I have remained in silence and solitude for quite some time now. Yesterday, I encountered Pascal for the first time. I was so moved by him that I decided to murmur from the bottom of the well in which I currently reside. The following is just pointless minor thoughts about him and, the most hated form of writing. a haiku or two inspired by Pascal.

#1
Hands over your heart
Belly facing the moonlight
Back riding the tide

#2
Where do I belong
Does gravity have family
We get along fine

#3
When I look out past the moon, the things I see have already occurred. From the opposite point of view, have we already occurred? They told us to prepare for our future when we were growing up. Our time here is quite short, to describe it generously. I like to think that staring into the night sky gives my soul a chance to get a head start.  I hope it isn't considered cheating.

#4
We look up to space
It does not look down on us
But we are noticed

#5
Truth is just a definition. I never took the time to look it up in a dictionary. Every dictionary was originally created by a human. That means somebody was the first to define truth. I think I need to read the table of contents, maybe even the foreword. Who has a signed first edition?

#6
The sea pulls me out
Secrets splash into my  ears
The tide returns me

#7
"One pascal is the pressure exerted by a force of magnitude one newton perpendicularly upon an area of one square metre." He wasn't named after the complicated equation. I doubt he even has a water proof calculator.

#8
My rambling will seem utterly pointless to anyone, but myself. Worst part is that I won't even be able to see these from the stars, but I'll still understand my current self at some point. Maybe we can share perspectives, if you ever find me. Please don't search for me, search for yourself.

#9
No double digits
The silence shall continue
Thank you for living

They say it is cold out here in the outer reaches
But to me the heat is the equivalent of any beaches'
I came here to escape the echo of your silence
Attempting to be the target of your distant stare
Escaping those is futile when they work as an alliance
It matters not because I'm with the only entity that would ever care
Her rough surface and craters are deep enough to catch all anguish
Forever clinging to feelings because I'm far too selfish
I guess you could say I'm happy out here
Although everything inside me just wishes you were near

I can feel it rolling off my wavy hair
Sinking and saturating my brain
All different shades of thoughts floating there
Trap all of it in just to alter the heat
Steam fills what  space remains
Dwell in the fog for just a life time
It pushes in, out, down, and up
The water is boiling, time to drain
Tip me to the side and hold out your cup
It's tea time, baby

I've been drinking far too long
I've been drinking far too few
I've been drinking for too many songs
My glass has a hand print stain
My mouth is jealous of the wet window pane
It's ok if my breath can catch flames
My hat could use a dry off anyway
I'll stop drinking when the ocean is no longer blueeeeee
In meantime, I'll drink one for me and youuuu

Give this vessel to the Earth
Or give it to the flame
It matters not for I am no longer behind the helm
I'm done with this realm

To the reader scroll down to skip: I have been posting from this account since 2012, I think. It is possible that I may delete all of this in the next couple days. I have no static readers, so it won't matter much, and this is not an emotional gofundme with words to stay here. This is just an explanation of choices before me. This is the last place on the earth that I exist. If this goes away, I'm sorry, and I thank you for all the time you spent reading me. Good luck to you all in either direction the wind blows us.

A lot of stuff has been moving for me
People fading and being swept out of my life
Tectonic plates beneath me are sliding apart
Vibrations shakes my bones, then rattle my organs
Tie up as many loose ends as I can
What else can I use to hold to steady
Do I let the maelstrom of inner fire consume me
Do I let clench the earth to keep things together
Do I release my carbonic form into ash to float elsewhere
Do I slide into the depths of the sea with new shackles
Unfortunately coins only have two sides
And I have only one life
That is possibly too few or more than I deserve
Depends on who you ask
All the people I have came across
The wanderers, travelers, lovers, highway men
Minstrels, talking shadows, the shackled, growers of moss
All of them and others that need mentioning
They have no say or choice
I am starting to wander if I do
The scale will tip in one elements favour
Whatever it is, it will be greeted by my coin flip
Rot with dignity or embrace life's next trip
Best part of the result
I am the only one who can read what gravity puts in my hand

