My outer thoughts,
Make my inner faults.
All that talk,
Engenders in my heart's halt.
The words are asphalt,
I shouldn't indulge.
For its just temporary,
The deceit of neutrality.

Love -- Or whatever this is
Im at the mercy of it.
And im falling so helplessly
and im a mess but,
the most ironic part of it all is that
i dont even know if i want to be saved.

Perhaps im a sadist,
liking the way you hurt me cause its you.
Maybe im just insane,
loving your incomplete love.

If falling in love with you meant insanity,
i wouldnt mind being insane.
perhaps we're all insane in this
contradictory world filled with emotions,
where loving you just might be sane.

Im lonely,
everyone else is better than me-
Staying true to myself isn't my cup of tea,
Oh Love help me see where i'm supposed to be.

My mood swings are occasional,
Feeling lonesome leaves me dysfunctional,
if im all alone, im a hypocritical radical.

Love? check.
Friends got my back,
Heart? black.
Exterior in check.

Pitch black blasphemy,
in my thoughts-its all me.
Smiles tears,
Occasional fears,
Hypocracy at its finest- Yes that's me!

Im a jack of all trades,
hands holding a thousand blades,
Brain filled with varying spades-
Putting emotions into compact crates.

My mind's a mess,
My thoughts ablazed.
Happiness is gone,
Hello my true self- begone.

Im in pain,
But im numb.
My heart hurts,
And yet im alright.

The tragedy in this place,
Affects me.
And yet, i show no reaction,
You take that as affection.

Ill be strong for the rest,
Put on a smile to my very best.
Yeah-I look fine,
But inside im a broken mess.

He may still love you. He probably still does. He probably doesnt know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. But that isnt what matters. what matters is what he's doing about it, and what he's doing is nothing. And if he's doing nothing about it, You most certainly shouldn't do anything. You need someone who would go out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.

Here i am an empty shell,
facade in public- i continue to smile.
if i laugh, i'm happy you see!
but on the inside i'm a broken melody.

Listen to my sorrowful symphony,
words unspoken its a tragedy.
Crumbling- my soul's melancholy

Your kiss was unexpected,
it came like a tsunami,
And left like a lover's last goodbye.

Your eyes as you kissed me held mysteries-
mysteries i hope to someday solve.
Your lips whispered unspoken truth,
that you loved me- yet i needed more.
i need your words,
the selfish affirmation that would bring.

That kiss left my feelings in shambles,
yet i'm insanely happy.
Perhaps now I'm your poet,
and you're my poetry.

Benign feelings amplify.
The reluctant feeling of wanting to die.
Its foolish i know,
My heart gets excrutiatingly cold.      

Quietly- I'll leave without a word tonight.      
Not in body, but in spirit- I start to cry.
The silent whimper of a thousand words,
Engulfs me whole--it truly hurts.

Unknown to many-- sorrow refires.
My body trembles,
Im left in tatters.    
My heart's in scatters,
Im no longer whole.

Inside i'm an empty shell-
But no one would ever be able to tell.

She twirls around in her own respite,
Trying to hide her lack of might.
Her missing partner was never there,
She danced alone without a care.

Her movements fluid,
Time stood Lucid.

She started to lose the fight,
But she hung on till the night.
Her movements slowed,
She had nothing left to show.

There stood the lone dancer,
Who crippled at the weight of reality.
She had no mortality-
The haunting lies of ambiguity.

Be careful where you stand my love,
for we were a chess game.
Sitting at platforms-
With trains passing by,
the hand that held mine brought me to our adventure coves.
Round querie we ran at 6(7.30) ,
on the grass we laid and learnt.
At librararies we loved,
weaving the laces of our lives.
In somewhere only we knew,
we were the only exceptions.
you were my poet,
and i was your poetry-
but now we're shattered by sophistry,
our love's condemned to history,
what we were/will be remains a mystery.

I could ink my skin,
with your name.
Engrave all the happiness,
And all the pain.
It'll stay there through everything,
Until we're both lame.
It may fade but it'll be there,
Forever and always,
To show I care.

I had decided not to feel for you-
And yet something draws me back.
You're hot and you're cold,
You're loving and you're not.
When i shut you out you ask me
"what is wrong?"

