's way too hard now I can't bear it
I'M SORRY

It's not your job to fix damaged people....!
Your responsibility to help someone will never outweigh their responsibility to help themselves.
But, it's worth asking yourself why you resonated so strongly with someone that needed "fixing" so desperately in the first place.
Often, our own toxic romantic and non-romantic attachments to tell a story about an issue we have within ourselves...!

There’s a time for keeping silent 🔇 and a time for speaking up ❕a time for dabbling in a dream💭and a time for waking yourself up ⏰ a time for waiting for your turn⏳and a time for rushing ahead ⚡️a time for soaking up the sun ☀️ and the time for staring at the stars ⭐️ a time for setting life a blaze 🔥and a time for fizzling the flame 💦 a time for keeping it real ✉️ and a time for keeping it together🎀 a time for saying yes ✅ and a time for letting go 🎈a time for taking a risk ⚠️ and a time for taking your time🐌a time for planting the seeds 🌱 a time for harvesting the garden 🎃 a time to believe in fairytales 🏰a time for making your one magic 🪄a time for standing in the storm ⛈ and a time for seeking shelter 🏠 a time for going through it🛣 and a time for growing from it 🪴 trust yourself to know when the time is right❤️❤️❤️❤️

Have you ever realised,
That no matter what
How hard you try
You can’t get rid of
PAIN!

It’s like you can’t escape it
You can push it back
But eventually
It’ll come back, right?

That’s how you’re to me.
You’re my pain that
Won’t go away
No matter how hard I try,
You’ll always be there
In my mind….!

I’m fine, the biggest lie I’ve ever told. Deep down I didn’t want to lie. I wanted to say I wasn’t and I feel like my life is worthless. I wanted to say I feel like I’m back to my state and that I’m sorry I got back to this dark room. But I can’t be honest this time. No matter how painful it feels to hold it in, it’s better to hold the words hostage in my heart even though my heart is trying to hold it together. Everyone is on cloud 9 around me and I swore to myself I will not bring them down. Everyone probably thinks “oh here we go again!” Or that I’m being distant on purpose. The part they don’t realise is I am distancing in order to protect them from the inner hatred and negativity festering in my soul….!

|1|: Suicide isn't the answer.
|2|: You may be thrown down, but you're strong enough to pick yourself up and keep walking.
|3|: ARMY is here for you.
|4|: You are beautiful.
|5|: Go have some water luv <3~
|6|: Be yourself, don't be afraid to act weird, we all have a weird side.
|7|: You can fix a mess you made.
|8|: You are worth it.
|9|: God made you for a reason.
|10|: You are perfect the way you are.
|11|: Do what you like, dance, draw, watch silly videos, blast music if it makes you happy.
|12|: Show you true emotions.
|13|: Your opinion about yourself is the only one that counts, so make sure it's positive ***.
|14|: You are talented.
|15|: Smile when you want to. Cry when you need to, you are valid.
|16|: You are so strong to have made it this far.
|17|: Everything gets better with time.
|18|: It may be hard right now, but know that it will get better.
|19|: You are loved.
|20|: Lastly, Love Yourself. Go look in the mirror and look at your beautiful face and your perfect hair, you are a god/goddess! <3


I want you to know that you are worth it and you don't need to end it all, it may be tough right now, but it will get better. I love you and I hope you find happiness soon, stay positive. I'm here for you and so are the people you love( ahhh 4 o’ clock is on!)
I know I'm repeating things but I need to. I have almost spent half an hour on this and I don't regret it one bit. Take care of yourself, you won't regret it.
Hangout with your friends, dance, hug someone or something. I want you to smile, I may not smile and do everything I have listed but when I do them sometimes, I feel perfect, free, unstoppable and happy. So please look at me and promise me that you will stay strong and stay here for us, I love you And thank you for reading this. <3~

Life always teaches,
The hardest lessons
To the softest hearts....!🥺💯

Dear Future You,
Hold on. Please
Love,
Me.

                                        Dear Current You,
                               I’m holding on. But it hurts.
                                                  Love.
                                                   Me.
                    
                                                                                           Dear Past you,
                                                                               I held on. Thank you.
                                                                                                           Love,
                                                                                                               Me.