Oh little girl, lost at sea
Won't you please come back to me
Everyday I search the shore for prints made to fit your feet
Everynight my heart emits a warm, loving glow to lead you across the cold, salty deep
Hopelessly I sit, letting my tears douse the fire of the sand
Beautiful brown eyed girl, how long must I wait for you to come take my hand
I am beginning to think you forgot about your lunar eyed mate
No matter, I shall wait happily on the bay, until my funeral date

Drifting on my bark from rise until set
Shifting through the clouds where our eyes first met
When Icarus' assailant meets the same demise
That is the time my love shall be in the skies
I wait and hope and pray and sing
Because nothing compares to the love she brings
No fate can tether me from her, not even the strongest tide
Ripping me from this terra firma shell will only bring me closer to her in strides
Every moment I have with her is savoury, short, and sweet
If you want to keep me from her, you better bring an entire fleet
She kisses my wounds and tells me everything will be alright
"Don't fill with fear even if the sun is too bright."
But I can see it in her eyes she knows this vessel will not last
If you think I'm referring to my boat, may I refer you to my past
One last wink as she sinks back into the water
I can still hear her prayers echoing to protect me from the sun's slaughter
But being Captain Otter, you aren't known for peace
Considering I'm dragging a few foes across the coral reef.
Facing each day as if it's death I'm about to greet
I mind it not, because there is someone above I'd rather meet
Until that day arrives I'll enjoy this constant strife
Because yoho, it's the pirate's life.

Hearing a psyche shatter used to fill me with rapturous delight
Leaving nothing but a cheerful laugh, as I sink further into the smoke
But living as a silhouette has lost it's ephemeral comfort
No longer does this shroud provide security
Keeps getting thicker and thicker, but the sense of safety doesn't seem to come back
I can feel it seeping into my mind and forcing it's own reality
What am I
Am I cunning or am I timid
Am I controlling these people or am I a slave to my flaws
Is this an exit or another artifice
Should I wait for someone to save my humanity
No
You may be able to part this forsaken haze with your sweet breath
But I am the only one who can expel this poison from my lungs
I will not fear my shadow any longer
It shall be behind me, where it belongs
Wariness is what I deserve from you, but that too shall blow away in the breeze
And when the smoke is finally cleared, I hope you will look to see what remains
I pray that you will like whatever I am

Talking about it makes me feel so vain
Comparing them puts me in a bit of strain
Can't run from problems with my legs filled with pain
Can't sigh with this corruption gripping my brain
What is left to possibly gain?
I say as my ink stains the sink with my name
Just another thought that escapes down the drain
Are my days numbered or few?
With the vastness of this planet that thought is misconstrued
I squint to see light of any hue
But what brightens my life can blind me too
What is an otter to do?

The one I'm about to describe is partially feral
She doesn't concern herself if her hands aren't always sterile
Strong and wild, yet with peace in her eyes
Hold no fear toward my most likely demise
Words are her weapon of choice
Kiss my brain to sleep with lullabies from your wonderful voice
Can't be jealous of my other love in the sky
Don't be distressed when lefty is feeling shy
Perfection is not what I require
Someone who won't use me to mitigate their ire
Do this for me, and for you I'll lift the sea
Because all the plunder on the bottom is meant for we
Not to keep and squander, but to lazily toss back in
Yes my love, we can compare scars again.

This place, this laboratory offends all senses. Here I wait contained in a cell. My location on Earth, I can not tell. The sounds of moans, groans, and dragging gives me a fictional idea of where I am. I couldn't pay my debt down. From my bed I vanished. Now I'm here on a cold floor. Frost creeping across my flesh. Am I in the deepest inner ring? Was I that bad of an animal? All these questions I hear echo back through the halls of hell.