"What is wrong" is the fact that you play with my heart. You reel me in and you discard me without a word, leaving me questioning my every action. I become silent and to that you tell me that I've hurt you.

I try to forget you and yet when you appear infront of me- my walls break down. I try again. I long for your smile. I wonder what your lips feel like. How it would feel to have your arms around my waist. The gentle aggresive grip of your hand forcefully holding mine. I long for your smile, the way it reaches your eyes-hoping that it was only for me.

You write and it echoes what we've been through, but i tell myself that its simply a coincidence- if i asked, you would too. "Who are you to me?" I ask myself to no avail. You're someone who could make or break my world in a few seconds, someone who could imprint his every expression into my head, his every words. You're someone im not sure I should have, and yet  you're someone I want.

You're someone to me.

Love is the emblem of eternity;
it confounds all notion of time,
effaces all memory of a beginning,
all fear of an end.

I have loved to the point of madness;
That which is called madness,
That which to me,
Is the only sensible way to love.

Love makes the greatest pleasures and most sensitive misfortunes of life

Im drowning in a Sea of Blood.
The blood which flows inevitably
from the hole in my heart- to which it's self inflicted.

He is my poetry,
to him i write with all novelty.
My pain and anguish all transcripted to words.
I hold on, nothing amends.

I'm foolish for doing this,
and yet I know if i look back I wouldn't change a thing. Or would i?
confusion fills my heart.
i turn to distraction-the only way i stay apart.

To this i fool my own foolish heart,
that words would ever mend this canyon heart.

When we broke, You told me that me that although you're the last person I should be hearing this from, I should be rational even during my saddest times. It was as though you knew I'd harm myself when the pain overwhelmed me.

No love, I'm not suicidal- we both said it before. I won't **** myself over something like this just as how I know you won't. the physical will survive.

But what you don't know is that the internal has died. It first died when we broke, it died the second time when we talked and laughed and our smiles faded when we realised that the time to part was coming as we saw the sun rise. It died a third time when I cried and for the first time- you didn't hold me, Nor apologise. And it died a thousand times over when you let me walk away.

Its funny how detached you can be,when from the start you tried so hard not to be.

How at the start you thought you had everything. But in the end you realise you're left with nothing.

You notice the subtle ways you've been deluding yourself. Trying to fit in, neglecting what you already had.

Regrets engulf your heart at the very end, you try to turn back time but your pride stands in your way. Pride, pride, selfish sadistic pride.

You realise you're left with nothing. No one. You drop that facade once and for all but you now know its too late. You tell yourself to hang on now, that things will get better. But will it?

Death arises from an unexpected place and you're sorrow filled. You look around for someone to help relive that pain but there's no one there. You sit alone in your room writing this, deluding yourself once again that speaking to yourself will rid of the demons in you that speak of pride and unimaginable 'strength'.

You step aside and then realise.
You're nothing.

It's our memories that I'm still in love with,
The ones I can't let go of.
I've been telling myself that it's love,
That I still love you.
but honestly after all this thinking,
I can see clearly now.
You were my first love,
And that's why I can't let go-
But that doesn't mean I love you.
I love you, and I always will,
But between choosing loving myself and letting you go,
Or instead loving you and holding on to you,
I'll choose the former cause I don't think there was anything worth fighting for.
There was for me, there was so much for me,
But to you I was nothing. So its time I learn to forget

After our conversation last night,
I woke up today feeling as though I hadn't slept at all.
You know that feeling of complete emptiness when you lose the one your love? That numb sensation as you lay in bed, peering out the window with the music on just to drown your thoughts.
I thought of you, every single minute of today.
I created a playlist Just to block my emotions today, but the moment the music stopped I cried.

I don't smoke,
Yet I bought a pack of cigarettes today- the ones you first smoked: Winston light.
I won't open it, I will though- if you tell me, after these excruciating 21 days, that I should find someone else.
But you won't ever know that.

The only way I'm surviving now is by having faith in our love (as you told me once haha). And by having faith that maybe you're different. I'm not as strong as you think and I've been weared down by love and I honestly thought that you were the one. so please. Don't leave