The only person in this world whom I considered real turned out fake. With tears in my eyes and a knife in my hand, a cross on my neck and soon it will be the end. Don't worry too much, just feel less and ignore more everything's gonna be fine as I won't be here anymore.....!

The words didn’t hurt me,
The person who said them did.....!,

Quitting is for winners.....!
Contrary to popular opinion, quitting is for winners.
Knowing when to quit, change directions, leave a toxic situation, demand more from life, give up on something that's isn't working and move on, is a very important skill that people who win at life all seem to have.
But don't quit because it's hard.
Quit because it *****.

Having no homework
Sleeping in late
Laughing so hard that you cry
Being called beautiful
When your fav song comes on shuffle
Being liked/loved back
Doing well on a test you thought you failed
Making someone laugh/ smile
Long hugs from someone you love
When he texts you first
Packing for a vacation
Getting unexpected gifts
Realising it’s Friday
Looking back at old photos
Eating the food you’ve been craving
Blasting music in car
Watching a sunset/sunrise
Being warn and cozy when it’s cold
Feeling Important and wanted

Not romantically,
But in love with yourself, life, waking up in the morning, smiling, laughing, crying, growing through life one second at a time, going through hardships........and still loving life!

Call yourself out....!
The most reason why people keep making the same mistakes is because their insecure ego prevents them from taking responsibility for their own *******, their own toxic traits and their own mistakes.
You have to call yourself out.
Calling yourself out means you care more about your future, your progress and your happiness, than just protecting your ego....!

I miss you when something really good happens Caz you're the one I want it share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me Caz you were the only one who understood me so well.
I miss you when I laugh or cry Caz you were the only one that made my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times spent with each other; for those are some of the best times of my life......!

They don’t know how to it feels
To wake up every morning,
And all the wonder is
Why they had even been awoken.

They don’t know how it feels
To pick up all of their pieces,
And out them back together
But still feel like they’re broken!

They don’t know how it feels
To say all that they can say,
And still feel like there’s more
But every word has been spoken!

They don’t know how it feels
To go to sleep every night,
And the only hope they have
Is that their eyes won’t open……!

Taking no risk is the biggest risk....!
You have to risk failure to succeed.
You have to risk rejection to be accepted.
You have to risk heartbreak to love.
If you're always avoiding risk, you're risking missing out on life....!

Yes, hmm, no wait. How do you define what's fine? I smile, I laugh, I talk and I go out. But then, I also feel that there is something that's eating up my soul from inside. I feel lost, I feel scared, I panic, I go into sadness and I suffer in silence. I'm all this. So now you tell me. Am I fine?

Please love me more than I hate myself.....!💔💔

My definition of toxic is when someone has hurt you so much to the point where you’re tired of it but you still love them so much that you don’t wanna leave and you’re willing to keep getting hurt by the same person hoping they will change but they never change, and you start thinking about bad things about yourself thinking you’re not worth it and you start losing your worth that’s toxic, toxic is when they start abusing you mentally, physically and emotionally, but you don’t care because you wanna keep loving them and make a better person the only reason there like that’s is because they have been hurt before and they think you’re going to hurt them in the same way but you’re not going to, toxic is when they stop putting effort into you, they stop talking to you, they don’t wanna see you, they don’t care about you, they talk to other people behind your back, they’re not loyal, not showing you off, they aren’t just treating you right like you should be treated, but you don’t think of it you just keep running back to them, and both of you guys realize you’re hurting each other but you guys never leave and just keep getting hurt and then hears and years and years come and you’re so hurt that you start having trust issues you have depression, anxiety and so much more, and you just can’t leave the relationship, it’s difficult because you love and care so much about them but sometimes you gotta love yourself before you try loving someone else, caring about yourself before someone else isn’t toxic but letting someone control you and who you are is. Don’t let no body tell you what you can and can’t do. YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON you’re not them and you’ll never be like them. You are yourself and if someone don’t like it we’ll they don’t deserve you, it’s crazy how’s person can hurt you so much and effect you and your future but it doesn’t always have to be like that, it’s also crazy how a person can hurt you and not give a **** but no matter what no body’s lives are prefect, we get knocked down lower then we have ever been just so we can climb higher then we ever have, so don’t lose faith in yourself entirely yet, there are so many more people out there, sometimes it’s okay to take a break from the world and relationships to focus on yourself so you can come back better than ever, don’t let these toxic *** friends and people stop you from being happy and getting what you want. So be happy and love yourself like you deserve to be loved….!❤️❤️