Jolted from my arctic slumber by the sounds of the door opening. A mishapend man stands before me, not taking a step closer. He reaches out with a pole and hook. Snags one of the hoops in my chains and begins to drag me legs first. Scratch marks line the walls. A well lit room seems to be my forced destination. Horrible pantings and droll ooze from the other sealed rooms. I can't take this any longer. Close my eyes and dream of better things and people. I'll get free, I'll escape. Good guys always have luck blowing up their pant legs. Just relax

I'm dragged through the door way and quickly hoisted and hung upside down. My eyes slowly adjust to the bright light. I didn't think it was possible due to the cold, but I had thicker chill bumps from the view of fright. Bodies hacked apart. Parts reassembled. Constructs living and obeying. These flesh rots aren't a disease. Before me they stand surviving with no soul. This is no fantasy, this is no TV show. This is my fate. Some are sloppily stitched, while some are finely done and fit. The hum of freezers drown out the thought process. Sensory overload is imminent.

A blunt strike to the back of my neck brings me back. Am I one of them? Chains rattle, and my back and feet land on gurney. I'm slowly wheeled to a clearing in the room. Some of these abominations stare at me while others seem hollow. My eyes stop panning across the room when they meet with a feminine figure standing in a stained lab coat. Those thick brown eyes size me up and down, pondering what her next piece will be. No explanations are given. No words are uttered. The coldness gets the best of me and takes my body and gives it to her.

My legs are cramped in this cell
Where else do I fit other than hell
There is no room for me between your arms
No place on this world for the thoughts in my head
Too strange, too different, you cause nothing but harm
Debasing the life of others
The sight of me only gives dread
So what exactly am I still doing here
Laughing at things no one else enjoys
Indulging in hobbies that few others employ
My life only brings me joy
I am the biggest fan of my laughter
I'll never be one for the cliché happily ever after
This piece is as scattered as my thoughts
Racing faster than can be measured in knots
Just another sober night
Melting away under the moon light.

If this emission reaches anyone acquainted, strange, or foe; this is where I currently am in the universe. This will be boring to anyone, especially strangers. Im afraid this will also be mostly depressing.
I'm tired of being ill. I know longer take or use anything to numb the pain in my legs from past worker's compensation injuries. My tibia is never not aching. The muscle in my right bicep has been stiff and rigid since my last steriod injection over a month ago.
I'm stuck at home mostly. I constantly disappoint my friends, or so it feels. It has nothing to do with them, but I have anxiety when I try to respond to pleas for visitation. Allie is the only creature I can talk to anymore. Although she is a dog, I feel, or personify, that she knows on days that I'm feeling depressed.
I still haven't been working regular jobs, I don't know if I could. I've been doing odd jobs and various things when I'm able. The vegetable garden is doing great, so far, this year. All the different plants are planted almost perfectly along what part of the lunar phase that they need. The flower garden started off well, but is going through a rough patch. One knock rose bush contracted a disease and died. About four more have been ravaged by ants, even though better food sources have been provided. Wasn't able to attract a colony of Martins again this year due to sparrows being aggressive to the scouts. Barn Swallows moved in instead.
This paragraph will just be miscallenous things. No longer do I have any social media accounts, besides this place. If anyone from Twitter still reads here, I didn't block you I just deleted my Twitter. I've started to make a habit of getting angry at myself and getting my head shaved. I'm still a vegetarian. I squee'd like a little girl when Eel Hamburger was crowned the Super King of the Spring season of  Fishcenter. It has been in the years, I think, since I have been photographed. My current avatar here is from age 19, and I'm now into my mid to late 20's. I have no romantic interest at the moment, but I don't think I have much to offer to a relationship besides vegetables, nonjudgmental attitude, and odd ramblings. I'm also not really "on the prowl" for ladies. I own a model boat now! I've also became a fan of saltybet. My anxiety for being touched hasn't gotten any better. I hate being touched or hugged by anyone, unless they ask. That is something that started and got a lot worse in the last year or so. I've been lazy about following this baseball season. Rain is something I still wish for more. My love for various beans is still growing. Eel Hamburger and Earthbound fan art are things that make me smile the hardest at the moment.
Now we get to the biggest turn off of the things I talk about. Where am I in the dream world? I'm still working on being an active dreamer. I have a few reoccurring dreams. No point in explaining those because they are uncontrollable and purely anxiety preparation dreams. There has been people that I know that are often in my dreams. One person that I always wanted to talk to in reality, but I don't force my presence of that person in my dreams. Often I try to get away from thrm to leave them in peace. Friends are often there with a few lines or in the background. The most frequent setting is the mall, which I rarely go in reality. That is also where I see that person the most, the next frequent is a field.
The most curious thing about recent dreams is the appearance of two items. One is a white fleece blanket, and the other is an eight speed mountain bike. The blanket first appeared in a dream that I felt cornered. I folded it neatly into a layered square and set it on the floor. After staring at it for a few moments, I sat down on top. I instantly knew what it could do. Without any physical effort, I began to slide across the ground at great speeds that I can control. I can't leave the setting, but I can go anywhere in the setting. This means I can think of what will be there when I arrive further in the setting. I have found this item in various places or in my hands in many recent dreams.
The second item is a little more unstable. I found the bike after grinding down an escalator on the blanket. Putting the blanket under my shirt, I got onto the bike. With this I was to pedal into the white abyss from anywhere. I could crash the dream there or channel my thoughts into making a new setting. I could then shoulder the bike on my back and ride around the new setting on my blanket. I had a dream in the mall that I was hiding from that person. I took a nap in my dream on a mall bench. I woke up and my watch said 6:04. Looked up to see two men running away with the dream bike. I have not seen it since, but I still have the blanket.
Nothing else in my life deserves any greater detail than what was given here. Sorry to the strangers that read this. Best wishes and luck to everyone out there. Remember to find joy in all the seasons. As long as it shines the moon or brings rain, there is no reason to complain.

