I think about ending my life, daily
The fastest way way to go,
Without hurting others
My self-worth
Will i be missed?
These thoughts,
Shouldn’t be put on paper
But why not?
If more people talked about it,
Perhaps, they would not,
Act upon it
The greatest pain cannot be seen
It hides deep within
A broken bone is easy to mend
A broken mind doesn’t bind
All these thoughts of mine,
Often times i wonder
Have I lost my mind?
Am i only one,
With suicidal thoughts….?

I was falling. I was falling in love. I was falling so hard that I couldnt tell when the fall would end, because I was falling for the one person who could break my heart with the most biggest amount of pain I could think of. I was falling in love with my bestfriend, the only friend I had in my life, the only person who understood me, the only person who never judged me, the only person who never shouted at me and the only person who accepted me for me. I had started to feel for him, but more then what I was feeling for him lurked the fear of losing him, because it wouldnt be just the heart I will lose to him, I will lose my whole self. He knows every little secret of mine, he knows who I am, he knows what I am, he knows everything and never judges, he's my secret diary, and those are things which are above love, because love can be found but these qualities are even rarer then love. I had the fear of losing him what if I propose and he didnt think that way, what if I proposed and he stops talking to me and never come back, what if he starts to hate me. All these questions stacked up and I curtailed myself from expressing my feeling for I didnt want to lose my bestfriend for love.
I had fallen in love with the only person who could break my whole existence.

Are you okay?
Are you alright, are you fine, are you good?
Are you adequate, are you decent?
Are you emotionally stable, sleeping without crying, smiling because you want to?
Are you breathing without questioning, are you waking up without trying, are you eating without throwing up?
Are you reading this poem right now and thinking no?
Are you thinking for the first time, will I ever be okay?

You will be okay.
You will be alright, you will be fine, you will be good.
You will be adequate, you will be decent.
You will be emotionally stable, you will sleep without crying, and smile for the happiness blooming inside of you.
You will breathe without questioning, you will wake up to a new day, you will eat easily
You
are going to be okay.
So please smile sunshine
It’s a fine new day
To be okay :)

It’s the thief if time,
Who won’t let you be mine.
Keeps stealing you away,
For most of every day.

Why do our moments go so fast,
When all I want is them to last.
Must be the thief of time
Who won’t let you be mine.

Happiness is hard
to come by.

People who are real with you
are hard to come by.

Love is hard to come by.
True friendship

is also
hard to come by.

So it messes no sense to me
why good people

get ****** over the hardest.
Why good people

have to go through it
in the worst of ways.

I don’t understand
why people hurt them the most.

Why people are so careless
with the ones who show them

soft, gentle love.
Why people are so senseless
to the ones who make them feel alive….!

I think stars have heard more secrets
Than any pair of human ears,
They’re trusted with our troubles
And are the guards of all of fears.
Perhaps we share with them our sorrows
For they too have known the night,
Yet they’ve learnt to let the darkness
Simply emphasise their light…!

Was I always meant to fall?
Roses white and dying light
Silver’s sweet forgiving bite
She’ll ask “why”
No answers found
And I’ll rot deep
beneath the ground…!

I tell you to be strong
while most days
I feel like I’m one push away
from crumbling?
I’ve been holding my breath
waiting for an impact
Please excuse my silence
It’s hard enough trying to hold it together
without having to also carry your pain….!

Dear Future You,
Hold on. Please
Love,
Me.

                                        Dear Current You,
                               I’m holding on. But it hurts.
                                                  Love.
                                                   Me.
                    
                                                                                           Dear Past you,
                                                                               I held on. Thank you.
                                                                                                           Love,
                                                                                                               Me.

Emotions just….falling, one by one becoming non existent all staring with joy and happiness. It won’t stop until I’m empty, nothing there…dead but still here. Disappointed in us. This. Whatever is this anymore? Round and round in circles, the same problem over and over. Time. If that is a problem, why? Why does everyone obsess over time? Screaming at the top of my lungs “help me I’m drowning, drowning in tonight’s thoughts just like yesterday’s” every night dying as I suffocate myself with a pillow just so I don’t worry anybody with my problems. Music is my best medicine and is the only friend I feel I have at the moment. Staring at at the ceiling as I listen to music through my earphones just trying to stay afloat. It’s starting to get gat harder and harder each night to do so~

So, do it. Decide.
                Is this the life
                you want to live?
                Is this the person
                you want to love?
                Is this the best you can be?
                Can you be stronger?
                Kinder? More Compassionate?
                Decide
                Breathe in.
                Breathe out
                and decide.

