such a sweet tinkling
to bring such ugly words
you are an animal
you are a monster
you are right
i never deserved you

People who fight
their battles alone
either lose the battle
or lose themselves.

wrapped up in pretzel shapes on my bed in the middle of the night
contorting and twisting
holding my head, lifting my legs
bending my knees
happily.
much unlike the way you contorted me for your own pleasure
much unlike the pretzel you kneaded me into
alike, but different.
so different.

that bridge is long burnt
embers floating away
in the water
the current
dispelling the nightmare

but i still remember the bridge.
and when i see a stretch of water i feel the ghost of it there
clinging to the dirt and the undergrowth

i know it was there.
and it frightens
me

casually observing my body from the outside
watching me fall apart
my face sliding off my cheeks
my abdomen rotting
my hands and feet lying listlessly against my bedcovers.

i have become a bystander
a slightly curious stranger
keeping an eye on the ****** on the street -
me
watching my antics
wondering at my behavior
cringing at the pathetic pleading that stretches from my eyes
to my toes
to his phone screen

i wonder how long she can carry on
before her head blurs in its motion
before her hands claw together
before she smolders out
a wait and see
sort of game
how long
can she
last
how fast
is too fast
how much
is too much
how long
before he leaves her alone again

even when you hate me
even when you wouldn't care if i bled out in my kitchen
even after everything you have done to me
you would still
**** the ****** up clown girl
smile painted on her cheeks
**** her as she trembles
loving every
quiver

you like helplessness
you like
innocence
and small, frightened noises
that is why
you loved
to **** me