Twas the night before Christmas
And all thru the house Not a creature was stirring Not even a mouse There were no stockings There was no one to care No one would be calling No one would be there Because I had ****** up Turned my life to into death Lost my family and my career To a drug called **** It was my new love The white dragon I chased It was such a great high I failed to see what i erased Friend were all gone And so was the money For such a fun drug It sure wasn't funny Clean now 3 plus years Focused and staying on track Just wonder dear God Will I ever get my life back? So I sit her this Christmas Eve Feeling lonely and sad Wishing even ST. Nick would stop by For even that I would be glad. Merry Christmas *******.
Started out was simply for fun
A weekend with the boys and the white dragon We all got spun. Came back home to the kids and wife Decided to keep that white dragon in my life Was working way to much but makin good money Thought the white dragon could help, aint that funny? Slowy began the descent of all that does matter White dragon stomping on my life You could slowy hear the splatter. From 100k a year to fired in no time at all. But that couldn't stop my need for another 8 ball. Next gone was the family and I promised to quit Bolted from rehab in less than a bit Cuz that ****** White dragon was telling me, I need another hit. Gone was the respect and trust of everyone I admire From a great guy to a loser and liar. Hated that evil ****** and Needed him gone in every way But when the dragon ran dry I would chase him all day From a house and a nice car To sitting behind bars How could i let it all go so ******* far. 10 years later and Dragon been gone for three Praying for babies to one day forgive me. So ******* white dragon for all the damage you have done Might as well of shot me in the head with a gun. You crushed my soul and crippled my heart ******* white dragon for tearing it all apart.
A night filled with dreams of love
It was like you were almost there But then I awaken to loneliness Warm hearts now iced with despair These night are the hardest They start out Heaven built But always end with me in tears Filled with remorse and guilt How can I have been so ****** I can honestly say. To **** all trust and love To drive you away. They say with age comes wisdom Yet I do not seem to ever learn I continue to hurt the ones i love For which my soul will forever burn My battle with addiction My battles within my head Have taken everything for me And left me for dead. The guy with so much potential Intelligent , charismatic an incredible heart Yet a head filled with demons Dooming me from the start. God heals all hearts He can take away our pain But what does he do with a ****** up brain. A half century has passed My life should be at its best But that again is just a dream i awaken from Heart again ripped from chest. Destined to be alone My heart to not share Thank you brain For this cross I will always bare.
My heart is full of love,
It’s soft like a rose pedal Yet my head is filled with hate, Like a bucket of shrouds of metal. My heart is warm, It has learned to let things go. But my head is cold, Like a winters first snow. It never forgets anything, All the damage that has been done. The harsh words of a loved one, That still pierce it like a gun. My heart forgives, It only wants to love. It’s filled with it, From the man above. My brain keeps yearning, To reach a similar level. Yet it keeps punishing me, Like it is straight from the devil. My heart only seeks peace, To be filled with joy. My brain is always at war, Like the battle of Troy. My brain forgives others, It fills my day with glee. My brain is a constant reminder It loathes me and betrays me. My heart will never give up. I hope it will lead the way. Maybe my brain will ease up. I so yearn for that day.
So many year later
and I stll keep trying to wake up just one night without all this crying More dreams of us laying in bed Smelling your hair Stroking your head Why did God grant me a second chance with you Couldnt he have waited Till I was a worthy boo Maybe he was just trying To show me a better way Yet the deamons in me threw it all away. Those deamons feel gone My head again is clear Yet I just lack direction Because i cant hold you near I thought being with you sounded so neat Its all i ever wanted to make life complete So i crawl back under these tear soaked covers Having to hold on to the dream That we will once again be lovers. But that is so selfish of me This i do know Please God make it happen Or help me let go. Everyone says you must first love yourself to be filled with glee But what if all i ever really needed was to be with my Marilee I know how to make you leave But how do i let you go I will always be haunted for turning our sunshine into snow
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