I sit alone
In my own company
Looking at my younger self
Through time jaded eyes
Wishing to give
Some learned advice
Wanting to share
The wisdom of age
But knowing
His time is past

The human condition
Is dealing death
No understanding
Just extermination
If it is different
It must disappear
Why can there be
No acceptance

Words can convey
Hopes, dreams,
Fears, loves,
Desires, emotions
The list is endless
How can we just
Frivolously use these
Weapons to wound
But also words
Can heal
Remind us of
Our loved ones lost
Spread the love
In our hearts
And share it
Is anything more powerful
Than words

You will go where you are told
Into places hot or cold
You will as I have said
**** that man make sure he’s dead

You will do as you are ordered
Go forth secure our borders
You will follow toe the line
Invade that country make it mine

I will sit here at my desk
To me there is no consequence
To you though
Search your own conscience

If you refuse
You’ll go to jail
Obey my orders
Live through hell

When you are spent
Another I’ll find
To take my orders
And break his mind

Age is just a number
Or so they say to us
Yet age has its restrictions
And who decides what must
Be done or not at sixteen
Eighteen twenty one
If age is just a number
Can we not make our own minds up

I want to give you the world in box
Tied with a beautiful bow
To give you everything you could ever want
Because I love you I hope you know
Every star twinkling in the night
Would be yours in the blink of an eye
The diamonds from every mine in the world
Would be worthless if you weren’t mine
With you at my side I am happy
I walk around lighter than air
But the day that you’re gone
Is the day that I die inside
Swallowed by endless despair

Could I be death
Ushering souls
From this life to the next

Could I be justice
Handing rewards
To those that are deserving

Could I be strength
Propping up
Those that need to be lifted

Could I give life
Knowing how much
Hardship and suffering are in this world

Things I’ve seen things I’ve done
Should be in the minds of no one
In the name of keeping peace
Shots fired lives in pieces
Families torn apart hearts rendered
With all lives by my hand ended
Seeing them in my mind eye
Awake asleep can’t say goodbye
To voice emotions is so tough
Sorry isn’t good enough

I’d give you the world
If it was mine to give
Hand you my life
For you live
Grant every wish
If it was in my power
Stay by your side every minute and hour
Without hesitation
I give you my heart
Endure the suffering
When we are apart

If you think that man is weak
Look at his life
Take just a peek
The freedom that you have today
Comes not without a price to pay
He volunteered to keep you safe
And that he did in that he gave
He lost his friends and brothers too
Not for himself but all for you
And on return asks not for praise
But for respect to those been slain
That gave it all in selfless acts
With no regrets on looking back
So if you see that soldier weep
Know that it’s not because he’s weak
It’s all for that great price he’s paid
Of friends and brothers all been lain

Deep despair
A gasp for air
Tears flow
A pit does grow

A mask of smiles
A life of lies
So much laughter
Silence after

Memories abound
Mind spins all around
Only one wish
End this anguish

See the enemies approaching
Closing in from every side
Wake up screaming I was dreaming
They dissipate with open eyes
They were real not a figment
Only from time left behind

They were people we were fighting
Flesh and blood like you and me
Scared of dying
Dodging bullets as they run across the field
Bodies falling voices crying
Wishing nothing else but peace

After seeing all the carnage of a ****** battlefield
Can you ever be the person you once were
Or will you yield
To the voices you are hearing in your never ending dreams
Take the pain away
Just **** me
Will the anguish ever cease

I smile to hide the pain away
I laugh to hide the sorrow
I lie awake in bed at night
Fearing tomorrow
Another day of hiding
The way I feel inside
Putting on the mask again
So others think I’m fine
I know I’m not alone at all
I have my family
But no one knows how hard it is
To show my anxieties
So I smile to hide the pain away
And no one wants to see

Why do the voices taunt me
They whisper all the time
I’m never free from noises
That try to control my mind
Sometimes it’s hard to tell
If they are from inside or out
So from time to time to silence them
I have to scream and shout


Will I ever fold and listen
Or can I stay forever strong
These voices getting louder
Might take me over before long
I hope and pray my barriers
Will last and drown them out
For I fear for my sanity
Will leave me left with nought

I see the man that wanders
Each day a different place
I also see the people
With that look upon their face
Horror, discust and pity
The look conveys them all
Of wonder at the question
How far did this man fall?