Constriction
So tight that it is suffocating my conviction
I can feel the knot, but my eyes can not find the chain
Is it around my neck, heart, or brain
Hysteria is dripping from my pores
That ******* anchor is dragging me to the ocean floor
Where is it tethered
Why am I breaking
This isn't even the worst storm I've weathered
My heart quakes to the sound of the deck the chain is raking
Rapidity
I'm being consumed by my own stupidity
Grip my hands even if the fingers you clinch crack
Because once I go under, I'll never come back
To whom am I even giving this commmand
You are back in the forest loving the land
Needed elsewhere was your love, you had no room left to care
For that reason is why this is my burden to bare
Sinking
Oxygen fleeting, only a few moments left of thinking
No hope of those tender hands reaching me
Endless gravity escorting me to the abyss
Only regret is that we couldn't share one last cup of tea
Stay ignorant of my fate because I am nothing of worth to miss

My fingers be cracking
Signs of my skeletal frame compacting
Lines of words that I'm retracting
I'm getting old. Getting lonely. Losing vision
Tired of being told and judged for my own decision
Mired in the present
Staring up at the crescent
Daring thoughts bubbling in my cup
Oozing out staining my mug
Look inside and tell me what's up
If you spot my heart strings, give them a tug

I would personally like to thank everyone that reads my work. It isn't that great, it's pretty sad, and has too much moon and ocean it; but you all read it anyway. Thanks to every last one of you, I love you all. Life will keep happening, I'll keep writing, the moon will keep pathing, the tides will keep rolling, and if I'm lucky, you will keep reading. See you next time!