Trust the process. Whatever is happening (good/bad) ,trust your life:
It is not easy to trust the happenings and events of life when nothing is in our favor. And it isn’t easy either to be optimistic about it. But that’s where our toughness and resilience is being tested. People who can’t trust the process of their lives cannot expect to excel in their lives. It is not that we should blindly trust everything that happens and not change the course of life for the better. What I mean is that we should work out what’s in our control and if we can’t work out what isn’t, then leave it. Don’t ponder upon it and don’t waste time on it. It will work out with your persistence and hard work.

They put themselves down all the time, because deep down inside they think they're not good enough and will never be.
2. They absolutely hate teamwork, and find it hard to work alongside people.
3. They're extremely pessimistic people who always assume the worst about everything.
4. They love their alone time so much that they end up ignoring and even alienating their family and friends for it.
5. They overthink about every little thing , and this ends up making them, and everyone else around them miserable.
6. They can be very stubborn and inflexible. And once they have decided not to do anything, nobody can change their mind.
~ just like everything and everyone else, introverts have flaws too, but their dark side doesn't define who they are. For the most part, their beautiful side ends up shining through...!

I wish I could tell you all that will happen and help you along the way…..but there’s one thing I would do, it’s to help you break free:
~break free from the pressure to fit in
~break free from comparing yourself to everyone
~break free from hating all that you aren’t
~break free from believing that you aren’t special or strong enough
Please know that you are amazing, a rare and a beautiful masterpiece that one day you’ll recognise and appreciate. I wish I could hold your hand as you walk along this journey learning to love and care for yourself, but I know how strong and capable you are.

Never stop fighting for us, it may feel impossible now, but I promise it’ll all be worth it…….!
—Me!

You know, yes I’m so scared to lose you,
It keeps me up at night, it makes my eyes water when the thought of my life without you appears, just feel everything crushing inside.
I feel my heart crumble in little pieces, I feel my stomach collapse, I feel broken.....!
You are my best friend and you don’t know how much you mean to me and I just want to scream it but I’m scared! You make me the happiest girl to ever exist, I smile everyday for you so big that my lips  might burst,.
You make me happy, you make me smile, you make me complete.
And now I might lose that part of me. And I don’t know how I’m gonna deal with it.......!

It just never stops, does it?
When will I stop breaking apart?
When will I be able to stop the tears?
Why does it hurt so much.
Why me
What is this for?
Why do I have to feel like this
I manage to keep it hidden away so well in front of others,
But when I’m alone….
I can’t seem to hide it
I can’t stop myself from feeling like this
**** man, it ******* hurts
When will it ******* end!?!?

I'm tired, I wanna get rid of my habit loving people endlessly and then them leaving me everytime like I was nothing at all.....!

This is what I like about photographs:
They’re proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect…..!

“Don’t let those boys get to you”

But some I wish
He would wait for me like he used to
Or text me back
Don’t keep me on delivered for for weeks on end

I wish I wouldn’t do everything wrong
I wish he didn’t love her
I wish I was better, however she is like
Because I’m hoping I’d do it right

I wish I wasn’t stupid or dumb
I wish I understood
I wish he loved me
I wish I didn’t say sorry so much

I’m afraid of losing him
Afraid I’ll stop liking or loving him
I’m afraid I’ll lose it
It won’t work out

It never does…..it never did………!

I learned this the hard way:
Either you say how you feel and **** it up, or say nothing and let it ******* up instead......!

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for growing up. I’m sorry for not being what you wanted me to be, what you pictured, “A happy girl, in a happy world”. But not everything turned out the way you want it to. I’m sorry for lying so much. I’m sorry for feeling alone so much. I’m sorry for not asking for help when I needed it. I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry for staying up most nights crying. I’m sorry for caring about little things that were probably lies. I’m sorry for being a disappointment. I’m sorry……!