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soak Jun 2019
I can feel the blush creeping up,
betrayal invading from my cheeks to my ears - so much for playing it cool
Am I the only only?
Hold on I just noticed another girl sitting on her own w a book at this restaurant, no longer an alien lol! Social anxiety works in funny ways
208 · Jun 2019
predictively
soak Jun 2019
whenever we get our own
hands will shake
untethered and all the way
friction for me and my god
hoping for more than that
i usually find meaning in my words long after theyre written, i hope it happens even here
208 · Jul 2019
might do
soak Jul 2019
Something to begin
finely gritty on the teeth
looking closely to imagine eons of life
now crumbled into near-dust
shells and skeleton and fossil
bones of the earth, too
to put it tritely, a positive graveyard
littering and lingering
and softening seashores
lone insignificance & collective immensity
humble beginnings and humble endings
so long spent on the face of the earth
and now being shoveled,
handful by handful,
into my mouth
Eat the sand
195 · Jul 2019
Bruised toe blues
soak Jul 2019
Breaking and aching from far too much friction,
I'm stricken with toenails too long for these shoes
I'll lick the wicked and snicker, stick to sickness in my..... knickers?
189 · Aug 2019
aleena
soak Aug 2019
i think my heart lives in the gap
between her two front teeth

a firefly nestled in sheets
of dark and less than two years
in this world of ours
and she already gleams
my niece owns my soul lol
188 · Aug 2019
the light is different now
soak Aug 2019
the lamp
was a little bird
in my room

a brother’s last night on the other
a cup and a half of sugar

tea
and a few
light days
170 · Jun 2019
Smerdyakov
soak Jun 2019
Avaricious and parricidal
beginnings like honey:
      flowerdust and insect secretions

With endings far, far less sweet
Hmmm though, I guess maybe he wasn't really all that greedy? I think he was probably motivated more by pure hatred than anything else lol. But I just wanted to use the word avaricious lol I just learned it
140 · Jun 2019
.
soak Jun 2019
.
If I could scratch the same thing twice
Write a single good sentence
I would
Hate all my writing ha ha haaaaa
139 · Jul 2019
Anamnesis
soak Jul 2019
That absurd thrum,
The rhythm of all things
                (beneath all life)
an ancient yearning bubbling up
              (as could-be memory)
Intangible and inscrutable and forever indefinite

Aaaaaaaanyways I've been reading Blood Meridian for the past few days and haven't been able to post anything b/c  McCarthy's writing is just so achingly beautiful. It's rly 2 much
129 · Jul 2019
Shut up
soak Jul 2019
I'll grate my tongue into a million squidgy bits in a bid to shove these words back into my mouth / language and I, we suffer a fickle friendship / I'm clumsy I'm clingy and I can't keep my hands still / scaring everyone and everything off
I should stick 2 science but I miss being comfortable with words! I promise I was once
118 · Jun 2019
unseated and it is
soak Jun 2019
fiercely silent it brays it brays it screams in
dreams
six strings, six songs nag and itch and needle themselves into the base of my skull
the atlas, the axis, stunned by the weight of doubt of guilt with hardly a sentence to their credit
with hardly a moment to their name
i can't say the words out loud, i can't even think about it too hard
118 · Jul 2019
no way to pull away
soak Jul 2019
drinking an absolute, he drips and seethes
what once might have been has only been until now

no longer an absolute

little steps by little feet in this aching echo of a place

never was an absolute

i ate it all before he came up and pawed at me, always rubbing the wrong way somehow

i could still be the fly in the cathedral, a tiny buzz in a world of echo
115 · Jul 2019
broken thru wanting
soak Jul 2019
and my littlest finger
scratched just the surface

coffee alone at a table by the windows
dusty vinyl seats scream my every move

this place reminds me of others elsewhere
also filled with plants and heartache and overpriced frozen french fries
Neon lights and plastic trees
103 · Jun 2019
blue to grey
soak Jun 2019
the taste of sleeping pill ringing clear and bitter at the transition between mouth and throat
so different from the taste of sleep
a sickly sickly sweet
101 · Aug 2019
I'll drink
soak Aug 2019
My teeth haven't fallen out
But thats just a present truth

I'm finding it harder and harder to make my mind flutter like it used to from just the thought of our bodies being confronted with one another
I'm spent and in motion like the most useless of prayers
85 · Jul 2019
revisitors
soak Jul 2019
might try to think fingers away,
a bird in the bath of my eternity

A sustained note:
those breathy songs
quiet love in that bedroom,
painted red then green then red again
that night like every other
the stoplight at Grange and Stevenson will continue its never-ending cycle even once we're sleeping in different beds
There's something so lonely and lovely about that

I'm probably gonna change this a lot or delete it but I'm feelin a little whooopdeeedoo so I'm gonna post this!
soak Jul 2019
passing an island
on the highway
echoes
other structures
passed on other roads
64 · Jun 2019
dull dull dull
soak Jun 2019
watch me as my edges soften
body dissolving into sheets
weight of myself sinking into myself

Three cheers for this wonderful cocktail of drugs - for anxiety, for insomnia, for my terrible
******
allergies
2/3 normally dealt with by smokin a bowl **** but when that's not an option..... Prescription meds to the rescue?!!! Makes me loopy too which is always a time
63 · Jul 2019
Judge
soak Jul 2019
is it a matter of principle, then?
pottery shards stamped into oblivion
cave paintings scraped, unpainted
unraveling pieces of the past til they never were

that which exists without my knowledge
that's what will get me in the end
Definitely one of the strangest characters I've read up on. I'm still not done this book though so there's plenty of time for my opinion on the judge to change
51 · Jun 2019
the night-bus back home
soak Jun 2019
Once upon an-archy,
I felt the tension deep
in the tendons of my arms

Felt a jag, a jolt
of something yet to come
(something So long past)

two red lights almost shimmering in their distance - a product of heat?
or is it space?
maybe time?
i couldn't say.
Try watching a train go by when you can't hear it: almost floats along - a certain grace hidden behind a wall of roaring noise
soak Jun 2019
This is the castle in the sky, the other side of the hill
This is barred windows and a barbed-wire fence that dwarfs even the sun
This is the ill-fated watchtower: a mystery until it wasn’t

I never wanted to know the smell of bone so intimately
(any chance we’d ever had was poisoned from the start)
Anger, anger, anger - it coats these walls like pitch
(it should’ve worked, I swear it should’ve worked)
Goose-flesh tears so easily but it scars into stone (it melts even easier, but then turns to lava)

I never would’ve believed that God himself lived in cobwebbed corners (wasted my whole life praying to the patron saint of carrying on)
I never would’ve believed that I could physically hunger for light
(we slept in tents and built the walls that would hold us captive)

I should be mourning the days I meandered away

— The End —