P.S. Don't forget your helmet

When I was in the third grade, I spent a lot of time camping at a campground in Redhouse and a lot of time by myself. One Summer day, I was playing in a creek when I spotted a frog. I had a very active imagination as a child, so I decided to play with the frog. The first game that came to mind was the game of catch. Excitedly, I scoured the surrounding area for something to toss to my new friend. After a few minutes of searching, I found a hand sized rock. With the rock in my hand, I exclaimed, “Get ready, here it comes!” Then, I underhand threw the rock to the frog. I eagerly waited for a few minutes for the frog to throw the rock back to me, but the rock was motionless. With much haste, I slid down the creek banks and picked up the rock. There in front of me was the smashed remains of my amphibious friend. For the first time in my life, I was faced with death. Tears began to roll down my face because I realized it was my fault that he was dead. I was now alone again and I had nobody in which to discuss this event. That frog was the first and last thing I ever killed
Ever since that day, I've had an eye on the man in the black robe that's waiting patiently in the back row. I know it's not normal for someone my age to think about death, but it helps me enjoy my life. At any given moment I could combust, stop breathing, or get smashed by a rock, so every moment that isn't spent in death's cold arms is an absolute blessing. I regret that it took the life of another living being to teach me this lesson, but I will not let that frog's death be in vain. I have to make up for the life I wasted, and if my flame for life starts to die, I visualize lifting up that rock and my soul is instantly stoked. If death is going to catch me, he is going to dance around the trail of fire I leave behind because I don't only believe in death, I believe in life.

Hand in hand, keeping pace with a musical time
The closest thing I have to a grandfather is what sits in your hallway and chimes
I utilize this ******* family around me to construct all you see
My soul is collective. I am you, we, and me
I command these elements, but they too must be fed
A judge am I not, there are no fair rules to read to the dead
Idolize me as you desire, your time can be spent as you wish
Just know you aren't any different than any of your brethren fish
We all reside is the same universe, spinning in our small dish

Sanguine eyes
Kept inside the greatest treasure cove to never be discovered
Every soul in her path is hers to take
Letting you slip between her ****** fingers isn't her  mistake
Eventually your fate will catch you
Tuning her dull cutlass against your spine
Once in a moon, her melody will be in pitch with her steel
Not now though, she has waterlogged dreams to ****

This is the last you will read from my mind
I'm grateful to all the readers of every kind
You never put my mediocrity in the sun light
Years of patiently reading when my mind is a little further from alright
Let's take one last trip together
Just the all of us
Do you believe in absolutes
Latches, laces, or velcro on your moon boots
Space navigation and life are a bit similiar to me
I have never chosen a direction in either
Does my thoughts jumping make you nervous
Then we have two things in common
Always being up late being the second
Seconds, I'm counting the ones we have left
There's something out there
Somewhere in the starry abyss
Hopefully it is some fuzzy creatures
No more dreams, no more panic
Finally can stop being labeled as manic
We are just here to talk about dreams
But where we plan to go is much further than it seems
That's it, that's all
Please let go of my paw
Find your own way because I refuse to share
I love you all and your wonderful hair
My last piece of useless suggestions
Take it slow there is no rush to get there
Please ensure I don't see you soon
Now would you kindly get off my moon.

Force that can never be stopped
Foe that will defeat you in every battle
Unlike humanity, it never dies
Healer to the masses
Harvester of souls
Never slowing down
Never speeding up
Perception let's you feel it at your own pace
But don't try to control it
Because it's the only thing you can truly waste

Only a few things and people left
Nearing the end of this loan
Estranged relationships
Yearning
Evacuated job position
Apathetic excuses
Remember me not

What I'm feeling is quite the cliche
But with so many stars out, what else can one say
I know one of them is you, but which
I'll count and search for you until my good eye starts to twitch
Search for you until I am quintessence of jealous
You are the one hanging with the lunar beauty that makes me zealous
With promises to keep, I shouldn't be joining you anytime soon
Until I can reach you both on my own, grant me your boon

Tell yourself it will just be a few drops
Now you don't have the strength to reach for the mop
When will it or I be enough
Quickly, with your hands, make a cuff
Please reach your fingers inside
Keep pushing until with my bone it collides
Whisper your fears into the blood, I promse you can confide
Gnash your teeth on the veins to see what else the body hides
Whatever you find, either love or cast it out
Already know your choice, due to myself being a lout
No anger nor despair
Like the wind, this too will blow through my hair
The same current that carries you to a new story
Will oxidize my scene that was once gorey

