Why does anything matter?
Correction:
Why does everything matter?
Because I am still confused by this.
I shouldn’t have to care this much
I shouldn’t care at all
But somehow my brain
Is flying on autopilot
And I don’t know who turned it on.
But everything matters
Not one thing I did today
Didn’t feel the scrutiny of my thoughts
And I was left to cry about it
In the bathroom stall…

Why does everything matter?

"How are you?"
Depressed
Useless
Ugly
Sad
Pointless
Tired
Worthless
Stress­ed
Shattered
Annoyed
Empty
Angry
Guilty
Dead
"Fine."

My hands are shaking violently
I’m not so sure why
But I can’t exactly expect myself to sit still
When my mind is always moving a mile a minute
My body was bound to catch up

I’ve said it once
And I’ll say it again
I don’t like people
And I don’t like inserting myself into conversations
And I don’t like being expected to add my opinions
And when I’m already having a bad day
On the edge of tears
I don’t want to have to do any of this
But you make me
And I deal with it somehow
Just barely making it without crying
I don’t like being part of the loop
Socratic Circles ****

Falling in love with you
Is like suicide

...Except…
Different results
…Obviously

Not saying that loving you makes me want to die…
...God...
This is an awful analogy <insert loud eye roll>
But it’s the only one that works

Loving you is like jumping off a cliff
On purpose
Suicide
Except in the end
Instead of the death I would normally want
I end up in love
After the best drop of the century
Falling from the cliff

There are days that I look at my favorite blank wall
And i start to whisper-yell
(I’m screaming on the inside,
But I whisper-yell)
I say all the things I was going to say today
(Should have said,)
All the things that I could have mentioned ****** me off
But didn’t, today
And I whisper-yell all the things that I want to say tomorrow
(Should say tomorrow)
But won’t say tomorrow
It’s easier to tell this blank wall what I’m mad about
Rather than lose friends over my temper
That is rising from their stupidity
That they don’t know exists

Just breathe,
You don’t cry in front of people,
You know that.
It’s not that bad

Why are they all so mad…
You don’t get why they’re so mean
You get that he ******* up
You get that, trust me
But when you forgave him
You expected them to do so too
But they didn’t
And to make matters worse
They’re mad at you for being forgiving

And it’s not even up to them, **** it
So why should you care
Crying isn’t necessary
And you’re fine
Nothing is really wrong
Your suppose to be friends are just
Being jerks to you and him
Nothing is wrong
You're fine

Just breathe
You don’t cry in front of people
You know that.
And you’re not going to today