bitter cold morning
I start the car and await the heat
thoughts of you warm my heart
as the heater warms my feet
we refused to share our lives
beyond those indelible nights we dined
wasting not a precious moment as
our young hearts became entwined
in something we did not recognize
I cannot truly say
why the fire burned so quickly
why the embers weren’t enough
to make us want to stay
…and so we fell away
and live now in each memory’s corner
for these moments to replay

darkness becomes me
it's silence and lack of clarity
it's empathy from whispered voices
when the dead come to visit
I sleep only in small doses
my own screams awaken me to moving shadows
and the chill of their presence
dazed knowledge of being touched
which I dismiss when the Sun arrives
yet the darkness becomes me
in a sordid kind of way
I muddle through the vacant day
smiling when I want to plea
for anyone to look and see
that I await the coming night
with urgency to dim the light
like an actor's role he cannot put down
or the painted smile of a dying clown
there is nothing more odd
yet meant to be
a fixture in this darkness
that so becomes me

I don't know why I doubted you
that Washington set in motion Pearl Harbor
before it blew
or that LBJ had Kennedy killed
and that nothing  happened at the Gulf of Tonkin
you were there too
on a boat on the Hudson
with a bird's eye view
when the Twin Towers fell
in on itself
not one, not two
but the first 3 to ever do so
ain't that a clue
Eisenhower warned us
Kennedy too
before they took off his head
for us all to see
that peace on Earth
was not meant to be
that war is the game that must endure
yet we are the cream
we are the pure
tell me tell me
tell me more
what does the future have in store
is there a man who can rid us of rampant sin
from the bowels of our nation
destroy evil from within?
there is such a man
there are many in fact
but the journey is treacherous
the obstacles great
and no man has managed to make it his fate
for evil has hold of all that we see
all that we touch is poisoned by thee
the churches, the judges, the men in black suits
have given their souls
abandoned their roots
what we saw on the horizon just moments away
died a nation's hope that November day
so why do you question me year after year?
because the weapon of evil
is to doubt what we fear

Quiet whispers from the awaiting sinners
as Johnny receives his penance
4 Hail Marys and 2 Our Fathers
are delivered by Father Edwards
in the customary harsh manor
to Johnny Watson
'he's been in there a long time!
musta' got caught peekin' on his sister takin' a shower!'
giggles echoed off the walls of Saint Ignatius and for a second
I thought I saw Jesus himself slightly raise his head and frown in displeasure
'Shhhhush!' came the immediate response from the pews behind us
filled with the loyal disciples who commit every Sunday morning and more
to God and his church

I was no altar boy
nor did I want to be
but the Catholic church was my guiding light you might say
it was the line between me and those mortal sins
the line that punched God should you cross
but when they wouldn't come to see my mother when she had a stroke…
(they said they didn't do that anymore)
after giving 10% of her hard earned dollars for years and years,
that line began to fade
they took her seed but returned no fruit
they fed her sermons, but disappeared in her darkest hours
left her without a line to her God
without a sinless hand to hold as she was about to journey
to her awaiting Heaven

this gave me grave doubts about the church
made me question it's motives, it's meaning
it's value

then one day I discovered that priests were molesting  young children in droves
the Cardinal used the Catholic church's power
to move them from parish to parish  
like unwanted guests
instead of sending them to prison
the treachery
innocent children ***** and scarred forever
in the very house of God
by those in whom they placed their trust

when the sacred **** finally hit the fan
the Cardinal was called to Rome by the Pope
this was his punishment

I believe in God
I seek his guidance not through the church
and I fear for the children who's line has disappeared