Find some shelter outside
Take your dog
Have a seat
Enjoy the rain
Keep it simple today

Warmth is not the only thing missing from my life
Seperated from my love by glass and ice
My heart begins to align with her frozen pulse if I stare too long
Withdrawls of your love keep my blood thawed
I will make a world for you to live in
No masked dunce or army will impede my icy wrath
Science and love is all I need to stop this world cold
Inch by inch I will reshape this planet with my frigid fury
It will be perfect for you my love
Every ice shard will be a fraction of my dedication to you
May my enemies never know warmth again
Those fools shall suffer like you did in frozen cocoons
And you my love . . .
Shall be in my arms once more
Together we will rule this frozen paradise that I created
Our love will be the only source of heat
I promise

Years have passed since I awoke on that dune
Time has showed me nothing but regression
Scorched to the bone everyday by the morning tyrant
Frozen to my very core by the queen of the stars
Cacti spines drink my blood to quench their thirst
But I am still breathing
My heart pumps out more blood than I could ever lose
The memory of your smile stokes my inner pyre
Tones of love going from your heart to mine blow the smoke off my flesh
Never shall I be consumed by the sand
For I am never truly lost
Because I have your heart as my compass
And one day it will lead me to my oasis

Avert your eyes from my existence
That includes even includes you, my old shadow
I don't need to give anyone reasons to extend assistance
Let me lie down in my own bed of wilted flowers
My spirit will not remain to haunt you
No longer do you have reasons to give those lost promises power
Just turn you head, for your attention I do not taunt
My ship is sinking, and for me that's just fine
Because no longer does my heart hold the will to jaunt
Just be silent young man, because for you it is the end of time.

Arms extended for a hug in the moon light
You can't reach it
But I swear I've been close
Look to the heavens and jump with might
Pain cracks through you as you hit the ground
What is hurting is what is keeping you down
Have you figured it out yet
Why be stuck here
It could be as easy as taking off a coat
We are made to fall apart
Find a loose thread
Dig a nail in
Get close to your heart, no one else will
Are you ready yet
Push both hands in
Savour one last breath
Split yourself wide
Face the heavens and jump again
Just thinking about it is the closest you'll get to me
At least for now
Maybe in some measurement of time, we'll meet again
Until you change your mind
Do what I never could
Find purpose on this rock

Warm liquid running down my ribs
Down to my legs where my flesh is chunked in gibs
I waste my last potassium on a final lib
Tire do I of being society's *****
Time between hugs will be measured in years no more
Clocks matter not, neither do I
Silence the speaker of the meek and shy
No longer will I be kissed with a knuckle
Nor will anyone else have control of my belt buckle
Taken so much from this dying earth
Robbing it blind since my errant birth
Give back or give up is a relative term
The wording can be selected by the feeding worm
Celebrate what you find and catch my fleeting dream
May it spark you to travel up stream
Never again will you spot me on the shore
Forever yours aquatically, he who is no longer yours

It belongs to you
But you look so magical
Spending your nights tanning under the moon
Coyotes howl at the sight of your hue
What I'd do to feel your cold porcelain touch
With it you could rearrange my blues
Perhaps into something more appealing
Your flesh doesn't need ink, opinions, or me
Simple to see, what waits for you is so grand
But even if something happens to your beauty
There will still be a place for you between my hands

Marooned in the isles of my own madness
Painfully mitigating my emotions on enemies until I choke on their sadness
Drifting and wondering if the wind brings you the words of my story
Or does avoiding me all together bring you glory
Only thing I ever wanted to fight was your woes and the agony of your past
Although I'm not the best to look at it, I assure we'd have a blast
It wasn't your beauty that in my heart you did hook me
But mostly because you are as wild as the sea
Imperfect and wonderful,  I want your strength next to me
This I have wished once for every ripple in the water
Just once hear the lonely call of the otter