There’s not a lot that I can remember from Before,
But the happy memories
Still stored in my brain
All have a glimpse of you.
Back then, I was clueless,
Falling into your lies that you called love.
But, at the same time, I think I could see the things you did,
I just chose to ignore them.

The empty boxes with a picture of a camel on the front,
In your car, sock drawers, and under the couch.
By day you were an amazing watch
But when I wasn’t in your view
The truth came out

Sometimes
You couldn’t keep your lies straight
And I got confused
But I guess that’s what I get
For being so naïve

I wish I could go back to Before
When all that mattered was
‘My dad cares about me’
And not ‘why is he lying to me’
Because now that’s all I think
When I see you through the window
Smoking on the porch
Thinking you’re so **** discrete

You’re not
You could fit buses
Through the holes in your lies
And, honestly,
I think you’ve always cared more about
Finding time to smoke a cig
Rather than
Finding the time to pay attention to me

My friend mentioned her mother
She had said something rude
She said, ‘you should be happy’

Now this is coming from a mom who judges her child for being queer
And she expects her kid to be happy still

It’s coming from a mom who knows her child has depression
And she expects her kid to be gleeful still

It’s coming from a mom who forgot about her child’s birthday
And she expects her kid to be joyful still

One comment
Innocent enough
Can make someone lose themselves furthermore
In the dark caves of their brain

Be careful with your words

Family
Is amazing
Because
Even through the screaming,
We love.

It is midnight
And I am wide awake
I fell asleep for half an hour
But then woke up

I don’t know if it’s from the three bottles of Pepsi
The bag of Muddy Buddies
Or peanut butter Snickers
But I feel alive
More alive than I feel in the daylight

I don’t know if it’s from sheer joy
Of feeling loved,
And loving towards my amazing and perfect boyfriend
Or the feeling of belonging
But I feel alive
More alive than I feel in the daylight

My window shade is open
And I’m staring at the stars
Glimmering, shimmering, twinkling stars
And I feel happy
I feel alive
More alive than I feel in the daylight

Because I’m awake at midnight.

Music is my life
And I’m not even all that great at it
I can barely read music sheets
And I’m far off from having perfect pitch
My singing is sometimes off tune
And I stumble over notes

But to me
While I play Rock Band
And sing Karaoke
I don’t care that I’m not good
I just sing
Because it gives me passion
And sets me free.

I'm willing to dive
Into the unknown
With anyone
Just to escape

I wanna find out what's out there
And learn new things

Take me to this unknown world
And lets be alone
So we can be
Us

I’m still waiting
To fall apart
I thought I did a long time ago
But it turns out
I was just cracked
But now I feel like the cracks are splitting open
And at any moment
I could break
Shatter
Crash

I’m still waiting
For everyone to leave
Finally realizing that I’m not worth anything
I’m at the edge of my seat
Because a few
Have already trickled away
And at any moment
I could break
Shatter
Crash

I’m still waiting
Feeling unready
For everything sure to come
And so I sit and think
About the day
That the ‘at any moment’
Becomes a ‘this moment’
And I break
Shatter
Crash