It just keeps getting worse the longer you're gone
I've grown so sick, lines don't fix me anymore
nothing cures the madness inside my mind
You thought I was bad then,
thought I'd hit my bottom by now
but look where I am,
I'm still falling down this hole that I dug for myself
while the passerby's wonder if I'll ever get out of this without you
sadly I doubt it

One after one the leaves fall
till nothing's left but bare limbs
where flowers once bloomed
where birds once chirped
where children once climbed
on a tree that once stood so tall and grand
in the middle of a forest full of life

When I have no one to turn to
(which is often)
I opt for drugs to numb my soul
and razor blades to halt my tears
but rather all I get is worse
more scars,
more crashes,
more burns

Running barefoot through the front lawn
of a vacationing parent's home.
Thousands of stars staring us down
while we took our self prescribe medication,
numbing ourselves while we sank back
into tonight's lovers arms.
Reaching a peak of ecstasy,
heads in their laps pouring our hearts out,
while we sip back home made wine
and expensive foreign beer under dim lights.
It's here our bodies meet and melt
into the plaid cushioned bedroom we fashioned.

I am calm
the butterflies subsided
my palms dry
heart stabilized
steadily beating as I finish the bottles
left empty on the bedside.
I slip into the dress
put on my face
curl my hair
and stare in the mirror
imagining how I'd look
in a few hours time;
the flush of red in my cheeks long gone
skin grown cold
empty eyes.
I lie down
note at my feet
and wait for the numbness
to take me away
so I can find peace

I never sleep

it really *****

so I stay up all night

staring at a screen

wishing someone else who never sleeps

could come join me

and hold me tight

till we both fall asleep

or just till the sun rises

Wanderlust yet stuck in our own home town
Dreaming of the day we wake up to crashing waves
next to each other in the back of a pickup
Searching for our souls in the stars
Chasing embers as they fall down like snowflakes
burning our skin at first touch
Feeling the soft dirt between our toes
as we get lost in our backyard
Leaving handprints on foggy windows
after we realize the sun had set hours ago.
Losing ourselves in the smoke, the music and each others skin;
We are the reincarnated flower children
living recklessly in the present
Dreaming endlessly of the past
and not looking forward to the future.