They do not know the hardship
None of the pain or strife
That this man has endured
Throughout his tortured life
Of where he’s been or what he’s done
He pays a heavy price
In his mind he’s not worthy
To be in a happy home
So he wanders place to place
Forever all alone

How deep does the pain go
Let’s cut down and see
Watch how much the the blood flows
Like life out of me

How long will the tears flow
Will they ever run dry
I am so surprised
That I can still cry

How far does my love get
Does it reach to your heart
Mine breaks every moment
That we spend apart

What age will my life end
I hope long from now
To watch my kids grow up
And make me so proud

How long can I resist them
How long can I ignore
What timeframe do I have
Until I just can take no more

How long before my mind breaks
How long until they win
Till I no longer feel strong
And let the demons in

How long until I fracture
How long till I’m not me
Until I let my guard down
And set the monsters free

The whispers getting louder
Needing to be heard
Waiting till my walls are gone
Wanting into this world

The scars are there
For all to see
On the outside
A version of me
In my heart
My family
In my soul...


My misery


My love for you
Never question
Your compassion
My constant lesson
Everybody else
Forgotten
I live for you


My loves fountain

I sit with my friend and chat
Till days end we natter
Just chewing the fat
Does it matter we natter till
The end of all matters as his end
Already came and went

The perfect day
What would that be
To lie in bed
Just you and me
Or in the park
With all of us
Watching the kids
Making a fuss
Walking the paths
Along the river
Holding hands
My heart aquiver


Maybe a perfect day
Does not exist
But putting the good times
Into a list
Can be stitched together
So throughout your life
That perfect day
Is all played out
Not all in one
But in small parts
And felt as one day
In our hearts

Where the brave soldiers
Out on the field
Fighting the battle
Never to yield
Love for their country
Brothers in arms
Telling their stories
Spinning their yarns
Do not forget them
For they gave their all
To give you your freedom
For that they did fall

When I look into the mirror
Am I happy with the man
The life I’ve lived the deeds I’ve done
Could my life be just a sham
I’ve done some things I’m proud of
Others not so much
But I’ve been around the world
And seen some wonders and such
Although I’ve enjoyed my time away
My heart is in my home
With my wife and all my children
When my travels are all done
My wealth is in my family
My riches are their love
So when I look into the mirror
I thank my lucky stars above

If your told real men don't cry,
Ask the question then, why?
The soldiers in Afghanistan,
Will cry whenever they lose a man,
They're brave and strong,
Real men I'd say,
They take whatever comes their way,
They risk their lives so you are safe,
They never ask what you can give,
A real man will cry to show,
The death of a comrade is real sorrow,
One hero less upon this earth,
A man that showed his real worth,
So if your told real men don't cry,
Then ask that person,
Really, why?

Next to you
Though miles away
Wishing that
I could just say
What’s going through
My troubled mind
The words to say
I just can’t find

Shattered, smashed, broken
All I feel is pain
Nothing ever helps me
Will I ever be whole again
My mind a torture chamber
Faces, voices, smells
Set my mind to wander
In my own eternal hell
To sleep relieves exhaustion
For shorter and shorter times
As the nightmares fuel the demons
Behind my crying eyes

Why do I feel so strange
When I look in a mirror is that me
Is this a borrowed vessel
Is my mind separate
This body someone else
When I sleep who uses it
If I forget something is that
The other waking
Taking over for a moment
If I die does he carry on

If I said that I was crazy
Cause my friend you cannot see
Does that mean I am enlightened
Not as crazy as I seem
For my friend is wholly real
Not a figment as you think
As he keeps on the right path
Far from standing on the brink
He is my voice of reason
In this god forsaken world
My forgiveness in my turmoil
My leading hand to hold

My body is broken
My mind is a mess
But my life is adventure
I must confess
I married a beauty
The love of my life
We had our children
That fill me with pride
I became a soldier
Travelled the world
And now I look forward
To adventure and more

When will the hurting stop

Never

The loss is raw
The pain is real

When will the pain go

Never

The memories remain
The loss is unbearable

Until

Every day sees something good
The love is remembered
The pain is rendered
To bearable again

When life is pink and fluffy
And it's clear in the sky
The voices are all silent
They say nothing to my mind

When there's a cloud that's noticed
And it looks a chance of rain
The voices start complaining
They explode inside my brain

I don't want any problems
I just want an easy life
Just let me plod along my path
I don't want any strife

My life is full of hardships
Like everybody else
It has no rhyme or reason
Nor does it make sense

So do not worry daily
Take your life just as it is
The strife and trouble happens
Solve the problems as they come

Hello pain my old friend
Take time to heal they said
But even with time
You never left

The pills they supplied
Gave relief for a while
Until you returned
You couldn’t say goodbye

We embrace each day
To the mirror I say
I’ll get through it I’m strong
Always hoping I’m not wrong

Pain you make me sit and weep
Sometimes I can’t stay on my feet
The tears fall free
Won’t you please let me be

One day I will be free of pain
My friend you won’t come back again
I pray that day I soon will see
That you will have the heart to leave

