Dark whispers of people, speaking on my presence; as if I don't experience pain and suffering.
I prefer to be real, show authenticity regardless.

On screen and off

I hate attention, I was never one for people...
Still not.
I HATE PEOPLE
I HATE HUMANS

I hate the fame
I never wanted that attention

Now I have to worry about my publicity and media like a 24/7 job
WHO CARES WHAT THEY SEE, OR WHAT THEY DON'T SEE

I never cared, never will
I just want to live my passion and enjoy myself whilst doing it

It all reminds me, the **** that I've been through, the **** that I've seen. The people I have dealt with, and the memories that are daunting upon me.

Was it really all worth the pain?

To live in a world that is so fake, to be surrounded by insecure clones all trying to be each other. It's petty and so below me.

I prefer to alienate from it all. I prefer to be so detached from the external that is doesn't even bother me.

I grow resentful, a disturbing anger and hatred.
Bitter, grotesque, obsolescence is no more.

Nothing ever matters at the end.
People, they come, they go.
The days and years go faster than they come.
At the end, I was made from dust and ill just go back to that.

I don't know how to feel
Or what to feel

Exhausted, fatigue
In bed the whole day, not a poem, just a reflection.

I'm dazed out, in hibernation.
Ghosting everyone.

No will to do anything.
Just Exhausted

I hate this learnership.
I hate being here.
I am drained, unhappy, dissatisfied, and not at ease.

I am underpaid, and not where I need to be.
They don't even let us drink their coffee.
I come here wanting to go back home.
My actual career is taking off, but I haven't started getting an income from my career, as its still in its beginning phases.

This still brings me an income, and I get a qualification out of it.

Those are the only positives, there's a steady income coming in every month.
I have backup with a learnership.
But, I am not happy.
I hate it here, I wish I could work from home.
I want to go home, I don't want to be here.
I actually want to cry.
I am completely exhausted.

Love
An overrated term. Yet meaningful in existence.
For all that I see, hear, touch, smell, and feel.
I seem to not feel the love I desire.
I want someone to look at me and want me.
I want someone to need me.
Or maybe, I'm just a little liar.

Maybe I deflect, and object.
Maybe I conceive and fumagate.

Maybe the love I want is too powerful for anyone to give me.

No, I am not lonely, but it would be nice.
To have such, to feel such.
To have loving eyes look at you like you the only person in their eyes.
To have a touch that only the deepest seas could bare.

My heart is frozen, my hands are cold.
Shivering in cold heat.
Beat, I may defeat.

The battle, the inflicted pain.
The emotion, inner turmoil down the drain.
May I only feel the deep love one day.
For I wish, I bury myself six feet deep.
Love.
An overrated term, but meaningful in existence

I realized, I can't live without you.
What has it come to.
I feel straddled, scared, not secure.
Up and down, tumbled like a roller-coaster.
Bipolar complexities and nuclear power.
Brains at an over load.
Overthinking , over-analyzing obsessive thoughts of you.
It's annoying, draining, completely mentally exhausting.
I am drawn out, fatigue, over blown.
Overstimulated.

I want you out of my head.
Leave.
Escape my thoughts so I can be at peace.

Split personalities playing mind games again.
The heart of an angel, mind of a joker, the soul of a devil.
Which is which?
Are they all replicas of me?
Versions of me, the worst.
It's black and its white.
Which side wants to be seen today?

Pick one