Isn’t the moon dark too,
most of the time?

And doesn’t the white page
seem unfinished

without the dark stain
of alphabets?

When God demanded light,
he didn’t banish darkness.

Instead he invented
ebony and crows

and that small mole
on your left cheekbone.

Or did you mean to ask
“Why are you sad so often?”

Ask the moon
Ask what is has witnessed.

There was a time I told you,
            of all that ached inside;
            the things I held so sacred,
            to all the world I’d hide.

But they became your weapon,
             and slowly I’ve learnt,
             and the less that is said the better,
             the lesser I’ll be hurt.

Of all you’ve used against me,
             the worse has been my words.

There are things I’ll never tell you,
            and it is sad to think it so;
            the more you come to know me-
            the lesser you will know.

You loved me like a flower
The ones you leave to die
Instead of loving me wild
You kept me locked inside
You let me slowly wilt
Until there was only a piece of who I was
And keeping something wild, locked
You should see what it does
If you meet a girl like me
I ask you to let her go
So you can see what happens
When you let a flower grow
And I didn’t get that choice
But I don’t blame it all on you
And I let you take me away
Because thought you were beautiful too
It is true that you broke me
But I still wish you well
And I hope I was beautiful
Before my petals fell…!

Roses aren’t always red
& violets aren’t exactly blue,
the society that we live in
never seems to speak the truth.

Smiles aren’t always happy
& frowns aren’t always upset,
people judge too quickly
& our feelings are what they forget..!

Today my anxious thoughts
tell me to hate myself
for letting people in
only for them to break my heart,
for handing over swords
to the ones who came at me with bamboo sticks.

They remind me of
the times I haven’t been a good friend
to the same people I have given my all.
I should hate myself for baring
my heart in front of the ones
who had no intentions of knowing it.

I’m not good enough because
I couldn’t protect myself from a stranger
who came in only to hurt me.
After all that I lost on the battlefield
and the mental scars I carry within,
it’s never going to be enough
‘cause I should have fought harder to win.
But was there any limit?

My anxious thoughts remind me of
every time I have failed,
every time I have trusted the wrong
and everything I’ve lost…!

The monsters were never
under my bed.
Because the monsters
were inside my head.

I fear no monsters,
for no monsters I see.
Because all this time,
the monster has been me…!

is for you
to read my poetry
and be able
to breathe again —
to hear my sound and remember
what your favourite summer
felt like
when it lived
inside
your
skin….!

And it seems that the more I’m searching,
The more I’m losing myself entirely….!

Today I feel small—looked down on and disregarded. My thoughts are of little importance. My words have no bearing on the weight of the world. I’m tired of being taken for granted. If only I could get a fraction of what I give. But my efforts go unrecognised, and my soul keeps wishing to be noticed, to be valued; to be understood….!

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for growing up. I’m sorry for not being what you wanted me to be, what you pictured, “A happy girl, in a happy world”. But not everything turned out the way you want it to. I’m sorry for lying so much. I’m sorry for feeling alone so much. I’m sorry for not asking for help when I needed it. I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry for staying up most nights crying. I’m sorry for caring about little things that were probably lies. I’m sorry for being a disappointment. I’m sorry……!

They will
insult you,
hurt you,
defeat you,
betray you,
injure you,
set you aflame
and watch
you burn.
                                             But they
                                             will not,
                                            shall not,
                                              cannot
       ­                                  destroy you.
                                                            ­                                  Because you,
                                                            ­                                       like Rome
                                                            ­                      were built on ashes,
                                                          ­                                            and you,
                                                            ­                                like a phoenix
                                                         ­                                     know how to
                                                              ­                                                 rise
                                                            ­                                                  and
           ­                                                                 ­                         resurrect.

I’m sorry someone loved you badly,
And that they made you feel like
you take up more space than you deserve.

I’m sorry they abandoned you
When you need them the most and
It has made you believe that
Love is an awful thing that hurts……!