Through the velvet softness
They silently creep
Into my mind
When I’m sound asleep
The alternative real
Of vivid dreams
So full of laughter,
Or tremendous screams
Maybe they’re happy
So full of joy
But also they can
Leave you wholly annoyed
However you get them
Whenever they come
Accept them all freely
Good or bad, every one

Heartache is a friend of mine
We are as close as brothers
We walk together everyday
Along with many others
So many think us weak to show
How much we feel inside
A person now is only strong
If they go on alone besides
I shed a tear every day
For those that don’t survive
That feel there is no other way
Than taking their own lives
All it takes to save these souls
Is time and understanding
To be listened to a little
And told they are worth something

Bound, broken, bleeding
I lay there at your feet
You ask for what you need
But your eyes I cannot meet
I fear that I’ll disappoint
And that makes me pull away
I want to bear my soul to you
To show how I really feel
But even after all these years
I feel you might turn me away
Before my chances dwindle
And the time all disappears
Please know you are the only one
I could have given all my years
If there is nothing else to know
I hope you already do
I love you with all my being
And will forever more

I wish I could show my emotions
Not just write them on a page
That I act like such a coward
Fills me with a useless rage
Instead of just unloading
I choose to bottle up
All the things I should be saying
But my mouth I just keep shut

I’m angry
But why
The world
It’s hurting
We cannot
Stop it
Unless
We work
As one
To end
The suffering

I wonder where we’re going
Our destination, target
What happens when get there
Will we be well met
Our loved ones gone before us
Waiting at the end
To reunite and reminisce
To hold us once again

Lotions, potions, powders and pills
Nothing I take ever cures my ills
The pain in my muscles
Fatigue in my bones
It seems at the moment
All I do is moan
The one thing I want
Above any other
Is to be pain free
For just 24 hours
That would be so perfect
It could be such peace
To not have this agony
I can dream at least

The emptiness of loss
Is a void never filled
Losing a loved one
That can never be replaced
The pain of grief
Felt so acutely
Missing the person suddenly gone

Leaving behind
A family that loves you
Hopelessly wanting
To hold you again
To feel your arms around us
Giving love and comfort
Never to be felt once more

Bone weary, dog tired
Beaten, hanging, frazzled, fried
Knackered, shattered
Whacked or battered
This is how we live

The work is long
The time is short
No margin for things going wrong
They pay as little as they can
And take the lives of many

Generations old and new
Are worked so hard
As to be abused
Thrown away when thoroughly used
Replaced with one much younger

Where are all the friendships
Where is all the trust
All the greed for wealth and power
Have taken them from us
How much can money really buy
What can the power bring
When we leave this world behind
We take with us not a thing
So cherish all your friendships
Don’t be afraid to trust
Then we all can come together
Make the world better for us

Sitting silent
Watching, hoping,
Asking, wishing,
Begging to be noticed
Wanting to be helped
But knowing ignorance
Of the situation
Of destitution
That falls upon
The unfortunate
Invisible

In the gentle quiet
When most are fast asleep
The velvet night envelopes
The people as they breathe
The deep breath’s of the resting
The murmurs as they dream
As all the stresses of the day
Are melted right away

How my life has turned out
I never could have dreamed
The good and bad decisions
Have turned me into me
From growing up my choices
Have led me here right now
I can look at what I have
And you will not see me frown
My wife and children with me
There is no better thing
And from now until my last day
Only happiness they’ll bring

To be in love is freedom
Your heart and soul will fly
Around the world and back again
Till back with them they lie

To be in love is solitude
You feel so all alone
Unless you’re with the one you love
Only then does it feel like home

To be in love is anguish
Whenever you’re apart
And when you are together
You feel one beating heart

To be in love is wonderous
No matter what your age
You feel just like a child at play
Free from times locked cage

Watching, waiting, wondering
What is coming next
Do I have loved ones waiting
To welcome me into the wonderful depths
To fold their arms around me
In an all embracing hug
That shields me
No more pain, agony, anguish
These thoughts plague my very soul
Almost wishing it finished
So I can become whole

Do not cry
For those that die
Don’t forget
You’re still alive
Now it’s time
To live your life
And honour those
That came before

The way was paved
By those that lived
And looked ahead
Not back in lament
So live for tomorrow
Not in the past
Though keep your memories
So they can last

Rank bestows entitlement
So those with power think
To push around the lesser ones
Their right it is believed
But if we all just stand up to them
Don’t cower when they speak
Show them that we matter too
Power to the meek

Time is my friend
Enemy, lover, fiend
It gives you everything
Also takes it away
There is never enough or
Is there too much

Time is a healer
Builder, destroyer
Makes you whole yet
Takes away your soul
With it’s inevitable passing
Till you are lost in its depths

I wished a wish
That wish was you
And then in time
That wish came true
For in that wish
Your love I knew
As mine for ever
Me and you