1) These hard times, this pain, these lessons - one day they’ll be your strength, your awareness, your blessings.
2) Stop expecting honesty from the people who lie to themselves.
3) You’ll never look good trying to make someone look bad.
4) Save your explanations for those who are determined to understand you - give your silence to those that are determined to misunderstand you.
5) You’re life is too short to be unhappy 5 days a week in exchange for 2 days of freedom.
6) Don’t be upset from people you don’t respect.
7) Life isn’t tiring. Wanting life to be a certain way but not having the confidence to make it that way is tiring.

I’m fine, the biggest lie I’ve ever told. Deep down I didn’t want to lie. I wanted to say I wasn’t and I feel like my life is worthless. I wanted to say I feel like I’m back to my state and that I’m sorry I got back to this dark room. But I can’t be honest this time. No matter how painful it feels to hold it in, it’s better to hold the words hostage in my heart even though my heart is trying to hold it together. Everyone is on cloud 9 around me and I swore to myself I will not bring them down. Everyone probably thinks “oh here we go again!” Or that I’m being distant on purpose. The part they don’t realise is I am distancing in order to protect them from the inner hatred and negativity festering in my soul….!

It just never stops, does it?
When will I stop breaking apart?
When will I be able to stop the tears?
Why does it hurt so much.
Why me
What is this for?
Why do I have to feel like this
I manage to keep it hidden away so well in front of others,
But when I’m alone….
I can’t seem to hide it
I can’t stop myself from feeling like this
**** man, it ******* hurts
When will it ******* end!?!?

Trying to explain something you don’t even understand
Trying to find a beginning, or a end to start with
There is no such thing
I don’t know what the **** is going on
I just always remember, remember things I shouldn’t
I know I’ll break down because of them
I value things, people, their thoughts, help, love and everything they do or did for me so so much
So it basically rips my heart out and
Shatter it into pieces, when a person like that leaves me or hurts me
I always try to glue it back together…
But guess what?
Every ******* time it’s about to dry,
Someone leaves or hurts me…!

I can’t tell anyone my feelings
So instead I write a poem
No one wants to hear things
No one wants to hear em

I cry alone sometimes
No one can hear sobs
I keep myself occupied
Doing useless jobs

Can anyone see the real me?
The one no one knows?
The one who doesn’t smile
The one who doesn’t put on shows….!

Can you open up the door?
Let your feelings out
Let put all the tears?
Realise yourself from the drought?

Can you open up the door?
Let me go inside
Let me know the feelings
You’re always trying to hide?

Can you open up the door?
Tell me all what is wrong
Tell me what to sing
So I can hear the right song…?

Text me if you’re bored n interested to play a game n get to know each other 💜

And then she cries (again)
Over and over
For what reason? She wonders
But then she remembers
All of it
Over and over

It crashes her
What crashes her
Over and over
But when is it finally over

Or is this a sign?
She should be suspicious
Or just letting go
So that things can finally flow (again)
Over and over

You can and you will lose feelings for everyone. “Feelings” are literally the way you feel. Can you think of any single things in life that you’ve consistently felt the same way about?
Think about any past relationships? That person you had a crush on in the 6th grade?
Feelings are real, but they are not always reliable…. And they are always changing. Before acting in feelings, r should engage our brains to make sure we’re doing the right thing….!

“Don’t let those boys get to you”

But some I wish
He would wait for me like he used to
Or text me back
Don’t keep me on delivered for for weeks on end

I wish I wouldn’t do everything wrong
I wish he didn’t love her
I wish I was better, however she is like
Because I’m hoping I’d do it right

I wish I wasn’t stupid or dumb
I wish I understood
I wish he loved me
I wish I didn’t say sorry so much

I’m afraid of losing him
Afraid I’ll stop liking or loving him
I’m afraid I’ll lose it
It won’t work out

It never does…..it never did………!

I’ll be ok for a few days but then it hits me, I stop functioning and everything falls apart again….!

Yes, hmm, no wait. How do you define what's fine? I smile, I laugh, I talk and I go out. But then, I also feel that there is something that's eating up my soul from inside. I feel lost, I feel scared, I panic, I go into sadness and I suffer in silence. I'm all this. So now you tell me. Am I fine?

Disappointed
Hurt
Scolded
Insulted
Ignored
I should be used to it now but it ******* hurts....!!